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Attribution Retraining: Helping Kids on the Spectrum to "Check the Evidence" Before Reacting

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One common effect of misinterpretation for children with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) is the development of distrust in others (perhaps even mild paranoia). This is largely due to impaired Theory of Mind skills in the cognitive profile of these young people.

A “theory of mind” is the ability that we all have in order to make sense of the world we live in. Every person’s thoughts, knowledge, beliefs and desires make up his or her own unique theory of mind. Kids on the autism spectrum have some difficulties conceptualizing and appreciating the thoughts and feelings of others. It’s this “mind-blindness” that makes it difficult for these young people to be able to relate to - and understand - the behaviors of others. By failing to account for other’s perspectives, kids on the autism spectrum tend to misinterpret their messages.
 
==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

Mind-blindness also means the HFA child has difficulty in distinguishing whether someone's actions are intentional or accidental. “Typical” (i.e., non-autistic) kids will know from the context, body language, and character of the other person involved that the intent was not to cause distress or injury. But, children on the autism spectrum often focus primarily on the act and the consequences (e.g., “He bumped into me and it hurt, so it was intentional”), whereas most typical children would consider the circumstances (e.g., “He was running, tripped, and accidentally fell into me”).

With HFA children, there may need to be training in checking the evidence before over-reacting to the event and/or person in question. This training is called “attribution retraining.” The “mind-blind” youngster often blames others exclusively and tends not to consider his or her own contribution – or conversely, the youngster can excessively blame him/herself for events.

One aspect of HFA is a tendency for some children to adopt an attitude of arrogance where the perceived focus-of-control is external. When the “special needs” child believes he was the victim of some form of injustice, the “perpetrator” may be held responsible and become the target for retribution or punishment.

Kids on the spectrum have considerable difficulty accepting that they themselves have contributed to the event. However, the opposite can occur when the child has extremely low self-esteem and feels personally responsible, which results in feelings of anxiety and guilt.

In addition, kids on the spectrum often have a strong sense of what is right and wrong – and may exhibit a striking reaction if others violate the social “laws.” The youngster may be notorious as the class “policeman,” dispensing justice but not realizing what is within his or her authority.

Attribution retraining involves establishing the reality of the situation, the various participants' contributions to an incident, and determining how the HFA or AS child can change his/her perception and response.
 
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

A part of social-skills training for your HFA child will revolve around how he “attributes” his success, and will likely require some attribution retraining to take place.  This is when you retrain your child to think about his success as something he actively influences, not something of which he is a victim. 

There are 4 main factors to which we can attribute success or failure: effort, ability, luck, and task difficulty:
  • A child attributing “effort” may say, “I worked hard/was lazy, that’s why I did so good/didn’t accomplish my goal.”
  • A child attributing “ability” may say, “I’m so intelligent/stupid, this is why I succeeded/failed.”  
  • A child attributing “luck” may say, “I was/wasn’t wearing my lucky shirt today, which is why I won/lost the game.”  
  • A child attributing “task difficulty” may say, “The test was so easy/hard, that’s why I passed/failed.”

Children don’t have any control over luck or task difficulty, and ability is gained through gaining knowledge and skills. Thus, the only aspect that children can directly influence on a regular basis is their effort.  This is where attribution retraining takes place. 

When a child attributes her success or failure to something outside her effort, it’s the parents’ opportunity to redirect her (i.e., attribution retraining).  The child who adopts an effort-based belief gains an “internal locus of control” (i.e., believes she is in control of circumstances) and subsequently feels empowered.  The child comes to believe that she has enough ability that – with effort – she can be successful.


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here
to read the full article...

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
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A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...

Can my son with ASD truly understand love?

"My son is 8 yrs old. He is fairly high functioning. Here's the problem. I don't feel like he loves me. Can he truly understand love at all. He does not hug, kiss or cuddle. He never has. He likes to have his back scratched at night, but that's it. He struggles emotionally at school- a lot of anger. But at home you would notice anything out of the ordinary, until supper. Same meal every single night. He has no problems sharing emotions every once in a while with his father (who lives outside of the home). How can I help him to open up to me?!"

 
Many emotional concepts are difficult for kids with ASD. Love is probably one of the most complicated emotions of all. The lack of empathy and inflexibility that many kids on the spectrum live with will definitely make understanding the concept of love difficult – difficult, but not impossible.

It is sometimes hard to separate the idea of a person with autism loving someone from the true source of difficulty, which is the concept of theory of mind. People with autism feel a full range of emotions: anger, sadness, joy, and yes, love. 
 
However, the problem lies in connecting these feelings to the feelings of others. Theory of mind is understanding that another person's thoughts and feelings are their own and how they can coincide with ours, even though they are not reliant on what we are feeling.

The possibilities are there for your son with high-functioning autism. Love is an emotion that he can come to understand. Here are some things you can do to make sure that happens:
  1. Behavioral therapists can use play therapy to enhance your son's theory of mind. Pretend play can be difficult for kids with ASD due to the close connection with understanding other's feelings. Play skills are important for developing relationships on many levels.
  2. Social skills therapy can help him work on social cues, facial expressions, and basic communication, which in turn, will enhance his theory of mind abilities.
  3. Practice facial expression and recognition with pictures in books or family photographs. Explain the emotion and the cause. Using the ‘say, see, hear' approach to enhance his understanding.
  4. Social stories and comic strips can also be used to show situations that cause different emotional responses. Use these to explain why other people may react in various situations.

The process of developing theory of mind is ongoing in kids on the autism spectrum. Love is only a small part of this very complex equation. While love may be a tricky emotional concept for kids with ASD, the basic idea of love is very real. 
 
Balancing the feelings of love within a relationship is what will bring on a variety of experiences, both positive and negative. With straight forward discussion about feelings and emotions, your son should be able to understand love, and be successful at it. 
 
 

Overcoming the "EQ Deficit": Help for People with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

While much of what I'm about to talk about applies to both men and women, this post is going to lean more toward addressing the male-version of Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism...

Men with Aspergers and High Functioning Autism suffer from a phenomenon called “mind-blindness,” which is a cognitive condition where the person is unable to attribute mental states to self and others. As a result of this condition, he is often unaware of others' mental states and has difficulty attributing beliefs and desires to others.

Lacking in this ability to develop a mental awareness of what is in the mind of his partner, the Aspergers man is often viewed as emotionally detached.

"Emotional intelligence" is in many ways the opposite of mind-blindness. Emotional intelligence (EQ) matters just as much as intellectual ability (IQ) when it comes to happiness and success in life. Emotional intelligence helps one build stronger relationships, succeed at work, and achieve career and personal goals.



So the “fix” (so to speak) for the Aspergers man would be to replace mind-blindness with emotional intelligence. But is this even possible? The answer is: it depends.

If the man is willing to seek treatment from a therapist (preferably one who specializes in Autism Spectrum Disorders), then chances are he will successfully work around his weaknesses and capitalize on his strengths. On the other hand, if the man refuses to acknowledge his mind-blindness issue (which is easy to do since a blind mind will have trouble seeing itself), then he will likely suffer the negative consequences associated with being out of touch -- and out of step -- with the world around him. Like a bicyclist with two flat tires, the Aspergers man’s progress will be slow and shaky.

==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

Emotional intelligence is:
  • the ability to appreciate complicated relationships among different emotions
  • the ability to comprehend emotion language
  • the ability to detect and decipher emotions in faces, pictures, voices, and cultural artifacts, including the ability to identify one's own emotions
  • the ability to harness emotions to facilitate various cognitive activities (e.g., thinking and problem solving)
  • the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups

Perceiving emotions represents a basic aspect of emotional intelligence, as it makes all other processing of emotional information possible. The emotionally intelligent person can capitalize fully upon his changing moods in order to best fit the task at hand. Understanding emotions encompasses the ability to be sensitive to slight variations between emotions, and the ability to recognize and describe how emotions evolve over time. The emotionally intelligent person can harness emotions, even negative ones, and manage them to achieve intended goals.

Emotional intelligence consists of four attributes:

1. Relationship management: Knowing how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.

2. Self-awareness: Recognizing one’s emotions and how they affect one’s thoughts and behavior, knowing one’s strengths and weaknesses, and having self-confidence.

3. Self-management: Being able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, managing emotions in healthy ways, taking initiative, following through on commitments, and adapting to changing circumstances.

4. Social awareness: Understanding the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, picking up on emotional cues, feeling comfortable socially, and recognizing the power dynamics in a group or organization.

The first step to improving emotional intelligence is to learn how to relieve stress. Uncontrolled stress impacts the Aspergers man’s mental health, making him vulnerable to anxiety and depression. If he is unable to understand and manage his emotions, he will be open to mood swings, which makes it very difficult for him to form strong relationships, and can leave him feeling lonely and isolated.

Emotional intelligence can help him navigate the social complexities of the workplace, lead and motivate others, and excel in his career. In fact, when it comes to gauging job candidates, many companies now view emotional intelligence as being as important as technical ability and require EQ testing before hiring.

By understanding his emotions and how to control them, the Aspergers man is better able to express how he feels – and understands how others are feeling. This allows him to communicate more effectively and forge stronger relationships, both at work and in his personal life.

Emotional intelligence consists of five key skills:
  1. The ability to connect with others through nonverbal communication
  2. The ability to quickly reduce stress
  3. The ability to recognize and manage one’s emotions
  4. The ability to resolve conflicts positively and with confidence
  5. The ability to use humor and play to deal with challenges

These five skills of emotional intelligence can be learned, but there is a difference between learning about emotional intelligence and applying that knowledge to one's life. Just because the Aspergers man knows he “should” do something doesn’t mean he will – especially if he becomes overwhelmed by stress, which can hijack his best intentions.

In order to permanently change behavior in ways that stand up under pressure, he will need to learn how to take advantage of the powerful emotional parts of his brain that remain active and accessible even in times of stress. This means that he can’t simply read about emotional intelligence in order to master it. Rather, he has to experience and practice the skills in his everyday life.

==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

EQ Skill #1: Paying Attention to Nonverbal Communication—

Often, “what” somebody says is less important than “how” he or she says it or the other nonverbal signals that are sent out (e.g., the gestures a person makes, the way he sits, how fast or how loud he talks, how close he stands to others, how much eye contact he makes, etc). In order to hold the attention of others and build connection and trust, the Aspergers man needs to be aware of – and in control of – this body language. He also needs to be able to accurately read and respond to the nonverbal cues that other people send.

Messages don’t stop when someone stops speaking. Even when a person is silent, he or she is still communicating nonverbally. The Aspergers man needs to think about what he is transmitting as well, and if what he says matches what he feels. Nonverbal messages can produce a sense of interest, trust, excitement, and desire for connection – or they can generate fear, confusion, distrust, and disinterest.

Tips for improving nonverbal communication:

Successful nonverbal communication depends on one’s ability to manage stress, recognize one’s own emotions, and understand the signals one is sending and receiving. When communicating, the Aspergers man needs to:
  • Pay attention to the nonverbal cues he is sending and receiving (e.g., facial expression, tone of voice, posture and gestures, touch, timing and pace of the conversation).
  • Make eye contact, which will communicate interest and maintain the flow of a conversation, and help gauge the other person’s response.
  • Focus on the other person. If the Aspergers man is planning what he is going to say next, daydreaming, or thinking about something else, he is almost certain to miss nonverbal cues and other subtleties in the conversation.

EQ Skill #2: Quickly Reducing Stress—

High levels of stress can overwhelm the mind and body, getting in the way of one’s ability to accurately “read” a situation, to hear what someone else is saying, to be aware of one’s own feelings and needs, and to communicate clearly. Being able to quickly calm down and diffuse stress helps one stay balanced, focused, and in control – no matter what challenges are faced or how stressful a situation becomes.

Tips for reducing stress:
  • The best way to reduce stress quickly is by engaging one or more of the senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Each person responds differently to sensory input, so the Aspergers man needs to find things that are soothing and/or energizing to him. For example, if he is a visual person, he can relieve stress by surrounding himself with uplifting images. If he responds more to sound, he may find a wind chime, a favorite piece of music, or the sound of a water fountain helps to quickly reduce his stress levels.
  • Everyone reacts differently to stress. If the Aspergers man tends to become angry or agitated under stress, he will respond best to stress relief activities that quiet him down. If he tends to become depressed or withdrawn, he will respond best to stress relief activities that are stimulating. If he tends to freeze (speeding up in some ways while slowing down in others), he needs stress relief activities that provide both comfort and stimulation.
  • Recognize what stress feels like. How does your body feel when you’re stressed? Are your muscles or stomach tight or sore? Are your hands clenched? Is your breath shallow? Being aware of one’s physical response to stress will help regulate tension when it occurs.

EQ Skill #3: Managing Emotions—

Being able to connect to one’s emotions (i.e., having a moment-to-moment awareness of your emotions and how they influence your thoughts and actions) is the key to understanding self and others. Many Aspergers men are disconnected from their emotions – especially strong core emotions like sadness, fear and joy. But although we can distort, deny, or numb our feelings, we can’t eliminate them. They’re still there, whether we’re aware of them or not. Unfortunately, without emotional awareness, we are unable to fully understand our own motivations and needs, or to communicate effectively with others.

How in touch are you with your emotions?
  • Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in certain places of your body (e.g., lower back, stomach, chest, etc.)?
  • Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your attention and that of others?
  • Do your emotions factor into your decision making?
  • Do you pay attention to your emotions?
  • Do you experience feelings that flow (i.e., encountering one emotion after another as your experiences change from moment to moment)?
  • Do you experience discrete feelings and emotions (e.g., anger, sadness, fear, joy), each of which is evident in subtle facial expressions?

If any of these experiences are foreign to you, then your emotions may be turned down or off. In order to be emotionally healthy and emotionally intelligent, you must reconnect to your core emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them.

EQ Skill #4: Resolving Conflicts Positively--

Disagreements and misunderstandings are to be expected in relationships. Two people can’t possibly have the same needs, beliefs, and expectations at all times. However, that is not a bad thing. Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen trust between people. When conflict isn’t perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in relationships.

Tips for resolving conflict:
  • Choose your arguments. Arguments take time and energy, especially if you want to resolve them in a positive way. Consider what is worth arguing about and what is not.
  • End conflicts that can't be resolved. It takes two people to keep an argument going. You can choose to disengage from a conflict, even if you still disagree.
  • Forgive. Other people’s hurtful behavior is in the past. To resolve conflict, you need to give up the urge to punish or seek revenge.
  • Stay focused in the present. When you are not holding on to old hurts and resentments, you can recognize the reality of a current situation and view it as a new opportunity for resolving old feelings about conflicts.

EQ Skill #5: Using Humor and Play to Deal with Challenges--

Humor, laughter, and play are natural solutions to life’s problems. They lighten burdens and help keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress, elevates mood, and brings the nervous system back into balance. It’s never too late to develop and embrace your playful, humorous side. The more you joke, play, and laugh – the easier it becomes. Playful communication broadens emotional intelligence and helps the individual:
  • Become more creative. When we loosen up, we free ourselves of rigid ways of thinking and being, allowing us to get creative and see things in new ways.
  • Simultaneously relax and become more energized. Playful communication relieves fatigue and relaxes the body, which allows the person to recharge and accomplish more.
  • Smooth over differences. Using gentle humor often helps us say things that might be otherwise difficult to express without creating an argument.
  • Take hardships in stride. By allowing us to view our frustrations and disappointments from new perspectives, laughter and play enable us to survive annoyances, hard times, and setbacks.

In order to develop playful communication, the Aspergers man needs to:
  • find enjoyable activities that loosen him up and help him embrace his playful nature
  • play with animals, babies, young children, and outgoing people who appreciate playful banter
  • set aside regular, quality playtime

In a nutshell, the Aspergers man can begin to replace mind-blindness with emotional intelligence – with the assistance of a qualified professional – by doing the following:
  1. Acknowledging his negative feelings, looking for their source, and coming up with a way to solve the underlying problem 
  2. Avoiding people who invalidate him or don't respect his feelings 
  3. Being honest with himself
  4. Developing constructive coping skills for specific moods
  5. Examining his feelings rather than the actions or motives of other people
  6. Getting up and moving when he is feeling down
  7. Learning to relax when his emotions are running high
  8. Listening twice as much as he speaks
  9. Looking for the humor or life lesson in a negative situation
  10. Paying attention to non-verbal communication (e.g., watch faces, listen to tone of voice, take note of body language)
  11. Showing respect by respecting other people's feelings
  12. Taking responsibility for his own emotions and happiness

Most of you have heard that “there is no cure for Aspergers Syndrome.” And technically, that’s correct. But, emotional intelligence can be taught. And some people with Aspergers – both male and female – who have received quality treatment from a qualified professional have lost their Aspergers diagnosis after a few years of intensive therapy. That is, after being re-tested, they did not meet the criteria for Aspergers Syndrome any longer. The same can be true for you. So, what are you waiting for?

==> Skype Counseling for Struggling Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA 


==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

Aspergers and the "Approach Personality" Type

In a previous post (click here), we looked at Aspergers (high functioning autism) and the "avoidant personality." In this post, we will discuss the somewhat opposite personality type: the "approach personality."

This type usual occurs in the "Aspie" who also has ADHD, although this is not always the case.

The two primary characteristics of the “approach personality” are (a) excessive talking about one’s special (or obsessive) interest, and (b) significant violations of other’s personal space.

Excessive Talking About Special Interests—

Excessive talking in the Aspie can present a number of problems. No one particularly likes to be referred to as a "motor-mouth," but they can be exactly that. While some people have much to say of value, excessive talkers usually do not. They talk either because they can't help it due to “mind-blindness” (i.e., they are unaware that the listener is both bored and annoyed with the one-sided conversation), or because they simply love to tell others about their favorite hobby/activity out of a huge sense of passion about that particular hobby/activity.

Aspies who talk excessively can sometimes get along well with one another, probably because neither is paying much attention to what the other is saying. For those with normal speaking habits however, excessive talking often borders on being socially unacceptable. We are brought up to be attentive to what others are saying, to speak mainly when spoken to, while at the same time hoping that when we do talk, we sound intelligent and say the right things in as few words as possible.

Excessive talking in the Aspie often translates into an inability to understand or follow instructions. The very act of learning can be seriously impeded, and the chattering Aspie may be unable to concentrate on those things where concentration is vital to success.

Those Aspies who persist in excessive talking about their obsessive interest are more apt to be victims of another type of disorder, the Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD). Not all of those with OCPD are excessive talkers – it is just one of the symptoms. You can usually spot those with OCPD, because they tend to be preoccupied with perfectionism and orderliness, pay excessive attention to detail, and are most comfortable in an environment where there are rules to follow, schedules to meet, and an organizational structure in which they know their place.

The drive for perfectionism often results in such individuals being unable to complete certain assigned tasks, or being unable to follow rules which don't conform to their own strict standards. Some OCPD Aspies are extremely introverted (living in their own carefully regulated and orderly world) while others can be quite extroverted (these are the attention seekers, the ones who violate your personal space, and who often over-dramatize any and every situation). It is from among this group that excessive talking is apt to be one of the more noticeable symptoms.

Tips for the excessive (obsessive) talker:

1. Appreciate what others have to say. Listening to other person’s viewpoint allows you to permit him or her to express an opinion.

2. Be a good listener. People like to be listened to.

3. Be more conscious of your behavior patterns. Acknowledge that you speak too much and behave accordingly.

4. Do not talk for the sake of talking. Restraint is good.

5. One can take up courses in being a good conversationalist.

6. Seek professional help if excessive talking is a compulsive behavior. Often people speak due to some psychological disorder or problem. A person with a nervous disposition will speak more.

7. One need not express everything on one’s mind. Certain things you must keep to yourself.

8. One should always have something important to contribute. Whatever you say should have an impact on others. They should want to listen to you. Conversation should be interesting.

9. One should avoid being pushy or aggressive while conversing. Try to convey things in fewer words. Be brief in what you say.

10. Think before you speak. It may be difficult if you are nervous. But it is better to be aware of what you are saying. You need not regret later.

11. Try not interrupting another person’s conversation as far as possible.

12. Try to allow the other person to say something. It may be difficult, but one needs to practice self-control. A good conversation is a two-way process. All of those taking part in the conversation have much to contribute. Each person must get a chance to say something.

Violating Personal Space—

Interpersonal space refers to the psychological "bubble" that exists psychologically when one person stands too close to another. There are four different zones of interpersonal space:

1. Intimate distance: ranges from touching to about 18 inches (46 cm) apart, reserve for lovers, children, close family members and friends, and pets.

2. Personal distance: begins about an arm's length away starting around 18 inches (46 cm) from the person and ending about 4 feet (122 cm) away. This space is used in conversations with friends, to chat with associates, and in group discussions.

3. Social distance: ranges from 4 to 8 feet (1.2 m - 2.4 m) away from the person and is reserved for strangers, newly formed groups, and new acquaintances.

4. Public distance: includes anything more than 8 feet (2.4 m) away, and is used for speeches, lectures, and theater. Public distance is essentially that range reserved for larger audiences.

Aspies with approach personality traits tend to be mostly in the “intimate distant” mode (i.e., they will stand within arm’s reach – even with strangers). It goes without saying that most people are taken aback by such behavior.

The absence of strong emotional responses to personal space violation is, again, the result of the Aspie’s “mind-blindness” (i.e., an inability to develop an awareness of what is in the mind of the other person). If you, as a neurotypical, did an experiment in which you purposely stood excessively close to a stranger to read his/her reaction, you would readily notice a pained expression on the other person’s face, sending you a very clear non-verbal message that he/she is alarmed. The mind-blind Aspie with approach personality traits does not receive this non-verbal cue – even though the cue was indeed sent.

Tips for the personal space violator:

1. Understand that (a) people have certain expectations about verbal and nonverbal communication behavior from other people, and (b) violations of these expectations cause arousal and distraction in them.

2. Only stand or sit within arm’s reach of close family members and romantic partners.

3. With your friends, stand or sit no closer than arm’s length.

4. With all others, stay at least 4 feet away.

5. Pay attention to the facial expressions of those you stand or sit close to. Are they grimacing, for example? If so, then you may be too close.

6. Pay attention to whether or not the other person moves away, creating addition distance between the two of you. Does he/she seem to be taking steps backwards during the conversation? If so, you may be too close.

7. If you are uncertain, ask the other person “Am I violating your personal space?” Most people will respect that question and answer honestly.

Some of the behaviors exhibited in the “approach personality” have a good side to them when these behaviors can be correctly channeled. There are many activities in which paying greater than normal attention to detail can be a definite plus, and those with a short attention span often find a place in activities demanding creativity and thinking outside the box.

As far as excessive talking is concerned, it is best that it be treated with counseling (usually in the form of “social skills training”), although there are occasional openings for stand up comics and radio talk show hosts. As far as personal space violations are concerned, it is best to reserve close proximity for those who enjoy being close to you (e.g., your mother, girlfriend, cat, etc.).

==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

Helping Your Asperger’s Teen to Eliminate Thinking Errors

Many children and teens with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) experience “thinking errors,” largely due to a phenomenon called “mind-blindness.” Mind-blindness can be described as a cognitive disorder where the child is unable to attribute mental states (e.g., emotions, beliefs, desires, motives) to himself or others. This ability to develop a mental awareness of what is in the mind of another person is known as the “Theory of Mind.”

Thinking errors are irrational patterns of cognition that can cause your AS or HFA teen to feel bad and sometimes act in self-defeating ways. If she becomes more upset the more she thinks about a troubling circumstance, she may want to consider the possibility of thinking in a different way. And you, as the parent, can help with this.

Click here for the full article...



Kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder and the Associated Relationship Problems

"Is it common for children with ASD to have a great deal of difficulty relating to their peers in a proper manner? My son tends to burn bridges (so to speak) rather quickly with his friends."
 
ASD level 1 (high-functioning autism) often leads to problems in social interaction with peers. These problems can be severe or mild depending on the individual. Kids with ASD are often the target of bullying at school due to their idiosyncratic behavior, precise language, unusual interests, and impaired ability to perceive and respond in socially expected ways to nonverbal cues, particularly in interpersonal conflict. 
 
Kids on the autism spectrum may be overly literal, and may have difficulty interpreting and responding to sarcasm, banter, or metaphorical speech. Difficulties with social interaction may also be manifest in a lack of play with other kids.

The above problems can even arise in the family. Given an unfavorable family environment, the youngster may be subject to emotional abuse. A youngster or teen with ASD is often puzzled by this mistreatment, unaware of what has been done incorrectly. Most kids on the spectrum want to be social, but fail to socialize successfully, which can lead to later withdrawal and asocial behavior, especially in adolescence. 
 
 
At this stage of life especially, they risk being drawn into unsuitable and inappropriate friendships and social groups. People with ASD often interact better with those considerably older or younger than themselves, rather than those within their own age group.

Young people with ASD often display advanced abilities for their age in language, reading, mathematics, spatial skills, and/or music—sometimes into the "gifted" range—but this may be counterbalanced by considerable delays in other developmental areas. This combination of traits can lead to problems with teachers and other authority figures. A youngster with ASD might be regarded by teachers as a "problem kid" or a "poor performer." 
 
The youngster’s extremely low tolerance for what they perceive to be ordinary and mediocre tasks, such as typical homework assignments, can easily become frustrating; a teacher may well consider the youngster arrogant, spiteful, and insubordinate. Lack of support and understanding, in combination with the youngster's anxieties, can result in problematic behavior (such as severe tantrums, violent and angry outbursts, and withdrawal).

Two traits sometimes found in individuals on the spectrum are mind-blindness (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and alexithymia (i.e, the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in oneself or others), which reduce the ability to be empathetically attuned to others. Alexithymia in ASD functions as an independent variable relying on different neural networks than those implicated in theory of mind. In fact, lack of Theory of Mind may be a result of a lack of information available to the mind due to the operation of the alexithymic deficit.

A second issue related to alexithymia involves the inability to identify and modulate strong emotions such as sadness or anger, which leaves the individual prone to “sudden affective outbursts such as crying or rage.” The inability to express feelings using words may also predispose the individual to use physical acts to articulate the mood and release the emotional energy.

People with ASD report a feeling of being unwillingly detached from the world around them. They may have difficulty finding a life partner or getting married due to poor social skills. The intense focus and tendency to work things out logically often grants people with ASD a high level of ability in their field of interest. When these special interests coincide with a materially or socially useful task, the person on the spectrum can lead a profitable career and a fulfilled life. The youngster obsessed with a specific area may succeed in employment related to that area. 
 

What is ASD like?
  • It affects individuals all of their lives, but as individuals get older they get better at social and coping skills.
  • Many great scientists, writers and artists are thought to have had Aspergers, including many Nobel Prize winners.
  • Individuals with ASD can do well when others understand the effects of the syndrome on their behavior and learning, and provide a supportive environment.
  • They find it hard to relate to other individuals.
  • Some individuals who are said to be eccentric loners may have ASD.
  • The effects of autism can vary from slightly unusual behavior to quite aggressive and anti-social behavior.
  • They have trouble understanding the feelings of other individuals and they do not seem able to read body language. For example, a person with ASD may not realize when they have hurt someone's feelings, or when someone doesn't want to listen to them.
  • They like everything to be the same, and everything to be in the right place. They can get very upset if something is done 'the wrong way'.
  • They may talk a lot about their own interests, but have problems getting the message across or giving others the chance to talk.

Secondary School—
  • It can seem as though they are really bright because they know a huge amount about something they are interested in, but they might have trouble keeping up with other subjects.
  • Other students get better at interpersonal relationships as they grow older, but it can become more difficult for a student with ASD to be involved in friendship groups. However, they may enjoy groups which follow their special interest (e.g., science clubs).
  • Secondary school can be very stressful for students with ASD because they have a different timetable each day, several different teachers, and have to move between classrooms. These changes can be really stressful for someone who likes everything to be the same.

Teenagers with ASD are usually able to manage stressors better than younger kids, and behavior problems at school may be less of an issue at secondary school. However a teenager on the spectrum  may be so worn out after 'holding it together' all day at school that he or she may 'fall apart' at home.
  • It may be possible to negotiate with teachers to reduce the amount of homework or extend tasks over a longer time.
  • Feeling tired after school is often a problem, and facing up to homework at the end of the day can be very stressful for someone who has already had a stressful day.
  • A school counselor can help to work out strategies for dealing with problems, which might include a place to work alone if things get too hard sometimes.

 
Adult Life—
  • If partners and kids are able to learn more about ASD, they are often more able to understand the behavior and live more comfortably with the person who has autism.
  • Individuals with ASD also need to understand relationships better and learn more about how their behavior and emotions can affect others.
  • Most individuals on the spectrum can form strong bonds with a few friends, marry and have kids.
  • Peer support groups can also be helpful for partners and kids. Check on the internet to see if there are support groups in your area.
  • Their anxieties and difficulties with the subtleties of relationships can be confusing and upsetting to partners and their kids.

Problems for Brothers and Sisters—

It can be difficult if you have a brother or sister with ASD.
  • Parents often have to spend a lot more time with the youngster who has autism, so that you can feel you are missing out.
  • Their behavior can be difficult to live with because they don't relate to others well.
  • They may have frequent tantrums when things don't go their way, and this can be embarrassing to you, especially if your friends are around.
  • You may have to watch out more for your brother or sister to protect them from others, such as protecting them from being bullied.

Understanding more about Autism Spectrum Disorder may help you interact more successfully with your brother or sister.

Aspergers/HFA Children and Inflexibility: 25 Tips for Parents

"Why is my (high functioning) son so set in his ways. When he gets an idea in his mind, no amount of logic will budge him - very stubborn on multiple fronts."

Parenting kids with Aspergers (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) means making and sticking to routines and schedules – or paying the price! Kids with the disorder often insist on a rigid routine, and something as simple as the "wrong" cereal for breakfast can send them into a tantrum or a meltdown. They often insist that things remain the same!

Consider trains versus cars: AS and HFA kids are much more like little mental trains compared to the average mind that is much more like a car driving on a road. They require a specific route, a specific timetable, and often a specific set of rules for the journey from A to B. Unpredictability is not something that they appreciate – it is widely suggested that the firm, repeatable structure and routine which these kids form in their mind is what makes them secure and comfortable. Interjecting the hand of change for the sake of change is often – as moms and dads have discovered – a catastrophic event.

The Reasons for Inflexibility—
  • A misunderstanding or misinterpretation of another's action.
  • A violation of a rule or ritual, changing something from the way it is supposed to be, or someone is violating a rule and this is unacceptable to the youngster.
  • Anxiety about a current or upcoming event, no matter how trivial it might appear to you.
  • He cannot see alternatives.
  • He does not know how to let go and move on when there is a problem.
  • He does not understand the way the world works.
  • He feels that you must solve the problem for him even when it involves issues you have no control over.
  • He is “rule-bound.”
  • He sees only one way to solve a problem.
  • He suffers from black-and-white thinking.
  • He tends to misinterpret situations.
  • Immediate gratification of a need.
  • Lack of knowledge about how something is done; by not knowing how the world works with regard to specific situations and events, the youngster will act inappropriately instead.
  • Often, if your youngster cannot be perfect, she does not want to engage in an activity.
  • Other internal issues (e.g., sensory, inattention (ADHD), oppositional tendency (ODD), or other psychiatric issues)
  • The need to avoid or escape from a non-preferred activity, often something difficult or undesirable.
  • The need to control a situation.
  • The need to engage in or continue a preferred activity, usually an obsessive action or fantasy.
  • There are no small events in his mind – everything that goes wrong is a catastrophe.
  • Transitioning from one activity to another. This is usually a problem because it may mean ending an activity before he is finished with it.

The Behaviors Associated with Inflexibility—
  • Becoming easily overwhelmed and having difficulty calming down.
  • Creating their own set of rules for doing something.
  • Demanding unrealistic perfection in their handwriting, or wanting to avoid doing any writing.
  • Demonstrating unusual fears, anxiety, tantrums, and showing resistance to directions from others.
  • Displaying a good deal of silly behaviors because they are anxious or do not know what to do in a situation.
  • Eating a narrow range of foods.
  • Having a narrow range of interests, and becoming fixated on certain topics and/or routines.
  • Having trouble playing and socializing well with peers or avoiding socializing altogether. They prefer to be alone because others do not do things exactly as they do.
  • Insisting on having things and/or events occur in a certain way.
  • Intensely disliking loud noises and crowds.
  • Lecturing others or engaging in a monologue rather than having a reciprocal conversation.
  • Preferring to do the same things over and over.
  • Reacting poorly to new events, transitions, or changes.
  • Remaining in a fantasy world a good deal of the time and appearing unaware of events around them.
  • Tending to conserve energy and put forth the least effort they can, except with highly preferred activities.
  • Wanting things to go their way, when they want them to, no matter what anyone else may want. They may argue, throw a tantrum, ignore you, growl, refuse to yield, etc.

Questions to Ask Yourself—

To help you determine the reasons why your youngster behaves the way she does, you should ask yourself the following questions:
  1. Because a situation was one way the first time, does she feel it has to be that way always?
  2. Does she need to be taught a better way to deal with a problem?
  3. Does she see only two choices to a situation rather than many options?
  4. Has she made a rule that can't be followed?
  5. Is she blaming me for something that is beyond my control?
  6. Is she exaggerating the importance of an event?
  7. Is he expecting perfection in herself?
  8. Is she misunderstanding what is happening and assuming something that isn't true?
  9. Is she stuck on an idea and can't let it go?

Below are some ways you can help your youngster prepare for – and handle – change:

1. Acknowledge your youngster’s worries and fears. Allow him to feel angry, sad, and confused during times of change. These feelings are normal and your youngster needs to be allowed to express them. Acknowledge his feelings and respond sympathetically. You might say, “Yes, saying goodbye to a friend is really hard. That makes me feel sad, too.” Be sure to let your youngster know that you take his concerns seriously. For example, you can say, “Are you worried about going to a new school? I used to worry about that when I was your age, too,” or “I know you miss your old friends from last year. It’s hard when things change.”

2. Be a role model for your kids in handling your own stress in a healthy way. If your kids see you talking to others about problems, taking time to relax, and living a healthy lifestyle, your example is likely to rub off.

3. Be clear about rules and consequences. Let your kids know specifically what is expected and together decide on consequences for misbehavior. Then follow through. Teach ways of handling difficult situations. Talk through and role-play with your kids how they can handle a stressful situation.

4. Do what you can to be available during times of transition and change. For example, if your youngster has a hard time at the beginning or end of the school year, try to be more available during these times. Do what you can to simplify your family life so that you can focus on your youngster’s needs.

5. Encourage healthy eating. Teach your kids by words and example that eating a healthy diet makes their bodies better able to handle stress.

6. Encourage vigorous physical activities. If your kids do not exercise often, try family activities like bike riding, hiking, or swimming.

7. Encourage your youngster to write about worries in a journal.

8. Give back rubs and hugs. A short back or shoulder rub can help your kids relax and show them you care. Gentle physical touch is a powerful stress reliever.

9. Have a positive attitude. If you are confident about an upcoming change, your youngster will be positive, too.

10. Help your youngster mark the change. If your youngster’s best friend is moving away, help your youngster mark the occasion with a card, a gift, or a special event. Keep farewells and goodbyes simple and low key.

11. Help your youngster prepare for the move to a new school or town. If your youngster is going to a new school, visit the school before the first day of class, get a copy of the school newspaper, or go online and look at the school’s Web site together with your youngster. Try to help your youngster meet new teachers and staff before the start of school. If you will be moving out of town, try to visit your new neighborhood with your youngster before you move so your youngster is familiar with her new surroundings.

12. Help your kids talk about what is bothering them. Don’t force them to talk, but offer opportunities; bedtime or car trips are good times for this. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong?” ask questions such as, “How are things going at school with your teacher?” Do not criticize what your kids say or they will learn not to tell you things that bother them.

13. Involve your youngster in decisions about the change. For example, if the change involves a move, let your youngster choose colors for his new bedroom and arrange his things when you move in. When starting a new school or a new school year, let your youngster choose what to wear on the first day and to pick out his school supplies. Kids typically have no control over the major changes in their lives. By involving and including your youngster in such decisions, you help him feel more in control of the changes in his life.

14. Maintain family routines. Knowing what to expect helps your youngster feel grounded and secure, especially during times of transition. Maintain family routines around bedtime, TV, and family meals as much as possible.

15. Make regular use of “social stores” to help your youngster adjust to changes.

16. Show your youngster the positive ways that you handle change. Talk about how you feel during times of change and about what you do to cope. For example, let your youngster see the lists you make to help you stay organized and focused.

17. Spend special one-to-one time. Find hobbies or other activities that you can do alone with your youngster. This allows for time to talk as well as time for having fun together.

18. Stick to a routine to keep them feeling secure, but don't shield them from changing situations; doing so will strengthen their belief that the details of life should stay the same.

19. Talk about the change. Talk about what will happen and what the change will mean for all of you. For example, if you will be moving to a new installation, talk about how hard that is, how fun it is, and what to expect. Answer as many of your youngster’s questions as you can, such as how long the move will take, how far your new home is from school, and what you know about the school and town.

20. Talk with your youngster’s teacher or child care provider about changes going on in your family life.

21. Teach relaxation skills. Show your kids how to relax by remembering and imagining pleasant situations like a favorite vacation or happy experience.

22. Teach your kids that mistakes are OK. Let them know that all people, including you, make mistakes. Mistakes are for learning.

23. Tell stories about dealing with stress. For example, if your youngster is afraid of a new situation, tell a story about how you once felt in a similar situation and what you did to cope, or find a library book that shows a youngster coping successfully with stress.

24. Try to keep other changes in your youngster’s life to a minimum during times of transition. For example, if you are going through a big change at home, this is not the time to send your youngster to a new camp or new after-school program.

25. Warn them ahead of time when changes are going to occur.

AS and HFA kids often appear pig-headed, stubborn, and down-right rude when they are faced with change. Let’s be honest; they don’t want to step outside their sandbox. Moms and dads in this situation not only need to understand that their youngster is routine-based, but they need to proactively predict when their youngster will require a routine. But, never forget that your youngster doesn’t believe that he is doing something wrong by presenting as stubborn towards change. He is merely trying to protect himself — and he wants you to help him feel secure by allowing him to do things in a sturdy, structured way. Using the tips above should make things run a bit more smoothly.

==> My Aspergers Child: Preventing Tantrums and Meltdowns in Aspergers Children

Aspergers and Interpersonal Relationships

Aspergers (AS) may lead to problems in social interaction with peers. These problems can be severe or mild depending on the individual.

Kids with AS (also called high functioning autism) are often the target of bullying at school due to their idiosyncratic behavior, precise language, unusual interests, and impaired ability to perceive and respond in socially expected ways to nonverbal cues, particularly in interpersonal conflict. Kids with AS may be overly literal, and may have difficulty interpreting and responding to sarcasm, banter, or metaphorical speech. Difficulties with social interaction may also be manifest in a lack of play with other kids.

The above problems can even arise in the family; given an unfavorable family environment, the youngster may be subject to emotional abuse. A youngster or adolescent with AS is often puzzled by this mistreatment, unaware of what has been done incorrectly. Unlike other pervasive development disorders, most kids with AS want to be social, but fail to socialize successfully, which can lead to later withdrawal and asocial behavior, especially in adolescence. At this stage of life especially, they risk being drawn into unsuitable and inappropriate friendships and social groups. Individuals with AS often interact better with those considerably older or younger than themselves, rather than those within their own age group.

Kids with AS often display advanced abilities for their age in language, reading, mathematics, spatial skills, and/or music—sometimes into the "gifted" range—but this may be counterbalanced by considerable delays in other developmental areas. This combination of traits can lead to problems with teachers and other authority figures. A youngster with AS might be regarded by teachers as a "problem child" or a "poor performer." The youngster’s extremely low tolerance for what they perceive to be ordinary and mediocre tasks, such as typical homework assignments, can easily become frustrating; a teacher may well consider the youngster arrogant, spiteful, and insubordinate. Lack of support and understanding, in combination with the youngster's anxieties, can result in problematic behavior (such as severe tantrums, violent and angry outbursts, and withdrawal).

AS causes problems with language, communication and social interaction. An individual with AS may not be able to make friends easily and may also find two-way conversation difficult. She may appear to talk at people, rather than with them and fixate on favorite topics even if the other party shows distinct signs of disinterest or distress. She continues to talk about the topic and is oblivious to the other party's reaction. She also may misunderstand language at time and taking many things literally, missing subtlety.

In a relationship, the communication problems can easily lead to misunderstandings. In relationships, the neurotypical (i.e., non-Aspergers) individual often takes on the role of helping the individual with Aspergers and others understand each other better in social situations. Some romantic relationships also become strained because the neurotypical person gets frustrated with being the couple's main social connection to the rest of the world.

Two traits sometimes found in AS people are mind-blindness (the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and alexithymia (the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in oneself or others), which reduce the ability to be empathetically attuned to others. Alexithymia in AS functions as an independent variable relying on different neural networks than those implicated in theory of mind. In fact, lack of Theory of Mind in AS may be a result of a lack of information available to the mind due to the operation of the alexithymic deficit.

A second issue related to alexithymia involves the inability to identify and modulate strong emotions such as sadness or anger, which leaves the individual prone to sudden affective outbursts such as crying or rage. The inability to express feelings using words may also predispose the individual to use physical acts to articulate the mood and release the emotional energy.

Individuals with AS report a feeling of being unwillingly detached from the world around them. They may have difficulty finding a life partner or getting married due to poor social skills. The complexity and inconsistency of the social world can pose an extreme challenge for people with AS. In the UK, AS is covered by the Disability Discrimination Act; those with AS who get treated badly because of it may have some redress. The first case was Hewett v Motorola 2004 (sometimes referred to as Hewitt) and the second was Isles v Ealing Council. The same applies in the United States with the Americans with Disabilities Act, amended in 2008 to include autism spectrum disorders.

The intense focus and tendency to work things out logically often grants individuals with AS a high level of ability in their field of interest. The person with AS can lead a profitable career and a fulfilled life when these special interests coincide with a materially or socially useful task. The youngster obsessed with a specific area may succeed in employment related to that area.

Many kids with AS reach adulthood without being diagnosed with this neurological disorder. Adults with AS are often just regarded as “weird”, unable to maintain more than a superficial level of relating to others. Because they lack empathy it can be particularly difficult for them to relate to kids. As with autism, males are diagnosed much more frequently than females with AS, but that might be an artifact of male personality versus female as regards a generally more sociable temperament in girls and women.

The descriptions here are in no way critical. They are simply descriptive of the typical adult behavior and temperament of this condition.

Being partnered to an AS spouse comes with its own set of marital difficulties. Of primary concern is the lack of intimacy and reciprocation of emotion. This is the most common reason for marriage breakdown associated with this disorder.

Communication is difficult because individuals with AS are not facile with give-and-take and are unlikely to offer apologies or acknowledge responsibility for failed relationships. They may become overly sensitive to criticism or suspicious of others and, because they harbor lingering resentment over perceived slights, they are seen by others as being paranoid.

Family and peers may become exasperated by the AS person’s self-centered insensitivity, obsessive, and rigid inflexibility. In situations requiring ultimate agreement (such as custody situations) conversation is often one-sided, long-winded, circumstantial, and lecture-like. Conclusions are difficult to reach because individuals with AS need to always have “one last word.”

While comprehension of the nonverbal communication of others is poor, some individuals with AS appear to have special talents or skills, and some have highly successful careers, particularly in certain professions requiring rote memory.

For grown-ups with AS, social skills training will help in dealing with spouses and children. Training involves teaching the individual to recognize facial expressions, learn body language skills, and learn to verbally interact with others at a more functioning level. This type of training does not come naturally to the person with AS, particularly as it requires willingness to accept constructive criticism.

Counseling for all parties can also be helpful in understanding this condition and in improving relationships.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Aspergers Syndrome: A Comprehensive Summary

Aspergers Behavior—

Aspergers behavior has many faces and especially its variability makes it impossible to describe a stereotype Aspergers youngster or grown-up. This stereotype does not exist. Individuals with Aspergers are all different and all individuals so their behavior may differ too.

Society today judges someone mostly on how they look, behave and communicate. An individual with Aspergers does not look different from others but does show different behavior and communication. The Aspergers behavior might strike us as odd.

They appear to be insensitive towards other people’s feelings and unable to read between the lines. They don’t seem to be willing in sharing experiences or interests with individuals close to them. This is even present in young kids.

They don’t pick up on non verbal communication and they lack a sense of what is socially appropriate to do. They avoid eye contact and mostly don’t like to be touched.

This may all seem like the unwillingness in responding to others however their behavior is characterized by an inability to understand how to interact socially. I emphasize the word inability because they sometimes want to socialize but just don’t know how to do it.

Their Aspergers behavior appears to lack empathy and may seem selfish to the untrained eye. One-sided conversations are common as well as long speeches about their own favorite subjects. They are unable to pick up on any signs of the other person losing interest or wanting to change the subject. Internal thoughts are often verbalized out loud without warning. Their honesty may result in remarks that offend others because the rule never to lie is taken too strict. Also their inflexibility and fear of change can cause anxiety which can lead to behavioral problems.

All these typical behaviors will affect the way they relate to the individuals around them.

Relationships—

Starting and maintaining a relationship is a difficult thing to do for those with Aspergers. It requires good communication, the ability to interact socially and be interested in others. In order to have a relationship it is necessary to be able to understand the emotions and feelings of the other person and handle those feelings well. Most of the time, these qualities do not come natural to individuals with Aspergers, since they exhibit typical characteristics that affect their ability to relate to others in a meaningful way. It can be hard for them to even relate to their own family members.

Skills—

There are different roles in relationships individuals are engaged in. All those different roles for the relationship require different skills.

Individuals with Aspergers have trouble recognizing their own emotions and especially expressing them in a proper way. This can cause anger tantrums; they have an inability to be emphatic towards others. In order to be emphatic they have to be able to understand the impact their own behavior has on other people's feelings. Most of the time, those with Aspergers are not aware of the impact their behavior is causing. This makes relationships challenging for them.

Spouses—

Especially in an intimate relationship, feelings must be expressed. This can be very hard for those with Aspergers. In a relationship, self-disclosure is key… it’s part of creating that special bond between individuals. To get in touch with their own feelings and be able to express them on the right moment and in the right way can be extremely difficult for Aspergers spouses.

Siblings—

Some kids without Aspergers learn a lot from the relationship they have with their Aspergers Siblings It can take siblings with Aspergers a lot longer to learn how to share or take turns in their joint play. Many older brothers or sisters with Aspergers will try to control their younger siblings by dominating the play or laying down the rules. The lack of imaginative play and flexible thinking as well as their love for rituals and sameness will produce typical behavior which can be hard to deal with.

Friends—

In order to be able to interact with others, it is necessary for everybody to be able to make friends Young kids do this from an early age and get a lot of practice in school. Kids with Aspergers are sometimes unable to play the subtle game of becoming friends with their peers. It will take more time for them in order to understand what being friends means.

The Aspergers behavior is affecting the ability to form long lasting relationships such as having friends. However if they find someone they connect to, it can last forever!

Aspergers Diagnosis—

Aspergers is an autistic disorder named after Hans Asperger a child psychiatrist from Austria.

According to Tony Attwood, a specialist in the field of Aspergers, the average age in which kids are diagnosed with Aspergers, is eight years old. This average number means that some individuals get a diagnosis later on in life, as grown-ups and others might get it in early childhood. The Aspergers diagnosis appears to be given later in life than diagnosis of other autistic disorders.

For moms and dads, finding out your youngster has Aspergers can be a shock. Read my personal story on what happened to me after I got the diagnosis off my oldest son.

Signs and Symptoms—

Aspergers is a mild form of autism that can be easily overlooked in young kids. The signs and symptoms are not always that clear to parents and educators and may become more obvious when the youngster gets older.

A lot of research has been done into the typical criteria for Aspergers. Which signs or what typical behavior do you need to see in order to get a diagnosis for Aspergers? The list of criteria according to Szatmari and his colleagues is worth looking at because it gives a complete picture of the behavior kids with Aspergers can display.

Up until now there is no consensus or agreement on which diagnostic criteria will define the Aspergers in total. There are several lists of criteria researchers can choose from. Apart from the list made by Szatmari as mentioned above, there is another list circulating which also gives a clear picture of what to look for in a youngster’s behavior.

Importance—

The importance of getting a diagnosis cannot be emphasized enough. If it's unknown what causes the youngster or grown-up to behave so strangely you can never get them the help they need and are entitled to. And they do need help!

Their behavior can be so off tune and be offensive towards individuals without them even realizing it. They don’t mean to hurt anybody with their remarks but simply cannot grasp the fact that their remarks might be painful or rude. This is caused by their lack of imagination which makes it hard for them to show empathy towards others.

The most important book used to diagnose autism is: The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the DSM-IV. This book sees Aspergers as a separate category.

The following list shows there is a specific combination of behavioral indicators which are used by professionals to diagnose autistic disorders such as Aspergers:

1. Qualitative impairment in social interaction
2. The presence of restricted, repetitive and stereotyped behaviors and interests
3. Significant impairment in important areas of functioning
4. No significant delay in language
5. No significant delay in cognitive development, self-help skills, or adaptive behavior (other than social interaction)
6. The symptoms must not be better accounted for by another specific pervasive developmental disorder or schizophrenia.

The DSM IV handbook has his own list of diagnostic criteria and so does the World Health Organization (WHO).

What is considered normal?

Individuals with Aspergers see the world from a different point of view. They think “normal” people speak in riddles. Why don’t they say what they mean? How come they are not interested in details like me? Why are relationships so complicated? Why use non verbal signs like body language instead of just telling something like it is!

Individuals with Aspergers think their world is more logical then ours. The majority of individuals however think differently so that majority is considered normal. Individuals with autism have to adjust to our “strange” way of relating to each other and our ways of communication. It’s very hard for them to adjust to something so far off from logic. Most of the time, they are truly unable to do so.

The individuals around them need to understand and relate to their different way of thinking. In order to be able to do that, a diagnosis is important. If you don’t know what is wrong how can you help or reach out?

Aspergers Symptoms—

Aspergers symptoms are not the same for every youngster or grown-up with this diagnosis. Aspergers individuals are all different individuals with their own unique set of characteristics. However they do have some of them in common.

Some Aspergers symptoms are:

1. Clumsy and uncoordinated motor movements
2. Fear of changes; sameness in daily routines
3. Inflexibility or rigid thinking
4. Lack of empathy
5. Limited interests or preoccupation with a subject
6. Peculiarities in speech and language
7. Problems with nonverbal communication
8. Repetitive behaviors or rituals
9. Socially and emotionally inappropriate behavior

Triad of impairments—

A researcher named Lorna Wing has established a breakthrough in the search for typical Aspergers characteristics. Together with her colleagues, she found out all the kids in her research group had each of the following three typical Aspergers symptoms:

1. Impairment in communication; both verbal as well as non-verbal
2. Impairment in social imagination; combined with inflexible thinking and repetitive behavior
3. Impairment in social interaction; such as being unable to make friends in your peer group

So in other words, individuals with Aspergers have a lack in social interaction, they have poor communication and lack of imagination. These are the most obvious Aspergers symptoms. Not one of them or two out of three: they always come together. There is no random combination possible… one cannot be there without the others.

This is why it is called the triad of impairments. This triad has a huge impact on every aspect of life when you are diagnosed with Aspergers.

Limited interests or preoccupation—

One of the Aspergers signs can be the limitation or preoccupation with subjects or interest can be obsessive as well as intense. Of course being all individuals there are different subjects of interest but some common interests are trains, planes, space craft, dinosaurs, astronomy, science fiction, math or computers. Normal kids may have these interests too but kids with Aspergers have a very unusual intensity that goes with it. They seem to be focused on memorizing facts rather than understanding the real issue they love so much. Their outstanding memory and focus on details and their inability to see the bigger picture helps them to be seen as “little professors” in their field of interest.

Delayed Motor movements—

Kids with Aspergers may have a delay in their development of motor skills. Tying shoelaces, learning how to swim, catching a ball or ride a bike without the training wheels can be very hard for them to do. Sometimes they show a strange way of walking or display compulsive movements of their hands, fingers or legs such as tics.

Aspergers and Kids--

Aspergers is an autistic disorder. However unlike other forms of autism Aspergers is not marked by severe delay in language acquisition before the age of three. The cognitive development of Aspergers kids before that same age is not delayed either. In fact most of them have advanced language and intellectual development. This is why most kids can attend mainstream schools. They might need some preparations prior to their school entry.

Due to their relatively good behavior kids with Aspergers are not easily qualified for supportive services. However they are too impaired to go without support and I strongly believe they are entitled to it. Teaching kids with Aspergers has to be taken seriously by parents, educators and schools. Most moms and dads wonder how to tell their youngster it has been diagnosed with Aspergers. This can be a hard thing to do but it's very important to be as open as possible on this to the youngster involved. The sooner the better! His or her self esteem will benefit from knowing it has Aspergers instead of wondering what is wrong with them all the time or blaming himself for not being able to make friends in school.

Symptoms of Aspergers in Kids—

Even though this disorder may be hard to diagnose, in many cases there are very clear Aspergers symptoms in kids. Kids as young as toddlers can show signs of autism. A strong indication can be when they arrange their toys in lines (or other patterns) instead of really playing with it.

The following characteristics are considered symptoms of Aspergers:

Social interaction—

• A dislike to any change in their routine
• Lack of initiating joint attention
• Lack of interest in other individuals
• Preoccupations for one particular subject or interest
• Social withdrawal
• They lack empathy so feelings of other individuals go unnoticed
• Try to avoid eye contact

Communication—

• Advanced formal style of speaking
• At young age: echolalia (the repetition of phrases and words)
• No pick up on non verbal signs such as body language
• One-sided conversations
• Social clues go unnoticed
• Subtle differences in speech tone go unnoticed
• Their own speech can be flat because it lacks accents, pitch and tone
• Trouble in maintaining a conversation or starting one
• Unable to take turns talking
• Verbalization of their internal thoughts

Motor skills—

• Clumsiness
• Repetitive movements of body parts such as arms, hands or fingers.
• Their facial expressions and posture may be unusual
• Their motor development is delayed
• Uncoordinated motor movements

When their motor development is delayed this means kids with Aspergers have trouble learning how to swim or ride a bike without training wheels. Some of them have trouble tying their shoelaces, catching a ball or using a fork and spoon during dinner.

Apart from all this kids with disorders in the autistic spectrum can be very sensitive. Their senses are developed so well and they seem unable to filter sounds and other stimuli. They can become over stimulated by loud noises such as singing on a birthday party, strong lights, sudden movements, strong taste and textures. Go to sensory overload for more information.

The good news is: from all the individuals with autism disorders, kids with Aspergers typically take more action into making friends and make more effort in engaging themselves in activities with others.

Aspergers in School—

Teaching kids with Aspergers is a difficult task to handle specially when there are so many other kids in the same class who are also entitled to the undivided attention of the teacher.

The best way to understand how kids with Aspergers feel in school is by reading the book: Martian in the playground. It's written by a woman who has Aspergers herself and who describes how this challenged her during her time in school. It gave me a much better understanding of both my sons and their behavior in school. I can really recommend this book to all parents and educators out there who are dealing with those who have Aspergers on a daily basis.

Some kids benefit from preparations at home or in school.

Most kids with Aspergers are smart and sometimes even gifted, however in order to perform in regular schools it will take a teacher who understands the unique Aspergers traits that come along with this disorder.

Those symptoms or characteristics can be hard to deal with, especially within the school setting but understanding the complexity of Aspergers and finding it interesting and challenging to work with these pupils is a must for everyone who is teaching kids with Aspergers.

Teaching Kids with Aspergers—

When teaching kids with Aspergers one must be aware of the educators and classroom influences and the way those influences affect the students.

Research of Stipek (1996) has shown that virtually everything a teacher does has a potential motivational impact on students. There is increasing recognition of the reciprocal influence between educators and students. Not only do educators influence students by their planning and instructional activities, but students influence teacher’s thoughts and behavior by their reaction to classroom activities. A controversial but classic study conducted in 1968 concluded that teacher expectations can become self-fulfilling prophecies because the achievements students have reflect the expectations of their educators.

All kids with Aspergers are different and will have unique characteristics and behavior. The Aspergers will be displayed differently in every one diagnosed with the disorder. This can make it hard for schools to adjust their program or restructure the environment in the classroom. Read more on how to cope with Aspergers in class. Sometimes it can be as simple as to add a few clocks, create a special workplace, buy earplugs, make schedules and visualize everything. Breaking up the task they need to learn into small steps can be a great help. Repeat those steps over and over again and they will get it eventually. Copy worksheets and give those Aspergers students more space to write, give them longer and wider lines! Use of a lap-top in school or headsets can turn out to be great ways of helping kids with Aspergers. The best help however may come from a different angle.

Moms and dads are a reliable source of good information about the youngster. It is my belief most parents of kids with autism disorders such as Aspergers are very much in tune with their youngster. Some moms and dads even say it comes natural to them and they know exactly how to respond in the right way. It may take others months to figure out how to deal with some of the Aspergers traits and characteristics since every youngster has its own unique personality.

If only moms and dads were take seriously and turned to for advice more. It is vital for all educators to co-operate with parents. Let’s try to get as much information out of those information resources as you can, it will benefit the youngster and maybe even your classroom atmosphere. Do whatever it takes to make your own job easier and reach out to create that safe space for every student!

Aspergers Teenagers—

Unlike a lot of other teenagers with autism spectrum disorders, most Aspergers teenagers want to interact socially and have friends. The lack of social skills can be learned by these teenagers but their inability to pick up nonverbal signs, “read “ others behavior and poor communication skills makes it hard for them to be successful.

They may feel different and can experience anxiety when approaching other teenagers, always wondering why they have such a hard time fitting in. Trying to fit in can be a frustrating process and teenagers with Aspergers can be drained emotionally from this. It can cause anxiety or depression and may lead to social withdrawal. They may also be immature for their age, too naive and too trusting, which makes them an easy target for teasing and bullying.

Some teenagers may be shy or intimidated, talk too little and are extremely sensitive to criticism and need continual reassurance. They may think that the things that others do accidentally (such as bumping into them) are done deliberately to upset them.

Other Aspergers individuals can be blunt, interrupt their peers and take over a conversation to talk about their area of personal interest.

If they have been diagnosed earlier it is possible for them to learn social skills if they feel accepted within their peer group. Most Aspergers teenagers are able to develop friendships.

Challenges in school—

Aspergers Teenagers develop their thinking and learning skills at an unusual age or in an unusual way because their brain processes information differently. This means they can excel in some abilities like language, vocabulary, math or music but are delayed in other areas. They may have problems with authority figures such as educators. The ins and outs of Aspergers from an authentic point of view are described in the book by Luke Jackson. I can highly recommend this book for every teenager with Aspergers of parents with Aspergers teenagers. It is fun to read and to find out how the mind of an Aspergers teenager works in a different way. It will make you understand your teenager better!

Teenagers with Aspergers need an intellectual challenge and show low tolerance for ordinary homework or mediocre tasks. It can be frustrated for them to be regarded by educators as poor performers or arrogant only because they do not feel challenged in school. Sometimes their delay in motor skills will affect their handwriting so much they resent written assignments.

Most teenagers are able to overcome their lack in social skills and learn these skills intellectually rather than intuitively. I believe many Aspergers Teenagers have much going for them:

Strengths—

Aspergers teenagers are typically uninterested in following social norms, fads, or conventional thinking. They are original and creative thinkers and are in pursuit for original interests and goals. Their preference for rules and honesty may lead them to excel in the classroom since many of their advanced abilities are in the gifted range. Their narrow area of interest can make them experts in their field. They can be talented and enjoy academic success. Their dedication and commitment makes them driven to perform well in school.

Many great scientists, writers and artists are thought to have had Aspergers, including many Nobel Prize winners.

Aspergers Symptoms in Adults—

Classified as one of the pervasive development disorders Aspergers is also seen in many grown-ups. The brain of individuals with Adult Aspergers works in a different way, especially when it comes down to processing information. Their focus is on details and mostly these grown-ups have specialized in one field of interest. Aspergers symptoms in adults can stabilize over time and this provides them with opportunities to improve their social skills and behavior.

Aspergers symptoms in grown-ups are impairments in social interaction like maintaining friendships or feeling the need to engage in activities with others. There are also impairments in communication such as taken whatever is said literally and being unable to read between the lines. A good way to communicate with Aspergers Adults is to use Socratic Communication.

There could be an inability to listen to others and pick up on non verbal signs such as body language or facial expressions.

Lifelong Condition—

It’s a lifelong condition without cure or treatment but because grown-ups have a good understanding of their strengths and weaknesses they can develop coping skills. There are programs which offer social trainings to improve social skills and learn how to read social cues. Many grown-ups lead a fulfilling life professionally as well as personally. Most adults with adult Aspergers marry and have kids. Read more on what it means to have Aspergers yourself: got to the site of Kate Goldfield for a crash course on how to accept your Aspergers!

Aspergers in adults has some common characteristics such as:

• Anger management problems
• Controlling feelings such as depression, fear or anxiety
• High intelligence
• Inability to listen to others
• Inability to think in abstract ways
• Inflexible thinking
• Lack of empathy
• Lack of managing appropriate social conduct
• Repetitive routines provides feelings of security
• Specialized fields of interest
• Stress when their routine suddenly changes
• Visual thinking

Unfair labeling—

Due to misunderstanding their behavior, grown-ups with Aspergers can be seen as selfish by their peer group members. Other unfair labels can be: egoistic, cold, ridged or uncaring. Their behavior might appear to be unkind or callous. This kind of labeling is unfair and has nothing to do with behaving inappropriately on purpose. Adults with Aspergers are neurologically unable to see things from the other person’s point of view. They are frequently told by their peers or partners that their actions or remarks are considered painful or rude which comes as a shock to them since they were never aware of this in the first place. It’s therefore important to get a diagnosis so individuals around them understand their behavior better.

Careers—

Many adults with Aspergers are able to work in mainstream jobs successfully. Their focus and knowledge on specific topics as well as their good eye for detail can help them succeed in their field of science. In pursuit of their preoccupations grown-ups with Asperger can develop sophisticated reasoning and an almost obsessive focus on their subject of interest, turning them into specialists in their line of work.

However there are some work related issues that will not benefit the Aspergers employee.

A common career option in grown-ups with Aspergers is engineering since they can be fascinated with technology. Adult Aspergers is more common in males than females which could be another explanation for the relatively high percentage of Adult Aspergers within the engineering profession.

Personally I would recommend all grown-ups with Aspergers to focus their energy on their strengths rather than on their weaknesses. Do what you are good at and organize the rest!

Aspergers Complications—

Due to Aspergers complications there is no sharp image of the stereotype behavior of an Aspergers youngster or adult. They will all face problems in social interaction, communication and imagination but these problems will vary from person to person. Of course, each individual also has his or her own personality and intelligence and may come from a totally different environment or background. All these factors play their own part in how this person is affected by Aspergers. But there are more Aspergers complications.

Aspergers hardly ever comes alone. Most of the time, it is just one of the problems a youngster or adult has. This is what we mean by Aspergers complications. Factors that make it more difficult to see and recognize the Aspergers symptoms or traits. There are several other conditions or disorders known to appear together with Aspergers such as:

• Anger tantrums
• Anxiety
• Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)
• Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
• Delayed Motor Skills
• Depression
• Dyscalculia
• Dyslexia
• Epilepsy
• Fear of failure
• Giftedness
• Nonverbal learning disorder (NLD)
• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
• Perfectionism
• Sensory overload
• Tics
• Tourette’s Syndrome

The signs and symptoms of these Aspergers complications can get in the way of recognizing the symptoms of Aspergers and dealing with those symptoms. The presence of co-occurring conditions may delay the Aspergers diagnosis or get parents, spouses and educators sidetracked. For moms and dads it means more issues to deal with and more problems to solve. To guide a youngster with Aspergers towards adulthood is not an easy task at all and the last thing you need as a parent is more complications.

The scientific term for other disorders to appear together with Aspergers is comorbidity. It's a definition that pops up on a regular basis in books and literature on Aspergers or any of the other autistic disorders. The list above may not be complete but will give you a good impression of what you can expect on top of the Aspergers diagnosis.

Theory of Mind—

The solitary lack of engagement with others may develop to some degree into what can be described as a lifelong egocentrism or apparent selfishness. Your youngster may seem narcissistically concerned only with his or her own needs. What it reflects is a delay in the development of the idea that the self is equal in importance to that of others. This connects to an idea referred to in the research literature as theory of mind, or the ability to understand that others have minds, a point of view, feelings, and priorities. Theory of mind involves the ability to attribute mental states to others or to be able to describe what others might be feeling in a given situation.

Some researchers believe that the ability to guess others’ states of mind is related to one’s ability to effectively practice introspection on one’s own. Some of these things can be acquired late in life and learned. The inability to guess others’ mental states can result not only in faux pas but also in paranoia, by attributing negative intentions in others that aren’t there. Blackshaw, Kinderman, Hare, and Hatton (2001) found that the lack of developed private self-consciousness was a predictor of paranoia. This suggests, again, that the ability to know one’s self in some way may relate to our skill in attributing feelings and motivations to others. More severely autistic individuals may lack these facilities.

Because of these deficits, persons with Aspergers generally will take statements by others in a more concrete and literal fashion (Kaland et al., 2002). Williams (2004) suggests that, at the very least, people with Aspergers must work harder at theorizing what others are experiencing than most persons. Educationally, this means that children with Aspergers need more prompt questions and more time than others to understand social subtleties in language, such as irony, sarcasm, and some forms of humor.

Theory of mind is the capacity we have to understand mental states such as: believes feelings, desires, hope and intentions. It’s the way we imagine other people’s feelings or thoughts. We can create a mental picture of our own emotions or other people’s feelings. This theory of mind enables us to understand the behavior individuals display is caused by their inner feelings, believes or intensions. We can predict some of those behaviors and anticipate on them. Whatever goes on in the mind of other individuals is not visible so it will remain a “theory” we create for ourselves.

But what if you are not able to link behavior of individuals to their inner feelings? This way you can’t understand or predict some-ones behavior due to a lack in theory of mind. How can you make sense of the behavior of others around you if you don’t understand somebody is sad and angry with you because you tore up her favorite dress? For individuals with Aspergers that type of behavior might come out of the blue. They also can’t link their own behavior to the feelings of others so they can be unable to anticipate or predict such a response.

The absence of the ability to understand what individuals know, think or feel might be the root of most difficulties individuals with Aspergers have in communication and social interaction. To test Theory of Mind in kids, researchers can use a simple test made in (1996) by Uta Frith.

Communication—

In the ability of Theory of Mind is a lot of unconscious knowledge of how others might think or feel. Recognizing emotions of others by correctly interpreting nonverbal cues can make communication much more effective. If you don’t have the ability to sense the level of interest of your listener you cannot see from his body language or facial expression he wants to change the subject of conversation. This means kids and grown-ups with Aspergers are not aware their long monologue can be boring to others. The painful or rude remarks they are known to make come from the inability to anticipate how their comments will affect other individuals. There is reason to believe the absence of Theory of Mind might be causing this as well.

Another theory that is used to explain some of the Aspergers symptoms is Executive Function.

Those with Aspergers have a very good eye for details but are most of the time are unable to see the "big picture". The Central Coherence Theory explains why.

Social Interaction—

Theory of mind is based on empathy, the ability to feel for others and put yourself in their situation. Being able to do so will make interacting socially much easier. Understanding the emotions individuals go through will give you the ability to predict their behavior which will effect social interaction. Knowing what to expect will help you know how to respond to the situation. To kids who are unable to take into consideration how others might feel, think, or respond – the world can be a terrifying place to be.

Nutrition and Aspergers—

We all know there are good and bad foods in this world and most individuals have a pretty good idea what nutrition can do for your health. But are those with Aspergers more at risk? If you eat too much sugar you are at risk for diabetes, when you eat too much fat we get problems with our weight or cholesterol and too much salt can make your blood pressure go up. Most of us have a pretty good idea what foods are good and what foods are bad for us. But are we always aware of allergies or food intolerance? Probably not…

What you can do to help right now—

We all know some individuals have allergic reaction towards nutrition or can be lactose intolerant. There has been a connection made between food intolerance and autism spectrum disorders such as Aspergers. The theory is that some individuals with autism and PDD disorders such as Aspergers cannot properly digest gluten and casein. It seems there are many moms and dads worldwide who reported results between mild and dramatic after putting their kids with autism on a diet.

Gluten-Free/Casein-Free Diet—

It’s also known as the GF/CF diet meaning gluten-free and casein-free. Casein is a protein found in milk and all sorts of dairy products and gluten is a wheat protein which can be found in wheat, oats rye and barley. Some moms and dads report some astonishing results in their kids’s behavior and skills such as: improvement in verbal skills, communication and eye contact as well as fewer tantrums, more interaction and less mood swings or aggressiveness. It seems so easy and can be done in no time by every parent. For more information on the GF/CF diet

Anti-yeast diet—

Another theory out there has to do with yeast. What on earth is that you wonder? Let me explain in plain language. Candida albicans is a normal resident inside of our intestinal tract and is known as yeast. This yeast can sometimes be found in the mouth or in the vagina. When this yeast overgrows you end up going to the doctor who will tell you it’s a yeast infection known as thrush. Even though yeast is a part of our body it’s makes some chemical compounds which have a bad effect on the nervous system of your body and are known to slow down the functioning of the brain. This can cause behavioral problems, difficulty to concentrate or focus and inattention.

Food supplements—

Apart from adjusting the food intake and eliminating specific foods one can also think about food supplements. Research has shown a positive effect on language development and learning skills in kids with autism or Aspergers after being given fish oil supplements. Fish oil is also known as omega3 and together with omega 6 are the most essential fats individuals need in order to function normally. Fish oil provides essential fatty acids (EFAs), which are critical for brain health. Kids with attention deficit, autistic, and related disorders have been shown to have significantly lower levels of EFAs in their red blood cells. Moms and dads can start their kids on this food supplement, known as Omega 3 fish oil and are likely to see major results in concentration, less anger tantrums and mood swings.


==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

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How to Prevent Meltdowns in Children on the Spectrum

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

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Parenting Defiant Teens on the Spectrum

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Older Teens and Young Adult Children with ASD Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

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Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and HFA

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

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