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Avoiding Homework-related Meltdowns: 27 Tips for Parents of Kids on the Autism Spectrum

“My 11 y.o. child with high functioning autism is very smart, but still struggles with school assignments. There are homework battles, tantrums and meltdowns every night in our house. What can I do to help?”

High-Functioning Autism (HFA) impact the way kids are able to process and understand information. They have a developmental disorder that often creates difficulty with writing, speaking, listening, thinking, spelling, or doing math problems. Many young people on the autism spectrum also have comorbid disorders (e.g., ADHD).



Parents and teachers must understand that children on the spectrum need to be taught differently and need some accommodations to enhance the learning environment. Parents can follow the tips below to create a well-rounded learning atmosphere for the successful completion of homework assignments:

1. At the start of the school year:
  • talk with your child’s educator about your role in helping with homework (e.g., some educators want the parent to monitor homework closely, while others want the parent to simply check to make sure the assignment is completed on time)
  • ask the educator about any guidelines that kids are expected to follow as they complete homework
  • ask about the kinds of assignments that will be given and the purposes for the assignments

2. Know that the educator wants to help you and your “special needs” youngster, even if the two of you disagree about something. When you have a legitimate complaint, rather than going to the principal, give the educator a chance to work out the problem with you and your youngster.

3. Attend school activities as often as possible (e.g., plays, parent-teacher conferences, concerts, open houses, sports events, etc.).

4. If possible, volunteer to help in your youngster's classroom or at special events.

5. Get to know some of your youngster's classmates and their parents so you can build a support network for you and your youngster (this shows your youngster that his home and school are a team!).
 
==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

6. If the educator has made it known that children are to do homework on their own, limit your involvement to just making sure that supplies are provided. Too much parental assistance can make your child dependent and takes away from the value of homework as a way for him or her to become independent and responsible.

7. After your youngster has read the homework instructions, ask him to tell you in his own words what the assignment is about (some schools have homework hotlines or websites you can access for assignments in case your youngster misplaced a paper or was absent on the day it was given).

8. Schools have a responsibility to keep parents informed about students’ performance and behavior. Therefore, parents have a right to confront the teacher if they don't find out until report-card time that their youngster is having difficulties. Conversely, you may discover that a problem exists before the educator does. In this case, alert the educator so you can work together to solve the problem in its early stages.

9. Sometimes a child's version of what's going on isn't the same as the educator's version (e.g., your youngster may tell you that her teacher never explains assignments so that she can understand them, but the educator may assert that your youngster isn't paying attention when assignments are given). Thus, check with the educator regarding your child's complaints about homework to make sure everyone is on the same page.

10. To reinforce good study habits at home, you can help your youngster manage time to complete assignments. For example, if he has a history report due in two weeks, discuss all the steps he needs to take to complete it on time, such as: 
  • selecting a topic
  • doing the research by looking up books and other materials on the topic and taking notes
  • figuring out what questions to discuss
  • drafting an outline
  • writing a rough draft
  • revising and completing the final draft

In addition, encourage your youngster to make a chart that shows how much time he expects to spend on each step.

11. “Special needs” kids need reassurance from the people whose opinions they value most—their parents. "You've done a great job" or "Good first draft of your book report!" can go a long way toward inspiring your youngster to complete assignments.

12. HFA kids also need to know when they haven't done their best work. But, be sure to make criticism constructive. For example, “Your educator will understand your ideas better if you use your best handwriting.” Then praise your child when she finishes a neat version. 
 
==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

13. Help your youngster make a homework schedule and put it in a place where she will see it often. Writing out assignments will get her used to the idea of keeping track of what's due and when. Also, provide homework folders so your youngster can tuck her assignments for safekeeping in order to help her to stay organized.

14. Some public libraries have homework centers with tutors and other kinds of one-on-one support. Make use of these services as needed.

15. Some homework assignments will be of no interest to your youngster. Educators simply don't have time to tailor assignments to the individual needs of each youngster. But, most educators welcome feedback and want to assign homework that children can complete successfully. Most educators try to structure assignments so that a wide range of children will find them interesting (e.g., they may offer options for different approaches to the same topic, give extra assignments to those who want more of a challenge, or give specialized assignments to those who are having trouble with a particular subject).

16. After the educator returns completed homework, read the comments to see if your youngster has done the assignment acceptably.

17. While you will want to limit the amount of time your HFA youngster spends playing video games, you should also look for television programs that relate to what your youngster is studying in school (e.g., programs on history, science, dramatizations of children’s literature, etc.). Also, try to watch these educational shows with your youngster, discuss them, and encourage follow-up activities (e.g., reading, a trip to the museum, etc.). 

18. Your youngster's homework area doesn't have to be elaborate. A desk in the bedroom, the kitchen table, or a corner of the family room is adequate. The area should be fairly quiet and have good lighting. Your youngster may want to decorate a special area for homework (e.g., some favorite artwork taped to the walls, a brightly colored container to hold pencils, a plant, etc.). Also, some kids work well with quiet background music.

19. What about supplies? Here’s is a good list of things to have on hand (keep these items together in one place):

•    almanac
•    calculator
•    dictionary
•    erasers
•    glue
•    index cards
•    maps
•    paper clips
•    paste
•    pencil sharpener
•    pencils
•    pens
•    ruler
•    scissors
•    stapler
•    tape
•    thesaurus
•    writing paper

20. Ask your youngster's educator to explain school policy about the use of computers for assignments. Computers are great learning and homework tools. Your youngster can use his computer for writing reports, getting information through Internet resource sites, and for communicating with educators and classmates about homework assignments. In most schools, educators post information about assignments on their own websites. Some have an electronic bulletin board on which children can post questions for the educator or others to answer. If you don’t have a computer in the home, many schools may offer after-school programs that allow students to use the school computers. Also, most public libraries have computers.
 
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

21. Show your child the value of being a “life-long learner.” Let her see you: writing reports, letters, e-mails and lists; using math to balance your checkbook or to measure for new carpeting; reading newspapers, books and eBooks – and any other things that require thought and effort. Also, tell your youngster about what you do at work. 

22. Help your youngster to use daily routines to support the skills she is learning at school. For example:
  • teach her to play word and math games
  • help her to look up information about things in which she is interested, such as musicians, athletes, cars, space travel
  • talk with her about what she sees and hears as the two of you visit a zoo or museum, walk through the neighborhood, or go shopping

In other words, try to turn everyday experiences into learning opportunities so that your child will view “education” as a fun activity.

23. The best homework schedule is one that works for both the parent and child. What works well in one family may not work in another. For example, one youngster may do homework best after diner, while another may do best in the afternoon or after an hour of play. However, it’s best not to let your youngster leave homework to do just before bedtime.

24. Your youngster's outside activities (e.g., sports or music lessons) may mean that you need a flexible homework schedule. However, if there isn't enough time to finish homework, your youngster may need to drop an outside activity.

25. Talk with your youngster about how to take a quiz or test. Be sure he understands how important it is to carefully read the instructions, keep track of the time, and avoid spending too much time on any one question.

26. Watch for aggravation in your child. If your youngster shows signs of becoming aggravated or confused about a particular assignment, let her take a break. Encourage her and let her see that you know she can do the work. Also, work out a way to lessen her frustration. For example: Is the homework often too hard? Does your youngster need to make up a lot of work because of absences? Does your youngster need extra support beyond what home and school can give her (e.g., a mentor program)?

27. Lastly, talk to the educator about any concerns you may have. You may want to contact him or her if:
  • neither you nor your youngster can understand the purpose of the assignments
  • the assignments are too hard or too easy
  • the homework is assigned in uneven amounts (e.g., no homework is given on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday, but on Thursday four assignments are made that are due the next day)
  • the instructions are unclear
  • you can't provide needed supplies or materials
  • you can't seem to help your youngster get organized to finish the assignments
  • your youngster has missed school and needs to make up assignments
  • your youngster refuses to do her assignments, even though you've tried hard to get her to do them

By helping your youngster with homework assignments, you can help him or her learn important lessons about discipline and responsibility. Parents are in a unique position to help their youngster make connections between homework and the "real world," and thus bring meaning (and hopefully some enjoyment) to the academic experience.
 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

---------------------------------------------------------------

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

--------------------------------------------------------------

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

------------------------------------------------------------

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

------------------------------------------------------------

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here
to read the full article...

------------------------------------------------------------

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
------------------------------------------------------------
 
A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...

The Most Difficult Trait that Children with ASD Must Endure

Neurocognitive disorders affect cognitive abilities (e.g., learning, memory, perception, and problem solving). The DSM-5 defines six key domains of cognitive function: social cognition, perceptual-motor function, learning and memory, language, executive function, and complex attention.

Mind-blindness, the opposite of empathy, is a cognitive disorder in which the child with Asperger’s (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) is unable to predict the mental states of others (i.e., their thoughts, beliefs, emotions, desires, behaviors, intentions, and so on).

It’s not necessarily caused by an inability to imagine an answer, but is often due to an inability to gather enough information to decipher which of the many possible answers is correct. This is referred to as an empathetic cognitive deficit.

Empathy is usually divided into two major components: (1) cognitive empathy is the ability to understand another's perspective or mental state, and (2) affective empathy is the ability to respond with an appropriate emotion to another's mental states. Cognitive and affective empathy are also independent from one another (e.g., you may not be very good at understanding another person’s perspective, but you may be very good at empathizing with others). Children on the autism spectrum have deficits in both cognitive and affective empathy.



Cognitive empathy can be subdivided into three categories: (1) tactical or strategic empathy, which is the deliberate use of perspective-taking to achieve certain desired ends; (2) perspective-taking, which is the tendency to spontaneously adopt another person’s psychological perspectives; and (3) fantasy, which is the tendency to identify with fictional characters.

Affective empathy can be subdivided into two categories: (1) personal distress, which is possessing feelings of discomfort and anxiety in response to another's suffering; and (2) empathic concern, which is having compassion for others in response to their suffering.

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Mind-blindness is a state where the ability to make automatic interpretations of events taking into consideration the mental states of people, their desires and beliefs has not been developed or lost in the HFA child. Imagine living with a disorder in which you can’t perceive or interpret the behavior of others – the needs, desires, feelings, beliefs, goals, purposes, and reasons of other people are a total mystery for you. No wonder why a child on the autism spectrum often views the world as a very confusing and frightening place.

The social and cognitive impairments seen in HFA children can be attributed to mind-blindness. The abnormal behavior of these young people includes a lack of reciprocity, difficulty empathizing with others, being totally withdrawn from social settings, not being able to make eye contact, and having no desire to interact with other people (i.e., social detachment).

Behavioral manifestations that can occur in children with HFA due to mind-blindness include the following:
  • lack of empathy for others and their emotions
  • difficulty with inferential thinking and problem solving (e.g., completing a multi-step task that is novel)
  • impaired reading comprehension (e.g., difficulty understanding characters in stories, why they do or do not do something)
  • lack of awareness that they can say something that will hurt someone's feelings or that an apology would make the person feel better
  • lack of awareness that others have intentions or viewpoints different from their own
  • when engaging in off-topic conversation, they don’t realize the listener is having great difficulty following the conversation
  • lack of awareness that others have thoughts, beliefs, and desires that influence their behavior
  • preference for factual reading materials rather than fiction
  • tendency to view the world in black-and-white terms

Children without an Autism Spectrum Disorder (i.e., neurotypicals) naturally have the ability to make automatic interpretations of events taking into consideration the mental states of people, their desires and beliefs. This is called mentalizing. Neurotypical kids can explain and predict others' behavior in terms of their presumed thoughts and feelings.

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

For example, you may observe me in my woodshop bent over a tool chest pulling out and putting back tools. You would make sense of this behavior by mentalizing (i.e., automatically recognizing that I am looking for a particular tool that I believe is in one of the drawers of my tool chest). Without mentalizing, you may come up with an odd interpretation of what I was doing (e.g., perhaps sorting my tools by size, weight or color – or enjoying the sound of clanking tools, etc.).

Mind-blindness theory suggests that the milestones of the normal development of mentalizing are absent in kids on the spectrum. Specifically, they fail to understand make-believe play, fail to point at or show objects of interest (both signs of shared attention), and fail to follow another person's gaze.

To simplify, think of mind-blindness as a condition in which you can’t imagine what another person may be thinking of feeling. Possibly, the most difficult aspect of HFA is this subtle but devastating deficit in human social insight.




More resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

How to Prevent Meltdowns in Children on the Spectrum

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

Parenting Defiant Teens on the Spectrum

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

Older Teens and Young Adult Children with ASD Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here
to read the full article...

Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and HFA

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...