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Aspergers/HFA Children and Sexual Curiosity

At this moment in time, I feel like my heart is broken. A good friend of ours contacted my husband today and said that last week our son K___, 14, said sexual things and showed dirty pictures. We asked K___ and he said nothing was said or done. When our friend came over with his 10 year old son, we all sat down and K___ just sat there as the 10 year old told how K___ put on a DVD where there were women kissing and two people having sex though they didn’t see anything. Along with the 10 year old was his 7 year old sister. K___ has a human body book and he showed the 7 y/o where the penis goes into the vagina. K___ also asked the 10 y/o if he knew that a man’s penis can go into another’s bum and did he want him to try it out on him. Needless to say, I felt nauseous and in shock. Our son has sex and puberty books, and as a rule, asks if he wants to know anything. I am totally gob smacked. I have read discussions on other websites and I know we are not alone. Other parents have young teens with an autism spectrum disorder who are sexually obsessed and confused. I really don’t know what to do. Please have you any advice you could give us.

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Anonymous said...

You are lucky that you caught it early. My Aspergers son was sexually abused by a family member that began early in his life and it never came to light until he was in his teens. He trusted and loved this person. And he never said a word about it to either me or his father. We are a very close family , so there was no reason for us to suspect anything. It came all came to light one day when he acted out. The heartbreak and devestation in our family was
unbelievable. And the saga goes on.
It has not come to an end and it is a very long story , which I will not go into here. One problem is this - at the time this was going on , we did not know our son was Aspergers. That came much later - so his dad and I have much work ahead - and we are not young parents. One thing I can tell you is to be vigilant. You know that your young man has A.S.! We didn't.
Talk to him. Even if he doesn't seem to be listening - do it anyway. They hear more than you think. Don't let up til you get a response from him (not as a nag - do it gently day by day)
it's kind of like a " break the ice" thing , so he will understand that this situation needs to be talked about. Do it before he gets in bad trouble. God bless.

Anonymous said...

I have a 19 year old girl with Aspergers, severe dyscalculia and a cognitive development impairment which makes her be more like an age 13-14 emotionally, extremely naive.
She has a laptop that was given to her to do college work. The past few months we've had a struggle with her use of it. We agreed that on week days she had to close it at 9pm, subsequently found out that she takes it under the covers and stays up until 3 o'clock in the morning! I have takein it away from her several tmes and has been returned to her with promises to comply but she lies all the time so I cannot trust her.
She is obsessed with Justin Bieber and she goes on a chat website where she claims she talks to him, this has taken over her life. To cut a long story short, last week we discovered that this person who pretends to be JB has been manipulating her to make her take her clothes off in front of the camera... and that she has done it before for other boys because "they ask me to" (she has never had sex yet). I have taken the laptop away indefinitely, she threw a huge tantrum saying she would leave, kill herself etc. She doesn't have friends and she says the laptop is her way to contact friends and that she won't go on that website again. she has ZERO will power when it comes to chosing the right thing. We wanted to go to report the case to the police about poeple in this website taking advantage of vulnerable children, but she refused to go. I told her she had been taken advantage of etc but it was important to learn te lesson.
The following day she said a boy had rang her (got her name from a website where she said she wanted to meet people) and he was very nice and liked her, she said that when she told him what had happened to her on line (!!!) he had been very understanding and although he had asked her to do that on line for him, she wouldn't do it. She was planning to invite him around when my husband and I were away for 2 days, we cancelled the outing. She said the boy was nice and cared for her(has spoken to him 4 times on the phone).

My questions are, how do I make her understand that she is making the same error of judgement with this boy that she made with the one who posed as JB? That it's not appropriate to take off your clothes on line even if you are asked (I assume she likes the attention) and under which rules/circumstances do I give her back the laptop?

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

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How to Prevent Meltdowns in Children on the Spectrum

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Older Teens and Young Adult Children with ASD Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

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Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and HFA

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

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