Dealing with Difficult Aspergers-related Behavior
"I need some advice on how to handle behavior problems in my child with Asperger syndrome, such as how to use the right discipline, dealing with his obsessions, sibling issues, sleep problems, school-related problems, and acting-out behavior in public. Thanks!" COMMENTS:
Anonymous said... Yes, I found that my son used to really freak out when young if he got in trouble, he didn't really know what was up or what he did wrong - he has very little understanding of some of his behaviors and why they are not OK at times. When he was a toddler, I discovered the strong connection between dairy products (even Goldfish crackers) and his wild behaviors, so a dietary change did a lot of good. Then as a teen, when he became extremely aggressive when his testosterone surged with puberty, and they tried many meds to help him calm down a bit. Finally Trileptal (Oxcarbazepine) and a small dose (don't use larger ones, they can cause obsessions) of Abilify, plus Clonidine .1mg at night to sleep was the perfect combo. He has been able to reduce some of these as he got older, but if we take him off the Trileptal he gets really frustrated and explosive, so he may be on it for life, but it's not a really bad drug - it's an antiseizure med that they use to help bipolar patients also. And the cool thing when he took it is the meltdowns cut WAY back and his mind changed where he could actually form expressions about what he liked, didn't like, talk about his day, tell stories, make jokes, laugh, etc. His counselor was thrilled because he usually never said more than a few words during sessions, and suddenly they were having conversations. I also find this interesting because I read a story last year about some children diagnosed with Autism being found to be having small seizures on a constant basis, and when they were given antiseizure meds they were suddenly able to come out of it and begin to function neurologically - amazing. He still is very much an Aspie and quite a handful and has many challenges, but at least we don't have to call the police to try to get him to stop wrecking the house and attacking people and yelling - that was awful. My poor child, I really do try to see what he goes through, too. And as a foot note - the greatest challenge in dealing with the changes and improvements these meds brought about was when he moved on to new teachers, counselors, etc, for whatever reason, and they would get confused about his diagnosis at first because he didn't "appear" as an Aspie nearly as much as he did without the meds, and could make eye contact, talk, etc. - I kept trying to explain to them that it's like someone with say, schizophrenia - they can take their meds and appear quite normal, but take them away and then you can see their diagnosis. Sometimes I wondered if they even had a clue - but I guess they didn't see very many Aspies at all on this treatment my son is on and it was not something they were used to being presented with.
Anonymous said... My son either laughs at us if we try to discipline him or he screams at the top of his lungs at us. Ugh. We've started a reward sticker chart which is working right now, but with everything else, he loses interest in things over time and then we have to come up with a new system.
More comments below...
Anonymous said... Yes, I found that my son used to really freak out when young if he got in trouble, he didn't really know what was up or what he did wrong - he has very little understanding of some of his behaviors and why they are not OK at times. When he was a toddler, I discovered the strong connection between dairy products (even Goldfish crackers) and his wild behaviors, so a dietary change did a lot of good. Then as a teen, when he became extremely aggressive when his testosterone surged with puberty, and they tried many meds to help him calm down a bit. Finally Trileptal (Oxcarbazepine) and a small dose (don't use larger ones, they can cause obsessions) of Abilify, plus Clonidine .1mg at night to sleep was the perfect combo. He has been able to reduce some of these as he got older, but if we take him off the Trileptal he gets really frustrated and explosive, so he may be on it for life, but it's not a really bad drug - it's an antiseizure med that they use to help bipolar patients also. And the cool thing when he took it is the meltdowns cut WAY back and his mind changed where he could actually form expressions about what he liked, didn't like, talk about his day, tell stories, make jokes, laugh, etc. His counselor was thrilled because he usually never said more than a few words during sessions, and suddenly they were having conversations. I also find this interesting because I read a story last year about some children diagnosed with Autism being found to be having small seizures on a constant basis, and when they were given antiseizure meds they were suddenly able to come out of it and begin to function neurologically - amazing. He still is very much an Aspie and quite a handful and has many challenges, but at least we don't have to call the police to try to get him to stop wrecking the house and attacking people and yelling - that was awful. My poor child, I really do try to see what he goes through, too. And as a foot note - the greatest challenge in dealing with the changes and improvements these meds brought about was when he moved on to new teachers, counselors, etc, for whatever reason, and they would get confused about his diagnosis at first because he didn't "appear" as an Aspie nearly as much as he did without the meds, and could make eye contact, talk, etc. - I kept trying to explain to them that it's like someone with say, schizophrenia - they can take their meds and appear quite normal, but take them away and then you can see their diagnosis. Sometimes I wondered if they even had a clue - but I guess they didn't see very many Aspies at all on this treatment my son is on and it was not something they were used to being presented with.
Anonymous said... My son either laughs at us if we try to discipline him or he screams at the top of his lungs at us. Ugh. We've started a reward sticker chart which is working right now, but with everything else, he loses interest in things over time and then we have to come up with a new system.
More comments below...
Comments
He has always been extremely hard work, but more recently this has been much worse. My husband now works away so I have full care of him for 50% of the time. Both myself and his mother have problems with his behaviour, and I have always described him as "getting in his downward spiral" meaning he misbehaves but no amount of shouting, punishment, reasoning and explanation can pull him out of his worsening behaviour. He is self loathing, and recently has talked about suicide when he is in one of his spirals ( you refer to this as a meltdown)
I always carry out my threats of punishment, however I am a little confused what I should do when I say;
" If you continue with this attitude, you will be grounded. Your bike, scooter iPod and all the things you like will be removed"
He will often reply ( usually muttering so that sometimes I can only half hear him)
" So, see if I am bothered. I will find something else to do anyway, you can't take everything off me. So what, big deal)
Should I then carry out my threat at that point because of his response? I normally do.....
I then make him put his pyjamas on once he has eaten his dinner, and I only allow him to read or draw until his grounding is complete.
He will not say sorry, and if he is forced to say it by his dad, it is said without any feeling or remorse.
I have come to the point where I have little feeling for him, other than resentment. In fact I would say that I dislike him intently because of his spiteful, selfish, greedy behaviour. He has little concern or care for anyone only himself.
I have read what you have said and he fits exactly. We are now starting the ball rolling with our G.P.
I don't know if I will ever like him though. He has turned into a horrible little boy who is a know it all, big head, however a complete coward!!!!
As you have said, I have shouted, screamed, ranted and raved at him. I am left shaking with anger, whilst two minutes later I can hear him singing or humming away to himself. All is forgotten in his world!!!
Sorry if this is a long rambling email. I just need some advice..
Yelling will not help (as you say) and will only frustrate you (as you say). You say he is rude and out of control, but as the adult, if you want him to be "in control" of himself, you have to model that behaviour yourself (but you say here you yell at him a lot ... so he is really only responding in the same way he sees you communicate).
With my son (9 years old), I have chatted with him in calmer times. He says he does not like his meltdown/spiral behaviour. We agreed on some hand-signals to use when things are getting bad. So rather than things spiraling into a yelling match, when I show him the pre-agreed hand signal for "backchat" (meaning the conversation is going no where and you are starting to get rude), we both stop the conversation. If it is important, we might talk about it again later. This has worked very well for us and helps keep our environment much calmer. But I have to recognise early on what is happening and give him the hand signal in enough time before the meltdown is in full flight.
Reward seems to only work a short time and no warning seems cruel but it really helps me. And when she freaks like what are you doing, don't respond.when they ask why..ask them what happened? have them explain it several times until they figure out what happened and why. They have to do it.
I can tell you I understand completely and it is normal to have these feelings these children are very difficult and you can not excape from them. Use your resources get in home ABA therapy, respite care and know that some time these kids are just two smart for their own good. They are looked at as very dispespectful. They need to learn the skills and have the support to work through and hopefully eventually understand why their behavior causes them not to be liked and given the skills that they lack and take time to develop. I am sure this child is much like mine and yes their are days you wonder how the heck they are yours you do not act like this. Just remember without the skills they can not control it any better than a child with seizures can control their shaking without help and support. I will your pain and will have your family in my thoughts and prayers. Their is not easy answer and it is tough