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How can I help my Aspergers son to function better out in public?

Question

How can I help my Aspergers son to function better out in public?

Answer

We expect the people around us to look and act a certain way. Acting civilized is desired of all ages, young and old. Sometimes this is just too much to expect. People are individuals with their own agendas. What seems civilized to one family may be over the top in another household. What seems barely acceptable in one place is normal behavior in another.

Nevertheless, we all want to be accepted and we want our children to be accepted. We teach and train from the earliest point in time to the best of our ability and our expectations, only to be told we aren’t quite reaching the bar in other’s eyes. Then add in Asperger’s Syndrome (high-functioning autism). How can we succeed?

Make sure that your son recognizes appropriate behavior for public places. The younger you start, the more time you’ll have to cement the skills in his mind. Manners, personal cleanliness, and appropriate conversation are a few that are not only important at home but can mean acceptance in public.

You should make lists that are very straight-forward with simple language. An example of a list subject could be as follows:

This is how I act at a restaurant:

• I sit quietly and stay in my chair
• I speak calmly and place my order
• I eat my food using my manners

Picture charts are similar to lists, but use pictures instead of words. For example, a picture of a restaurant logo could be used as the title. The following pictures could be a car, people walking into a door, people sitting as a table, and so on.

Reading social stories is another good option. Choose a story about a boy going to eat in a restaurant. It is possible to write your own story. Make sure the story includes many examples of proper behavior. Read the story several times before the trip to the restaurant.

Use every possible opportunity to remind your son about his lists, charts, and stories. This will help him become more aware of how he should present himself. Children with Asperger’s Syndrome do not always see the importance of good behavior because of their lack of social skills. The good thing is that they want to do what is right and acceptable and will work hard to follow the rules.

Utilize the Internet to find books and videos that will model proper behavior for him. This video can be used for older kids through adult: “Manners for the Real World: Basic Social Skills” (DVD).

Your son can watch and emulate actual demonstrations of appropriate behavior by using this video. There are many topic areas covered, from table manners to public conversations and everything in between. All topics are discussed during the segment and then reviews are captioned on the screen. He’ll see it, hear it and read it.

As your son grows, you will need to add new rules to his lists. The body is always changing. There will be added personal hygiene issues, as well as new social situations in which he’ll begin to participate. The goal is to show him how to tackle the issues of public behavior himself as he becomes an adult. Because of your diligence over the years, your son will know what he needs to do to function appropriately in public.


My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

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How to Prevent Meltdowns in Children on the Spectrum

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

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Parenting Defiant Teens on the Spectrum

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Older Teens and Young Adult Children with ASD Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

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Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and HFA

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

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