Aspergers and Family-Stress

Being a member of a family in which one or more members have Aspergers can be extremely stressful at times. Sometimes it seems as if the entire family focus is on the Aspergers child and on the various tantrums and behaviors that come with it. Family members, and especially parents, can feel a low level of anxiety in anticipation of what could happen next.

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•    Anonymous said... I expect it is common. My husband is not diagnosed, but I have certainly come to understand him better since our son's diagnosis. I just wish I knew better what to do about our problems.
•    Anonymous said... I feel the same way most of the time.
•    Anonymous said... i too have aspergers hubby and 2 a/s grown kids,yes i too felt the same,now all grrown up,just me and hubby now and life not so hard,i had councelling[for aspergers family]and got a career,but its still very hard,
•    Anonymous said... not to be funny here, but my two pdd kids are aged 5 and 6 and i have a typical 21 y.o. and a typical husband BUT I feel I am always parenting the husband... That is commen in many families! I also play mediator!!! men are men!

More comments below…


  1. Hi Mark,
    Does Aspergers come and go? I have a 5 year old tentatively diagnosed with Aspergers but whilst he's always special there are weeks when it's like a switched is turned on and everything turns 'bad' - these are the times when we struggle to enjoy him as a person. His resilence becomes very low, he argues everything we say, he refuses to play at all with others nicely ...well you know the sort of symtoms. But then after a week or so, the switch goes again and he's back to loveable with a few quirks!
    is this normal?

  2. It's normal -- and related to his stress-level.


  3. Although i haven't got a diagnosis i can see that my husband has aspergers as well as our son from reading up on it. there are some excellent books on amazon about living with men with aspergers which i found has given me strength to detach the behaviour from the person which is not easy. the thing i find most upsetting is if i cry my son laughs and my husband ignores me like i don't exist

  4. Argh... I think my hub has it too...

  5. My husband has little patience and our son gets his Asperger's traits from me even though I was never diagnosed, so someone is constantly mediating in our house between the other two. We all have a pretty good sense of humor though, so that helps a lot.

  6. Trying to figure that out myself. I started going out once a week with friends and taking a couple days a month to myself and just going away to re-group. Its helping, but its still stressful at home :( I've read everything imaginable and that is just not helping. I can honestly say its HARD to handle!

  7. I thought maybe I posted this in my sleep as it's my life now too. It's very hard and trying, especially when the adult Aspie and child Aspie argue with each other and you have to be the mediator between 2 kids. Another question to this is, how do build a parent/child relationship when both of them have Aspergers? My son has become very resentful to my husband because of their fighting and his low tolerance of my son's stressful times. They have good days when they get along but overall it's a contentious relationship. Any advice?

  8. Excellent advice on handling stress, but you forgot one thing: meds! In addition to counseling, I had to go to my doctor for my own anxiety and depression before I could get healthy enough to handle our very tumultuous situation. I'm glad I did, as I was beginning to get physical symptoms from the stress.

  9. Read "Enzymes for Autism." I have 3 aspies, on of which is my hubby. The dynamics in our home have improved so much!

  10. My hubby has it and 15 year old son ongoin hard work have 13 year old daughter too.we have months of everything goin well and then 1 day of sheer awfulness hard work and ongoin .the love I have for my son daughtr an hubby keeps megoin sad but TRUE xxx

  11. New to this site but this sounds just like my household i have 3 aspies and more times than not i am deflecting a row mediating a row or waiting for 1 to start :( xx

  12. yes sounds like my family,now my 2 a/s daughters are grown and left ,only me and aspergers husband left at home,but still not easy,quieter yes,more peacefull yes,but still hard coping with my hubbys arguing and his o,c,d,yes its so hard,

  13. My husband and I recognized a lot of traits like ADD and some OCD in ourselves when researching it for my son who has ADHD and Aspergers. My husband and my son also go at it over sometimes the stupidest of things. I always thought it was inherent pig-headedness meets testosterone, but after reading this I'm not so sure, lol.
    Yesterday at 1:02am · Like