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Fostering Self-Acceptance in Teens on the Autism Spectrum

Most teenagers with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) experience frequent social failure and rejection by peers. Because social encounters are seldom reinforcing (rewarding), these young people often avoid social interaction.

Over time, they may develop negative attitudes about themselves and others. The poor self-esteem that may result makes it difficult to continue attempts at social interaction. As a result, the cycle continues. Therefore, social skills interventions are greatly needed – especially in the form of fostering self-acceptance.



Self-acceptance refers to a global affirmation of self. When an AS or HFA teen is self-accepting, he is able to embrace ALL facets of himself – not just the positive parts. As such, self-acceptance is unconditional, free of any qualification. The teen can recognize his weaknesses and limitations, but this awareness in no way interferes with his ability to fully accept himself. Furthermore, behavior clearly reflects feelings of self-acceptance For example, a teenager with high self-acceptance will be able to:
  • tolerate frustration
  • take pride in her accomplishments
  • offer assistance to others
  • handle positive and negative emotions
  • attempt new tasks and challenges
  • assume responsibility
  • act independently
  • accept mistakes as a path to learning and growth

Conversely, a teen with low self-acceptance will:
  • put down her own talents and abilities
  • feel, or pretend to feel, emotionally indifferent
  • feel unloved and unwanted
  • blame others for her own shortcomings
  • be unable to tolerate a normal level of frustration
  • be easily influenced
  • avoid trying new things

Moms and dads – more than anyone else – can promote their AS or HFA teen’s self-acceptance. It isn’t a difficult thing to do. If fact, you probably do it without even realizing that your words and actions have great impact on how your teen feels about herself.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Here are 30 crucial strategies to use that will help your “special needs” teen develop self-acceptance:

1. As much as possible, let your teen settle his own disputes between siblings, friends, and classmates.

2. Be supportive during a conflict. If, for example, your AS or HFA teenager is in the middle of a conflict at school, listen to her side of the story without being judgmental (even if you think she is at fault).  For example, say something such as, “I can understand why you think you’re a better choice for class president, and I’m sorry that you feel you have to point out Courtney’s shortcomings rather than concentrate on what makes you the better candidate.” The conflict may seem trivial to you, but to your teen, it could be a major source of strife in her life.  By developing the habit of supporting your teenager through the good and the bad, you will be laying a strong foundation for open communication when bigger problems arise.  Knowing that she has a parent to lean on who loves and accepts her will help build your teen’s self-acceptance over time.

3. Encourage your teen to exercise! Being active and fit helps him feel good about himself. He will relieve stress, and be healthier, too!

4. Encourage your teen to try new things, and to give herself credit. Urge her to experiment with different activities to help her get in touch with her talents. Then tell her that she should take pride in her new skills. One Asperger’s teenager signed up for track and found out that he was pretty fast! The positive thoughts associated with this discovery became good opinions of himself, and added up to high self-acceptance.

5. Encourage your teenager to ask for what she wants assertively, pointing out that there is no guarantee that she will get it. Reinforce her for asking – and avoid anticipating her wants.

6. Encourage your teenager to behave toward himself the way he would like his friends to behave toward him.

7. Encourage your teenager to develop hobbies and interests which give her pleasure and which she can pursue independently.

8. Help your AS or HFA teenager develop “tease tolerance” by pointing out that some teasing can’t hurt. Help him learn to cope with teasing by ignoring it while using positive self-talk (e.g., “names can never hurt me” … “teasing has no power over me” … “if I can avoid reacting to this teasing, then I’m building emotional muscles”).

9. Help your teen learn to focus on her strengths by pointing out to her all the things she can do well.

10. Help your teen to aim for effort rather than perfection. Some AS and HFA teens – especially those with OCD – get held back by their own pressure to be perfect. They lose out because they don't try (“If I can’t do it perfectly, I don’t want to do it at all”).

11. Help your teen to edit those thoughts that make him feel inferior (e.g., "That guy is so much better at basketball. I should just stop playing.”). Does your teen often compare himself with others and come up feeling less accomplished or less talented? Teach him to notice his negative, self-destructive thoughts.

12. Help your teen to focus on what goes well for her. Is she so used to focusing on her problems that they are all she can see? Say to her, “The next time you catch yourself dwelling on problems or complaints about yourself, find something positive to counter it.” Also, have your teen write down three good things about herself each day, or three things that went well that day because of her effort.

13. Help your teen to notice the critical things he says to himself. A harsh inner voice just tears you down. If your teen is in the habit of thinking self-critically, help him to re-train himself by re-wording negative, unkind thoughts into more helpful feedback.

14. Help your teen to recognize what she can change – and what she can't. If she realizes that she is unhappy with something about herself that she CAN change (e.g., getting to a healthy weight), help her to start today. If it's something she CANNOT change (e.g., her height), help her to work on accepting it. Obsessing about her "flaws" will skew her opinion of herself and lower her self-acceptance.

15. Help your teen to set goals. Ask him to think about what he would like to accomplish. Then help him make a plan for how to do it. Encourage him to stick with the plan and keep track of the progress. Urge your teen to train his inner voice to remind him of what he is accomplishing (e.g., I've been following my workout plan every day for 30 minutes. I feel good that I have kept my promise to myself. I know I can keep it up.").

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

16. Help your teen to view mistakes as learning opportunities. Teach her to accept that she will make mistakes. We all do. It’s part of learning. If, for example, your teen has the thought, "I always screw things up," remind her that she doesn’t ALWAYS make mistakes, just in this specific situation. What can she do differently next time?

17. Help your teenager to think in terms of alternative options and possibilities rather than depending on only one option for satisfaction. Whenever your teen thinks there is only one thing which can satisfy her, she limits her potential for being satisfied! The more you help your teenager realize that there are many options in every situation, the more you increase her potential for satisfaction.

18. Include your teen in everyday family decisions, and implement some of her suggestions. For example, what does she think about the new chairs you’re considering for the dining room table? AS and HFA teens love nothing better than to be treated like competent adults, and they’re usually flattered anytime that you invite them into the adult world.

19. Laugh with your teenager – and encourage her to laugh at herself. A young person who takes herself too seriously is undoubtedly decreasing her enjoyment in life. A good sense of humor and the ability to make light of life are important ingredients for increasing self-acceptance and overall enjoyment.

20. Let your teen know that he creates – and is responsible for – any feeling he experiences. Similarly, he is not responsible for others’ feelings.

21. Let your teen know that you are still interested in what is going on in his life, even though he’s a “big boy” now. Teens like to be self-sufficient and want their parent to believe that they have everything under control. But that doesn’t mean that the parent doesn’t need to keep the lines of communication open and flowing. So, when the parent asks questions, he or she should try to formulate them so that they require more than a “yes” or “no” answer (e.g., instead of asking, “How is history class going?” … ask, “What are you currently studying in history?”).

22. Sometimes it’s necessary to constructively criticize your teen’s behavior and choices. However, when the criticism is directed to him as a person, it can easily deteriorate into ridicule or shame. Therefore, learn to use “I statements” rather than “You statements” when giving criticism (e.g., “I would like you to keep your clothes in your closet – not lying all over the bedroom floor” … rather than saying, “Why are you such a slob? Can’t you get more organized?”).

23. Teach your teen the importance of helping others. For example, he can help clean up the neighborhood, participate in a walkathon for a good cause, tutor a classmate who's having trouble, or volunteer his time in some other way. When your teen can see that what he does makes a difference, it builds his positive opinion of himself and makes him feel good. That's self-acceptance.

24. Teach your teen to accept compliments. When self-acceptance is low, it's easy for young people to overlook the good things others say about them. They don't believe it when someone says a nice thing. Instead, they may think something like, “Yeah, but I'm not all that great…” and then brush off the compliment. Instead, encourage your teen to accept a compliment, appreciate it, and take it seriously. Also, teach her to give sincere compliments to others.

25. Teach your teen to change his “demands” to “preferences.” Point out that there is no reason he must get everything he wants – and that he need not feel angry either. Encourage him to work against anger by setting a good example and by reinforcing him when he displays “appropriate irritation” rather than “anger.”

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

26. Teach your teen to remind himself that everyone excels at different things. Help her to focus on what she does well, and cheer on others for their success. Self-talk such as, "He's a great football player, but I'm a better chess player” helps your teen accept himself and make the best of the situation.

27. Teach your teen to take pride in her opinions and ideas. Tell her that she need not be afraid to voice them. If someone disagrees with her, it's not a reflection on her worth or her intelligence. That person just sees things differently.

28. Teens remember positive statements that their parent says to them. They store them up and “replay” these statements to themselves. Thus, practice giving your teen words of encouragement throughout each day.

29. Use what is called “descriptive praise” to let your teen know when he is doing something well. Develop the habit of looking for situations in which your teen is doing a good job or displaying a skill (e.g., “I really like the way you straightened up the garage. You put each thing in its place”).

30. What you think determines how you feel – and how you feel determines how you behave. Thus, it’s important to teach your teen to be positive about how she “talks to herself” (e.g., “I can get this problem if I just keep trying” … “It’s OK that I didn’t get an ‘A’ on the test today” … “I tried my best, I can’t win them all”).

The primary aspect of AS and HFA that characterizes it as autistic is the problem of human connectedness. The term most commonly used to describe this core weakness of human connection is “reciprocity.” This refers to the teenager’s ability to engage other people in a way that makes others feel connected or not. In social conversation with a teenager with AS and HFA, eye contact is often poor, fleeting, or absent. These “special needs” teenagers may not be able to read subtle gestures and facial changes or to interpret subtleties in language (e.g., irony or sarcasm). They do not read or respond as most people do to small changes in body posture or to gestures. They seem either distant, stiff, or in other ways unconnected.

AS and HFA teenagers not only seem disconnected, but in some cases uninterested in being in relationships with others. They may generally have very little interest in the feelings, experiences, other human qualities, or possibilities of others and, hence, lack demonstrated empathy. They do not seem to derive pleasure from engaging others, learning about them, talking with them, or sharing experiences. In the many cases where the symptoms are milder, the teen may wish to connect with others, but simply does not know how. She may have feelings for others, but can’t seem to mobilize the demonstration of those feelings.

The good news is that parents (and teachers) can assist in these challenges by helping their AS or HFA teen to develop a set of social skills. And as mentioned above, the most important skill to possess in this endeavor is called “self-acceptance.” With self-acceptance, the teen capitalizes on his strengths rather than trying to “fix” his weaknesses, yet he accepts his weaknesses for what they are.



==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Loneliness in Children on the Autism Spectrum: Tips for Parents

Kids with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) are more likely to be lonely than “typical” kids. Research shows that they face considerable challenges in making and keeping friends. There are many causes that may result in loneliness for these young people. For example:
  • Change in environment (e.g., relocation from country side to cities, relocation from joint families to nuclear families)
  • Change in school
  • Fear of school bullies
  • Feeling of being invisible
  • Feeling of being isolated
  • Inability of making friends easily
  • Lack of self-confidence
  • Lack of social support
  • Lacking of understanding from others
  • Losing a friend
  • Loss of a mother or father
  • Rejection from friends
  • Relocation of a friend
  • Shyness

Signs that your AS or HFA youngster is feeling lonely include:
  • draws sad pictures
  • fails to interact with peers in class
  • never discusses or speaks with other kids
  • never invites kids to his house
  • plays sad tunes
  • prefers being in his room rather than staying out when guests arrive
  • prefers staying home rather than playing outside with other kids
  • walks home alone rather than with peers after school

When a youngster comes home and says, "no one likes me" or "everyone hates me," it can be hard for a mother or father to tell the difference between temporary exclusion versus ongoing rejection. Fortunately, research studies offer some advice on effective strategies to help “special needs” kids cope with - or avoid - loneliness. Here are some tips:

1. Before parents intervene in their youngster’s social difficulties, they should ask themselves some questions about their own history. For example, do you and your youngster have different temperaments when it comes to socializing? What were your friendships like at that age? Where did you stand in the group in terms of popularity? How did you cope with loneliness as a child? What worked – and what didn’t?

2. Become an expert on your youngster’s social life. Observe his social behavior to determine specific strengths and weaknesses, then share your observations with your child. Also, capitalize on his strengths rather than trying to “fix” weaknesses.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

3. Don’t drag your own emotional baggage into the equation if you were bullied or teased as a child. Resist the urge to march onto the playground and chastise the bully for picking on your youngster. Also, avoid the temptation to gossip about the bully’s parents in the parking lot after school.

4. Employ the help of your child’s teacher. Let the teacher know that you are working with your youngster on “friendship skills.” The teacher can then structure the classroom environment to support efforts to form satisfying social connections with your child’s peers.

5. Encourage your youngster to participate in various activities in school (e.g., sports, hobby courses, music, etc.).



6. Give your child a gentle push to try new social challenges. AS and HFA children need lots of support and encouragement, while at the same time being gradually pushed out of their "comfort zone."

7. If you have just relocated to a new neighborhood or city, then it is likely your youngster misses her old friends. In this case, help your youngster to make new friends. Call a snack party and invite all the kids from the neighborhood. Introduce your youngster to all of them.

8. If your youngster is afraid of bullying in school – then take care of it. Deal with the school bully by complaining to the teachers and other school authorities. If this approach doesn't work, then have a talk with the bully’s mom or dad. Confront the bully if necessary, and teach your youngster to cope with bullies.

9. Lack of confidence is one of the major causes why an AS or HFA youngster can feel lonely. The good news is that moms and dads can assist with confidence-building by helping their youngster to recognize his unique abilities and talents. Children on the autism spectrum have way more talents than deficits (more information on this topic can be found here).

10. Look for a variety of group opportunities. Scouts, church youth groups, drama club, chess club, and sports teams all provide an alternative to school as a place for your youngster to make friends and gain acceptance.

11. Nurture your youngster’s belief in her ability to develop better friendship skills. This requires ongoing empathy, encouragement, and problem-solving support from you, the parent, in order to: (a) develop the hope and motivation to persist in making friends; (b) maintain a positive attitude and acceptance that children may vary in the way they form friendships; and (c) facilitate the view that friendships and satisfying social relations as important.

12. Praise your youngster for the efforts and contributions (rather than end results) she does in any particular activity (e.g., “You did a great job helping me plant these flowers).

13. Provide training and intervention to promote your youngster’s competence and sense of control. Different types of social skills training found to be effective include: role-playing, problem-solving exercises, peer-tutoring, and modeling.

14. Teach basic social skills (e.g., how to start a conversation, how to guess what other people are feeling, how to join in group play, how to ask for help, etc.).

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

15. Try to structure the environment to promote friendship and provide opportunities to experience social competence. For instance, you can set up an opportunity for your AS or HFA youngster to work collaboratively with another youngster on a task or project that they can successfully complete (be careful to select a youngster who is likely to work well with your youngster).

16. Sometimes, you may feel that the social relationships your AS or HFA youngster is developing are childish or superficial, or that your youngster’s friends are too young or not really a good match. Nonetheless, by understanding that friendship skills take time and practice, you will be able to give your youngster the encouragement and support she needs to build these skills in her own way and at her own pace.




Loneliness is distressing for all children. But, for a youngster with AS or HFA, loneliness may become an ongoing struggle resulting from a lack of social skills or a belief that she simply can’t make and keep friends. As a mother or father, you can play an important role in identifying your youngster’s specific social strengths and challenges, and help her understand that friendships require effort and skill. By doing so, you support her hopes for closer friendships and more meaningful social networks in the future.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here
to read the full article...

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
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A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...

Effective Interventions for Problem Behaviors in Children on the Autism Spectrum

In order to create an effective intervention for problem behaviors in children with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA), parents need to take into consideration a variety of aspects.

Let’s first look at “The 4-Step Plan”:

1. Hypothesize the Function of the Behavior:
  • Escape/Avoidance
  • Sensory Feedback 
  • Social Attention 
  • Wants tangible item or activity

2. Gather Information:

a. Antecedent: Does the behavior occur…
  • Following a request to perform a difficult task?
  • Repeatedly, in the same way, for long periods of time, even when no one is around? 
  • When a request for an item or activity is denied? 
  • When you are attending to other children in the room?

b. Consequence: When the behavior occurs, do you…
  • Allow your child to engage in inappropriate behavior?
  • Attend to your child? 
  • Leave him or her alone? 
  • Negotiate or give the desired item/activity?

3. Plan an Intervention:

a. Based on information gathered, are environmental changes needed?
  • Limit toys and games available to your child
  • Less noise/chaos
  • Remove distracters

b. Based on information gathered, determine how you should react to the challenging behavior each time it occurs.
  • Plan to attend
  • Plan to ignore
  • Plan to redirect
  • Plan to remove privileges

4. Identify a Replacement Behavior:

a. What appropriate behavior is “functionally equivalent” to the challenging behavior?
  • Teaching your child to communicate his or her wants appropriately to replace escape/ avoidance behaviors
  • Teaching your child to ask if he or she can use the computer later to replace tantrum behavior 
  • Teaching your child to tell you what he or she wants/needs in order to replace attention-seeking behaviors

b. Create “replacement behavior” planning guide (write it down in a journal or notebook).
  • Describe how you will evaluate if – and how – your child uses the new response.
  • In what situations will “training” (i.e., behavior modifications) occur? 
  • What functionally equivalent behavior are you going to train in place of the problem behavior? 
  • What motivation system will be implemented during training? 
  • Which behavior are you going to target for replacement?

Next, let’s look at Differential Reinforcement:

Differential reinforcement is the process by which the frequency of a desirable behavior is increased while the undesirable alternative behaviors are eliminated. It is used when the desired behavior already occurs occasionally and when there is an available reinforcer.

The first step to differential reinforcement is to define exactly what the target behavior is, and also to define the undesirable competing behavior (e.g., if Michael plays video games twice as much as he does homework, the target behavior would be doing homework, and the undesirable behavior would be playing video games).

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's
 
The next step is to collect baseline data. Baseline is the period of time before behavior modification is implemented. The baseline serves as an indication of whether or not behavior modification is successful. So with Michael, the parent would record and graph the amount of time spent doing homework and playing video games each day.

In the third step, a reinforcer should be chosen (i.e., an item which the child is willing to work for), for example, snacks, praise, games, etc. With Michael, he could be reinforced with video game time.

Every time that the desirable behavior is demonstrated, it should be immediately reinforced. So, for every 30 minutes Michael spends doing homework, he would immediately be given 15 minutes of video game time. If too much time elapses before the child is reinforced, the target behavior will not increase in frequency.

Throughout the process, it is important for the parent to record the frequency of both the desirable and undesirable behavior so that progress can be tracked. After the desirable behavior is at the desired level, and the undesirable behavior is virtually eliminated, behavior modification can be decreased.

Lastly, here are a few additional interventions for problem behaviors in AS and HFA children:

1. Checklists and Schedules -- Provide visual structure and motivation needed to complete tasks/chores/activities, and stay on target by checking off tasks/chores/activities upon their completion.

2. Contingency Contracts -- The parent and child formalize agreements concerning specific behavior for the exchange of “reinforcers” (i.e., stimuli, such as rewards, the removal of unpleasant events, or punishments that maintain or strengthen a desired response) by writing an agreement. It outlines the behaviors and consequences of a specific behavior management system (e.g., good behavior “A” gets reward “A” …or misbehavior “B” gets punishment “B”).


3. Interspersed Requests -- Used to motivate AS and HFA kids to perform a difficult or unpleasant task by initially asking them to perform several easier tasks, which they can complete successfully in a short amount of time. This helps promote “behavioral momentum.”

4.  Premack Principle -- A method of maintaining and increasing compliance with rules through the use of positive reinforcement. A desired activity is available to the youngster on the completion of an undesired activity (e.g., the child who completes homework can earn an opportunity to play on the computer).

5. Redirection -- Introduce a novel stimulus to recapture the child’s attention by delivering verbal and nonverbal cues to the child to stop misbehavior, offering assistance with a task, engaging him/her in conversation, reminding him/her to focus attention on the task, or modeling calm and controlled behavior.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

6. Rules -- Establish, teach, and enforce house rules. Rules should be positively stated. Identify the specific behaviors you wish to see displayed.

7. Self-Evaluation -- A self-management system that has been used to promote appropriate behavior. AS and HFA kids are taught to evaluate their own behavior using a rating scale. For instance, a child can rate his or her behaviors using a 0-5 point rating scale ("unacceptable" to "excellent"). The child earns points, which can be exchanged for reinforcers based on both child-behavior and the accuracy of his or her ratings.

It is important for parents to know that, independent of their AS or HFA child's diagnosis, there are behavioral interventions that are very likely to help. A diagnosis of an autism spectrum disorder increases the likelihood that parents will observe behavioral problems, but that does not mean that they have to live with those problems. Understanding that kids on the spectrum experience the world in a different way is important. But, moms and dads also have a responsibility to work with their child so that he or she can develop more socially appropriate behavior. Using the methods outlined above can be a good start toward this end.




 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
 

College Depression in Older Teens and Young Adults with Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism

"The emotional transition to college has really been a challenge for our young adult child with HFA. He has struggled with depression even more than in the past during high school. He is having a lot of trouble dealing with this new stage of life — how you we help?!"

College depression is a common problem among older teens and young adults with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA). In this post, we will look at why the transition to college makes these “special needs” individuals vulnerable to depression — and what moms and dads can do about it.

College depression isn't a clinical diagnosis, rather it is depression that begins during college. AS and HFA students face many challenges, pressures and anxieties that can cause them to feel overwhelmed. For example:
  • Due to their “quirky” or odd behavior, they may experience ostracism from the peer group, teasing, or bullying.
  • Money and intimate relationships may serve as major sources of stress.
  • They are adapting to a new schedule and workload.
  • They are adjusting to life with roommates.
  • They may be living on their own for the first time and feeling homesick.
  • They are trying to figure out how to “fit-in.”

Dealing with these changes during the transition from the teenage years to adulthood can trigger depression during college in these individuals. College depression has been linked to:
  • Alcohol abuse
  • Drug abuse
  • Risky behaviors related to drug and alcohol abuse
  • Smoking
  • Impaired academic performance
  • Preferring to isolate rather than socialize
  • Returning home after a failed attempt to adjust to college life

Many “typical” college students occasionally feel sad or anxious, but these emotions usually pass within a few days or weeks. However, with students on the autism spectrum, feelings of sadness or anxiety may persist and interfere with normal activities. This is often due to the fact that their emotional age is much younger than their chronological age. Thus, they are emotionally and socially unprepared to “mix” with peers who are developmentally advanced by comparison.



Signs that an AS or HFA student may be experiencing depression during college include:
  • Agitation or restlessness
  • Angry outbursts
  • Changes in appetite or weight
  • Crying spells for no apparent reason
  • Distractibility and decreased concentration
  • Fatigue, tiredness and loss of energy
  • Feelings of sadness or unhappiness
  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
  • Fixation on past failures
  • Frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide
  • Indecisiveness
  • Insomnia or excessive sleeping
  • Irritability or frustration, even over small matters
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities
  • Self-blame when things aren't going right
  • Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
  • Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
  • Unexplained physical problems (e.g., back pain, headaches, stomachaches, etc.)

Symptoms of depression can be difficult to notice if your teenager is no longer living at home. Also, AS and HFA students may have difficulty seeking help for depression out of embarrassment or fear of not “fitting-in.”

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

What should parents do if they suspect that their older teen or young adult is experiencing college depression?

1. Helping your AS or HFA teenager become accustomed to the college campus before the start of the school year may prevent him from feeling overwhelmed later in the semester. Encourage him to visit the campus and talk to other classmates, peer counselors, and faculty about what to expect and where to turn for support.

2. Encourage your teenager to avoid making major decisions (e.g., changing majors, doing too many things at once, etc.). Instead, help her to break up large tasks into small ones.

3. Encourage your teenager to get to know people in her dorm and classes. Caring classmates can help her to feel more comfortable in a new environment.

4. If you suspect that your teenager is struggling with depression, talk to him about what's going on – and listen. Encourage him to talk about his feelings. Also, ask him to make an appointment with a therapist as soon as possible. Most colleges offer mental health services.

5. If your teenager has risk factors for - or a history of - depression, talk to her doctor about what kind of counseling options might best help her with the transition to college. Also, help her become familiar with campus counseling resources.




6. Remember, depression may not get better on its own. In fact, it often gets worse if it isn't treated. Feelings of depression can also increase the likelihood of substance abuse and the risk of suicide. So, parents must intervene! Untreated depression can lead to other mental and physical health issues in other areas of life.

7. Urge your teenager to get involved in activities that he enjoys, which can help to shift the focus away from his negative feelings. Physical activity can be particularly helpful as well.

Helping your AS or HFA teenager make the emotional transition to college can be a major undertaking. Know how to identify whether he or she is having trouble dealing with this new stage of life — and what you can do to help. Remember, getting treatment at the earliest sign of a problem can relieve symptoms, prevent depression from returning, and help “special needs” students succeed in college.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

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How to Prevent Meltdowns in Children on the Spectrum

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

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Parenting Defiant Teens on the Spectrum

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Older Teens and Young Adult Children with ASD Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

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Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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to read the full article...

Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and HFA

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

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