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Children on the Autism Spectrum Who Wander Off

“I have pulled my son back from walking into the road numerous times. He is aware of the danger but he shuts off and hyper focus's on his thoughts to block out sensory stuff which makes him oblivious to his surroundings. Also, he will disappear from our fenced in backyard [thru the gate] and wonder down the street on those rare occasions that I go in the house for literally a minute or two. I CANNOT take my eyes off of him for a second! How can one keep this child from wondering off like this? Suggestions?”

Research reveals that about 50% of kids on the autism spectrum run off at least once. Many have been gone long enough to cause parents to report their child missing to authorities, and some have tried to wander off multiple times. The most common places these kids wander from are their homes, schools, or a store. 

There are several reasons why kids on the spectrum wander off (e.g., seeking a place they enjoy, trying to find a place they can go to avoid an uncomfortable situation, impulsivity, feeling stress or sensory overload, anxiety, etc.). It has been suggested that wandering off may be the leading cause of death among these young people. Drowning appears to be the most common among these casualties.



For moms and dads who have a “wandering” youngster on the autism spectrum, here are a few precautions to ensure his or her safety: 

1. DNA registration can be a useful tool for identification. Some companies will store your youngster’s DNA for up to 18 years.

2. Locator technology is another useful tool. There are GPS devices that kids can wear which will help parents locate their lost youngster.  For example, the EmSeeQ locator band is a watch-like device that uses cell phone technology. Other security companies offer a variety of options to help parents keep track of their youngster.

3. Having a youngster on the autism spectrum forces parents to “think out-of-the-box.” Thus, try to understand your youngster’s motivation for wandering off, and then try to find a safer way to meet that desire. For example, many children on the spectrum have a fascination with water. So, if your child has wondered off to the pond near home, then possibly a kiddy pool in the back yard would meet his need to explore water.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

4. Keep your house safeguarded.  For example, set up sensor motion lights around the periphery of your home, set alarms that notify you when someone opens a door or window, and make sure your child’s bedroom is close to yours.

5. Keep a diary of places that your youngster has shown an interest in. Think of specific convenience stores, neighborhood friends’ residences, parks, playgrounds, streams/ponds/lakes, and other places your youngster seems to gravitate to.

6. Use the “stay within my reach” rule. When your child prefers to walk without holding your hand in potentially unsafe zones (e.g.. in a parking lot, at the mall or grocery, on sidewalks, crossing the street, etc.), let him know that’s fine as long as he stays close enough to you such that you can reach out and grab him if needed. Also, let him know that if he violates this rule at any point, you will have to hold his hand for a count of 30, and then try again. This models how to practice self-control, which is a very important concept for children on the autism spectrum. To reinforce compliance with this rule, tap your child on the shoulder every few minutes (if he is being successful with following the rule) and say, “I can still reach you. I appreciate you staying close by my.”

7. Use the “stay within talking distance” rule. When your child prefers to walk without holding your hand in rather safe places (e.g., at the park, on hiking trails, along the beach, down long hallways, etc.), let her know that’s o.k. as long as she stays within vocal range (however, if you have to scream loudly to get her attention, that’s too far!). If she violates this rule at any point, then revert back to the “stay within my reach” rule for a period of 3-5 minutes, then try again.

8. Register the youngster for proper ID through the local police department. Some police departments are set up to receive vital information for kids on the autism spectrum in case they need to refer to it.

9. Advise your neighbors of your child’s wandering tendencies. Tell them to feel free to notify you if they see something or if they see your youngster running away.  Also, tell them not take anything for granted.

10. Advise the school, too. When teachers and other staff interact with your youngster, make sure they emphasize that wandering off is dangerous. In addition, ask your child’s teachers if they would educate him or her on some basic identification facts (e.g., his or her address, the school he or she attends, parent’s cell phone number, etc.).

Have plenty of patience on hand as your youngster learns the importance of not wandering off. No doubt, there will be times when the child with a history of wandering tests the boundaries. In those cases, remind him of the danger, as well as the punishment that will be implemented (e.g., grounding with no privileges).


 
==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's 


More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism


COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said…  He's 9 and has mostly stopped it. No more wandering, but he does still occasionally worry me with the bolting when he gets very overwhelmed.
•    Anonymous said… All the time!!
•    Anonymous said… As a much younger child, though, he was prone, always, when noise levels went up to just set off running in a random direction; sometimes that turned into climbing if the opportunity arose, and we'd find our three year old on top of an eight-foot stone wall.
•    Anonymous said… even now as a teenager, he'll wonder off if I'm not paying close attention.
•    Anonymous said… Functioning Labels are misleading and rigid. How a person is impacted is a more fluid, accurate representation. A person can slip into different impaction zones (mild/moderate/severe) based on mood, location, or health.
•    Anonymous said… He has stopped, probably after age 7. Wasn't necessarily bolting to, but bolting away from something with no thought of where he was headed. Any type of large group settings (school, summer day camp, Sunday School) until he got comfortable. My older, not diagnosed, son did too with things like fireworks. He bolted for the gate at Disney World when the afternoon fireworks at the castle went off.
•    Anonymous said… In autistic children it's called fight/flight and it's due to their anxiety escalating. When my son runs it can be very dangerous. We never chase him. We follow from a distance and keep him in eyesight.  The best thing to do is to watch for triggers and use calming techniques. For example if our son is adverting eye contact, rocking on his heels swaying back and forth or wringing his hands...these are all signs that he is considering to run. We will start try to decompress by talking in low calming voices. We will also use a weighted blanket. If he's resistant we stop talking altogether and try deep breathing.  If he runs out of our subdivision we call 911. What's important when calling is to identify your child is autistic to the dispatcher. We actually contacted our local sheriff department and they already have a summary profile that pulls up on their computers about our son. It provides them information about him that will help when they are handling him. Seek medical help, there are medications that can help decrease your child's anxiety.
•    Anonymous said… It seemed frequent between ages of 5-7? Not as much now. He's 9.
•    Anonymous said… It was actually a diagnostic question for admission to a specialty Aspergers school: "fight or flight?"
•    Anonymous said… My 5 year old ran out into the road, I was just behind him but a lovely woman tried to stop and help and he thought she was kidnapping him so he's never done it since but his lack of impulse control makes it a risk. Unfortunately that rules him out of school trips unless I can attend to take responsibility.
•    Anonymous said… My almost 9 yr old with recently diagnosed autism level 1, chased leaves into the road, and he also never uses a sidewalk. He is always walking in the grass between the road and sidewalk.
•    Anonymous said… my aspergers son is 15 and he has never done anything like that. I always feel for people who deal with that. The worst he has done is kicked holes in his bedroom wall when he was younger. Extremely stubborn though and the shutdown is hard but luckily nothing crazy.
•    Anonymous said… my child stays exactly where I say to. Thankful I haven't had to exp that and I'm sorry you have. My child acts like an adult who likes to stay put at home.
•    Anonymous said… My HFA Aspergers son who is 11 runs when he is scared, mad, or hears loud noises. It is scary because he just runs with no awareness of his surroundings
•    Anonymous said… my son 7 was just diagnosed aftet 3 yrs. He ran away from school when they were at recess. They caught him before he left the parking lot. At home he says hell run away and i keep an eye on our doors. When we go for walks and stuff he insist on walking in the middle of the road or in peoples yard.
•    Anonymous said… My son did when he was younger, what was worse is he wasn't scared of being hit by a car because he believed he had super powers. We locked the doors and put the key up high
•    Anonymous said… My son has yet to receive a diagnosis (red tape). He has only darted out in front of a car to escape a wasp.
•    Anonymous said… My son is (in)famous for being the first child in 33 years to "escape" from the local community art school at age 6 1/2-7. The class meant his lunch schedule was off, and he was hungry, so he decided, during a moment when the teacher was out of the room gathering materials, he was going to walk home. He walked out of the class, out of the campus gate, and was about 2/3rds of the 2-mile way home--accurately, in spite of several turns--when one of the seven staff members scrambling to look for him caught up. Everyone was terrified because the school was on the edge of a lake; except me. I knew as soon as they contacted me where he was probably going and that he was probably doing just fine, so as long as I didn't let myself imagine something actively sinister, his sense of direction was so impressive I assumed I could just head to my house and wait.
•    Anonymous said… My son is five and he threatens to walk out of school.
•    Anonymous said… My son is only 5 but yes all of the time. I'm constantly aware of what he is doing and ready to grab him because he can disappear very quickly.
•    Anonymous said… my son used to do that, apparently he is not aspergic, but suffers from sensory overload. And my stepson who is still awaiting to be statemented if the council don't lose the paperwork again.
•    Anonymous said… My son was home alone, had a meltdown and ran. I was very fortunate that only a few doors down, he got it together and came back home. I had already called the police and they checked on him. He has also tried to run from school during a meltdown but was talked down by a police officer he knew. He has a special bond with officers since both my husband and I are former officers. The school went berserk and escorted him everywhere last year. We started this year on a clean slate and so far so good.
•    Anonymous said… My son was the resident escape artist at his school when aged 5-8. I repeatedly explained to the teachers that he was a runner and they would have to learn to shut the school gates. That leaving furniture around he could climb was also a big no-no. The message didn't sink in. He found every escape route possible. Open school gates, closed farm gates, 6 foot pool gates, double locked doors (they only placed the door handles 2 foot apart so one hand on each handle and he was out). I would get phone calls to say they had to get in the car to look for him. Having a photographic memory he would run the back roads home whilst they looked for him on the main road. They would find him over 1km from school. Parents passing would find him in the local pony club and report his whereabouts to the school. BUT he did grow out of it and at 11 he is still alive having managed to not get himself run over in the process.
•    Anonymous said… My son who is non verbal autistic is known for his running. We had to fence around our whole house and we don't go anywhere unless know he is secure either with his harness or inside a buggy. We had belts that I wore and he wore that were connected as well. There have been times still that he got away from me. I have horrid nightmares about him getting away and getting hurt.
•    Anonymous said… My would just leave and when the police found her for me she would have no reason as to why she left, she just wanted to leave but would eventually come back.
•    Anonymous said… No but in a public place he will wonder off to be alone.
•    Anonymous said… Terrifyingly,on many occasions, somehow we survived into adulthood, able to drive, catch flights and use public transport although even that is less straightforward than one would like.
•    Anonymous said… That is why he is never unattended. Ever.
•    Anonymous said… that's why we have the Gizmo watch phone now. It allows us to track her. She can call only 4 numbers on the phone. It's been very handy. She feels independent and the wandering off has stopped. Also the best part: when I call: it auto picks up and I can talk and she has to listen.
•    Anonymous said… Twice, law enforcement searched.
•    Anonymous said… When he was little ... All the time
•    Anonymous said… When my son was around 8 he bolted through a pasture full of horses & cows. I was afraid he was gonna get trampled!
•    Anonymous said… every time it was because of anxiety. My son did this a lot when he was younger. He's now 16 and we don't have the issue. We've also worked hard to prepare him for change and limit his anxiety.
•    Anonymous said… Yes and he got sooo grounded. He took off a few times last year he hasnt done it since.
•    Anonymous said… until around 4. Had to have a whole shop shut down once as he managed to unclip himself from the stroller and was found hiding amongst the clothes rails...I died a million times in those minutes.
•    Anonymous said… Yes with fire! Would never learn it was hot
•    Anonymous said… He was a runner when he was 4-5 years old.
•    Anonymous said… No sense of danger. Fear is not an emotion he possesses.
•    Anonymous said… When I was younger because I did not want to be at school. Not anymore.

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Teaching Your ASD Child "How To Be A Good Friend"

Many children on the autism spectrum tend to have an Avoidant/Anxious attachment style in which they typically repress the desire to seek comfort from their parents or other caretakers when scared, distraught, or in pain. Instead, they rely heavily on self-soothing behaviors as a way to deal with such uncomfortable emotions. For example:
  • rocking
  • pacing
  • twirling hair
  • sucking thumbs and various objects
  • hitting or head banging
  • pulling hair, eyebrows or lashes
  • picking skin or nose
  • grinding teeth
  • cracking knuckles
  • biting nails, lips, cheeks, pencils, etc.

Even at a very young age, many Avoidant/Anxious kids tend to be independent “little adults,” relying very little on others for help. Unfortunately, their tendency to be self-sufficient and unsociable can leave parents feeling a bit rejected. Furthermore, the fact that they rarely demonstrate a desire for warmth, love, closeness or affection tends to discourage support from parents – and even siblings. Many moms and dads have reported that their High-Functioning Autistic (HFA) child is often aloof and doesn’t like to be touched or hugged.

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

As these children enter school, many appear to be more aggressive, hostile and emotionally isolated than their “typical” peers. On the playground, they may be the students who bully their classmates. As teenagers, they tend to be disliked by both peers and educators. Also, they are less emotionally involved with their parents and siblings.

Perhaps the saddest aspect of this attachment style is that these children have great difficulty in finding and keeping friends. This is often due to the fact that they lack an understanding of basic social skills, don’t know what to say or do around their peers, withdraw from others and choose to spend time alone rather than run the risk of trying to “connect,” and decide that staying to oneself is the less painful option. Many parents report that their HFA child prefers to play alone. In addition, these children often annoy their peers by butting-in during games, interrupting conversations, rambling on about their special interest or favorite topic, cut in line, make rude comments (with no intention of being rude), and so on.

Some children with an Avoidant/Anxious attachment style are significantly “asocial” (i.e., they lack the motivation to engage in social interaction, have a preference for solitary activities, have limited social expressiveness, have low sensitivity to social cues, emotions, and pragmatic use of language). Asocial tendencies become acutely noticeable in these kids from a young age due to deficits in crucial social development skills (e.g., social and emotional reciprocity, eye-to-eye gaze, gestures, normal facial expressions and body posture, sharing enjoyment and interests with others, etc.). Some of these young people really want to be social, but fail to socialize successfully, which can lead to later withdrawal and asocial behavior – particularly in the teenage years.

Friendship skills come fairly easily to “typical” kids. But, unfortunately for children on the autism spectrum, these skills must be taught. If you have a child on the autism spectrum, then you have a child who is socially and emotionally immature. Thus, parents must coach their child in social and friendship skills. In order to find and keep friends, your child must cultivate the skills to BE a “good” friend. Then – and only then – will he or she attract peers and turn the relationship into a friendship.


Here are a few tips for how parents can coach their autistic child on how to be a good friend:

1. Be a good role model. Try to find a lot of opportunities for your child to observe you being nice to someone (e.g., having a casual conversation with a stranger in the line at the grocery).

2. Give your youngster the words and behaviors to enter into - and exit - others’ play group (e.g., “If you want to join in the game that they are playing, then ask ‘can I play too’.”). Also, give him the words and behaviors to include other peers in his play group (e.g., “Would you like to play with us?”).

3. Help your child to be a “behavior observer.” Teach him to pay attention to the actions of other kids as they relate to one another (e.g., at the park, playing a board game, etc.). Then discuss with him what was observed and what things demonstrated good friendship skills (e.g., “Did you notice that Michael is being good about waiting for his turn?”), as well as the things that did NOT demonstrate these skills (e.g., “Did you see Sarah jerk that toy away from Carlie? That’s not being a very good friend.”).

4. Help your child to recognize what traits HE wants in his friends (e.g., someone who shares, plays fair, doesn’t push or hit, doesn’t call people bad names, etc.).

5. Help your youngster to develop the ability to observe the impact of his behavior on others (e.g., “I noticed that when you called your friend ‘stupid’, she looked like her feelings were hurt.).

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

6. Let your child witness you spending time with YOUR friends.

7. Notice and acknowledge successes. In order to help your youngster see when he is using good friendship skills, comment specifically on what he does in his friendships that shows he cares (e.g., “When Kayla fell down and hurt her leg, you offered to help her up and took her to a chair so she could to sit down. That’s you being a good friend!”).

8. Watch movies and read books about friendship.

9. Role play how to be a good friend.

10. Lastly, post the following (with pictures if possible) in a very prominent place (e.g. refrigerator door):

I am a good friend because...

•    I am reliable
•    I do kind things for my friends
•    I use kind language with my friends
•    I like to have fun with my friends
•    I help out when my friends are sad or have a problem
•    I like spending time with my friends
•    I remember my friends’ birthdays
•    I like to share with my friends

In a worst case scenario, the HFA child wants so desperately to “fit-in” with his peer group, but fails miserably – time and time again – due to the lack of skills in this area. As a result, he “gives up” and even has a pervasive sense of anxiety about ever trying again. He simply avoids “connecting” to friends as a way to cope with feelings of rejection.

If your best efforts to help your child “be a good friend” fall short, a mental health professional can design a treatment plan that is appropriate for the child who exhibits an Avoidant/Anxious attachment style. Treatments vary, but they will likely include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). If a co-existing condition (e.g., depression, anxiety, etc.) is also diagnosed, appropriate medications can be used.

Share with your child:


 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism


Does your AS or HFA child's behavior confuse and frustrate you? Have you often wondered how his mind works? Are you frequently stressed-out due to your child's meltdowns and tantrums? Do you feel that you have wasted a lot of time and energy trying to get him to change?

Then listen to this: Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism.

Parenting High-Functioning Autistic Children


Announcing our new Facebook support group:

==>  Parenting High-Functioning Autistic Children <==

This is a support group and educational resource for parents raising children on the "high functioning" end of the autism spectrum (i.e., HFA, Asperger's).

Join Today!

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

How to Prevent Meltdowns in Children on the Spectrum

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

Parenting Defiant Teens on the Spectrum

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

Older Teens and Young Adult Children with ASD Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here
to read the full article...

Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and HFA

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...