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How to Deal with Embarrassing Sexual Behaviors in Kids on the Spectrum

"This is an embarrassing question, but what do you do about a child (autistic) who plays with his penis in public?"

First of all, I'm impressed with any parent who attempts to address problematic issues - no matter how touchy or embarrassing the topic may be. So, good for you that you were brave enough to ask this question. And you are not alone by the way. Many parents with kids on the autism spectrum have had to work through this dilemma.

Children with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism, are sexual beings just as everyone else is. However, because of their inability to control all of their impulses, they may display behaviors that are inappropriate in public. This can be particularly difficult to deal with - and of course it is embarrassing for moms and dads.

This is something you will need to be direct and proactive about. There are social aspects of sexuality that will need to be dealt with. You can use social stories to teach about sexuality as well as many other things.

It is important that your son understand good touch versus bad touch. He can be vulnerable in this area, and you want him to be prepared in order to reduce his risk.

In order to be proactive, you will need to think ahead, and decide what is appropriate to teach your son at each stage of development. When talking about sexuality, use real terms. Young people on the spectrum do not pick up on social cues, so they need concrete terms about what you are talking about.

Reinforce appropriate behavior, and when inappropriate behavior occurs (e.g., masturbating in public), parents need to redirect the youngster.

Plan ahead before going into the community. Let your son know exactly what is expected of him while he is out in the community (e.g., masturbating in public is inappropriate). If he doesn't seem to comprehend, give him something else to keep his hands busy.

Set aside some time with your son to talk about sexuality. If you only respond when an incident occurs, you may be sending the wrong message. Find out what he knows about sexuality, again using direct questions.

Find out if your son has concerns or fears about sexuality. Talk about what is "normal" sexual behavior, but also let him know what is inappropriate. Try to let him know that it is okay to have sexual feelings, and it is OK to talk about them.

If you still have concerns, talk to your son's school. They may have some programs that can be helpful in teaching more about sexuality - or you can seek the advice of a professional outside of the school.

Lastly, have you child view this video:




Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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Here's what other parents have had to say:

• Anonymous said... I always stressed that it was something private, but if your child does it in public anyway, I'm not sure what to do. I could only stress to NOT punish for it. Maybe take small trips to "practice public" and reward the child for making it thru without touching himself.

• Anonymous said... I gave my son another socially acceptable habit to replace it. A spin ring worked well and he would spin it on his finger for security instead of playing with himself. He used to do it all the time and now at 12 doesn't need it must of the time.

• Anonymous said... If the child is verbal, discuss the legal perimeters and consequences....designate a place and a time that is appropriate. Ie..bedroom/bathroom. "In private" is the key lesson here, not to eliminate self stimulation.

• Anonymous said... My 9 yr old and 7 yr olds do this all the time. Mostly at home, but will quite happily sit in the lounge quietly playing with themselves. We do stop them and expl ain that they need to do that in the privacy of their bedroom, however it often takes quite sometime before the message gets through... we just carry on repeating it until it eventually gets through... still an ongoing battle. An aspie/ASD trait or just a boy thing? I dont know, but they do need to learn. All thing sexual do seem to fascinate my 9 yr old...

• Anonymous said... When I see my son with his hands on his winker in public, no I didn't misspell, I say hands in the air. Then he knows to stop and isn't embarrassed. For him it's more a security issue. He feels safer when he holds it. I've noticed if he gets scared from a loud noise, his hands go straight down there.

•    Anonymous said... My son does it all the time, he even tries to show people

•    Anonymous said... well,my son doesnt so much 'play with' but does have tendancy to 'hold himself' inappropriatly.i simply remind him[calmly + quietly] that we are in public + that's an activity for the privacy of his room.

•    Anonymous said... my 9 year old had a sort of adjustment he would do. this would include his hand going down his pants. he told me it was like an itch that had to be scratched. he had "no control like the onset of a cough". I started with telling him to do it over the pants if he must do it at all. it took a long time with MANY reminders but I think he now understands that it IS inappropriate. I do catch him sneaking an adjustment in when he believes no one can see him.

•    Anonymous said... Doctor says to remind them that those are their "privates" and that they should only touch them in PRIVATE. It helped alot!

•    Anonymous said... What do you do with an Aspergers teenage boy that has become obsessed with it?

•    Joann said...Yes my soon has this issue also, it started in kindergarten. Very shocking to me to say the least. The advice here is great. Private only and it seems to happen more when they are bored.

•    joy said... my stepson has issues with touching others.I have sought help from teacher,dr,and child and family services.What do I do now?

•    shanti said... My 9 year old son is an Aspie and he says he does it without knowing.I got him a Fidget toy.Anything stimulating that fits in his pocket.His is a squishy little bird with little feeler things on it.Got it at the Dollar Store.You have to redirect their train of thought and routine.Being that Aspies are extremely compulsive and repetitive in certain mannerisms they like a switch in self soothing.

•    Anonymous said... OH my God, my son is an ADHD child, he's only 6years now . his is a bit different he seem pleased with any open flesh around him. especially a fat woman's arm , thigh or open breast from a top. he would touch softly put his cheek around the area press with his elbow and finally he puts his genital and starts rubbing against say the thighs, and he is so happy about it. its so embarrassing, and neither does he talk nor does he seem to understand. I attempt to beat him or scare him and he will repeat this within a few minutes. I used to think maybe he saw this on the TV OR maybe saw us in that moment which I don't think he did, but this proves it all wrong because his younger brother who just turned two and is also an ADHD CHILD. Is showing same signs, whenever u give him a hug he will press u with his genitals more. is this biological do they have extra sex hormones or what.
help me please

*   newone644 said...Beating a child will never help in the long run. It is only short term results with long term damage that varies from child to child. I have this same issue with my now 8 year old High Functioning Autism/ADHD child and after carefully and clearly explaining the reasons why this had to only be done in private, we came up with the code word “dragons.” I say dragons and his hands go straight down and this child has never been spanked even a day in his life. Be sure to reward every minute you see your child catch themselves or successfully not doing it. Kids love to please and by saying a code word you make it stay positive and not turn them into thinking something is wrong or bad about themselves. That’s how bad people form in my opinion and is labeling a child.
  
*   Anonymous said...I am opposite. I have autism and am not able to even look at my private part. It's always made me uncomfortable

*   Unknown said...My 13 year old started squashing his penis with his thighs at the age of 6months, he does it most of the time; IT'S SO EMBARRASSING, he is non verbal, I'm just lost and stressed

*   Anonymous said...My issue is different…my 4 year old grandson has begun rubbing up against my pup and getting an erection…so clearly a sensory situation. His mother tells him to stop…and he does, but with no explanation, I know he will just start sneaking to satisfy his need. Just not sure what and how much to say to a 4 year old. He doesn’t speak much, but he definitely understands…any suggestions greatly appreciated.…

*   Hogan said...My son has ADHD and has been suspended for masturbating at school.

*    Anonymous said...My son is 11 and just started this issue. He is stage 3 non-verbal, with most of the sensory disorders that can come with ASD. Food, clothing, light, and the worse one is his sleep cycle. He has always had a yoga ball for play and excersize, and he even uses it for stemming. However this past week he has started humping it by laying on his back and placing it on his genitals over his diaper and a blanket. So far he's only done it in front of myself, his dad, and his grandfather (my father). He has not done it in front of his adult sister or her boyfriend, or the baby our granddaughter. Who also live with us for the moment. I have noticed it happens during down time during times he may be bored. I don't want to take his ball from him it's too important for him especially the stemming, but have to do something. He's definitely embarrassed if we see him, but also doesn't want to stop when we tell him. If his dad tells him to stop he blatantly ignores him, but if I tell him to stop he stops immediately. I've explained a few times that that's private and not to do it in front of us. But so far that's not really working, although I do know it takes repetition and time, so I will keep at it. I'm just hoping to find more information on how to deal with him doing this. Thanks for the little venting spot, and any information given further.

*    Sasha said...My son does it to but he only seems to do it when we have family friends over when it is just us (me him my husband and his 2 brothers) in the house he does not seem to do it we talked to a docter about it and the docter said just take the yoga ball away when he does it and give it back to him in 2 days we did that once and he was just so depressed so we gave it back within 4 hours of taking it and now we don't know what to do

Sensory-Stimulation for Hyperactive Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"I need some strategies to help my daughter calm down. She has autism (high functioning) and ADHD and is wound tighter than a ten cent top most of the day. If I had her energy, I could probably fly to the moon and back by just flapping my arms."

Many children with ASD level 1 or High-Functioning Autism who are also hyperactive benefit from sensory stimulation. Providing a sensory room or area can be very effective. Be as creative as you can when providing sensory stimulation for your child.

There are many things you can purchase, but you can also make many things within your home. What you use should in part be determined by what your child enjoys or is seeking.

Some ideas are: 
  • A mini trampoline can provide physical exercise and sensory input.
  • Create a touch board, and attach a variety of materials, from sand paper, to carpet. 
  • Fill a tub with sand, navy beans, or other similar item that they can play in. 
  • Find different scents of potpourri that they can use for deep breathing. 
  • Foot massagers are great for waking up the feet.
  • Hang a swing from your ceiling, if it is reinforced. 
  • Have music playing that your child enjoys - this can be calming music or vigorous music. 
  • String blinking Christmas lights around the room. 
  • Use a hammock for the child to lay in and receive deep pressure.
  • Use a variety of lotions for both scent and touch.
  • Use a vibrating massager for deep touch.
  • Use play dough for touch activities.




The purpose of this room is to waken your child's senses and also calm her down. It is most effective to create a schedule of when your daughter will be provided free time in this room. It is probably not best to give her free access to her sensory area, as their will be other things that she needs to participate in. Also, use this area at transition times to provide a smooth transition from one activity to the next.


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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Here's what other parents have had to say:

  • Anonymous said... A gluten free, dairy free diet changed my sons behavior so much!!! Also, no corn syrup or red dye 40. He has Aspergers with ADHD too.

• Anonymous said... Does she take any supplements? Whole foods has excellent supplements specifically for children with ADHD

• Anonymous said... Hi! I have a son who is 11 with ADHD and Aspergers. He's in constant motion, can't take stimulants to calm down, and I often find him spinning in place or somersaulting around just because he has no idea what to do with his energy! Sometimes a change in diet can help, but with most kids (not all) that's not the only solution. Studies in Europe have loosely linked food dyes with increased hyperactivity in kids with ADHD, so that's one possibility. There are some reports that omega-3 fish oil helps too. Weighted vests and heavy muscle-work can also help fatigue the body and slow down the kids, at least for a while. We were told to use the weighted vest (or some other weight/compression, like being sandwiched between two bean bag chairs) for 20 minutes, two or three times a day. For my son, running (using the Wii) or riding his bike outside for just ten minutes will help slow him down. Swimming every day, or every other day, seems to provide more long-lasting effects, over a couple of days. When all seems lost in a day, and he's really hyper and melting down, taking a bath or a shower does it for my son. One of the keys is to figure out what, exactly, calms your daughter down. My son is 11 so he can verbalize that warmth, water, and darkness (a hoodie over his head) calm his brain down. It's not a sure fix and somedays are better than others, but I'm grateful that we have this much! Good luck with your daughter and feel free to message me if you want to chat further.

• Anonymous said... How old is she? She sounds exactly like my daughter was a couple of years ago from toddlerhood. She's now nearly 14 and much calmer, although a lot of hyperactivity is is chatting nineteen to the dozen rather than climbing furniture. She has learned with her therapist to recognize whe she is wired and go to the trampoline or punchbag (both excellent safe ways of getting out the hyper energy) and also she reads (she's hyperlexic) and as long as she has the kindle and abundle of books she can stay still now on a bus or train or in a cafe) Also a gf/df diet keeps her calmer. We also use fish oils. Plus phenagan, an anit histimine, and her favourite DVDs at bedtime which can calm her down to stay still if not sleep.

• Anonymous said... My son is very hyper as well. In fact when school first started telling me he was autistic, I kept telling them "no, he is ADHD". There are similarities. At bedtime he is usually wired. 


•    Anonymous said...Aspergers and ADHD - same diagnosis as my son. But he's on Ritalin XR (extended release), so although he does have a lot of energy, he's not super-hyper either.
 

•    Anonymous said... I recently read an article about fermented cod liver oil and the benefits for kids with ASHD and Asperger's...Im going to look into it for my own son.
 

•    Anonymous said... I am diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and what helps me is go to a quiet room and breathe in and breathe out a couple times and count to 20 and do my favorite activitiy like for example read or word search book!
 

•    Anonymous said... We give our son Mega Red krill oil capsules for his Aniexty & Kroger brand Bone supplement for Hearinf sensitivity. I recently found Adult chewables of both at Walgreens. Bone support must contain Magnesium, Zinc & Calcium. Give daily we've noticed a Huge difference. He's not at jumpy, etc
 

•    Anonymous said... My son just starting doing cross country, middle school. He found on his own last summer he felt better when he runs. Now he runs some all day. Now, he is becoming part if the school team & finally feels as if he fits somewhere. I started noticing a difference after just a few days of camp but didn't want to say anything just yet. Then yesterday in the car on the way home from an unusually calm trip to the store, he calmly told me, "Mom, I feel really calm today". I think it is the release of energy with the combination of the outdoors. The team runs in a park with a lot of trails in the woods.
 

•    Anonymous said... You sound like you know yourself very well - That's a great thing! I hope my 6 year old starts to better understand that kind of thing - it Sure Works for him - but it will be a while for it to be more self-directed - he's only 6 ~~~ however - we're considering other natural supplements & lots more of the types of physical input that balances it.... I hope there will be more responses - I really gain a lot from threads like these - - - will read the linked article tonight!
 

•    Anonymous said... Both my boys have aspergers and all the other diagnosis that go along with it, we have so many calm down strategies because what works one day won't work the next. We are currently involved in a university study on the effects of green lipped muscle extract, one boy takes it and the other has the placebo and i can tell you it certainly has made a difference in the one that is taking it, not a miracle cure, but has certainly made his behaviour more tolerable by all around him
 

•    Anonymous said... I love all children especially children with Asperger's Syndrome ADHD and Down Syndrome and other disabilities! Nobody knows your better than you! You know what is best for your son and as he grows up more he will learn! :) Nobody knows your son better than you! Different things work for different children!

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