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How do I balance out the needs of two children on the spectrum and two NT kids?


How do I balance out the needs of two children on the spectrum and two NT kids?


Parenting is hard work. Unless you have a child with Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism, you just have no idea about the true demands this adds to everyday parenting. A second child on the spectrum does not always mean more of the same because every child is affected so differently. Balancing the needs of a large family is a full time job, even without Asperger’s Syndrome!

It is easy to feel overwhelmed and stretched too thin when you have so much on your parenting plate. Planning a strategy to help meet everyone’s needs is necessary. Don’t forget to take care of yourself so you’ll feel like taking care of everyone else.

Taking care of yourself:
  • Participate in support groups focused on the needs of Asperger’s families.
  • Find respite care when you need a break. Everyone deserves to get out and relax for an hour or so.
  • Do not ignore your hobbies. A mother with four kids is going to have to schedule time for hobbies, but it is important to do things you enjoy for relaxation and personal growth.
  • Keep in touch with your friends. You need this form of support. Your friends know you and know how to lift your spirits and keep you motivated.

Taking care of your kids:
  • Spend one-on-one time with each child. Focus a little time each week on each child. They all enjoy the special attention and it gives you a chance to teach each one something new or enjoy a favorite-shared activity.
  • Keep in touch with each child’s teacher. The children spend a big chunk of time at school. Knowing what is going on at school will help you be a more effective parent and advocate for your children.
  • Look for ways to make life fun and ‘normal’ for your family. “Top Ten Tips: A Survival Guide for Families with Children on the Autism Spectrum” by Teresa A. Cardon, M.A., CCC-SLP; foreword by Kristi Sakai is a book that lists practical tips for living with Asperger’s and how to blend all of your family into everyday life situations. Suggestions cover life at home, at school, and in the community.
  • Listen to each of your children. Sometimes moms of many can get so busy that they forget to stop and listen. A few minutes of listening to each child can clarify the causes of problem behavior or illuminate special moments.

Finding balance is a goal for which to aim. With a little investigation and preparation, you will find what works for each of your children and your family as a whole.


Anonymous said...

Faith Lee I've been wondering about this myself, as I also have 2 on the spectrum and 2 who are not. Thank you for the article :)

Anonymous said...

For all the books written about the autism spectrum, I have yet to see one that deals with the complex dynamics of families where more than one person is on the spectrum. Two on the spectrum does not mean twice as much stress -- it is an exponential increase. If your family is anything like mine, the non-spectrum members inevitably get the short end of the stick because they CAN adapt to the changing circumstances that are always unfolding. Those who can't adapt blow up, and the fallout from one explosion feeds the next, on and on.

Anonymous said...

Emma Apple I have 2 kids both on the spectrum, both diagnosed with Aspergers but toooooootally different needs.

Deborah Clark true!!!

Tracy Gauvreau said...

I have one has a answer for me.All different, soooo drained!

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

How to Prevent Meltdowns in Children on the Spectrum

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

Parenting Defiant Teens on the Spectrum

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

Older Teens and Young Adult Children with ASD Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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to read the full article...

Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and HFA

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...