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ASD and Impaired Humor Comprehension

Research has shown that people with ASD (high functioning autism) are impaired in humor appreciation, although anecdotal and parental reports provide some evidence to the contrary.

Flexible thinking is vital in comprehending jokes. Punch-lines in jokes are funny mostly because they are unexpected. In addition, big picture thinking is needed in understanding jokes, as it allows the listener to discern how the surprising punch line fits together with the joke body. 

As people on the spectrum often demonstrate rigid thinking, a desire for the preservation of sameness, and difficulties with big picture thinking, it seems that they have trouble perceiving and producing “normal” humor.

Research suggests that they produce and perceive humor in ways that are different from their same-age peers. They tended to prefer jokes with straightforward endings more than did peers in the control group, and their humor production was often less organized. However, research also suggests that boys with ASD both want to laugh – and to make others laugh. Thus, rather than calling this finding “impaired humor appreciation,” a better term might be “humor nonconformity.”

The ability to engage in social interaction is not one skill, but a set of skills that includes facility with language, interpreting nuances, reading facial expressions, regulating emotions, and understanding the possible motives and wishes of others. While people on the spectrum typically have average to well above average verbal cognitive abilities, they often have difficulty using language in ways that connect them to others.

Research asserts the importance of humor in developing and maintaining relationships. It has been shown to reduce social uncertainty and anxiety, increase intimacy, and allow for the safe expression of delicate issues (e.g., sexual interest).

Since “normal” humor (i.e., humor that facilitates relationships) plays such a vital role in relationships, the possibility of humor-related “abnormalities” would help explain some of the social difficulties seen with Aspies.

The difficulty of a person with ASD having an “abnormal” sense of humor is that he is less likely to draw others to himself through this “social tool.” This is especially true during adolescence, when peers ostracize those who are different. Difficulties understanding humor can create a feeling of isolation in Aspies when they are surrounded by laughing peers who got the joke. 

Also, they may become ideal targets for “emotional bullying’ (e.g., without understanding the sarcasm in a put-down, people with ASD are not likely to fight back). With decreased ability to make others laugh, autistic teens have less access to a powerful medium for facilitating relationships.

The awareness of these issues has implications for possible intervention. Parents can coach their  child on elements of humor. Humor skills can be explicitly taught with some success. By giving them these skills, they are given a more equal chance with regard to social interaction.
More resources for parents of children and teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism:

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Aspergers Men and Relationship Difficulties

Question

Through my own research, and now consultation with a Master's level psychologist, I am convinced, after almost 5 years of excruciating loneliness, isolation, depression, and heartache, that my husband has Asperger's. He is a very, very smart, attractive guy who can be the kindest person I know...but he can also be unbelievably stubborn (or so I thought) and verbally/emotionally abusive. He is completely detached from me and our young daughter, and after five years of marriage, we have had sex maybe 20 times, and have not had any sexual contact (even so much as a "real" kiss) in 18 months. While this is devastating to me, my husband seems totally unaffected by it, and now I guess I understand why... he has always said that it is my problem to deal with...I'm the one that wants it, not him. With no history of depression or anything like it, the isolation and constantly being blamed for everything wrong with the marriage, and having every little thing about me picked apart daily, I spiraled into a major depression that I am just finding my way out of.

Having discovered Asperger's, I have been able to let go (with God's help) of so much of the hurt and resentment that wouldn't leave because the heartbreaking events were almost daily. I really do see my husband in a different light, and it is helping me to cope for the time being. I was always baffled by his behavior because I truly believe he is a good man, but even in describing some scenarios that have played out in our home to my counselor; he can sound like an abusive monster. I love him with all my heart, and I want nothing more than to keep my family intact, and for our daughter to experience as healthy a childhood as we can possibly provide. My main problem lies in my husband's refusal to acknowledge that anything is going on.

He has extreme sensory issues (very very very limited diet, and has told me it makes his skin crawl when I kiss him softly, etc., etc., etc.), but he insists that it couldn't be Asperger's or any other thing that can be "labeled" (his word). I tried very calmly and lovingly explaining that if he was in fact living with Asperger's, that is certainly did not mean anything was "wrong" with him...that I felt from my reading that it simply is an explanation for some of his thought processes, etc., and that most people with Aspergers are extremely bright, productive individuals. I wanted him to see it as the positive thing that I did, but he completely shut me down and got very angry. I apologized for bringing it up, and told him that I loved him and meant no disrespect at all. I already feel like he is annoyed with me and with life in general about 95% of the time, so I just wanted to get back to a peaceful situation as quickly as possible.

If he will not acknowledge the situation, how can we get help? I am so willing to walk to this road with him, but I cannot continue to walk it alone...being blamed for everything...it takes all of my emotional energy just to get from day to day...I am constantly exhausted and drained...any thoughts?


Answer

Many partners assume that emotionally unavailable "Aspies" (i.e., people with Aspergers and high-functioning autism) choose to reject intimacy because they have fallen out of love. This is not the case. Remaining emotionally-distant is rarely a choice; it's more like a case of “social-ignorance disease” (also called mindblindness) that often operates at a subconscious level.

As if being unable to healthily connect in a relationship weren’t bad enough, those who suffer from Aspergers usually want a connection the most, but don’t have the proper circuits operating in their brain to establish one.

If you’re married to an emotionally unavailable Aspie, you should always consider marriage counseling before you make the final decision of separating or getting a divorce. In counseling, when each person expresses his/her thoughts and feelings about the relationship in front of a therapist whose job it is to remain objective, new light is shed on the problems in the marriage. The Aspie may feel more inclined to present his side in a way that his partner can understand. Also, the person suffering in the relationship because of their partner’s emotional unavailability can openly discuss the pain it causes without the fear of being tuned out or dismissed.

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50 Positive Characteristics of ASD [level 1]

Most kids and teens with ASD (high functioning autism) have a bunch of positive traits that more than make-up for any negative ones. As one Aspie asserted, “Thank God I have Aspergers!” 

Let’s look at just a few of the positive traits associated with the condition...

Most young people on the spectrum:
  1. are able to easily forgive others
  2. are conscientious, reliable, and honest
  3. are enthusiastic and have a propensity for obsessive research, thus developing a broad and deep base of knowledge in subjects of interest
  4. are free of prejudice
  5. are intelligent and talented
  6. are less inclined to be fickle or bitchy than their neurotypical counterparts
  7. are more likely than those of the general population to pursue a university education
  8. are not inclined to lie to others
  9. are not inclined to steal from others
  10. are not likely to be bullies, con artists, or social manipulators
  11. are not motivated by an intense social drive to spend time with whoever happens to be available
  12. are persistent, and when they set their minds to something or make a promise, they can usually be trusted to follow through
  13. are unlikely to launch unprovoked attacks, verbal or otherwise
  14. are untainted by the judgments that people often make regarding one another's social position or social skills
  15. are very accepting of the quirks and idiosyncrasies of others
  16. bring a highly original perspective to problem solving
  17. can be selective, choosing honest, genuine, dependable people who share their interests
  18. can bring up a variety of interesting facts
  19. can listen to people’s problems and provide a fresh perspective, offering pure assessments based on the information provided
  20. can recall fine details that others miss
  21. can relax and be themselves without fearing social censure
  22. don’t attack the reputations of those around them
  23. don’t discriminate against anyone based on race, gender, age, or any other surface criteria
  24. don’t force others to live up to demanding social expectations
  25. don't have hidden agendas
  26. don’t play head games
  27. don’t take advantage of other’s weaknesses
  28. don't usually recognize hierarchies, and so are unlikely to give someone superior status simply because that person is wealthy or has attained a high position in an organization
  29. have a good work ethic
  30. have a lot of passion when engaging in activities they like, which may translate into a talent for certain athletic pursuits
  31. have a tendency to adhere to routines
  32. have above-average intelligence
  33. have an acute sensitivity that supports creative talents
  34. have exceptional memories
  35. have extreme endurance
  36. have high integrity
  37. have no interest in harming others
  38. have one or more highly developed talents
  39. have talents for swimming, rowing, running, bodybuilding, or other activities that require sustained physical effort
  40. have values that aren't shaped by financial, social, or political influences
  41. judge people based on their behavior – not the color of their skin or socioeconomic status
  42. like to spend time alone and are perfectly capable of entertaining themselves
  43. loathe small talk and trivialities, preferring instead to talk about significant things that will enhance their knowledge base
  44. make very good employees if able to control their pace and work within either a solitary or socially supportive environment
  45. pay attention to detail
  46. stick to their positions, even in the face of intense social pressure
  47. tend to become proficient in the technological media required for lucrative employment in the “information age”
  48. tend to prefer individual sports to team sports, as there are no social demands and they can exercise complete control over the activity
  49. who develop an interest in sport or fitness are likely to work at it every day, often for long periods of time
  50. will not go along with the crowd if they know that something is wrong

Parenting Programs Offered by Online Parent Support, LLC:
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Amusement Park Precautions for Aspergers and SID Children

Dear Mark,


I can't tell you how much I appreciate your newsletter! It really encourages me and gives much-needed guidance. Our daughter is six years old and has sensory integration dysfunction. While she has never been diagnosed with Asperger's, she has many of the symptoms, so I find your articles extremely helpful. We have had to pull her out of the public schools and are homeschooling her for 1st grade. She is doing much better. Her OT says that she is like a different child this year.


Anyway, here is my question. My husband and I have been planning a trip to Disney World for our daughter for her 7th birthday. She has been begging to go for the last few years, but we have put it off not knowing if she could handle it. She is doing better with loud noises, crowds, etc....but I'm not sure she can handle the sensory overload of DW. She has an incredible imagination and loves fairies, princesses, etc.....I know she wants to do it, but I'm not sure she is ready. And then again, if it's an "on" day while we're there, she might be fine. It's an awful lot of money to spend if we get there and she can't do it......ugghhhh. I'd appreciate your thoughts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Should you attempt the trip? Yes.

Here are some tips that apply to Aspergers children, although the same would apply to children with Sensory Integration Dysfunction (SID):

1. A gift of a journal or sketchbook is helpful and can provide a good outlet for frustrations and other emotions, as well as a way to make a permanent record of the trip. The records of the trip that your daughter makes may well become a treasure in years to come.

2. Bring a few of your daughter’s favorite items from home (e.g., a particular spoon, plate, clock, etc.). Familiarity, texture and feel are important to children with Aspergers. For example, a fork with sharp edges or an unfamiliar feeling handle may bother her.

3. Bring her pillow and favorite blanket from home. This will help your daughter adjust to changes in sleeping arrangements. She may insist on favorite toys as well. She should be allowed to bring books or other reading material, or anything else she is used to having at bedtime that is portable and light.

4. Bring whatever instruments, song books, stories, or games you have traditionally used to help her unwind.

5. Explain everything you possibly can in advance, with details. Being prepared fully helps your daughter relax and enjoy the trip more, which means you will, too.

6. Give her a bag or small backpack to pack full of things to do on the trip. These items should be ones she chooses herself.

7. In the car, allow your daughter to bring an iPod or MP3 player with her favorite music on it. Listening to familiar music is soothing and will have a calming effect on her.

8. Keep it simple. Don't plan 25 things to do in one day. Add in extra adjustment time for each change of location.

9. To the extent possible, keep the same schedule and meals that your daughter is used to at home. Save the Chinese restaurant for later, and remember to bring her favorite cereal, sandwich fixings, and snacks.

10. Allow for frequent ‘time-outs’ (about 10 minutes in length) during the day’s events. For example, find a fairly quite area with a picnic table and have a snack or read to her.

11. She may want to wear earplugs or listen to soothing music on her iPod during the day’s events to screen out unfamiliar sounds.

12. Sunglasses are also helpful in that they screen out some of the unnecessary visual stimuli.

In addition, consider your daughter’s specific symptoms and make allowances accordingly. Here is a summary of SID symptoms:

• Symptoms of Auditory Dysfunction:

Hypersensitive-- Covers ears and startled by loud sounds, distracted by sounds not noticed by others, fearful of toilets flushing, hairdryers and/or vacuums, resists going to loud public places (even cafeteria at school).

Hyposensitive-- May not respond to verbal cues, loves loud music and making noise, may appear confused about where a sound is coming from, may say "what?" frequently.

• Symptoms of Olfactory Dysfunction:

Hypersensitive-- Bothered or nauseated by cooking, bathroom and/or perfume smells, may refuse to go places because of the way it smells, chooses foods based on smell, notices smells not normally noticed by others.

Hyposensitive-- May not notice unpleasant or noxious odors, smells everything when first introduced to it, may not be able to identify smells from scratch 'n sniff stickers.

• Symptoms of Oral Dysfunction:

Hypersensitive-- Picky eater with extreme food preferences and limited repertoire, may gag on textured food, difficulty with sucking, chewing, and swallowing, extremely fearful of the dentist, dislikes toothpaste and brushing teeth.

Hyposensitive-- May lick, taste or chew on inedible objects, loves intensely flavored foods, may drool excessively, frequently chews on pens, pencils, or shirt.

• Symptoms of Proprioceptive Dysfunction:

Under-responsive-- Constantly jumping, crashing, and stomping, loves to be squished and bear hugs, prefers tight clothing, loves rough-housing, and may be aggressive with other kids.

Over-responsive-- Difficulty understanding where body is in relation to other objects, appears clumsy, bumps into things often, moves in a stiff and/or uncoordinated way.

Difficulty Regulating Input-- Doesn't know how hard to push on an object, misjudges the weight of an object, breaks objects often and rips paper when erasing pencil marks.

• Symptoms of Tactile Dysfunction:

Hypersensitive-- Refuses or resists messy play, resists cuddling and light touch, dislikes kisses, rough clothes or seams in socks, resists baths, showers, or going to the beach.

Hyposensitive-- Doesn't realize hands or face are dirty, touches everything and anything constantly, may be self-abusive, plays rough with peers, doesn't seem to feel pain (may even enjoy it!)

• Symptoms of Vestibular Dysfunction:

Hypersensitive-- Avoids playground and moving equipment, fearful of heights, dislikes being tipped upside down, often afraid of falling, walking on uneven surfaces, and avoids rapid, sudden or rotating movements.

Hyposensitive-- Craves any possible movement experience, especially fast or spinning, never seems to sit still, is a thrill seeker, and shakes leg while sitting, loves being tossed in the air, never seems to get dizzy, full of excessive energy.

• Symptoms of Visual Dysfunction:

Hypersensitive-- Irritated by sunlight or bright lights, easily distracted by visual stimuli, avoids eye contact, may become over aroused in brightly colored rooms.

Hyposensitive-- Difficulty controlling eye movements and tracking objects, mixes up similar letters, focuses on little details in a picture and misses the whole, loses his place frequently when reading or copying from the blackboard.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns
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Aspergers Children Who Abuse Their Siblings

Question

How can I help my youngest child age 4 cope with my 12 year old Asperger child’s sneaky aggressive behavior toward him? My four year old loves his older brother but is constantly being manipulated and abused. He does this very sneaky and tries not to get caught.

A typical example: My Asperger child will appear to cuddle with my child on the couch while he's secretly smashing the air out of him until the 4 year old screams. It's hard to watch my loving four year getting hurt every time I turn my back.


Answer

Research reveals that 53 out of every 100 kids abuse a sibling (higher than the percentage of grown-ups who abuse their kids or their spouse). What some children do to their sibling inside the family would be called assault outside the family. 

Here are some important facts related to sibling aggression. Researcher suggests that:
  1. A younger sibling who is very aggressive increases an older sibling's level of aggression.
  2. An older sibling who is very aggressive increases a younger sibling's chances of being aggressive too.
  3. If mothers/fathers show hostility in their family interactions, their kid’s level of aggression increases.
  4. Parental hostility related to economic pressures has an impact on kid’s aggression.
  5. Just having a sibling influences a youngster's level of aggression.
  6. Aggression runs in families.
  7. Although parental hostility is a risk factor for childhood aggression, marital conflict between mothers/fathers is not.
  8. Other family risk factors that increase the likelihood of childhood aggression are economic pressures, single parenting, violence in the home, and maternal depression.
  9. Boys are more physically aggressive in sibling relationships than girls, but girls can be just as aggressive in non-verbal ways.
  10. Sister-to-sister relationships have less fighting than brother-to-brother or brother-to-sister combinations.
  11. Having a nurturing older sister protects younger kids from becoming aggressive and even protects them from developing substance abuse issues, but having an overly aggressive older brother has the opposite effect.
  12. Kids tend to show more aggression toward siblings at younger ages, and then outgrow it.
  13. Kids learn how to be aggressive by watching their older brothers/sisters.

As moms and dads, we may be tempted to ignore fighting and quarrelling between kids. We may view these activities as a normal part of growing up. We say, "Boys will be boys" or "They'll grow out of it." However, thousands of adult survivors of sibling abuse tell of the far-reaching negative effects that such unchecked behavior has had on them as kids and grown-ups.

Sibling abuse, as all forms of human abuse, may be sexual, physical, or emotional:
  • Sexual abuse includes unwanted touching, indecent exposure, intercourse, rape or sodomy between brother/sister.
  • Physical abuse ranges from hitting, biting, and slapping to more life-threatening acts such as choking or shooting with a BB gun.
  • Emotional abuse is present in all forms of sibling abuse. It may include teasing, name calling, belittling, ridiculing, intimidating, annoying, and provoking.

Kids often abuse a sibling, usually younger than themselves, to gain power and control. One explanation for this is that the abusive youngster feels powerless, neglected and insecure. He/she may feel strong only in relation to a brother/sister being powerless. The feeling of power kids experience when they mistreat a brother/sister often reinforces their decision to repeat the abuse.

How can you identify normal “sibling rivalry” versus “sibling abuse”? Here are some useful guidelines:
  • How does the abused sibling respond? Victims often respond to abuse from a sibling by protecting themselves, screaming and crying, separating themselves from the abuser, abusing a younger sibling in turn, telling their moms and dads, internalizing the abusive message, fighting back, or submitting.
  • How often does it happen and how long does it go on? Acceptable behavior that is long and drawn out may become abusive over time.
  • Identify the behavior. Isolate it from the emotions associated with it and evaluate it.
  • Is the behavior age-appropriate? Remember that generally you should confront fighting and jealousy even if you tend to think it is "normal."
  • Is there a victim in the situation? A victim may not want to participate, but may be unable to stop the activity.
  • What is the purpose of the behavior? If it tears down another person, it is abusive.

If you suspect abuse, it's important to act quickly to stop it. An effective parental response involves the following steps:
  • As a parent, you play a critical role in teaching kids how to mediate disputes without aggression. By setting rules and expectations for how your kids interact with each other, they are more likely to find ways to resolve their differences without aggression throughout their lives.
  • Be a good role-model of positive and esteem-building behavior.
  • Bring all kids involved into a problem-solving process.
  • Figure out alternative solutions to the problem.
  • Get enough fact and feeling information to assess the problem accurately.
  • Help kids to arrive at a child-set goal (goals set by moms and dads often become rules that kids will not follow).
  • How you handle aggression between siblings is critical. A common complaint among kids is, "He started it!" If you continually punish one youngster, and do not properly address issues with another youngster who could be instigating aggressive situations, you will likely breed resentment between siblings that could result in even more aggression. Assuming the older youngster is the aggressor could mean that you are missing a younger child's aggressive impulses and letting them go unchecked.
  • Minimize the violence your children see on T.V. and in the movies.
  • Reward sensitive, positive behavior among siblings.
  • Specify appropriate ways of acting and consequences should abusive behavior occur in the future.
  • State and restate the problem to make sure you understand it clearly.
  • The most important role you play with your youngster is that of a model for behavior. Your kids are more likely to do as you do, not as you say. If they see that you handle stressful situations by becoming aggressive or belligerent, they will learn this behavior. It is important to be aware of the behaviors you are teaching your youngster. Do you drive aggressively while screaming angry insults at other drivers? Are you rude or aggressively demanding toward others, such as restaurant or other service workers? Your kids learn through these interactions.
  • Work together to set up a contract which states the rights and responsibilities of each youngster.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

 ==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

 ==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

 ==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

 ==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism
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