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Does My Child on the Spectrum Have No Feelings for Others?

“Is it common for children with an autism spectrum disorder to come off as rude? My son will say and do things that can be inappropriate (especially to his younger sister), which makes him appear as if he has no feelings for others.”

It is fairly common. But this isn’t to say that kids with Asperger’s (AS) and High Functioning Autism (HFA) are heartless. These children have difficulty using non-verbal behaviors in social interaction.

Here are some examples:
  • Body postures regulating social interaction may be affected. A very common example of this difficulty is that kids with AS and HFA may not know how to judge social distance and may stand too close.
  • Eye contact may be impaired, meaning that the youngster may not look at others upon greeting or during conversations, and may not respond when others try to catch his eye. It’s easy to see why others might inaccurately perceive the child to be rude for not paying attention.
  • Facial expressions used to communicate may be odd. Sometimes the expressions are limited or flat. Sometimes they are inappropriate. At other times, they are exaggerated. Is the child trying hard to be impolite in this case? Probably not.
  • Social smiling may be impaired. In this case, AS and HFA kids may not smile back at someone smiling at them, may not smile during greeting, or may not smile in response to something someone else said. This, too, may seem rude to others.



Again, it's easy to see why others could misread what the AS or HFA youngster is thinking or feeling. For example, Kevin, a rather sweet and kind 7-year-old boy with Asperger’s, broke out into laughter when his sister fell down the stairs. Clearly, his response was inappropriate to the situation and would not be expected.

Does this mean Kevin can’t empathize with others’ pain? I don’t think so. How many times have we busted out in laughter while watching a TV show like America’s Funniest Home Videos after witnessing someone falling or slipping? It’s funny at the time, but that doesn’t make us heartless, uncaring viewers.

When your child says or does something that seems rude or inappropriate, rather than punishment, a simple reminder to respond differently the next time may be all that is needed (e.g., “I know you thought it was funny when your sister fell down the steps. But she banged her knee, which was painful. A better response would be to help your sister get back up and ask if she is O.K.”).




More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

 
COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said...  My 17 year old grandson has aspergers, it's been quite a journey, especially before he was diagnosed. Since he lives far away, I only have snap shots of his life, but he seems to have come a long way!
•    Anonymous said... I agree with this I am having lots of trouble with school over my son as he is in a main stream school and the teachers don't understand him so they just say he is spoilt and so rude which just isn't the vase but when I try to explain they think I am just trying to make excuses for him.
•    Anonymous said... lol - my husband says, "I never saw him/her before in my life." Ugh ... not aspergers though ... or is it? hmmm
•    Anonymous said... My 5yo is halfway through kindergarten. He goes to a big public school and also knows a lot of children in his on-site after school program. Many of the other kids seem to want to be his friend and when they see him they respond very warmly- but about half of the time he's not in the mood for their greetings and turns his head away or refuses to say hi or hi-five them back. I just hope they keep giving him chances instead of deciding he's unfriendly. I talk to him gently about it but he likes to run his own show.
•    Anonymous said... My 7 year old son is the same way. Very blunt. We work with him constantly but his social interactions stay the same. It has gotten to where he is now hitting and kicking teachers and getting kicked out of after school care programs. We are lost at this point. He sees a psychiatrist and we have tried so many medications... This has to get better. I adore him and hate to see people judge him so harshly.
•    Anonymous said... My daughter gets lots of lectures at school how it is polite to look at people in the eye when they talking to her. She finds this too difficult.
•    Anonymous said... My son concentrates better when he is not forced into making eye contact, teachers think he is not listening..but he is one of the smartest kids in his year...they are not listening or seeing.
•    Anonymous said... My son just turned 22. You will live through it, I promise. It's a long difficult journey that's ongoing to this day. At a young age they are not able to understand why they think the way they do. They just plain can't help it. My son was almost 19 before he would go into a store and pay for anything. If he had a $10.00 and the total was less, he would throw down the ten and leave the store. Since he's been able to research for himself and realize that it's a social disorder ONLY, that he has an IQ of 135, and only he can control himself, things have gotten a lot better. Be patient with your child. Be good to yourself. Your child is awesome for their uniqueness. Your child is brilliant and oh so funny. Will never lie to you when you wish to heaven they had just a little tact! It's hard but I wouldn't have a different child for anything and I know you wouldn't either.
•    Anonymous said... Oh yes..my is the one for saying "dont speak to him/her"when we are out and someone enages conversation. ..I do have to tell them "hes stilll learning the social rules".
•    Anonymous said... People think my 7 yr old has bad manners. Not the case he has aspergers
•    Anonymous said... Plenty of "wish the floor would open up and swallow me" moments with master 8. We saw a doctor that knows him luckily and he asked him "why he was so fat", only problem was we were 1 side of the surgery and the dr was the other, and it was said very loud. He often speaks his mind in a loud voice on making comments about other people. He is improving and now I am very quick with covering his mouth when I pick a rude comment about to come out.
•    Anonymous said... Yes and we are still working with my 10 year old with this. Some adults think I need to teach him manners but they just don't understand that aspies are blunt and to the point.
•    Anonymous said... Yes, many people judge quickly with us who are dealing with AS. Partly because there is no obvious disability and they just feel we, as parents, have done our job. Our awesome 3rd grade MVCA teacher is working 1:1 with our son and actively teaching him appropriate social behaviors and etc. WONDERFUL!
•    Anonymous said... YES. I agree 100% with you Amber Dingman. Because there is nothing obvious the general observer who does not know the situation will judge and often scold an Aspie. Happened a week or so ago at school. A teacher called my Aspie "dear". He said "please don't call me that." He was brought into the hall for a "talk". I of course explain to him about terms of endearment, but he doesn't want anything to do with it. Just one of his things that irritates him. I told him to always be polite. Learning social cues and skills is a 24/7 task.
•    Anonymous said... Yes. My 10 year old once said to some friends at church, "why do they act like they know me? I don't know them" (old family friends who knew her as a baby) ugh. That's one of dozens of stories.
•    My 10yo Aspie has empathy, but he lacks a social filter. He doesn't notice the small cues that show when he has hurt someone's feelings unless explicitly pointed out. We have done a lot of modeling, standing behind him like a puppet and feeding him a script to diffuse the situation.

Please post your comment below… 

Depression in Teenagers with Autism Spectrum Disorder [Level 1]

"How have some of you dealt with a depressed teenager? My autistic son is 16 (high functioning) and a loner. His self-esteem is shot, and we're worried. Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!"

Adolescents suffer from depression more often than any number of grown-ups who live their entire lives with it. Moms and dads are generally dismissive of their child’s low moods, because they think that ALL teenagers are simply moody, hormonal, or tired and cranky. 
 
This dismissive attitude generally results in teenagers being even more depressed, because they think their mother or father doesn’t care. Take that in combination with adolescents with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) or Asperger’s (AS) who have very little impulse control as it is, and you have a horrible combination.

Depression is a serious medical problem that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest in activities. It affects how your teenage son or daughter thinks, feels and behaves, and it can cause emotional, functional and physical problems. Although mood disorders like depression can occur at any time in life, symptoms are significantly more pronounced in adolescents than grown-ups. To make matters worse, the HFA/AS teen’s depressive symptoms are usually more pronounced than that of a “typical” teen.

Issues such as peer pressure, peer rejection, bullying, academic expectations and changing bodies can bring a lot of ups and downs for HFA and AS adolescents. But for some of these young people, the lows are more than just temporary feelings — they're a symptom of depression. Adolescent depression isn't a weakness or something that can be overcome with willpower — it can have serious consequences and requires long-term treatment. For most HFA and AS adolescents, depression symptoms ease with treatment (e.g., medication and psychological counseling).



Adolescent depression signs and symptoms include changes in your HFA/AS adolescent's emotions and behavior, such as the examples below. Be alert for emotional and behavioral changes, such as:
  • Agitation or restlessness (e.g., pacing, hand-wringing or an inability to sit still)
  • Changes in appetite (e.g., decreased appetite and weight loss, or increased cravings for food and weight gain)
  • Disruptive or risky behavior
  • Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure, and the need for excessive reassurance
  • Feelings of sadness, which can include crying spells for no apparent reason
  • Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, fixation on past failures or exaggerated self-blame or self-criticism
  • Frequent complaints of unexplained body aches and headaches, which may include frequent visits to the school nurse
  • Frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide
  • Insomnia or sleeping too much
  • Irritability, frustration or feelings of anger, even over small matters
  • Loss of interest in, or conflict with, family and friends
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities
  • Neglected appearance (e.g., mismatched clothes and unkempt hair)
  • Ongoing sense that life and the future are grim and bleak
  • Poor school performance or frequent absences from school
  • Self-harm (e.g., cutting, burning, or excessive piercing or tattooing)
  • Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
  • Tiredness and loss of energy
  • Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
  • Use of alcohol or drugs


It can be difficult to tell the difference between (a) ups and downs that are just part of being a young person and (b) full-blown depression. Talk with your teenage son or daughter. Try to determine whether your youngster seems capable of managing challenging feelings, or if life seems overwhelming. If depression symptoms continue or begin to interfere in your HFA/AS adolescent's life, talk to a physician or a mental health professional trained to work with these teens. Your adolescent's family physician is a good place to start. Your adolescent's school may recommend someone as well.

If you suspect your “special needs” son or daughter is depressed, make a physician's appointment as soon as you can. Depression symptoms likely won't get better on their own — and they may get worse or lead to other problems if untreated. Depressed adolescents may be at risk of suicide, even if signs and symptoms don't appear to be severe.  If you're an adolescent and you think you may be depressed — or you have a friend who may be depressed — don't wait to get help. Talk to a health care professional such as your physician or school nurse. Share your concerns with a mother or father, a close friend, your pastor, a teacher or someone else you trust.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and HFA Teens

If your teenage son or daughter is having suicidal thoughts, get help right away. Take all talk of suicide seriously. Here are some steps you can take:
  • Seek help from your physician, a mental health provider or other health care professional.
  • Reach out to family members, friends or spiritual leaders for support as you seek treatment for your HFA/AS adolescent.
  • Call a suicide hotline number — in the United States, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) to reach a trained counselor or encourage your HFA/AS adolescent to do so.

If you think your teenage son or daughter is in immediate danger of self-harm or attempting suicide, make sure someone stays with her or him. Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately. Or if you think you can do so safely, take your HFA/AS adolescent to the nearest hospital emergency department.

It's not known exactly what causes depression. A variety of factors may be involved. These include:
  • Learned patterns of negative thinking. Adolescent depression may be linked to learning to feel helpless — rather than learning to feel capable of finding solutions for life's challenges.
  • Inherited traits. Depression is more common in individuals whose biological (blood) relatives also have the condition.
  • Hormones. Changes in the body's balance of hormones may be involved in causing or triggering depression.
  • Early childhood trauma. Traumatic events during childhood (e.g., physical or emotional abuse, loss of a mother or father, etc.) may cause changes in the brain that make a teenager more susceptible to depression.
  • Biological chemistry. Neurotransmitters are naturally occurring brain chemicals that likely play a role in depression. When these chemicals are out of balance, it may lead to depression symptoms.

Many factors increase the risk of developing or triggering adolescent depression, including:
  • Abusing alcohol, nicotine or other drugs
  • Being a female (depression occurs more often in females than in males)
  • Being bullied or rejected by peers
  • Being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender (becoming socially isolated or experiencing bullying may increase the risk of depression)
  • Having a chronic medical illness (e.g., cancer, diabetes or asthma)
  • Having been the victim or witness of violence (e.g., physical or sexual abuse)
  • Having certain personality traits (e.g., low self-esteem or being overly dependent, self-critical or pessimistic)
  • Having few friends or other personal relationships
  • Having issues that negatively impact self-esteem (e.g., obesity, peer problems, long-term bullying or academic problems)
  • Having other conditions (e.g., anxiety disorder, anorexia or bulimia, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder or learning disabilities)

Family history and issues with family or others may also increase your HFA/AS adolescent's risk of depression:
  • Having a dysfunctional family and conflict
  • Having a family member who committed suicide
  • Having a mother or father, grandparent or other biological (blood) relative with autism, depression, bipolar disorder or alcoholism
  • Having experienced recent stressful life events (e.g., parental divorce, parental military service or the death of a loved one)

Untreated depression can result in emotional, behavioral and health problems that affect every area of your HFA/AS adolescent's life. Complications related to adolescent depression can include:
  • Academic problems
  • Alcohol and drug abuse
  • Family conflicts and relationship difficulties
  • Involvement with the juvenile justice system
  • Low self-esteem
  • Social isolation
  • Suicide

You may choose to start by contacting your HFA/AS adolescent's family physician. In some cases, you may be referred directly to a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist or psychologist.

To the extent possible, involve your teenage son or daughter in preparing for the appointment. Then make a list of:
  • Questions that you and your HFA/AS adolescent want to ask the physician
  • Key personal information, including any major stresses or recent life changes your HFA/AS adolescent has experienced
  • Any symptoms your adolescent has had, including any that may seem unrelated to the reason you scheduled the appointment
  • All medications, vitamins, herbal remedies or supplements that your HFA/AS adolescent is taking

Basic questions to ask the physician include:
  • Are there any possible side effects with the medications you're recommending?
  • Are there any printed materials that we can take home?
  • Are there any restrictions that my adolescent needs to follow?
  • How will we monitor progress and effectiveness of the treatment?
  • Is depression the most likely cause of my youngster's symptoms?
  • Is there a generic alternative to the medicine you're prescribing?
  • My adolescent has these other health conditions. Could they be linked to depression?
  • Should my adolescent see a psychiatrist or other mental health provider?
  • What are other possible causes for my youngster's symptoms or condition?
  • What are the alternatives to the primary approach that you're suggesting?
  • What kinds of tests will my youngster need?
  • What treatment is likely to work best?
  • What websites do you recommend?
  • Will making changes in diet, exercise or other areas help ease depression?

To make the most of the time allotted, make sure your HFA/AS son or daughter is ready to answer questions from the physician, for example:
  • Are you using any mood-altering substances, such as alcohol, marijuana or street drugs?
  • Do you ever have suicidal thoughts when you're feeling down?
  • Do you generally always feel down, or does your mood change?
  • Do you have a history of significant weight gain or loss?
  • Do you have any biological (blood) relatives — such as a mother or father or grandparent — with depression or another mood disorder?
  • Does your mood ever swing from feeling down to feeling extremely happy and full of energy?
  • How long have you felt depressed?
  • How much do you sleep at night? Does the amount change over time?
  • How severe are your symptoms? Do they interfere with school, relationships or other day-to-day activities?
  • What is your diet like?
  • What other mental or physical health conditions do you have?
  • What, if anything, appears to worsen your symptoms?
  • What, if anything, seems to improve your symptoms?
  • When did family members or friends first notice your symptoms of depression?

When adolescent depression is suspected, the physician will generally do these exams and tests:
  • Lab tests. For example, your HFA/AS adolescent's physician may do a blood test called a complete blood count, or test your teen’s thyroid to make sure it's functioning properly.
  • Physical exam. The physician may do a physical exam and ask in-depth questions about your HFA/AS adolescent's health to determine what may be causing depression. In some cases, depression may be linked to an underlying physical health problem.
  • Psychological evaluation. This evaluation will include a discussion with your son or daughter about thoughts, feelings and behavior, and may include a questionnaire. These will help pinpoint a diagnosis and check for related complications.


To be diagnosed with depression, your teenage son or daughter must meet the symptom criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), published by the American Psychiatric Association. This manual is used by mental health providers to diagnose mental conditions and by insurance companies to reimburse for treatment.

Symptoms can be based on your HFA/AS adolescent's feelings or on the observations of someone else. For a diagnosis of major depression, the following symptoms must occur most of the day, nearly every day, during at least a two-week period, and be a change or worsening in the adolescent's usual attitude and behavior.

Your adolescent must have at least one of the following:
  • Diminished interest or feeling no pleasure in any or most activities
  • Depressed mood, such as feeling sad, empty or tearful (in adolescence, depressed mood can appear as constant irritability)

Your adolescent must also have four or more of the following:
  • Fatigue or loss of energy
  • Feelings of worthlessness, or excessive or inappropriate guilt
  • Insomnia or increased desire to sleep
  • Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide, making a suicide plan or a suicide attempt
  • Restlessness or slowed behavior that can be observed by others
  • Significant weight loss when not dieting, weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite (in adolescence, failure to gain weight as expected can be a sign of depression)
  • Trouble making decisions, thinking or concentrating

To be considered major depression:
  • Symptoms are not caused by grieving (e.g., temporary sadness after the loss of a loved one)
  • Symptoms are not due to the direct effects of something else (e.g., drug abuse, taking a medication or having a medical condition such as hypothyroidism)
  • Symptoms aren't due to a mixed episode, which is mania along with depression that sometimes occurs as a symptom of bipolar disorder
  • Symptoms must be severe enough to cause noticeable problems in day-to-day activities (e.g., school, social activities or relationships with others)

Other types of major depression include:
  • Psychotic depression. This is severe depression accompanied by psychotic symptoms, such as delusions or hallucinations.
  • Dysthymia. Dysthymia is a less severe, but more long-term form of depression. While it's usually not disabling, dysthymia can prevent your teenage son or daughter from functioning normally in a daily routine and from living life to the fullest.
  • Atypical depression. In this type of depression, key signs and symptoms include increased hunger, weight gain, sleeping a lot, feeling that your arms and legs are heavy, and difficulty maintaining relationships.

 ==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and HFA Teens

There are several other conditions with symptoms that can include depression. It's important to get an accurate diagnosis so that your HFA/AS adolescent gets appropriate treatment. Your physician or mental health provider's evaluation will help determine if the symptoms of depression are caused by one of the following conditions:
  • Adjustment disorder. An adjustment disorder is a severe emotional reaction to a difficult event in your life. It's a type of stress-related mental illness that may affect feelings, thoughts and behavior.
  • Bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is characterized by mood swings that range from the highs of mania to the lows of depression. It's sometimes difficult to distinguish between bipolar disorder and depression, but it's important to get an accurate diagnosis because treatment for bipolar disorder is different from that for other types of depression.
  • Cyclothymia. Cyclothymia, or cyclothymic disorder, is a milder form of bipolar disorder.
  • Schizoaffective disorder. Schizoaffective disorder is a condition in which a person meets the criteria for both schizophrenia and a mood disorder such as depression.
  • Seasonal affective disorder. This type of depression is related to changes in seasons and diminished exposure to sunlight.

Many types of treatment are available. In some cases, a primary care physician can prescribe medications that relieve depression symptoms. However, many adolescents need to see a psychiatrist or psychologist or other mental health counselor. A combination of medications and psychotherapy is very effective for most HFA/AS adolescents with depression.

If your teenage son or daughter has severe depression or is in danger of self-harm, she or he may need a hospital stay or may need to participate in an outpatient treatment program until symptoms improve.

Antidepressants and increased suicide risk— Although antidepressants are generally safe when taken asdirected, the FDA requires that all antidepressants carry "black box" warnings, the strictest warnings for prescriptions. In some cases, kids, teens and young people under the age of 25 may have an increase in suicidal thoughts or behavior when taking antidepressants, especially in the first few weeks after starting or when the dose is changed. So, individuals in these age groups must be closely monitored by parents and health care providers.  If your son or daughter has suicidal thoughts while taking an antidepressant, immediately contact your physician or get emergency help.  For most HFA/AS adolescents, the benefits of taking an antidepressant generally outweigh any possible risks. In the long run, antidepressants are likely to reduce suicidal thinking or behavior.

Antidepressants and pregnancy— If your teenage daughter is pregnant or breast-feeding, some antidepressants may pose an increased health risk to her unborn or nursing youngster. If your daughter becomes pregnant, make certain she talks to her physician about antidepressant medications and managing depression during pregnancy.

Finding the right medication— Everyone's different, so finding the right medication or dose for your HFA/AS son or daughter may take some trial and error. This requires patience, as some medications need eight weeks or longer to take full effect and for side effects to ease as the body adjusts.  If your adolescent has bothersome side effects, she or he shouldn't stop taking an antidepressant without talking to the physician first. Some antidepressants can cause withdrawal symptoms unless the dose is slowly tapered off — quitting suddenly may cause a sudden worsening of depression. Encourage your adolescent not to give up. If antidepressant treatment doesn't seem to be working, your adolescent's physician may recommend a blood test called cytochrome P450 (CYP450) to check for specific genes that affect how the body processes antidepressants. This may help identify which antidepressant might be a good choice. However, these genetic tests have limitations and may not be widely available.

Hospitalization and other treatment programs— In some HFA and AS adolescents, depression is so severe that a hospital stay is needed, especially if your son or daughter is in danger of self-harm or hurting someone else. Getting psychiatric treatment at a hospital can help keep your adolescent calm and safe until symptoms are better managed. Day treatment programs also may help. These programs provide the support and counseling needed while your adolescent gets depression symptoms under control.

Managing medications— Carefully monitor your HFA/AS adolescent's use of medications. To work properly, antidepressants need to be taken consistently at the prescribed dose. Because overdose can be a risk for adolescents with depression, your adolescent's physician may prescribe only small supplies of pills at a time, or recommend that you dole out medication so that your son or daughter does not have a large amount of pills available at once.

Medications— Because studies on the effects of antidepressants in HFA and AS adolescents are limited, physicians rely mainly on adult research when prescribing medications. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved two medications for adolescent depression — fluoxetine (Prozac) and escitalopram (Lexapro). However, as with grown-ups, other medications may be prescribed at the physician's discretion (off label), depending on your HFA/AS adolescent's needs. Talk with your adolescent's physician and pharmacist about possible side effects, weighing the benefits and risks. In some cases, side effects may go away as the body adjusts to the medication.

Psychotherapy— Psychotherapy is a general term for treating depression by talking about depression and related issues with a mental health provider. Psychotherapy may be done one-on-one, with family members, or in a group.  Through these regular sessions, your teenage son or daughter can:
  • explore relationships and experiences
  • find better ways to cope and solve problems
  • learn how to identify and make changes in unhealthy behaviors or thoughts
  • learn about the causes of depression
  • set realistic goals

Psychotherapy can help your son or daughter regain a sense of happiness and control, and help ease depression symptoms like hopelessness and anger. It may also help your HFA/AS adolescent adjust to a crisis or other current difficulty.




You are your adolescent's best advocate to help her or him succeed. Here are some steps you and your “special needs” child can take that may help:
  • Encourage communication with your HFA/AS adolescent. Talk to your son or daughter about the changes you're observing and emphasize your unconditional support. Create an environment where your youngster can share concerns while you listen.
  • Help the HFA/AS adolescent avoid alcohol and other drugs. Your son or daughter may feel like alcohol or drugs lessen depression symptoms, but in the long run they worsen symptoms and make depression harder to treat.
  • Learn about depression. Education can empower your teenage son or daughter and motivate her or him to stick to a treatment plan. It can also benefit you and other loved ones to learn about your adolescent's depression and understand that it's a treatable condition.
  • Make sure your HFA/AS adolescent adopts healthy habits. Even light physical activity can help reduce depression symptoms. Sleeping well is important for all adolescents, especially those with depression. If your teenage son or daughter is having trouble sleeping, ask the physician for advice.
  • Pay attention to warning signs. Work with your HFA/AS adolescent's physician or therapist to learn what might trigger depression symptoms. Make a plan so that you and your child know what to do if symptoms get worse. Ask family members or friends to help watch for warning signs.
  • Stick to the treatment plan. Make sure your HFA/AS son or daughter attends appointments, even if he or she doesn't feel like going. Even if your adolescent is feeling well, make sure he or she continues to take medications as prescribed. If your child stops taking medications, depression symptoms may come back. Quitting suddenly may cause withdrawal-like symptoms.

Avoid replacing conventional medical treatment or psychotherapy with alternative medicine. When it comes to depression, alternative treatments aren't a substitute for professional care. But some mind-body therapies may help.

Complementary and alternative medicine practitioners believe the mind and body must be in harmony to stay healthy. Examples of mind-body techniques that may be helpful for depression include:
  • Acupuncture
  • Guided imagery
  • Massage therapy
  • Meditation
  • Music or art therapy
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Spirituality
  • Yoga or tai chi

Relying solely on these therapies is generally not enough to treat depression. But they may be helpful when used in addition to medication and psychotherapy.

Showing interest and the desire to understand your HFA/AS adolescent's feelings lets her or him know you care. You may not understand why your adolescent feels hopeless or why she or he has a sense of loss or failure. Listen to your “special needs” child without judging and try to put yourself in his or her position. Help build your child’s self-esteem by recognizing small successes and offering praise about his or her competence.

Encourage your HFA/AS adolescent to:
  • Ask for help. Adolescents may be reluctant to seek support when life seems overwhelming. Encourage your son or daughter to talk to a family member or other trusted adult whenever needed.
  • Connect with other adolescents who struggle with depression. Talking with other adolescents facing similar challenges can help your son or daughter cope. So can learning skills to manage life's challenges. Local support groups for depression are available in many communities. And support groups for depression are offered online (but check them out to make sure they're credible and trustworthy sites).
  • Encourage your HFA/AS adolescent to keep a private journal. Journaling may help improve mood by allowing your child to express and work through pain, anger, fear or other emotions.
  • Have realistic expectations. Many adolescents judge themselves when they aren't able to live up to unrealistic standards (e.g., academically, in athletics, in appearance, etc.). Let your teenage son or daughter know that it's OK not to be perfect.
  • Make and keep healthy friendships. Positive relationships can help boost your HFA/AS adolescent's confidence and stay connected with others. Encourage her or him to avoid relationships with peers whose attitudes or behaviors could make depression worse.
  • Simplify life. Encourage your son or daughter to carefully choose obligations and commitments, and set reasonable goals. Let your child know that it's OK to do less when she or he feels down.
  • Stay active. Participation in sports, school activities or a job can help keep your teenage son or daughter focused on positive things, rather than negative feelings or behaviors.
  • Stay healthy. Do your part to make sure your child eats regular, healthy meals, gets regular exercise and gets plenty of sleep.
  • Structure time. Help your child plan activities by making lists or using a planner to stay organized.

There's no sure way to prevent depression. However, these strategies may help. Encourage your HFA/AS adolescent to:
  • Boost low self-esteem by recognizing small steps toward getting better.
  • Get treatment at the earliest sign of a problem to help prevent depression from worsening.
  • Maintain ongoing treatment, if recommended, even after symptoms let up, or have regular therapy sessions to help prevent a relapse of depression symptoms.
  • Reach out for friendship and social support, especially in times of crisis.
  • Take steps to control stress, for example, not committing to too many obligations at once.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD

Do Some Kids on the Autism Spectrum Have a Split Personality?

"Is it common for a child with an autism spectrum disorder to have a split personality (so to speak)? My daughter is a really good kid at school, but then a complete monster at home. Is this normal?"

The disorder is known to manifest itself differently with different children. Also, children on the autism spectrum may react differently to various situations depending on their individual personalities.

Your daughter may feel more comfortable with the familiar surroundings at home, and feel freer to act out more at home than in public, where she is surrounded by strangers and in a less familiar environment.

The stress of school may be relieved by a “meltdown” or other difficult behavior at home. This is a common occurrence. Quite a few kids with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger's are saints at school, but they soak up the anguish and then squeeze it out on their family members when they get home.

HFA is treated in two ways, and both of them help manage the anxiety that accompanies this disorder. The first is cognitive psychology, and the second is prescription medication. The first thing you need to do in order to help your daughter is to find a psychiatrist or psychologist who specializes in ASDs. This specialist will be able to help you and your daughter discover the reasons behind her behavioral changes.

In addition, a specialist will help you do two things:
  1. Modify the situation or the environment in which your daughter lives in order to reduce difficult behavior.
  2. Create interventions for handling her anxiety.

Please don’t be intimidated. Changes don’t have to be complex or unmanageable. The changes you need to make might just involve changing lighting to a lower level, adjusting sound levels in your home, or creating a new schedule.

If initial interventions do not help, a psychiatrist can prescribe medications which will provide your daughter with the help she needs. It’s important to note that psychotropic (mood-altering) drugs like Zoloft or Prozac can help children, but they can also cause serious problems for children. If the psychiatrist prescribes medication, ask about dosage levels and, more importantly, side effects.

Just about all drugs have side effects, and it’s important for you to know about them so you know what to expect. You know your child better than anyone else; ask yourself if she can handle side effects like nausea, hypersensitivity, or prolonged sleepiness. These are all possible, depending on the medication prescribed.

More information about ASD children doing well at school - but poorly at home - can be found here: Behavior Problems At Home - But Not At School


COMMENTS FROM PARENTS:

Anonymous said...
My oldest son is like this. I say he assimulates (sp) at school then when he hits the door at home all bets are off and he's able to breathe. Which sadly for us means it's on and it's ugly somedays!

Anonymous said...
School is structured... maybe he can cut loose at home..

Anonymous said...
Maybe he is intimidated by bigger kids at school and he is reacting at home where everything is safe and friendly. Try and get to the bottom of his school troubles as a means to calm him down.

Anonymous said...
my daughter was like that, she had to be "normal" while at school which caused her to stress out & once she was home she was able to be herself & release the stress. In her words " Mommy, you love me no matter what even if I break something"

Anonymous said...
He's also probably over-stimulated and all the tension from being so good all day is really stressing him out so he's acting out in his safe place. My son was the same way, so we send him to school in the mornings and homeschool him in the afternoons to give him more down time. It's a good balance for us but doesn't work for everyone of course.

Anonymous said...
My son has always been this way. They work so hard to hold it all together at school by the time they get home in their 'safe haven' they melt down. I'd rather it be at home than at school or elsewhere though. However, it does wear you down after awhile. I dread 3:30pm in the afternoon on school days! Hang in there.

Anonymous said...
Im havin the same trouble as soon as he leaves school it starts but they wont diagones him cus he ok in school 4 2hrs even thow his behaviour so extreme at ome we got a surport worker health vistor social worker but im gettin no were

Anonymous said...
We have similar. Oldest has diagnosis already. Middle child we are almost certain is an aspie too. But school not interested as he is a high achiever so not having detramental effect on his school work. Has recent family suituation which ment change in routine he "kicked off " worse than the oldest. Going again to gp as want referal for him. Hope they listen this time.

Anonymous said...
Its drivin me mad my son is a very high achiever 4 a 3 year old so im not gettin much luck i havnt been to gp iv gone threw health visitor do u think i sud go to gp wud i get any further?

Anonymous said...
My son as passive aspergers he's really good in school when he gets home meltdown the problem when they r good at school aspergers never picked up by the teachers my sons wasn't it was a very good freind who noticed my sons traits

Anonymous said...
ask ur gp for a common assessment framework also a ref to camhs

Anonymous said...
have u read tony attwood aspergers my consultant told me to read it

Anonymous said...
i really feel 4 u. my son is now 8 but was only diagnosed a yr ago. took me yrs of fighting, lots of exclusions from school, evn on a half day programme. they blamed my parenting!! we had all the services wiv no help 2. he used 2 c an...See More

Anonymous said...
ask the school to ref ur son to autisum team they need to know how he is at home he may be passive like my son the school never picked it up now he's 11 he's showing all the signs the signs in adam can't mix has to have rotine noise has an imaginary freind

Anonymous said...
they can't be bothered go to ur dr ask to be ref to aut consultant keep a diary over the next few months

Anonymous said...
Thank u so much 4 ur help im in a hole an cant seem to get out il get to gp monday thank u its so frustratin 4 me i need help

Anonymous said...
Iv kept a diary over 2 months they sent me on parentin courses which did not help at all they tell things to do wid him but makin is behaviour worse an he cant cope wid it bless

Anonymous said...
Thats exactly wot i had 2 do, i was fightin the system 4 4yrs, evn believd it was my 'parenting' at 1 point but my son is now in yr 3 at school n this has been his 1st full yr being full time in mainstream wivout a single exclusion!! its not jus about the diagnosis n puttin a label on your child but gettin them and u the help an support that u so need an deserve!! shudnt hav 2 b a fight :-( xx

Anonymous said...
No it sudnt b a fight im fed up of tryin to prove it as if i wantd this 4 my son i just want him to b happy an settled

Anonymous said...
Thats wot any good parent wants 4 their child n u wil get their in the end, i did and it was worth it. just dont giv in and keep going. if u need sum1 2 talk 2 then feel free 2 add me as a friend on fb, know how tough it is n 2 hav a friendly ear who knows wot u r goin thru makes al the diffrnce :-) xx

Anonymous said...
Maybe at school there's a routine, predictability & structure and maybe there's less of that at home? It was like that for us, but once we established routines for at home and stuck to them, he was better. Stay positive and good luck!

Anonymous said...
My son is 7, and for the whole of his short life I have had a huge gut feeling telling me my son is not like his siblings or other kids. I've known in my heart he has something different. He is great at school but look out at the end of the day, worst is if there was a issue. I'm now on the road to getting answers for him as he knows he is different too :-( it is hard work and I will keep fighting for him as I'm his voice. Just hard when he is not tricking all the boxes when he has assessments and is ok at school.

Anonymous said...
My grandson who is 9 is the opposite. He acts up at school and isn't to bad at home. Structure is the key, I have found. It's a never ending battle. Now that school is out, he is acting up at home again.

Anonymous said...
My son is 11 and i have only just found out that he has Aspergers, i have always known he was a bit different and have been struggling with his bad moods and difficultness at home. I also hate it how some family members think it is your parenting that causes it! It breaks my heart, as all you want is for them to be happy and settled. I am glad i found this site.

Anonymous said...
I think a lot of times our kids work so hard to hold it all together when they are out and about, and then let loose at home where they feel more safe. All the anxiety and frustration tends to get bottled up and then let out again at home.

Anonymous said...
yes. very normal. 




Most recent comments:

•    Anonymous said… article is good but this is not split personality which is a completely different diagnosis. this describes the results/effects of their situational environment
•    Anonymous said… Aspies can hold it together the whole day but then we're exhausted and need to let loose when we get home.
•    Anonymous said… Deal with this everyday , I truly think bc she tries to hold it together at school then when she comes home she relaxes in her comfort zone .
•    Anonymous said… Does anyone have a child like this who still get services in school? I really believe in OT break during the day would alleviate alot of the meltdowns we are having immediately after school and all night - but since she is doing well there they don't really want to do anything.
•    Anonymous said… Google Pathological Demand Avoidance.
•    Anonymous said… Hell ye i relate an i cant get a diagnosise cus of this so frustrating
•    Anonymous said… I am so glad I am not the only one with this problem. My son is the perfect angel at school apparently and he comes home and completely melts down over the smallest things. I too have a hard time getting his teacher to take me seriously when he acts so well behavior wise in school and academically he's ahead of his class. Only thing we get is a little bit of OT and even thats not much.
•    Anonymous said… I have the same issue with my daughter. It is not split personality. It is the fact that she comes home to decompress. She has to release the pent up frustrations of the day. We, her family, are the lucky ones that get to deal with her decompression. I am so glad that my friend Alex pointed this out to me. It made such huge sense when he did.
•    Anonymous said… I know my son does not have a split personality but this is exactly what we go through.
•    Anonymous said… I think most of us Aspie mothers go through the same thing
•    Anonymous said… I'm grateful to have her behave at school, actually. I've also tried to think of her after school meltdowns as a compliment that she's comfortable. Sounds crazy, but it's kept me from coming unhinged on several occasions. I also try to have some sort of snack or drink ready for when she gets in the car. We go home and decompress for a little while, may watch a few of HER shows. Seems to work MOST of the time.
•    Anonymous said… It's actually normal, my son has learnt that school is important and he puts so much energy and focus into school that as soon as he walks out of the classroom its on like donkey kong, I accept most of the behaviour and dont put too much pressure on him to behave at home after school he's exhausted, but I find he is better on weekends. He will eventually find a happy medium
•    Anonymous said… It's not a split personality. They just use up every speck of self-control, self-soothing, and focus at school so have none left once they get home. We dealt with this for 2 years when my aspie was in public school - since homeschooling it is no longer an issue.
•    Anonymous said… I've been dealing with the exact things Ginger and Amy described. It's hard to get services for a child who behaves well and doesn't have academic problems, even when it's obvious that her social skills make interacting with peers difficult. Just yesterday, we attended a meeting at which I was told her day services will probably be cut because she's not currently an academic or disapline problem, but oh, come back if things get worse. It's a catch-22 for parents b/c if the child does well in some areas, the problem areas won't be taken seriously!
•    Anonymous said… Keep in mind how hard it is for an Aspie to keep their behaviour "normal" in school. They are exhausted when they come home. My daughter has the same, and I always keep in mind how hard the poor thing is working on behaving like the others at school. Everyone has to be able to behave without filters or so much effort somewhere.
•    Anonymous said… Make the teachers aware that the anxiety spills over at home in the form of outbursts or meltdowns, chewing minty gum helps me daughter to keep it together at school. This is in her IEP ... Ask the doctor who diagnosed to write something to school about how your child is affected by her anxiety. Also try teaching deep breathing and when they get home just let them check out and decompress for an hour or two. They need and deserve this time to just do whatever they need to do in order to calm down... Read watch tv, play computer games, play with pets, maybe go outside and swing or spin. My daughter used to spin on swing while singing and sometimes yelling or shreiking. We all know water is often very calming for these kids, so maybe painting with watercolors or playing in the bath tub will help. And my daughter likes hugs so that pressure of a big hug can be calming as well. I know how you feel because my daughter used to come home everyday and just lose it. It's a long learning process. Stay strong. Special children are given to special parents.😇
•    Anonymous said… My now adult daughter, never formally diagnosed with Aspergers,  has all these –“split personality, fussy eater”. I was always facing the good student, and well-behaved child to my being the overbearing personality and neurotic mother diagnosis.
•    Anonymous said… My son behaves so well at school that the teachers and staff have a hard time understanding what we deal with at home. I'm glad he is well behaved at school, though. That does help... It's always comforting to hear that we are not alone
•    Anonymous said… No, its not a 'split personality.' It is merely a function of how hard she works at school, academically and socially, and has to 'release' in a safe place. She only has so much energy to deal...
•    Anonymous said… SO much so that the school thinks I'm NUTS for asking for an IEP!!!!
•    Anonymous said… This is exactly how my daughter is. Ugh... Sometimes I think the teachers at school think we are crazy!
•    Anonymous said… we experience this too and am grateful most of the time it's not the other way around
•    Anonymous said… We have sensory breaks in our Iep. But our schools just don't do them. The classroom can also do the sensory break. It's benefits everyone. I'm thinking of homeschooling. I'm tired of fighting for the simplest requests for my child. Makes me sad.

•    Anonymous said... I try to make sure my son has an hour to chill after school so that we can avoid meltdowns at home, seems to work for us! Good luck!!!!
•    Anonymous said... LOL. I have so been there!
•    Anonymous said... My daughter would be practically mute at school. She would be so stressed out but she never stepped out of line. By the time I saw her in the evenings, she didn't have much left. One little thing could be the catalyst for a major meltdown. I used to wonder why she saved it all for me then I realized that it was because she was in her safe place. Although we have become a lot better at navigating the mood swings, I definitely think that anti-anxiety meds will help her.
•    Anonymous said... Omg so normal! My son acted out at school because he knew they would baby him and had the teachers wrapped around his little finger. They didn't think he could do anything because of his autism. At home he talked more, did his chores, had no problem with changes and doing his homework. I found out when I would go to school and volunteer for parent of the day. I was shocked how he acted. I gave him the evil mom eye lol and he straightened up real fast and the teachers were shocked at what he could do and how he acted when I was around. If you can I suggest getting into the school from time to time and she how she reacts when she knows your around.
•    Anonymous said... That's a sign of an emotionally healthy child. She knows that you will love her no matter what, so you are her safe place to fall apart.
•    Anonymous said... Yep that's my ms10, mainstream schools don't get it even if they try, Aspies are individuals and Mob discipline and peer to peer communications are all fuzzed up, that's why my girl is 2 yrs behind and all the ADHD kids get the benefits.

•    Mark Hutten said… Think of it as split "comfort levels" rather than "split personality" ...make sense?
•    Anonymous said… As a non neurotypical adult I have learned to function and work in a busy, people filled environment. I love my job but the mental energy it takes to understand people and their complexities leaves me at the end of the day absolutely shattered and tired. As an adult I have found ways to help cope with 'wearing a mask' all day, but empathise strongly with these children because their reaction is often a response to the amount of concentration and energy it takes to muster bewildering situations and interactions with other people.
•    Anonymous said… As so many have already said, YES! This is my child too! He's 18 now and still saves all of his worst behavior for home. If he's had a stressful day, look out!!
•    Anonymous said… At home, she can let out her stress that she is forced to contain at school. Home is also often less structured as an environment.
•    Anonymous said… I feel like my kid holds it in at school, and then let's it go when he gets home.
•    Anonymous said… I know this story so well.
•    Anonymous said… I was the same. I was always getting in trouble at school and I was always good at home. I have Autism.
•    Anonymous said… I would also add....it's a blessing and a curse. People are often shocked when they find out about home behavior and have trouble believing it's possible. I am thankful that he's able to manage himself in public though.
•    Anonymous said… It's called passing. Passing as "neurotypical." At least that's what I know it as.
•    Anonymous said… It's not a split personality. It's having to expend so much energy containing there little selves all day long so they don't get into trouble or get picked on for being different and then when they come home they know you'll love them no matter what so they get to unwind and blow off steam. There are techniques that we got from an OT that help get some of that steam out without bouncing off the walls or tearing up your house that are really helpful. You can also look up the wilbarger brushing technique, you have to do it consistently but it does work.
•    Anonymous said… Mine used to be like that. Then they told me it's because home is "the comfort zone" with less expectations than school. Needless to say it has turned around now and some days can be hard at home. Now they say it's because there's consistancy at home and school, and all he does is testing boundaries and looking for a reason to flip out because there's nothing to flip out about. My opinion, if he has a problem at school, something might be off. Either he's being bullied, or... there's not enough consistancy and they change a lot of things all the time, or he can't handle the pressure. You might want to take a Closer look. Those were the big problems my son had at school. Good luck xxx
•    Anonymous said… My daughter is the same. So much so.. that the school disagrees that she has aspergers x
•    Anonymous said… My kid is opposite....difficult and school and not as difficult at home.
•    Anonymous said… My son has Adhd and he is the same way.
•    Anonymous said… My son is completely like this. We're at the screening stage with CAMHS and as he's so different at school compared to home they're saying he can't have anything so can't refer him onto a paediatrician or psychologist. I'll not be letting it lie though!
•    Anonymous said… My son is the same... his teachers are flabbergasted to find out how hard things are at home.
•    Anonymous said… Poor kid is trying so hard to be "neurotypical" all day that a meltdown at home is the way they release everything they've been holding in. Sometimes immediately handing them a weighted blanket and other comfort objects the second they get home can help. Or, my son used to burn some of it off lifting weights so a physical activity might help.
•    Anonymous said… Psychologist told me he's putting on a front basically all day in school and is completely drained when he gets home so can act out or just cut himself off on his own for the evening, that's why school thinks there's nothing wrong he's gone under the radar for years because he dosent cause any trouble and his grades are OK
•    Anonymous said… Totally relate to this. Now, with a couple years of regular and ABA therapy it slowly can get better. Just today, my 13 year old apologized for screaming at me about cookies. After my initial shock, I thanked her for apologizing and told her I loved her and was proud of her for realizing and being brave enough to admit her mistake. It was a GIANT leap of progress for her. Hang in there ASD parents!
•    Anonymous said… Totally! My daughter's teacher says she can't see anything wrong with her, yet her play therapy worker at school can see her issues. X
•    Anonymous said… We had our son assessed a year ago by Cornwall ASDAT they said as he didn't tick all the 'criteria' he would receive no diagnosis. We have been struggling with at times severe behaviour for years. We waited 4 years for an assessment!!! Now have had to fight to get on Camhs list (over a year long). I am thinking of making a formal complaint. Someone told me to look into Pals... A liason service for the NHS.. Maybe of use to you?
•    Anonymous said… What others have said. Because they have used so much energy in trying to function in a school environment. When they get home, where they are comfortable, that release all that built up tension! My Mr 7, is extremely disregulated after school most days, it is exhausting!!!!!
•    Anonymous said… Yes my daughter has no problems at school but different child when she comes home
•    Anonymous said… Yes this is normal, we used to call it " Brace! Brace! Brace! For impact!" as the front door opened, he's 19 now he's not in school or employment but we are getting there. Good luck xx
•    Anonymous said… Yes! It's like Jeckle and Hyde! They fake it all day and when they get home they're in a safe place, so they explode as all the anxiety and sensory overload comes out.


Post your comment below…

Aspergers: Different Levels of Severity

Question

As I read articles about Aspergers, I have to question if there are different levels of Aspergers? My son does not have extreme behavior however I also have to ask if some of the behavior training I have drilled into him is showing more now as he ages. Some of the stories that I read seem extreme. I can think of extreme behaviors that he has displayed and lack of reasoning skills that he has shown, social issues, but still I wonder if he was dx incorrectly or am I just grasping at straws?

Answer

Health care providers think of autism as a “spectrum” disorder, a group of disorders with similar features. One person may have mild symptoms, while another may have serious symptoms. But they both have an autism spectrum disorder. Different kids with an autism spectrum disorder can have very different symptoms.

Aspergers (high-functioning autism) can range from mild to severe. A child might have a few traits of Aspergers, or might have a large number of traits, and each of these traits can range from mild to severe. So, some children with Aspergers have only minor difficulties functioning in society while others need someone to help with most aspects of life.

Some children have all of the criteria for Aspergers that are quite severe and very noticeable, and others may not get diagnosed until they are a teenager (or even later) because they were thought of as just being shy or eccentric. Some adults with Aspergers can't get a job, can't live on their own, can't drive, have major marriage problems, and have very few friends. Others are married and have children, hold down employment, can drive, and have plenty of friends (but still have the social problems and obsessive interests/routines that are part of the disorder).


More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book



 
COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said… Everyone is different and has a different set of circumstances. Consider yourself lucky if your kid doesn't rage. I know my daughters rages are not just because of Aspergers, unfortunately the split between me and her dad has affected her negatively. Sometimes I think some of her rages stim from that and lack of control. She is a major control freak......
•    Anonymous said… I have 2 boys with it, 1 with the extreme rage and 1 not. Totally different behaviours and aspects of it. I beleive the younger 1 is because we didn't know what was going on with the older 1 and at the time we were told this is what we were looking at the youngest had started showing the smae traits. So the younger 1 had earlier intervention and help than the older 1.
•    Anonymous said… Many adults have Aspergers and they don't know it. And you would never know it. Its not about being "extreme".
•    Anonymous said… My 13 year old Aspie daughter doesnt get on at school,can hardly get her 2 go.She sits in her room,she used 2 go 2 judo twice a week but now doesnt go.Her anxiety is thru the roof alot of days.Ive tried 2 get her the help but mental health say she has 2 be 14 before certain organisations step in.
•    Anonymous said… My 9 year old aspie does not have any rage - he has infrequent meltdowns or gets overly rigid & emotional - but no rage. Every aspie, autistic, autism spectrum, sensory child - every child is different & unique.
•    Anonymous said… My son has definitely changed in his teens. He used to be crazy and funny (when he wasn't melting down or angry). Now he is super quiet and shuts down a lot. Closed off. He won't leave the house at all except for school. The social anxiety is more extreme.
•    Anonymous said… This article reminds me so much of my thoughts! It gets so tricky-! There are 3 kids one of which is a cousin that my son can make that connection with everyone else is like back ground noise to him- as if there not in his picture - just there- he operates in same room but not connecting- however while one on one play date s he thrives!! Leaving me thinking-- did they get this right! Could it be wrong! But then we go out to the world such as a Drs appt and I see his body language and demeanor- he can't stand to even be in same lobby with others of its close quarters- he will even take his blanket and cocoon hisself with it-- then it's like yep! They got it right! And also going into the classroom to just observe is so telling!! So so telling! He's in his world  🌎-- and will allow the one kid in-- I think tony Atwood's book- Guide to Asperger is best read I have found!! It's like a blue book to my son! I think they should mandatory every therapist, that is going to be giving therapy to these kids to read it 3 x!!! Lol!!! Then let's have a session!! I am so worried about his teen age years-- that will be the crucial part! Keeping him going to school , trying to interact will be so important-! This year it almost got to point of home school- I'm so glad we pushed through because he is so happy there now! He is still who he is but it's as if the others kids have accepted him but not only accepted it they help him! It was Beautiful how I saw them helping him! Wish I had it on video to share !! Kids can be just awesome!  ❤

Post your comment below…

How To Help Other Family Members Accept Your Child's Diagnosis

"I'm a stay-at-home mom. My husband works out of town and is only home on weekends. My question is how can I get my husband and in-laws to accept our daughter’s diagnosis (high functioning autism)? They claim I am just 'making this up' and that it's really a behavior problem with her – not a 'disorder'."

This is not surprising, and you're not alone. High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger's (AS) is hard to see if you don’t live with it every day like you do. Also, some family members are simply in denial. Either way, the truth should come out.

Accepting the presence of this high functioning form of autism can lead to the best possible support and treatment available for your daughter. It’s crucial that all family members are on the same page. You could survive handling everything on your own, but life will be much easier for the whole family when everyone is working together to care for your daughter.

Some family members will choose to stand on the outside. You can’t do much about that. Nonetheless, you can equip them with information about autism spectrum disorders so they can make a choice regarding the position they plan to take.

Here are some tips on how to accomplish this:
1. Contact your local Autism support groups. Without family support, it is crucial that you find encouragement elsewhere. Tell your husband about community events or group meetings so he has the opportunity to stay informed.

2. Find books, eBooks, videos, and other media sources that you can share with your family. A great place to start is with one of the resources listed below this post.

3. If you haven’t done so already, involve your daughter in therapy with a professional who works with children on the autism spectrum. Hopefully, your daughter’s therapist will offer parent-training sessions. These sessions allow you to ask questions about your daughter’s program and her progress, while also educating you on her new goals and coaching you on how to meet these goals. Invite your husband and in-laws to attend this parent training. They can ask questions that will help them understand your daughter’s disorder.

4. Network with other parents raising children on the spectrum. Listening to the stories of those parents who are ahead of you in the journey can give you and your husband insight into the disorder. Here are our two Facebook support groups:

5. Maybe your in-laws simply need to hear the truth from a doctor. Official paperwork containing your daughter’s diagnosis is available from your doctor, neurologist, or therapist. You can request copies of any Early Intervention assessments, private therapy evaluations, and school system evaluations. Explain to your in-laws that these individuals are professionals who see autism spectrum disorders every day. You can also mention that the assessments and evaluations rely on much more than your input, removing any possibility that you are “making this up.”

6.Lastly, get the support you need to help yourself and your daughter. Try not to worry about how the other family members are dealing with this. Always encourage their participation, but concentrate on your daughter’s needs.

Highly Acclaimed Parenting Programs Offered by Online Parent Support, LLC:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

____________________

Do you need the advice of a professional who specializes in parenting children and teens with Autism Spectrum Disorders?  Sign-up for Online Parent Coaching today.


PARENTS' COMMENTS:

Anonymous said…  I think the acknowledgment is there, the trouble is, most people do not know the true difficulties and how it effects everyday life Every day is a struggle and every day brings new challenges. People who are not with your child day in and day out may think it is not a big deal and is easy... it is NOT. Also, that Aspies cannot be disciplined and treated the same as average children to get results.

Anonymous said…  From my personal experience, my son's Aspergers was not as apparent in the home setting in isolation from his peers. Once I saw him at school and noticed the stark difference between him and the other kids and how he did or did not interact with them it was much more obvious. Family members don't always get to see that, so it can be harder to make believers out of them.

Anonymous said…  My sister, who also has a degree in education, babysat my son along with his same aged cousin when they were both 2. She also taught a couple days per week at a Mother's Day Out day care setting. She noticed that my son was very different and often kept him with her because some of the other teachers were less able to handle him. Though my son is good at heart, his bad social judgment often resulted in issues at school each year. It was very frustrating! So when an insightful teacher recommended testing for him in 4th grade, resulting in the diagnosis, we finally had an explanation that made perfect sense to all of us! And I felt better about the future because his teachers could now better understand him instead of writing him off at just "passive aggressive" or simply "difficult." I think if people realize that a diagnosis can yield better understanding and teacher training gives teachers tools for better working with kids, then family can feel better about the child's prognosis and outcome.

* Anonymous said...  Love these articles. A lot of us deal with things similar. This is definitely something that happens with this diagnosis. Even I as the parent of a kiddo that has these tendencies, sometimes would question whether it was just a "behavior problem" or not...whether it was my parenting style or not. If you aren't with the child 24/7, you don't see the whole picture at all. Being education is so important. When one is educated on this particular diagnosis...so much falls into place. 

* Anonymous said... i am now a single-mom to one ASD son & one non_ASD daughter. I lived out of state for 3 years. I couldnt wait to get back hom with my kiddos (& then husband). But noone welcomed us....not even my own mother (this was before the autism diagnosis). Even after, no one wanted to learn about it...we were just too much inconvience for their lives. I also kicked my husband out for various reasons....but "failure to understand autism" was a big one. It's a lonely life. Me & my 2 kids usually stay home & do the same routine everyday. I try to avoid public...because no one understands, & i dont want my children hurt :o( i'm from a state who fears "different people"...i've always been alternative myself. But, God, if you can at least help your husband "get free" & love you all like you are..that would be awesome for you guys. Who cares what in-laws (or even your own folks think!) let them learn! Or stay away. The world needs to be more open-minded not in "words at church" or "words on social media"
 
•    Anonymous said… I had this a lot with some friends & family and what I did was sent them a link to the National Autistic Societies website and asked them out of Respect to please read it, take it in and that the very fact they are choosing not to Learn more and accept our child for the way he/she is - hurts us more than our child's Diagnosis! Some really made the effort to read more and some didn't bother! This is very common and I have to be honest and say I chose to close the door on those that would not accept my son for who he is! You are not alone! Keep your head up and just always put your child before others
 
•    Anonymous said… Thankfully most people in my life are accepting and understanding, but I have this problem with my sons father... He refuses it completely, and during the long process of getting a diagnosis of Aspergers, he tried to make me stop taking our son to the appointments completely. I would like to say things are getting easier, but since my sons diagnosis, his father and I have actually split up, after 22 years together, and sadly this was one of our major issues that caused it. It's exhausting.. It's all on my shoulders.. I work day after day with my son..And then he goes and spends a weekend with his Dad and comes back to me in turmoil because his Dad refuses to learn how to properly deal with a child with Aspergers. I've tried everything to get him to face reality unsure emoticon I think there are some people who will just never get it..
 
•    Anonymous said… Unfortunately a lot of the symptoms are typical of "normal" kids but when you add them all together they spell Aspergers. I think this website has a concise list that might help those who don't want to read much. My son pretty much had all the symptoms but most of them were fairly mild. Had we not had him in a daycare setting where his caretakers would notice his interactions, we may have just written him off as quirky. Early intervention is the key. He is now seven and was diagnosed between 2 and 3 and it's made a HUGE difference. He has "outgrown" most of his issues but still has social problems to a degree. 
 

*   Anonymous said... My parents and siblings clearly think my kid's diagnosis is bogus (they haven't said in so many words, but keep hinting at it). It used to annoy me, but I actually don't care; they love and appreciate him as he is, quirks and all; so I don't feel the need to shove a diagnosis down their throats. 

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My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

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How to Prevent Meltdowns in Children on the Spectrum

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

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Parenting Defiant Teens on the Spectrum

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Older Teens and Young Adult Children with ASD Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

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Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and HFA

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

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