Your Asperger’s or HFA Child Is Not a Loner By Choice

Most children with Asperger’s and HFA are not loners by choice, and there is a tendency (as these young people develop towards adolescence) for despondency, negativism, and depression as a result of the child's increasing awareness of personal inadequacy in social situations and repeated experiences of failure to make and/or maintain relationships.

In this post, we will discuss the following:
  • teaching your child to monitor her or his own speech style
  • helping your child to recognize and use a range of different means to disagree, discuss, interact, mediate, negotiate, and persuade through verbal means
  • helping him or her to develop the ability to anticipate multiple outcomes, to explain motivation, to make inferences, and to predict
  • managing social situations
  • how to interpret other people's social behavior
  • training of the child's expressive skills

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    1. Hi,
      I'm a mother of 5 year old boy, and i'm really worried about him. I just want to do my best to help him live a happy life. Could you please suggest me best social skill training classes offered in northern virginia.
      Thanks a ton...

    2. Hello,
      I'm an 18 ear old teen who possibly has aspergers, I relate to a lot of the symptoms and from reading your blog have realised that it is very likely that I have aspergers. However my parents are the type who believe mental illnesses aren't real and if they are I as their daughter was not "raised to have them". They also seem to think they can just be gotten over or that people are failures for having them. I moved away from home about a year ago and now that I have space and a roof over my head I've been doing a lot of research and me having aspergers would explain so much.

      I suffered as a young teen from not knowing how to speak properly and still do sometimes, plus my motor skills are terrible. My writing for example is so bad it cramps my hand whenever I try to write, ball sports are a no go as are monkey bars and many other things I couldn't do as a kid.

      Plus I find a lot of comfort in things being placed in certain patterns and have trouble communicating socially especially with trying to maintain a conversation.

      What I'm stuck with is that I know getting an official diagnosis would be supremely helpful but I'm scared about my family plus whilst I live in England and it's against the law to discriminate about such things I know it will happen. People just cover that stuff up or don't realise they're doing it.

      I'm sorry this is so long but I wondered if you could give me any advice on whether I should get diagnosed or not. The most my family would do is shame me for it a lot, they won't physically harm me or disown me but I don't know if it would be worth it. What sort help would it give me etc?

      Thank you if you answer this and thank you for your blog, it's super helpful!

    3. Hello,

      I'm an 18 year old with possible aspergers, I show a lot of the symptoms including really poor motor skills, trouble communicating and not knowing how to control my voice etc.

      My question is whether I should get officially checked out or not. The trouble is my parents are the type who have very negative views towards mental disabilities. If I tell them/get diagnosed there will be verbal abuse and denial.

      Luckily I have moved out so I'm not dependant on them for food/clothing/shelter however I don't want them to have this big negative view of my obviously.

      Trouble is a diagnosis would help to explain so much about myself but I don't know how beneficial it would be aside from that. Plus I'm aware that even though where I live they are not legally allowed to employers do often judge you as do ordinary people. Is there any way I can get help but keep it confidential, at least to my family and friends? If not do you think it would still be worth it for me. The pros and cons of it are never really explained especially as I don't know how much they can actually help me specifically.

      Sorry this was so long!

      Thank you for any help you may give me and also for running this awesome blog!

    4. HELP - My 15 year old son is clearly struggling with many of the symptoms listed here and in other places I've researched.

      When he was younger we didn't recognize his sensitivities and 'odd behaviors' as an issue - we focused on his talents; was a highly ranked tennis player by 10 (but just withdrew) became an incredible self-taught guitarist, playing concerts etc. (but withdrew), and has become amazing with food, talking his way into working in the kitchens at multiple local restaurants even at the age of 12 & 13 (but then withdrew).
      Towards the end of middle school he really started to slide - going from honors classes to a complete inability to do any homework and when he hit high school it deteriorated rapidly. He was getting physically sick and missing large numbers of school days.

      I was able to get him into a county offered computer-based program but after about 6 weeks in that, he's stopped attending and his behaviors are aspie are taking over every aspect of his life.

      - Can't touch something because it's too sticky, or oily - incredible sensitivity to smell - 'the air is hurting my shoulder' and so on...

      It's been impossible to talk with him about these things w/o him getting very upset and cutting the conversation.

      Logic and reason are useless. He's even stated regarding the simplest things, 'my mind's already made up, it's not going to change'.
      IE: 'I love that T-shirt but I can't wear it - it smells'.
      Well we can wash it and it will smell like the rest of the clothes you like.
      'no - it doesn't matter - my mind is made up and not going to change'.

      This is so dangerous - no information, no matter how logical etc. impacts him once his 'mind is made up' - and we're discovering just how deep seated this is in him. He thinks EVERYONE else is wrong and just doesn't understand. The more of his family circle that's tried to talk with him, the more he pushes them away and withdraws because 'they just don't understand'.

      I'm looking for suggestions on how to get him to accept going to get professional help. I've never mentioned Asperger's or Autism.

      Based on the move from high-school to the computer-based program I was able to get his to 2 psychologists and 1 psychiatrist provided by the county - they all mentioned that he acts fairly normally and won't open up to them.

      Based on the information we've provided to them, they all believe he has some level of autism and likely OCD, and is probably struggling with anxiety.