Aspergers Teens and Online Gaming Addiction

For many children and teens, computers offer an escape from difficult social situations along with a partial remedy for the loneliness of Aspergers (High-Functioning Autism).

The PC itself offers a predictable false-companionship, and teens who use computers may also band together in common-interest clubs. Such teens may become involved with PCs to the exclusion of almost every other hobby.

Despite the fact that there's a lot of mayhem on the web, inter-personal contact on the web can provide a "nerdy child" a level of defense against actual face-to-face contact. For example, in chat rooms, body language, facial expression, intonation, pacing, and timing of speech are removed in the interpersonal exchange. In role playing games, the interactions between participants are influenced by guidelines associated with traits the virtual person has accrued throughout play. A young man who's just a geek in class may become a strong and dreaded warrior within an online fantasy game.

Since a number of these children are so hungry for interpersonal connection, most of them invest a massive amount of time at their PCs, ignoring family members, homework, and much of the "real world." Even worse, for sleep patterns, the PC is "usually open." A number of these kids fall asleep later and later, particularly in the summertime, ultimately moving their sleep cycle so that they snooze when the rest of the family is up. This only worsens their lack of social skills, regardless of how successful their virtual character is becoming inside an online fantasy game.

While such cases are rare, mental-health professionals say the fantasy worlds offered by video games can become the stuff of very real addictions that destroy the education of an Aspergers teen. It's a huge and growing problem with older teenage males and young adult males with Aspergers. I've seen a number of cases with 18- to 23-year-old males where they have an Internet connection, and they basically haven't left the house for years. I had one young man who was trying to get on Social Security disability for agoraphobia. He didn't really have agoraphobia …he just didn't want to leave his computer.

My Aspergers Teen: Discipline for Aspergers Teens

Aspergers and Lack of Eye Contact

Eye-to-eye contact is a type of communication. However, there ought to be a shared language involving two individuals when eye-to-eye contact is made. A person should be able to read what the other person is thinking and feeling. That's the way "neurotypical" (i.e., non-Aspergers) eye contact functions. With Aspergers (high functioning autism) however, that's not often the situation.

Eye-to-eye contact isn't something that is natural or even desirable to Aspies. They have trouble with the interpretation of this language. Many reasons exist why they can't share the language.

First, looking at someone's eye balls is extremely awkward. It is just like looking at the headlights of a train. Eye balls flicker and move, which can be unpleasant for those who have Aspergers. Even if they do make eye contact, they do not know the silent language. They need to learn each thing that the eyes tell them, from very obvious to very subtle.

The next issue is in what they send. They have no clue about what messages they're sending using their eyes. That triggers confusion for the one who is attempting to read them, because they don't send obvious messages. With this confusion on both sides, conversation using this method doesn't work well. The big deal relating to this whole eye-to-eye contact issue is the fact that our culture has built in a lot of meaning into the use of eye contact. We've interpreted this as an indication of trustworthiness and not hiding something, being secure, and the skill of listening.

These are the expectations that are put on everyone in this culture, whether we are able to make eye contact or not. If you don't use it, you are charged with lying, not being comfortable, having something to hide, not listening, etc. This may not seem sensible when you have Aspergers. I have yet to meet individuals with Aspergers who are natural liars. A number of them have had to learn to be devious when they need to be and tell the little white lies, so they don't hurt the feelings of non-Aspergers individuals. Bluntness has never harmed anybody. They lie only if they have to, and it is not very natural to them. Therefore, convinced that they lie due to not having eye-to-eye contact makes no sense.

Eye contact has nothing to do with listening. The eyes as well as the ears aren't linked on a single band. Aspergers people may hear and learn without needing to really look at somebody. There's also peripheral vision, which is looking - but from the sides of the eyes. Non-Aspergers individuals believe that if the eye-to-eye contact isn't full in the face, it's not eye contact. Aspergers individuals can be comfortable and never give eye-to-eye contact. Actually, they're much less comfortable should they have to give it every time. It is stressful and diminishes their self-ease. The truth is, should they meet someone who they don't know, they don't give eye-to-eye contact. They have a tendency to avoid stressing themselves to provide eye-to-eye contact and have a dialogue simultaneously.

Eye-to-eye contact is for the benefit of non-Aspergers individuals and not much of a benefit for the people with Aspergers. They can't do it adequately, nor communicate it very well. Additionally, it stresses them and makes them uneasy.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Grandmothers Raising Aspergers Grandchildren

More than 3.9 million grandmothers are raising their grandkids in their homes. Overall, about 5.4 million kids nationwide live with their grandmothers. In fact, one in 10 grandmothers has been the primary support of a grandkid at some time in their lives. While this is not a new phenomenon in this country, the rate of grandmothers raising their grandkids is increasing, and there is every reason to believe the numbers will continue to grow.

Kids with Aspergers (high-functioning autism) have a special need in their lives for ‘safe’ people who won’t criticize them or put them down for their differences. They need loving, non-judgmental grandmothers who accept them as they are and make a place for them in their lives. If you can reach out to them, they will treasure your relationship with them for the rest of their lives.

Many grandmothers in this care taking role underestimate or are unaware of the added burdens their new role as "mothers" will place upon them. Grandmothers often assume their role will be to nurture and reward kids without having to set limits. When grandmothers serve as mothers, however, they must learn to set limits and establish controls as they did with their own kids.

Grandparents raising Aspergers grandchildren should provide the following:
  • advocacy that builds a support system around the kids in their family, neighborhood, and community
  • affection and compassion freely given
  • guidance modeled by the grandparents’ behaviors
  • establishing and maintaining reasonable limits, direction, and activities to meet their needs
  • motivation that models and stimulates curiosity and imagination in learning about the world
  • nurturing with kindness and attentive listening to feeling and ideas
  • understanding that takes into consideration how the grand kids view, influence, and respond to the world around them

In the best of circumstances, kids who are being raised by their grandmothers are going to experience loss and abandonment as well as other issues relating to their place in the family. This is not what they expected out of life.

Nobody knows what causes Aspergers, though most scientists acknowledge a genetic factor. So the deficits your grandkid has can only be understood, minimized and worked around. They will require accommodating on everyone’s part. But in time, with proper programming, the kid’s behavior and understanding of the world should improve.

Often, grandmothers take on the parenting role when the grandkid's own mothers abandon them or when the kids can no longer live with them because of the parent's mental disorder, substance abuse, or incarceration. Thus, you may have the added burden of caring for kids who suffered from abuse or neglect from their own mothers. These kids may feel insecure and afraid; they may be angry at their situation and even embarrassed by it. It will take time for these kids to feel safe and secure. You can encourage these good feelings and ease their adjustment to their new home in a number of ways:
  • Help your grandkids to feel that they are "home" by making room for them and their belongings. Your home needs to be welcoming, safe, and kid-friendly.
  • Practice positive discipline that emphasizes education, not punishment, and that rewards good behavior with praise.
  • Set up a daily routine of mealtimes, bedtime, and other activities so that the kids have some predictability in their lives.
  • Set up a few rules, and explain the rules to the kids. Then, enforce them consistently.
  • Work on communication skills. Talk to your grandkids, and make sure that the kids know that they can always talk to you.

The deficits that comprise Aspergers are not always readily apparent, especially in milder cases. The kid is usually of average intelligence or higher, yet lacks what are essentially instincts for other kids. If your grandkid seems “perfectly normal” despite the diagnosis you’ve been told about, then he is probably working very hard to make sure he fits in - and it’s not as easy as it looks. It is best to treat your grandkid for what he is - normal. But be prepared to take some advice from those closest to him regarding what is the best way to handle certain situations.

Building new relationships can be difficult. Sometimes, it helps to find things that you can do with your grandkids to nurture your relationship and to make them feel secure and happy in their new home:
  • There are many local support groups for grandmothers raising grandkids, and a number of these groups also provide activities for the kids. You might also find welcoming groups at your place of worship or in the local schools or library.
  • If you don't have your own computer, use the one at the public library. The library may have classes or other free help for you. You'll find lots of things that you and your grandkids can do on the computer, from games to school research.
  • Kids of all ages need to be active. Physical activity may help your grandkids feel better and develop a healthy lifestyle, and it can be an important stress reliever for you.
  • Kids love to hear stories, and even older kids may surprise you by sitting quietly as you read aloud. Kids who see you read have a better chance of becoming readers themselves.

Look for ways to be supportive. Let them know that there is another heart tugging at the load - and it’s yours. Keep on the lookout for articles about Aspergers and send them copies. This shows that you are interested. Ask lots of questions about the special programs the kid is in. Be enthusiastic and optimistic. Let them know you think they’re doing a great job. At other times, you can be a sympathetic sounding board when they have difficult decisions to make, or when they just need to tell someone what an awful day they’ve had.

If you're feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and unhappy, you are not going to be able to provide the best care for your grandkids. It's important that you take care of yourself and not allow yourself to be overwhelmed by your parental responsibilities. Here are some suggestions:
  • Talk to someone. This could be a friend or relative or a professional, such as a counselor, family doctor, or someone at your church or temple. Unburdening yourself can be a stress reliever.
  • Take a parenting class. A class may help you to feel more comfortable with your status as a caregiver for young kids. It will also provide resources in the form of your teacher and the other students in the class.
  • Take a break. A short time away from your grandkids may give you some time to relax. Look for a trusted adult who can babysit or take over while you're out.
  • Learn to say "no." You don't have time to do everything. Learn to make priorities, and eliminate the unnecessary tasks in your life.
  • Find a support group—either a group specifically for grandmothers raising grandkids or some other support group where you can share your challenges with others who will understand.

Your grandkid needs to know that you are a safe haven in a bewildering world. It may seem a lot to ask to be flexible with a kid who appears to be misbehaving, but inflexibility will only put distance between you and the kid. If the kid’s manners and mannerisms drive you crazy, ask others for suggestions on how to set expectations for your house.

It might be helpful to think of yourself as a seeing-eye dog. Remember, your Aspergers grandchild is “blind” in certain ways. Point out trouble-spots and guide him around them, explain social situations that he can’t “see,” and narrate what you are doing as you do it. By doing so, you’ll help him to feel more secure with you, and you’ll be actively participating in his special programming.

Watch the emotional levels. Asperger kids often have great difficulty sorting out emotions. If you get angry, the kid could lose control because she is unable to deal with your anger and her own confusion at the same time. Reign in your temper when the kid is clumsy, stubborn, or frustrated. In situations where you feel you really need to be firm, keep your tone calm, your movements slow and even, and tell the kid what you’re going to do before you do it. Get advice from others on how to deal with little meltdowns so that you are prepared in advance, but do your best to avoid triggering them.

Here are some simple DO’s to remember:
  • Do acknowledge the kid’s expressions of frustration.
  • Do control your anger.
  • Do get involved in the kid’s interests.
  • Do learn what sorts of activities are recommended for the kid.
  • Do praise the kid for his strengths.
  • Do respect the kid’s fears, even if they seem senseless.

Here are some simple DON’T’s to remember:
  • Don’t compare him with his siblings.
  • Don’t feel helpless - ask for help.
  • Don’t joke, tease, shame, threaten, or demean the kid.
  • Don’t talk to him as if he were stupid.
  • Don’t tell the kid he will outgrow his difficulties.

There is lots of useful free information for grandmothers. Much of it is available on the Internet. If your computer skills are a little rusty, you can find help at your public library.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Aspergers Teens and College

Your intelligent Aspergers (high functioning autistic) child has made it to his junior year in high school, and it's time to consider colleges! The good news is that more and more colleges are meeting the special needs of Aspergers teens to help them succeed.

Here are some important suggestions for teens with Aspergers (and their moms and dads) as they think about applying for, managing, and thriving in college:

1. Consider broadening your search if your youngster has additional disabilities such as ADHD, which often co-exists with Aspergers. Academic programs for kids with organizational disabilities may also offer social help for Aspergers people.

2. Consider taking a few classes online. Young people with Aspergers may be overwhelmed by the harsh lighting and noise from a classroom. You may want to check and see if a couple of your required classes may be taken online. However, be advised that taking classes online actually requires more self-discipline than in a traditional classroom.

3. Do your best! Speaking as an instructor who also has Aspergers, I am sensitive to young people who have special needs. However, this also means I expect people to attend class unless they have medical documentation.

4. Establish a medical care provider near your campus. This is extremely important because as a person with Aspergers, you have special medical conditions that many college students will not share. Do some research online or ask your hometown physician for a referral.

5. Have the number of a personal counselor nearby. You may have your good days and bad. Some issues can be especially daunting for a college student with Aspergers. There’s no shame in speaking with a counselor on campus that can help you work through those issues.

6. If you are planning on living in a dorm, you may want to let the administration know about your Aspergers or request a private room. If you are someone who is extremely sensitive to external stimuli (e.g., light, sound, etc), you may want to be placed in a “study floor” instead of a “sorority wing.” Or, if possible, you may want to request a private room so that you have a little more control over your environment.

7. Join an activity to meet people with similar interests to your own. Socializing is not something that always comes easily to people with Aspergers. Think of those activities you enjoy or in which you have succeeded. There are bound to be groups or clubs focusing on that activity.

8. Let your teachers know of your Aspergers and what may be helpful to you. If possible, arrange a meeting with your teachers before the beginning of the semester, but no later than the first week. They will probably respect your honesty and the initiative you are taking in your courses. Also, don’t hesitate to ask for help. As an instructor, I am always willing to help someone who asks for it.

9. Obtain certification of your Aspergers from your medical professional. In order to obtain accommodations on a college campus (such as disability support services), you will probably be required to have documentation of your Aspergers from a physician, neurologist, or psychiatrist.

10. Research universities. Talk with high school counselors and other moms and dads; search online for schools offering support to Aspergers people. Some schools designate certain dorm floors for young people with social difficulties and facilitate interactive activities to ensure they connect with others right from the beginning.

11. Seek career counseling as soon as possible. Finding a job after graduation is particularly challenging for young people with Aspergers. Unfortunately, society tends to focus on the limitations that come with the word “autism” rather than the strengths. So you may want to write down some activities you really enjoy doing or perform particularly well. This can be very helpful for a career counselor who will work to provide you with some direction in terms of courses, volunteer, and internship opportunities.

12. Streamline the process by honing in on schools that offer majors in your youngster's areas of interest and then contact the departments of disability accommodations in each of those schools to see what they offer.

13. Understand that your youngster can have a successful college experience. More than likely she is doing OK or even brilliantly at academics and will just need extra help with social and life skills.

14. Utilize your advisor. Take an active approach with your advisor. It can’t hurt to mention your Aspergers so you can work with your advisor to find a career that is compatible with your strengths. Share the results of any career testing with your advisor, so that you may receive more guidance.

15. Visit several colleges. Most Aspergers kids are very concrete thinkers and cannot just "imagine" what a school will be like from descriptions and photos.

16. When applying for college or a program, it is a good idea to indicate your disability. Of course, you are not required to do so. However, state institutions are not permitted to discriminate against someone due to a disability.

17. Without delay, locate the disability support services on campus. This is very important, as they will likely be the professionals who will arrange (or provide verification) for you to receive necessary accommodations to perform well in your courses.

18. Write down your strengths as well as your limitations. As I mentioned, society tends to focus on the limitations of Aspergers rather than the strengths. You need to advocate for yourself by writing down what you do well and those tasks in which you have succeeded.

Congratulate yourself for having the ambition to attend college and not letting yourself be limited by Aspergers! You’ve made it this far – what else will you do!"

Dealing with Fixations in Aspergers Children

Hello Mr. Hutten: I am a Master of Social Work student at the University of Windsor in Canada. I am currently doing a clinical placement at a children’s mental health organization. I am very interested in Asperger’s and would like to move forward with a research proposal for my MSW thesis. More specifically, I am interested in examining whether (through treatment) it is possible to assist adolescents in shifting their fixation/obsession with a specific object. The reason I am interested in this is because we are currently working with an adolescent who has a fixation with cars and this fixation is potentially harmful to him and others due to the fact that he has already been in contact with the law from this fixation. If it is possible to shift a fixation through treatment, my colleagues and I would like to know what treatment approaches are successful. Would you be able to answer this question or point me in the right direction (i.e. specific studies surrounding evidence based treatment)?

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Your school library should have several psychiatric journals that have researched Aspergers fixations and how to address them. I’m not aware of any evidenced-based treatment programs that address fixations specifically.

Fixations (or perseverations) with certain topics or objects (e.g., books, video games, trains, history, movies, etc.) are a classic symptom of Aspergers. In addition to impairments in social functioning, the DSM lists as a characteristic of the disorder restricted, repetitive, and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:
  • apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals
  • encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus
  • persistent preoccupation with parts of objects
  • stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements)

While these fixations must be understood and accepted as part of the disorder, they are also coping mechanisms that young people with Aspergers use to escape social anxiety.

For example, video games are becoming an increasingly common interest among young people with Aspergers. Although the virtual world of games can be a great place for young people to practice social skills, make friends, and have fun, the interest in video games can quickly become an unhealthy and even dangerous obsession.

For young people who get picked on all day at school or feel ostracized and out of place in their everyday lives, it's soothing to come home and play video games for hours. In the safe haven of online gaming, young people with Aspergers can isolate themselves from real-life people and the complexities of face-to-face interactions.

However, the social setting in online gaming or chat rooms is unrealistic and far more predictable than real-life social situations. While social conversations in real life are highly complex and unpredictable, online gamers share a common and simple language for communicating.

Since most online interaction occurs through typing, there is time to think about a response, and the response can be given in symbols and phrases without regard for facial expressions or nonverbal cues. In addition, curse words, rude remarks, and hurtful jokes may be considered socially acceptable online, but they will not be welcome responses in the real world. This disjunction between socially acceptable interactions in the virtual world and the real world can be terribly confusing to young people with Aspergers who already struggle to understand basic social conventions.

Moms and dads of a youngster with Aspergers are thus faced with a dilemma: Do we limit our youngster's time spent doing the activities that interest him most and run the risk that he will withdraw even more, or do we allow him ongoing, easy access to things like video games and science fiction/fantasy books and movies despite the obvious social repercussions?

It’s important for mothers and fathers to find the balance between accepting their youngster's unique interests, and encouraging him to develop social skills and additional interests that might take him outside of his comfort zone. By granting unlimited access to video games and other fixations, parents offer their young ones nothing more than a quick fix. The perseveration may be a convenient coping skill for facing the hardship of a long, difficult day at school but it will not be the healthiest path into adulthood.

Young people with Aspergers need to be challenged to explore other interests and find healthier coping skills. It's easy to use video games and other antisocial outlets to cope, but easier isn't usually better.

If Aspergers children aren't encouraged and helped to develop social skills and independent living skills, there will be a direct impact on how many friends they have, and how successful they are in school and on the job later in life. They may be soothed in the short term, but that deep underlying desire to make friends or have a boyfriend or girlfriend will remain a source of constant dissatisfaction and further isolation.

Addressing fixations is difficult for the parent. On one hand, video games and other interests encourage more social interaction than young people with Aspergers would ordinarily have, but on the other hand, it's not the kind of social interaction that prepares them for life.

Parents should encourage their youngster to develop interpersonal skills off of the computer, and set limits around how often their youngster with Aspergers uses or talks about their fixations. Mothers/fathers should also offer incentives to their youngster to balance his time spent focused on the fixation and time spent doing social activities. For example, if a youngster is passionate about video games, a parent could agree to allow the youngster a certain amount of time to play each week in exchange for the youngster's participation in an after-school activity.

When young people with Aspergers have “structure” around when they can engage in their particular interest, they are more willing to accept rules limiting its use. In our facility, the Aspergers child is allowed to read his favorite book at designated times, but he is not permitted to bring the book to meals. This way, the child learns that his interest is perfectly acceptable when explored in socially appropriate ways, places, and times.

The fixations of young children with Aspergers fulfill a need in their lives that will likely never disappear completely. However, their usefulness in real life is extremely limited. Everyone needs an occasional break from the rigors of daily life, but Aspergers children depend on their mothers and fathers to set limits around these fixations and offer guidance in navigating the complex social world around them. By making a plan and following through with it, you accept your Aspergers child for the unique being he is while giving him the tools he needs to live up to his full potential.

Many of the advances in history have been made by people who are obsessed with one topic – learning more about it, experimenting with it, sharing their knowledge, etc. Great discoveries can come out of this obsessive focus.

In an ideal world, there would be a way to turn an obsession into a productive job. With some obsessions such as counting ceiling tiles, you might have to be a bit more creative …but if an Aspergers child is consumed by his interest in cars, he may be able to combine his interest with a useful profession.

Sometimes the obsession is so all-encompassing that it's hard to get the youngster to pay attention to anything else. This means that he'll be missing some of the learning time he needs to develop his other skills.

In my experience, it's very difficult, almost impossible to remove a kid's obsession. If you absolutely forbid access to the obsession, the upset might be huge and last for a long time and the child might cling even more tenaciously to what he wants.

Rather, you may have better luck in limiting his access to his current fixation. You could employ the "First.....then....." strategy. First, he must complete this task, then he gets so many minutes of ______ time …or you could ration his time by clocks or timers. Every half hour, he gets five minutes of _____. You'd have to adjust the times to whatever is reasonable for your Aspergers youngster. You could gradually increase the time intervals or the amount of work he must accomplish before he gets time for the activity of his choice.

Rather than attempting to remove his access to it totally, you could try to find a substitute. Just plain removing an obsession may not work, but finding a substitute may.

The substitute would need to fill some of the same purpose that the Aspergers child finds in his obsession. This takes some detective work on the parent’s part. Does he like the sound? Is the appeal visual? Feels? Smells?

Once you figure out what the appeal may be, then you can start to find appropriate substitutes. A word of caution though; whatever you substitute could then become the child’s obsession. So, make sure the substitute is socially acceptable, age appropriate and something that could endure for several years.

If you have access to an Occupational Therapist (OT), they're great at helping determine the possible sensory appeal some obsessions may have for your client and in coming up with acceptable substitutes. If there is no OT available, you can play detective yourself.

Sometimes, an Aspergers child will cling more tenaciously to his obsession when he's upset or unsure. The more calm and sure he is of his routine, the more he may feel he can let the obsession go or at least spend less time on it.

Children with Aspergers love routine. When you have trouble making sense of your world, it's hard to predict what may come next, how it might affect you and what other people will expect of you. That's why routines and schedules are so important. A visual schedule lets the youngster know what will happen next in his day. And a visual schedule, whether in words or in pictures is better than just telling the kid. Besides, teaching him to rely on a schedule rather than on an adult telling him what to do helps in his independence.



Comment:

I would really like to know some ideas for computer/video game substitutes. My son particularly relies on these "fixations" during out-of-the-ordinary social times and we often let him play the games so that we're not all miserable. What else can we do?

Response:

Video games may seem like the dominant form of entertainment for kids nowadays, but it has proven to have its share of consequences, too. For example:

• growing waistlines
• lack of real social contact (cell phones, texting, and emails do not count here)
• shortened attention spans

But moms and dads have it in their power to show their kids there are in fact better ways than spending 5 plus hours a day in front of the X-Box or Nintendo. Assuming the youngster has schoolwork in addition to attending classes, video games can be cut down to a mere fifteen minutes a day, or not at all, in order to help increase a youngster's intellectual and emotional growth.

1. Action figures increase kid’s visual motor skills, spatial skills, strategic planning skills, concentration and creativity. Winston Churchill considered action figures one of his favorite toys.

2. Books should always have a place in a youngster's bedroom, and they can be both fiction and non-fiction. Most grammar schools offer suggestions as to what is age appropriate for kids, but if your youngster is an advanced reader, library books will also work out fine. Being able to sit quietly and read will open up worlds for your youngster, stimulating not only intellectual but also creative capacity. If your youngster has dreams to become a writer, reading is very important as it will show him or her how a story or essay is well constructed.

3. Drawing and painting is another great alternative to video games. Creative skills are especially important for kids who do not have the opportunity to take art classes in school. As sad as it sounds, art and music classes are usually the first to be eliminated when school budgets need tightening. Art is helpful as it also allows a youngster to tell a story about the drawing or painting made.

4. Exercise is one of the best alternatives to a sedentary life of video games, too. Childhood obesity has grown in the past ten years as the result of this lifestyle. Playing outside, running around, bicycling, and creative play outdoors has been beneficial to kids in decades past, along with the monkey bars on the gym set. A few hours a day playing outside will get your youngster in shape and be close to nature, which will also stimulate and extend a youngster's attention span, which is required for reading and schoolwork.

5. Mad Gab increases auditory processing, divided attention and executive processing. It is an excellent game for kids that are learning to read! Mad Gab forces kids to think about words rather than guessing at them.

6. Music lessons have long been shown to help boost those math scores. The ability to read music and play a favorite instrument will also allow a youngster to appreciate cultural heritage, versus just listening to the rap and hip-hop so frequently played on the radio today.

7. O, Monopoly; so many moms and dads and kids have turned to this tried-and-true game, and for good reason. Monopoly teaches money skills, math concepts, investing and planning.

8. Pictionary increases visual memory.

9. Simon Says increases kid’s deductive reasoning skills, executive processing, numerical concept, planning, processing speed, selective attention, sustained attention and visual processing. Simon Says can be played anywhere – and it delivers fun and cognitive enrichment.

10. Taboo enhances word retrieval, builds vocabulary skills, increases one’s ability to think and create synonyms.

11. Yoyos enhance kid’s fine motor skills, dexterity, spatial planning skills and muscle coordination. Additionally, kids love yo-yoing! Learning yo-yo tricks is challenging; there will be frustrated moments for your youngster, but these moments present challenges the youngster must work through. Yo-yoing also assists kids with peripheral vision.

And the list would go on and on…

Be creative, use your imagination!

How can I stop meltdowns when routines change?

Kids with Aspergers (high functioning autism) need to have a routine and need to know what is going to happen next at all times. Routine is stabilizing and essential to kids with Aspergers; they get very anxious when they are not prepared for what will happen.

Having a routine and predictability helps kids with Aspergers feel safe. Whether you're trying to figure out how to best help a youngster, creating a routine, using explicit, literal, verbal language to communicate, being aware of sensory issues and trying to minimize them as much as possible, and having lots of love and understanding will go a long way to helping kids with Aspergers navigate the world.

What are some things a parent can do to help?

The most important thing is to be consistent. Kids with Aspergers thrive on routine. Everything needs to be done at the same time, in the same way, every day, as much as possible, to give a sense of safety and security. When there will be a change in routine, tell your youngster as far in advance and explain what will happen.

When you talk to your youngster with Aspergers, you should use a calm and even tone of voice, and use explicit language that says exactly what you mean.

Do not make requests too complicated or ask an Aspergers youngster to do things with too many steps at once. Try to keep your language as literal as possible.

Try to be very verbal. If your youngster does something right, praise them for it. But this advice is definitely not just for kids.

I received this email from an adult which describes how he feels when things get complicated and he begins to meltdown:

“An Aspie is like a juggler who can keep one ball in the air at a time, but struggles with more than one. Right now I am battling with four or five balls (problems) that just do not seem to get resolved and at times, like today, and my mind is on overload and cannot cope - it just goes blank, I forget things, lose things, which are uncharacteristic. Can you recommend anything to help me, please?”

If your youngster has a meltdown, the most important thing to remember when dealing with these situations is to try to figure out what caused them. Your youngster is not doing this to intentionally annoy you; he is doing it because he has reached his limit of tolerance in whatever he is dealing with. If you feel his meltdown was caused by a change in routine, reassure him of the routine for the rest of the day and that the routine will not change the next day, if that is the case.

In the research I conducted for my ebook entitled My Aspergers Child, I interviewed hundreds of parents. The following are specific actions that parents of Aspergers kids told me helps minimize or reduce the likelihood of meltdowns:

"We try not to change anything around him. I try to be with him as much as possible."

"Keeping on a strict schedule and explaining if something will be different, aside from the normal routine."

"We have added visual cues where possible we try not to stray from routine, even when something exciting is happening we created 'retreats' where our son can go to calm down."

"I try to keep some kind of structure. Any change in his routine, will result in a meltdown - from his morning routine all the way to his bedtime."

"We provide warnings (30 minute, 10 minute, 5, etc.) when we know a transition is approaching. We have ‘do overs’ as an opportunity to ‘go back in time’ and make things the way she likes them. We don't raise our voice with her because that causes her to become highly agitated. Instead, we try to be silly and cajole her into calming down."

"We have tried to ‘slow down’ and work around his temperament. We no longer ‘rush’ to do things and try to allow plenty of time because we found that by telling him we were ‘running late’ it only caused him to get more upset. We have tried to cut down/eliminate those items that we know send him on ‘sensory overload.’ We have altered his diet and we are still working at how to lessen/shorten the melt downs as well as what other things trigger them."

"Making changes would be the wrong thing to do in Sara's case. We have had the same routine since she was 2 and any change would pretty much destroy her perfect world."

"We tend to follow the same routine, or sequence of activities, we have to be careful about transitions, make sure that preferred foods are available, he needs very close following to see that homework and other non preferred activities are completed well so use picture schedules at times."

 An email from a parent who has tried the strategies outlined in the My Aspergers Child eBook:

"My grandson is 12 and a half. Before the ebook, he would have anger and aggression issues. He would go into his own world and block everyone completely out. He would not listen. He would stare completely right through you as if you were not even there. He would freak out and basically have a temper tantrum. It was a severe temper tantrum like you were dealing with a two year old – like the terrible twos.

You can't go to restaurants. You can't go to the grocery store. You can't go to the movies. You are afraid to go to family functions. You're actually afraid to go anywhere. You get constant phone calls from the school because he is labeled as a problem child. That has been my son all of his life.

After the ebook, he no longer has any meltdowns. I immediately started implementing things and the way that I handled things and I started focusing on all of the positives in his life. The My Aspergers Child eBook helped establish the understanding of what my son goes through – how he sees the world – because I had absolutely no clue. Then around family he is fine because now the family understands because I have explained the situation with them.

The greatest thing that I got out of the My Aspergers Child eBook would be Mark Hutten’s detailed solutions on how to cope with Aspergers, the way he puts it into laymen's terms and understanding how my son sees the world by giving examples. And I think it helped that he has a grandson with Aspergers as well."


==>  My Aspergers Child: How to Prevent Meltdowns


Comments:

Anonymous said... Please help us our twelve year old son is out of control!!!! We have tried everything... except the online 90 min. seminars with you. Our son lives in Marathon, Florida and Todd(his dad) works 24/7 and has a hard time getting him to counselors, doctors, etc. He was diagnoised with Asp. Syn. when he was six and has been on Concerta and Risprodol for quite sometime but has recently been switched to Ambilify then to Seriquil but still stays on the Concerta. He is absolutely out of control, he is defiante with everything and cannot be left alone with his siblings for fear of hurting them. I am Melissa the girlfriend to Todd, the dad and I have had to recently come back to my hometown of Franklin, KY. to care for my mother and Todd is left taking care of his three children and it is getting to be to much for him! I want to help him with whatever I can do... please give us some insite to what to do as Todd is at whits end with Mitchell and we love him very much he is just very unruly right now and needs help and we are unsure what else to do!!!

Anonymous said...I suspect my son has asperger's I have read loads of info on My Aspergers Child taken the CAST test on which he scored very highly & I have ticked "many" of boxes in sensory sensitivities checklist. This boy displays so many of the traits it is quite scary, & to be honest the more I read the more convinced I become, so I have made a doctors apointment & had a meeting with his class teacher yesterday who was dismissive & told me it couldn't be Aspergers because he has discussed aspergers with his wife in the past & she is a nurse & she says if it was aspergers there would something very obvious (outstanding about the child). My understanding is that at a young age it is very easily over looked because the children are bright. Jack is bright.......had an enormous range of sounds as a baby spoke early & did not sleep. He is often called a little professor or young Einstien. Reads well above his peers but just doesn't get math, loves facts is obsessed with guns & cars. video games, movies (only guns & cars), when he plays he just re enacts a movie or a video game & only plays games that envolve guns. Give him anything to build with ie lego, connector pens & he makes a gun! When he talks which is constantly he only talks about video games & movies (all guns) in great detail he'll recount the entire movie/game, it's like he does not know when to stop,(when he has made his point) or that the person is no longer interested & I often tell him..... ok stop talking now. He cosntantly interupts our conversations. No matter how many times I tell him it's rude or to say excuse me & wait his turn he doesn't get it. He has extreme inflexability of thought is anxious & worriesome & wont ask for help. Is fearfull of strange things ie Hand drier in public toilets. Comes across as rude & selfish but is shoked or confused when told so. Has meltdowns over socks & shoes etc. Can not tolerate certain fabrics & materials. Eats the same thing for breakfast every day. Freaks out over the slightest change in routine & wants to know all of the details. You can never tell how he will react to certain situations often I think he will react one way but he reacts the opposite?? Says he has difficulty making friends & has strong neg reactions to new environments & new situations ie frequently rushing to the toilet & avoiding eye contact. He says he feels like he is different to the other kids. Tries to set or change the rules of games to suit himself & tells other children & or adults what they must do, like he is trying to control the game even if its free play. Does not allow different foods to touch on his plate. & the list goes on & on. He is afraid of certain strangers for no apparent reason & when he was little would get hysterical if strangers were just to look at him. Regular forms of discipline don't work on him as with his brother. Am I imagining things? am I waisting my time going to the doctors?? is he just a difficult child? I know you cant diagnose him one way or the other via email but please what are your thoughts? Incedentally his father & I both scored 27 on the adult aspergers test & his father was extremely shy as a child & still has trouble with social situations. I would really love it if you told me that he was just being difficult & that I should just stop trying to understand why he does odd things. I have been trying to work out why I cant understand him.... what is wrong with me, him, us since he was a baby & eventually just became dismissive of his behaviour & have been for so long now that I just feel like a terrible mother.

Anonymous said...My best recommendation is to find a certified Rhythmic Movement Training consultant and set up an evaluation appointment for your child. They are trained to teach kids and parents an exercise program that is proven to give kids self-control and social skills. My husband and I are two of only twelve consultants in the US; we are located in Tulsa, OK. Search Rhythmic Movement Training and Brain Fitness Strategies to learn more about the program.  If you are exhausted from managing a teenager who is out of control, depressed, and unable to stay focused, you need a solution and you need it fast. All of our clients have seen improvements in attitude in the first week of doing the RMT program for 20 minutes a day. Ninety days can give you relief and confidence that you have found the right solution in RMT.

Anonymous said...I hope you've already found help, but wanted to say you are not a terrible mother or you wouldn't be worried or wondering about AS. You clearly know your son. He'll do well in life with you to guide him. Would love to chat more cynthiarramsey@gmail.com

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Dealing with Disrespect in Aspergers Teens: Tips for Parents

Question

Our Aspergers teenager is rejecting us and not listening. She is a loner, no friends, and depends 95% on us for daily living. She only goes out to school. Other than that, she is in her room and only comes out to the kitchen for meal time. She has frequent minor and major meltdowns …is very destructive, rude, disrespectful etc. I don't feel safe in my own house. I'm scared most of the time because her meltdowns are unpredictable. The problem is we are not communicating! We need your advice …and thank you for your time and your hard work.

Answer

She’s giving you the silent treatment because she is harboring resentment. Resentment can be a rather toxic emotion both for the youngster stuck in a swirl of resentment and for the parent on the other side of it. When our youngster is harboring resentment about something that might have happened or is feeling resentful toward us, it can be hard to take, but there are ways of coping and helping our youngster through a tough emotional time.

What might make a youngster feel resentful? Well, if a youngster feels slighted or as if she hasn't gotten a fair share of something, or she might be upset over something that has happened that felt completely out of her control. We've all been there …feeling resentful because life just didn't go the way we thought it should. For many of us, it takes time for us to be able to let go of resentful feelings depending on how tightly we may be clinging.

Don't take it personally when a youngster gives you the silent treatment or directs her resentment toward you. While you may have been the one who made the decisions that led to the circumstances that are fueling the resentment, your feeling guilty is not going to help matters at all.

In order for all of us to learn how to take ownership of our own feelings (resentment included), we need to NOT have other people take it on. So, try to separate your youngster’s feelings from your own. This way you can share your empathy and understanding, and help her to work through letting go of the resentment, without letting your own feelings of guilt or whatever gets in the way.

Learning to let go of resentment and other negative feelings can take time, but it can be learned. It helps if we, as parents, have learned how to manage our own resentful feelings too, before we help our kids cope with theirs.

Here are some tips for dealing with the silent treatment:

1. Be the bigger person. Make the first attempt at communication. If you are getting the silent treatment, it's unlikely that your daughter will take the initiative and actually talk to you. Be the one to offer an olive branch. Show that you are mature. Give her a compliment and see if she is willing to talk.

2. Keep your cool and survive the silent treatment with an even keel. It's tempting to lose your temper with someone who won't acknowledge you, but don't let your emotions get the best of you. Stay rational even though you may feel like you have lost control of the entire situation. Offer to take your daughter to a restaurant for a meal and some small talk.

3. Write her a letter and put it in her room for her to read. In this letter, tell her that you love her whether or not she talks.

4. Let go! The more you try to get her to talk – the more she will be silent. Conversely, the more you “act as if” talking is not an issue, the more she will open up.

RE:  destructive, rude, disrespectful behavior

This is a separate issue, and one that requires some disciplinary measures specifically designed for teens on the autism spectrum (use the link below).

Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Raising Kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Parents' Grief and Guilt

Some parents grieve for the loss of the youngster they   imagined  they had. Moms and dads have their own particular way of dealing with the...