Aspergers Children and Friendship Problems

By Mark Hutten, M.A.
"My Aspie son is 10-years-old, and friends are a big problem. He never has anyone call or come over. Should I push the issue or leave it alone since he is  content so far just to play by himself?"

What do most parents want the most for their kids with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism? Friends!!! We are social beings and because of that, we desire friendships. Some people are more social, needing to be surrounded by other people constantly, while some of us are much less social, preferring to spend some of our time alone.

Socialization is difficult for kids with Aspergers. Friends are hard to come by. Other kids do not understand the characteristics of Aspergers and may think your son is awkward, aloof, or conceited. There are things your son can do to improve his chances for friendships, if he so desires.

Here are a few suggestions:

* Social skills classes help kids with Aspergers learn ways to interact with their peers. Some schools offer these classes to their special needs students through the speech and language therapy department.

* Peer mentoring picks up where social skills classes leave off. Typically developing peers are matched with students with Aspergers. Friends are made while these peers act as social guides. This can be quite effective at opening dialogue between peers while a protective peer mentor is in control.

* Special interest groups or clubs, both at school and in the community, will give your son opportunities to practice his newly acquired social skills with kids that share his special interest or topic. For example, your son could join a computer club or band at school while enjoying bird watching or local history meetings on the weekends.

* Personal hygiene is sometimes a forgotten concept in kids with Aspergers. Friends may not be so accepting if your son has poor hygiene habits. Create a visual schedule to help him remember the basics to cleanliness.

Bear in mind that friends are not the most important thing to some kids on the autism spectrum. Some of these "special needs" children truly are more comfortable with very few friends and spending most of their time alone. If your son is obviously happy and content, as you say, there may not be an issue here at all. If you notice your son struggling with who he is, or with depression or anxiety, you may want to intervene.

For now, make sure he is learning proper social skills and interacting with peers and adults appropriately. As long as he is happy and productive, take your cues from him.


COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said… As an autistic adult, I can say this with confidence: encourage him, but respect his wishes if he chooses not to take social opportunities. He will learn social skills when he's ready. You can't force them smile emoticon
•    Anonymous said… Don't make a up fuss over having no friends...he will take that as there's something wrong with him. Some people just prefer more solitary activities. When an opportunity does present itself, just be there to help,it along, if need be.
•    Anonymous said… I encouraged it, but hes not intrested in any group things so enouraged it by coaching him on how to make friends. I think as they get older they find people who have similar interests as them. My son is 12 and this is the first year he has friends. He also has a lot of online friends, who I believe are on the spectrum as well.
•    Anonymous said… I just let my be for the most part. We leave the social opportunities open. I ask him if he wants to go with me when we hang out with our other homeschool families. He recently took a Boy Scout camping trip and because of that didn't want to go to our friends sons birthday party at chuck e cheese because he was done peopling for the weekend. Don't push it but leave the opportunities open for possibility.
•    Anonymous said… I think our kids need us to set up play dates for them as they can't do It them self
•    Anonymous said… I worried too during my son's teen years. He found his group of friends in college. He's since left school and is alone again but seeing what he can do on his own helps me relax and let go a bit.
•    Anonymous said… My 12 yr old is the same. He has Scouts and karate where he can hang out with other kids. I don't want to push other kids on him. (Or him on them).
•    Anonymous said… My 9 year old HF Autistic/Aspie has his moments.He doesn't have many friends and when he's home he doesn't have any at all.He likes to be by himself playing video games with his online friends which is a few as well.It does worry me as he gets older,but I don't force friendship on him.It makes him too uncomfortable.
•    Anonymous said… My aspie is 11 and typically he played by himself until this year. He has started participating in a social group on the weekends as part of his therapy and it has really helped.
•    Anonymous said… My daughter has an s.e.n youth club that she goes to x
•    Anonymous said… My son is 10and has had a lot of support re social skills at school in a nurture group. It's l helped him massively, he's been taught the things that come naturally to most people. He has more friends now and is much better in social situations than before. I think due to his aspergers he's learnt fast and well as he is very bright.

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