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Parent’s Tips for Teachers of ASD Students

Not all teachers are necessarily prepared to accommodate the ASD (high functioning autistic) student and her/his special needs, but most are willing to learn. As a parent, it is your responsibility to educate those who need to be “in-the-know” about the disorder.

Copy, paste, and print-out the information below, then “hand-deliver” this information sheet to your "Aspie’s" teacher. In this way, the teacher will have some initial steps to get the ball rolling (he/she will hopefully get more up-to-speed with special considerations as the school year progresses).

Aspergers Information Sheet:

Dear _____ (teacher’s name),

Please review the following “teacher’s tips.” They may prove to be very helpful in dealing with my Aspergers child – and may make your job a lot easier! Thank you.

Sincerely,

_____ (parent’s name)


1. An increase in unusual or difficult behaviors in my child probably indicates an increase in stress. Sometimes stress is caused by feeling a loss of control. When this occurs, a "safe place" or a "safe person" may come in handy, because many times the stress will only be alleviated when my child physically removes himself from the stressful event or situation. If this occurs, please set up a method to assist him in re-entering the stressful situation once he appears to be calmed down.

2. Aspergers children seem to have either the neatest or the messiest desks or lockers in the school. The one with the neatest desk or locker is probably very insistent on sameness and will be very upset if someone disturbs the order he has created. The one with the messiest desk will need your help in frequent cleanups of the desk or locker so that he may find things. At this point, I’m not sure whether my child will be “neat” or “messy.” If he is messy, please know that he is probably not making a conscious choice to be messy. He is most likely incapable of this organizational task without some specific training. Please train him in organizational skills using small, specific steps if needed.

3. Be as concrete as possible in most of your interactions with my child. Facial expression and other social cues may not work.

4. Be aware that normal levels of auditory and visual input can be perceived by my child as too much or too little. For example, the hum of fluorescent lighting is extremely distracting for some students with Aspergers. Consider environmental changes such as removing some of the "visual clutter" from the room or seating changes if he seems distracted or upset by his classroom environment.

5. Children with Aspergers often have trouble "getting" the teacher’s points. If repetitive verbal arguments or questions occur, consider the possibility that he is very concerned about the topic and does not know how to rephrase the question or comment to get the information he needs.

6. If my Aspergers child uses repetitive verbal arguments and/or repetitive verbal questions, try requesting that he write down the question or argumentative statement. Then write down your reply. As the writing continues, he usually begins to calm down and stops the repetitive activity. If that doesn't work, write down his repetitive verbal question or argument, and then ask him to formulate and write down a logical reply or a reply he thinks you would make. This distracts him from the escalating verbal aspect of the argument or question and sometimes gives his a more socially acceptable way of expressing his frustration or anxiety.

7. If my child doesn't seem to be able to learn a task, please break it down into smaller steps or present the task in several different ways (e.g., visually, verbally, physically).

8. If your class involves pairing-off or choosing partners, please either draw numbers or use some other arbitrary means of pairing – or ask an especially kind child if he or she would agree to choose my child as a partner. Please arrange this before the pairing is done. The child with Aspergers is most often the student left with no partners. This is unfortunate since these children could benefit most from having a partner.

9. In answering essay questions that require a synthesis of information, Aspergers students rarely know when they have said enough, or if they are properly addressing the core of the question. Please keep this in mind in your grading.

10. Most students with Aspergers use and interpret speech literally. Until you know the capabilities of my child, please avoid the following: (a) "cute" names (e.g., Pal, Buddy, Wise Guy, etc.), (b) double meanings (e.g., most jokes have double meanings), (c) idioms (e.g., save your breath, jump the gun, second thoughts, etc.), (d) nicknames, and (e) sarcasm (e.g., saying "Great!" after he has just spilled a bottle of ketchup on the table in the lunch room).

11. Please avoid “verbal overload.” You may want to use shorter sentences if you perceive that he doesn’t fully understand you. Although he has no hearing problem and may be paying attention, he may have a problem understanding your main point and identifying the important information.

12. Please avoid asking questions such as, "Why did you do that?" Instead, consider saying something like, "I didn't like the way you slammed your book down on the desk when I said it was time for gym. Please put your book down on the desk quietly and get up to leave for gym." This matter-of-fact approach will work best.

13. Please don't take misbehavior personally. The Aspergers student is not a manipulative, scheming child who is trying to make life difficult for you. Usually misbehavior is the result of efforts to survive experiences which may be confusing, disorienting, or frightening. Students with Aspergers tend to be egocentric and have extreme difficulty reading the reactions of others. They are literally incapable of being manipulative.

14. Prepare my child for all environmental and/or routine changes (e.g., assembly, substitute teacher, rescheduling, etc.). You may want to use a written or visual schedule to prepare him for the change.

15. Since Aspergers children experience various communication difficulties, please don't rely on my child to relay important messages to me about school events, assignments, school rules, etc. unless you try it on an experimental basis with follow-up, or unless you are already certain that he has mastered this skill. Even sending home a note may not work. He may not remember to deliver the note or may lose it before reaching home. A phone call to me may work best until this skill can be developed.

16. Students with Aspergers have problems with abstract and conceptual thinking. Some may eventually acquire a few abstract skills, but others never will. Please avoid abstract ideas when possible. When abstract concepts must be used, please use visual cues, such as gestures, or written words to augment the abstract idea.

17. Students with Aspergers have trouble with organizational skills, regardless of their intelligence and/or age. Even a "straight A" child with Aspergers who has a photographic memory can be incapable of remembering to bring a pencil to class or of remembering a deadline for an assignment. In such cases, please provide some aid in the least restrictive way possible. Strategies could include having my child put a picture of a pencil on the cover of his notebook or reminders at the end of the day of assignments to be completed at home. Also, please consider “praising” my child when he remembers something he has previously forgotten. This will help him remember even better the next time, which will save you from constant “reminders.”

18. When it comes to Aspergers children, behavior management works, but if incorrectly used, it can encourage robot-like behavior, provide only a short-term behavior change, or result in more aggression. Please use positive and chronologically age-appropriate behavior procedures.

For more information on teaching Aspergers students, please visit www.MyAspergersChild.com

Thank you for your kind consideration _____ (teacher’s name again).


The Potential Dangers Associated with the “Aspergers” Label

Many parents who have struggled with a child for several years feel a sense of relief when their child gets a “diagnosis.” The parent may say things like, “It was such a weight off my shoulders to finally understand why my child behaved the way he did. I thought it was my parenting, but now I see it was his disorder instead.”

Many adults who have had emotional problems and/or social difficulties over the years find it comforting to one day discover, “Oh, I have Aspergers! No wonder I haven’t been able to hold a job or find a girlfriend/boyfriend.”

Unfortunately (or fortunately as the case may be), finding solace in having a “disability” or “disorder” comes with a price – a much bigger price than most realize they have paid.

1. All ‘unwanted’ diagnostic features can be helped with therapy.

True, there are some potentially problematic cognitive and behavioral patterns associated with Aspergers that come with the “Aspergers-package” (e.g., insistence on routine, narrow range of interest, etc.). However, most – if not all – “problems” associated with Aspergers can be helped with therapy (e.g., social skills training for those who lack such skills, Cognitive-Behavior Therapy for those who suffer with Aspergers-related anxiety, etc.).

2. A self-fulfilling prophecy will manifest itself – either positively or negatively – when it comes to labels.

When one “buys in” to a label (e.g., Aspergers), the labeled individual begins to view her “self” in a different light. She “reframes” her identity such that her “diagnosis” becomes a part of who she is. The reframe, in and of itself, doesn’t come with any serious ramifications. However, with the new reframe comes a different way of thinking about “self” and others. This cognitive change results in a different way of feeling about “self” and others, which in turn results in a different way of behaving (or conducting one’s life). In other words, she begins to “live up to” her diagnosis, displaying more and more of the symptoms that are in alignment with the diagnostic features of her “disorder.” This is a self-fulfilling prophecy working toward “disability” rather than ability.

Conversely, many parents of Aspergers children who have sought counseling have been advised (by therapists who have experience with the Aspergers condition) to “reframe” Aspergers in a positive light, thus setting-up a self-fulfilling prophecy that works toward “ability” rather than disability. For example, when disclosing to her child that “there is this thing called Aspergers,” the parent may be instructed to do the following:

Lead with strengths. All children with Aspergers have significant areas of strength (even if this has not been translatable into tangible success yet). Bring up areas of strength with the child who is suspected of having Aspergers. Next, tactfully point out the areas in which he is struggling. Then, suggest to him that “there is this thing called Aspergers,” which is a confusing combination of strengths and challenges.

Think like a counseling psychologist for just a moment…

Words are important. Words change the way you think, feel and behave. Notice in the “reframes” above that there was never any mention of a “disability” or “disorder.” Also notice the statement “there is this thing called Aspergers.” This statement separates the ‘label’ from the ‘child’. Your child is not “an Asperger” – he is a “human being” who has a certain set of strengths and challenges.

In reframing, Aspergers is thought of as a “condition” replete with possibilities, strengths, and challenges that are able to be addressed sufficiently. In this state of mind, the child tends to view his “self” as “able” (and maybe even better off than the general population). With this mindset, the child – as an adult – may very well “set the world on fire” with his area of expertise (e.g., engineering, computer programming, etc.).

3. Labels tend to help the individual relinquish a level of responsibility.

If I receive the label of Aspergers, I can say to myself and others, “See, this is why I can’t - or don’t - do certain things. It’s not my fault – it’s my disability.” When others are in agreement that I am “not able,” I am free from meeting certain expectations from parents, teachers, employees, etc. I can safely lower my standards, settling for the “comfort zone” that comes with the assistance (or over-assistance) from others.

I have counseled hundreds of families who, for example, have a 26-year-old adult child with Aspergers who is still living at home playing video games all day. Why? The entire family “bought into” the “disability reframe” years ago. As a result, the child (now an adult) behaves in accordance with his label, even though - WITH THERAPY - this Aspie could be employed, happily married, and living in his own home.

Does all this mean we shouldn’t have any labels? Of course not! Without labels, we wouldn’t be able to conceptualize ‘clusters of characteristics’ (a set of symptoms that defines a particular mental/emotional/behavioral state). However, it is important to “reframe” the label as an ‘opportunity’ to ‘capitalize on strengths’ and ‘work on the areas that present challenges’. This use or words is empowering rather than debilitating, ability-based rather than disability-based, all of which helps the labeled individual to be all that he/she can be rather than settling for a life of mediocrity – or worse yet – hopelessness.

For those who want to hold onto the label “disability” – you should know exactly what you are settling for. As define by Wikipedia: “A disability is an umbrella term, covering impairments, activity limitations, and participation restrictions.”

Notice the ‘words’ above: impairments, limitations, restrictions.

Warning: Be careful about the words you use to describe your condition. Your words become your reality!

We polled a group of Aspergers teens and asked the question: Is Aspergers a “disability” or just a “difference”? Here are some of the initial responses:

I think it's only a disability because the world is not suited for us. Consider: What if all humans were born with crippled legs? We would all be on wheelchairs, and there would be no stairs, so what if a small portion of a population were born with functioning legs - they would have to adapt to a world not meant for legs but for wheels, no stairs, just ramps, they would obviously have some trouble with a lot of this, these fully functioning individuals are disabled, but only in the same way all humans are disabled and handicapped and an atmosphere without air, it doesn't mean there’s something inherently wrong with them. I certainly can't think of any of my issues that couldn't be solved by simply being an in more AS friendly world, no more bright lights and loud noises or eye contact.

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My version is just a difference. I am high functioning despite my issues and am not "disabled" in any part of my life that matters to me.

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Maybe - like being tall? Standing alone, being tall is just a deviation, and therefore a difference from the average. You could even have a population of tall-only people in which they wouldn't stick out. However, being tall in a society of people who are shorter or even considerably shorter than you have a high potential of leading to problems, maybe even to the extent of being a disability. So, maybe like 'being tall' but perhaps in two or three different ways and the problems these features cause to the individual may augment each other.

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Difference, I'm glad that I'm not NT. I would kill myself if I had to be one of those "gangster" people who have sex all day, get bad grades and graffiti everything in sight like they do. I like the way I am even if it is difficult to live with.

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A difference for me (but I'm very high functioning Aspie): I can do what other people do but with more effort, but NT can't do what I do, so... I win.

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I continually find myself disagreeing with people on this, often labeling us because of their own situations.... i.e... when children often have an associated condition with autism which courses a disability, they insist autism is the disability. I feel a more general positive use of how we are all described is vital to help phase out the old stereo type of what autism often is seen as by many.... as most of us know here those of us on the autism spectrum are as diverse and different as those that are not. The word disorder is often used and some are starting to use the word condition, my preference is still difference, as feel until our differences are fully understood, accepted and allowed, many will continue to feel they have a right to want us to conform to a stereo type imagine to suit them, not necessarily us!

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I think it's a condition with both disabilities and things that are mere differences. So I think it can be misleading to say that it's all mere disability.

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I have no problem with the word disability, but unfortunately it tends to stereo type us even more than others already do, and gives a false misconception to many that we are all disabled, when many of us are not, many function extremely well, it’s just often as I see it anyway our difference so misunderstood.

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To me it’s nothing. I don't want anyone to know about my Aspergers and I don't want to be referred to by it at all.

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For some reason the people I talk to genuinely stumble over the "right" politically correct word. In that case, I'll accept just about any word they use because I know they're trying to courteous...

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It’s always seems to be the D "disease", "disability", "disorder", "disadvantaged" my "D" has to be different, we are simply different and feel it’s about time people focus on how able we are, as everyone has strengths and weakness, and can all be able or disabled in many ways... ignorance disables other not on the spectrum seeing what able individuals we really are, after all some of the best minds on the planet are on the autism spectrum, but guess while there continues to be no fact we are mysteries as the universe to some.

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I think that it's a difference, and what can be different can be beautiful.

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As I see it, difference (neurodiversity) is more descriptive, while disability is more relational. In other words, disability can be socially defined as a lack of enablement by those in power.

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I can't help being irritated sometimes by the constant identity construction work done by people who identify with the Aspergers label. Whatever they think, or say or do, they always, always view it through the prism of AS. It is also clear that many carefully adjust their behavior to fit the predictions of the diagnosis. It is as if the diagnosis had become a full time job for them.
 

Resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

The IEP Process: Tips for Parents of Children on the Spectrum

"From experience with an autistic son (high functioning) with an IEP in our school district, it has been a nightmare this past school year. Due process is not at all a fair and objective process if or when you run into problems and or violations. It is costly going against county attorneys that are well versed on tactics to intimidate and bully parents in attempts to make them go away. For anyone in which the process does work, you should feel very fortunate. How can I get the IEP process to work for my child so we don't go through this terrible dilemma again next year?!"

Click here for my response...



More resources for parents of children and teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism:

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

How to Prevent Meltdowns in Children on the Spectrum

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

Parenting Defiant Teens on the Spectrum

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

Older Teens and Young Adult Children with ASD Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here
to read the full article...

Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and HFA

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...