When your ASD preteen is beginning to ask questions about s e x ...

By Mark Hutten, M.A.

"My son [12 y.o. with ASD] has been asking questions about sex. He has a rather warped notion regarding how to interact with girls. I want to teach him about appropriate sexual behavior – but how? He takes things SO literally!"


Everyone wants to be loved. Kids seek love from their parents, and eventually they will seek love from their peers. Kids with ASD (high-functioning autism) want to feel love and affection just like everyone else, but they are hampered by their inability to form solid relationships. 

Building a strong parent-child bond early in life will help teach your ASD youngster about relationships, love and the closeness necessary to form intimate bonds. There will be more work to do later, as you’re realizing now.

Sexuality should be openly discussed at the appropriate level at all ages. Once your youngster hits puberty, it’s time to talk about sexual behavior. Talk, talk and talk some more. Having a clear path of communication with your son will enable you to have conversations about important life lessons. Make sure you respect his needs for adjusted communication given his developmental disorder.

Talking while walking for example, or while driving through town, will give him a chance to voice his thoughts without having to maintain eye contact. Plus, he may be more willing to open up about his true thoughts and feelings when he knows you are not focusing solely on him.

Young people on the autism spectrum like to have the facts. No cutesy stories, no made-up names, and definitely no personal details. Stick to clear, concise facts using proper terminology. Have him make a list of the facts. In addition, have him make a list of do’s and don’ts in relation to sexual behavior. This will appeal to his need for order/structure. 

Here are some suggestions to start a list of do’s and don’ts:
  • I should not touch a person’s face, hair, or body without permission. 
  • I should not touch my own body in public. Touching myself is private. 
  • I should stand a foot away from another person. People need their space.

Your preteen is going through major physical and emotional changes. He may find it difficult to cope with these changes and how they relate to all areas of life. His body and hygiene, friendships and dating, maturity and behavior will all be affected by becoming an adult. With your guidance, he can make these changes and approach adulthood well educated on the subject of sexuality and proper sexual behavior.


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

Popular posts from this blog

List of Symptoms for High-Functioning Autism

By Mark Hutten, M.A.
Image
"Is there a list of symptoms or traits associated with high functioning autism in children? We currently have suspicions that our 6 y.o. son may be on the autism spectrum and are wondering if we should take the next step and have him assessed."    Below is a list of common traits among children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's. However, no child will exhibit all of these traits. Also, the degree (i.e., mild to severe) to which any particular trait is experienced will vary from child to child. Emotions and Sensitivities:    An emotional incident can determine the mood for the day. Becomes overwhelmed with too much verbal direction. Calmed by external stimulation (e.g., soothing sound, brushing, rotating object, constant pressure). Desires comfort items (e.g., blankets, teddy, rock, string). Difficulty with loud or sudden sounds. Emotions can pass very suddenly or are drawn out for a long period of time. Inappropriate touching of self in
Read more

The Telltale Signs of ASD Level 1 [High-Functioning Autism]: A Comprehensive Checklist

By Mark Hutten, M.A.
Image
Below you will find the majority of symptoms associated with High-Functioning Autism (HFA), also referred to as Asperger’s. The HFA child will not usually have all of these traits. We will look at the following categories: sensory sensitivities, cognitive issues, motor clumsiness, narrow range of interests, insistence on set routines, impairments in language, and difficulty with reciprocal social interactions. Sensory Sensitivity Checklist— 1. Difficulty in visual areas: Avoids eye contact Displays discomfort/anxiety when looking at certain pictures (e.g., the child feels as if the visual experience is closing in on him) Engages in intense staring Stands too close to objects or people 2. Difficulty in auditory areas: Covers ears when certain sounds are made Displays an inability to focus when surrounded by multiple sounds (e.g., shopping mall, airport, party) Displays extreme fear when unexpected noises occur Fearful of the sounds particular objects make
Read more

Traits of Partners/Spouses with Aspergers

By Mark Hutten, M.A.
Image
The partner with Aspergers (high functioning autism) can manifest a wide range of varying behaviors with varying intensities. However feedback from their partners in marriage suggests there are many common threads in their experience of marriage. Below is a list of some common characteristics of the marriage experience and of the partner with Aspergers, as described by members of our website: • A tendency to correct and instruct those around them. • After marriage the partner with Aspergers often seems to lose motivation to keep working on the quality of the relationship as though the wedding day has “completed” their pursuit, allowing them to pursue other interests. • An essential need to have things done in a prescribed manner or order. • Apparent evidence that the partner with Aspergers is not “reading” situations or people intuitively and is consequently behaving insensitively or inappropriately for the circumstances. • Interests and hobbies of some par
Read more