My Aspergers Child

Amazing Parenting Tricks for Raising Aspergers Children

2012-02-09T07:47:00.000-08:00

Amazing or not, raising a child with Aspergers will take a few "tricks of the trade" that you wouldn't need to have "up your sleeve" were you raising a "typical" child. If you are at your wits end - and need a few fresh ideas in dealing with behavioral issues, then take notes:

1. When it comes to getting your Aspie to do chores, consider the "hiring a substitute" method. Your child may choose to hire someone to do his chore (e.g., by paying a wage of $1.00 he has saved from an allowance), or mutually agree to trade chores with a sibling.

2. Have your Aspergers child rehearse new behaviors. In addition to telling your child the correct way to do something, have him/her rehearse it (e.g., dealing with bullies, not slamming the door when entering a room, walking through the house rather than running).

3. Ignore behavior that will not harm your Aspie (e.g., bad habits, bad language, arguing with a sibling). It's hard to do nothing, but this lack of attention takes away the very audience your youngster is seeking.

4. Many Aspergers children have trouble with transitions. Discuss in advance what is expected. Give plenty of warnings. Have the youngster repeat out loud the terms he just agreed to. Some kids need to negotiate for that "can I have one more minute?" A little extra patience on the parent’s part may help avoid a useless meltdown.

5. Parents can be decisive. Some parents have always been indecisive about what course of action to try with their child. They jump from one parenting technique to the other without giving any one technique enough time to be effective, or they try a new parenting technique once and then give up in frustration because it didn’t work. Some parents will say, “We’ve tried everything and nothing works with this kid.” What I usually see is parents floating from one parenting tool to another without sticking with one particular tool for a significant period of time.

6. Parents can practice humility. When you are wrong, quickly admit this to your child. This will model (a) making amends and (b) that it’s safe to make mistakes. “Admitting your mistakes” teaches your child to respect others.

7. Parents can use ‘reverse’ psychology. For example, “That’s not like you …you’re able to do much better.” This line works because your kid will live up – or down – to your expectations.

8. Parents can use humor to deal with family-stress. For example: Instead of reacting to your kid's temper tantrum, start singing, “The hills are alive with sound of music…”

9. Post a list of jobs that need to be done, such as washing the car, weeding the garden, etc. Let your child choose a "work detail" as a way to "make up" for rule violations.

10. Remember that Aspergers kids want structure. Most Aspies are actually starved for structure – it helps them feel safe.

11. Sometimes (depending on the child’s temperament), one of the worst things a parent of an Aspergers child can say is, "If you do that one more time, you'll be disciplined." You may find that your youngster will be irresistibly drawn to do just that, at once -- whether because you've set an impulse in motion, because he can't deal with the stress of waiting for the other shoe to drop, or because he gets stuck on what you've said. Instead of specifying “one more time,” try saying, "I have a number of times in my head, and you're not going to know what that number is. But when you hit that number, you will get a punishment." This gives your youngster a few extra chances if he seems to be trying without going back on a threat, and it gives him a little comfort zone to know that he can slip-up once or twice. Some children will dislike the uncertainty of this approach, and for them, this might not be the best strategy. But if certainty is more pressure than your youngster can handle, this trick may be helpful in most cases.

12. Tell your youngster your predictions regarding the negative outcomes of his poor choices (use labels when needed). For example: “If you continue to steal, people will call you a ‘thief’, and when things come up missing, they will blame you.” -- or -- "If you continue to lie, people will call you a ‘liar’, and even if you tell them the truth, they won't believe you." When your predictions come true, your Aspergers child will begin to trust your judgment.

13. The life of an Aspergers youngster can often be overwhelming. The treatment for his over-reaction is to defuse the situation, not inflame it. When tempers flare, allow everyone to cool off. Remember, the parent may have to cool off as well. Serious discussion can only occur during times of composure. Remember: “bad” behavior usually occurs because the Aspie is spinning out of control, not because he is evil.

14. Think of your Aspergers youngster as a train with an “anxiety speedometer.” When that speedometer reaches 70 mph, it’s going to take a long time to stop that train. The goal is to keep your child from coming anywhere close to 70 mph. Now, imagine you enter the room when the youngster is at an anxiety level of 50 mph. For your Aspie, the stress of the current situation is getting to him. What can you do to slow that train down before it gathers momentum? Laugh, divert, distract, negotiate, or anything else you can think of – and the speedometer comes down to 30 mph (assuming you have cleverly disguised your intervention).

15. Tie what you 'want' to what he 'needs' (e.g., "When you come home from school on time, then you can have a friend over").

16. When behavior starts turning ugly, redirect to a positive direction rather than criticizing the “misbehavior” (e.g., if your youngster is fighting with a sibling, then suggest a new activity like having a snack, rather than handing out a consequence).

17. Do not shield your Aspie from the results of her choices unless it puts her in danger. For example:

Child doesn’t go to bed on time >>> she gets up and goes to school anyway even though she’s tired and sleepy
Child doesn’t study for her math test >>> she fails
Child doesn’t maintain her bicycle >>> it falls apart and she walks thereafter

18. Consequences can be by parental design. For example:

Child leaves her toiletries in disarray throughout the bathroom each school morning >>> after forewarning is ignored, parent confiscates all items for a period of time (technique works with clothes and toys as well)

19. Parents can rearrange space. Try creative solutions. For example:

If school notes and homework are misplaced, assign a special table or counter for materials
If chores are forgotten, post a chart with who does what when

20. Parents can use adjustment. Here are several ways to adjust:

Realize the same discipline may not work in all situations because of the unique features of Aspergers
Try to blend a combination of several parenting tools to create a more effective discipline
Don’t believe it when your child seems unaffected by discipline. Aspies often pretend discipline doesn’t bother them. Continue to be persistent with your planned discipline, and consider yourself successful by keeping your parenting plan in place. When a child pretends a discipline doesn’t bother him, parents often give up on a discipline, which reinforces the child’s disobedience. Remember, you can only control your actions, not your child’s reactions.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Lying or Wishful Thinking: Which One Is Your Aspie Doing?

2012-02-06T08:04:00.000-08:00

So, you've caught your child lying to you! Now comes a consequence - right? But wait a minute... Was he really lying - or was it an Aspergers trait?

Children with Aspergers (or any other condition that impairs executive function and the ability to interpret the world in an age-appropriate way) may puzzle their moms and dads by (a) the quantity – and poor quality – of their lying and (b) the fact that traditional disciplinary strategies don't seem to change the behavior. For these special needs kids, it may be helpful to think less in terms of “lying” and more in terms of "wishful thinking" (i.e., they often say what they would like to be true, rather than what is clearly and objectively true). This may happen for several reasons:

1. Some Aspergers children can't predict cause and effect. Your youngster throws a ball and breaks a window. His culpability in the act seems clear-cut to you. But a youngster who has trouble with cause-and-effect thinking may not be able to make the connection between throwing a ball and breaking a window. In his mind, if he didn't intend to do it, he didn't do it.

2. Some Aspergers children don't distinguish between fantasy and reality. What is objective to you may be subjective to your youngster. If one truth is as good as another, your youngster may select the one that seems, in his mind, to best suit the occasion.

3. Some Aspergers children don't know what's true. Kids who behave impulsively may not have a clear awareness of what they have done. Kids who have trouble with language processing may not have understood what was asked or expected. Kids with sensory differences may know only what they feel.

4. Some Aspergers children know that the truth may make you (the parent) angry, and they want to please you. If a youngster has done something wrong -- whether due to impulsivity, compulsive behavior, self-protective behavior, language processing problems, motor planning problems, or other causes related to disability -- he may try to make it right by telling you what he thinks will make you happy.

5. Some Aspergers children are just trying to get in the conversation. Children with limited life experience or limited vocabulary may want to have something to say - but no true contribution to make. Coming up with a story, however fanciful or false, may seem like the only way to participate.

6. Some Aspergers children are stressed. If you know that your youngster can't think calmly and clearly when stress levels are high, don't be surprised if you see lots of crazy, stubborn lying in that situation.

7. Some Aspergers children are telling “their” truth. Aspergers kids often experience the world very, very differently than their mother or father, but that does not make their experience false. If your youngster stubbornly, desperately clings to a declaration that you feel is untrue -- water's too hot, work is too hard, an object can't be found -- ask yourself if it might be only untrue to you.

If your Aspie has legitimate special needs that may lead him to tell “wishful thinking” instead of the truth, think carefully before giving consequences for lying. It's important for children to know that they should tell the truth, sure, but if the lying is not deliberate, stiff consequences will teach nothing. When your Aspie engages in “lying behavior,” ask yourself if he is doing so with malice and intent. If not, try these techniques for putting more truth in “wishing”:

Accept remorse as genuine
Be clear and even-tempered in your expectations
If the wishful thinking in question requires a response, give a brief, judgment-free time-out
Leave your youngster unsupervised as little as possible, so you always know the score
Make sure you have your youngster's attention when you ask a question
Make sure you tell more truth than fiction yourself
Respect your youngster's reality, and be open to compromise
Stay as unemotional as possible when getting to the truth of a situation
Take "I don't know" as an honest answer
Tell your youngster what you think happened instead of demanding an explanation

How can I tell if my child is lying – or simply using wishful thinking?

If you pay careful attention to your Aspergers youngster's behavior, it will help you tell if he or she is lying. Here’s how:

1. Look at the youngster's facial expression. Kids who are telling the truth have relaxed faces that usually show an emotion that matches what the youngster is saying. If a youngster is lying, however, his face may show anxiety caused by knowing that he is telling a lie.

2. Listen carefully to what the youngster is saying. Stories that are false may contain inconsistencies or elements that don't make sense. The story or parts of it may not sound believable. If you suspect a youngster is lying, ask the youngster to repeat what he just told you. Truthful stories told twice in a row will generally be the same, but stories that contain lies may change dramatically or contain accounts that cannot both be true.

3. Decide whether the youngster's story sounds rehearsed or spontaneous. Kids who are telling the truth will usually tell it "off the cuff"(i.e., the story will sound like a fresh recounting of an actual event). A lie, on the other hand, may sound stilted or rehearsed. Some kids may even repeat the exact same phrases when telling a rehearsed story the second time.

4. Watch your youngster's body language. A youngster who is lying is more likely to appear nervous, defensive or scared. Look for hunched shoulders, a stiff body or face, repeatedly touching the nose or mouth and avoiding eye contact. While some kids are anxious when speaking to grown-ups no matter what they say, kids who can speak comfortably to adults normally, but who are nervous when telling a particular story, may be lying.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Parenting Defiant Aspergers Teens - Audio Course

2012-02-04T08:16:00.000-08:00

Parenting Defiant Aspergers Teen
Workshop

Hello Parents,

If you (a) have an Aspergers teenager and (b) are having issues with his/her behavior at the moment, I have an audio course that I would like for you to listen to. This course is actually a recording of the "Parenting Defiant Aspergers Teens" workshop that I did recently in the Indianapolis area. You can download this audio course and either burn a CD - or load it onto your iPod. Have fun with it ...and expect great things to happen with your "out of control" Aspergers teen when you implement the crafty techniques I show you :)

Check it out…

Cheers!

Mark Hutten, M.A.

How To Stop Confusing Your Aspergers Child: 10 Tips For Parents

2012-02-03T08:21:00.000-08:00

Every child has a "blind spot" in learning and understanding things. Many kids don't "get" algebra, for example. This is a challenge that the child can usually overcome at some point (e.g., with the help of a tutor). However, in children with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism, the "blind spot" happens to be reading social cues – and it is permanent (called mind-blindness). This blind spot is right there in their face, every day (e.g., dealing with parents, teachers, peers, etc.).

There are certain effects that make language vivid and engaging, fun to use, and interesting to listen to (e.g., figures of speech, sarcasm, body language, tone of voice, etc.). But these effects can stand like sturdy roadblocks between the messages we try to give our Aspergers kids and their ability to receive them.

Aspergers kids with language processing problems, developmental delays, and other special needs can have genuine difficulty understanding the nuances and subtexts of language. If your Aspie reacts to something you've said in a way that surprises you (e.g., ignoring, overreacting, defying, misunderstanding, panicking, giving you that "deer in the headlights" look, etc.), then consider the following:

1. If your message is anything other than simple and straightforward, pare it down and try again. You may be surprised at how much more cooperative your youngster is when he actually knows what you want.

2. Just as you wouldn't talk to a 3-year-old the same way you'd talk to a 13-year-old and expect the same degree of comprehension, you can't talk to an Aspergers youngster with delayed language, social or emotional skills in a way that would be appropriate for his chronological age.

3. It's natural to try to add more and more explanation when you feel that your son or daughter doesn't understand what you're saying, but if language is the problem in the first place, adding more language probably isn't going to help.

4. Instead of trying to “tip” your Aspie to your meaning with tone of voice, body language and wordplay, use simple repetitive phrases that are easy to understand. If you want your youngster to do something, start by saying "I need you to ..." If you're talking about feelings, say "I feel ..."

5. Without an awareness of the way tone of voice and body language can change the meaning of words, your youngster may misinterpret your intention or your level of urgency.

6. You may be inflating your statements for humor or out of anger, but your youngster may think you really mean it. He may:

accuse you of overreacting
panic or overreact
not know what to make of what you've said
think you're being cruel

7. What seems friendly and harmless to you may seem threatening and confusing to an Aspergers youngster who does not understand that you don't really mean it – or even why you would say a thing you don't mean.

8. If you use an expression your youngster is not familiar with, or if he doesn't understand that words can be used in ways that have nothing to do with their literal meaning, then your statement may seem silly, annoying or incomprehensible.

9. If your youngster is unable to pick up cues from your tone of voice, he may take what you say at face value (i.e., the exact opposite of your meaning).

10. Children with Aspergers can learn to not take things literally, but they don't seem able to let go of one meaning (they need to store both). Thus, expose your Aspie to as many “silly phrases” as possible (e.g., “that opened up a can of worms” … “that’s the straw that broke the camel’s back” … “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” …etc.). Explain what each of these phrases mean. Learning them early can save confusion and embarrassment later.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Helping Resistant Aspergers Children with Transitions

2012-01-31T09:17:00.000-08:00

My child with Aspergers still has trouble with transitions. Social stories don’t work that well for him. To get him to stop doing what he’s doing to get ready for bed (as just one example) is like pulling teeth. Help!

Here’s a 7-step plan for giving your Aspergers youngster plenty of warning and helping him make transitions more calmly:

1. 10-minute warning: Tell your youngster, "You’ve got 10 more minutes"(parent’s secret: unless your youngster is watching the clock or is a stickler for accuracy in this area, you can give this warning well before you actually only do have 10 more minutes). Let’s assume that your youngster is ignoring you at this point (e.g., he may be thinking he has plenty of time yet).

2. 5-minute warning: About halfway into the 10-minute warning, say, "You’ve got 5 more minutes" (get at least an acknowledgment that your Aspie has received the message at this point). As Aspergers children often do, let’s assume that your youngster is still ‘dilly dallying’ around (i.e., taking his sweet time).

3. Warnings by the minute: Just as some snooze alarms get louder each time you hit the button, make your warnings more frequent at this point (e.g., give a 4-minute warning …3-minute …2-minute (parent’s secret: the countdown doesn't have to actually correspond to factual time; you can say, for example, that he only has 2-minutes left, but he may actually have 2 ½). In any event, let your youngster know that it's time to get organized for a change.

4. Warnings by the second: At this point, your youngster should be at least reluctantly moving toward change. Count down in 10-second increments at this point (e.g., you’ve got 50 seconds …40 …30 …and so on).

5. An extra 10-count: If your youngster is still goofing off, tell him he has a count of 10 to get with it. Then count up from 1 to 10. And move on.

6. This technique should work with those Aspies who have difficulty with motor planning and change. However, you will want to calibrate the amount of time used to your particular youngster's needs. The countdown described above is merely an example, and one that can be tailored according to the situation – and your child’s temperament.

7. A stopwatch or a timer can sometimes also be effective countdown tools. When choosing a timer, opt for one that will be most appropriate for your Aspie, and make sure that it is something that he will easily understand. While a digital timer may be an appropriate choice for older kids, this may not be well suited for younger ones. For younger kids who still do not have a concept of time, the hourglass timer usually works best – not only because it is more interesting, but also because it is easier to understand. Since younger kids may not know how long 3 minutes is, the hourglass timer gives them a visual of how long 3 minutes actually is.

Before you use the timer, let your youngster know what the timer is for. Let him know that the timer keeps track of when he needs to switch activities (e.g., “When the timer goes off, it is time for you to stop playing your video game and get ready for bed.”). Explain it simply and use words that will make him understand.

When using the timer, it is also important that you provide warning signals (e.g., ringing of a soft bell, gentle snapping of the fingers, etc.) when the time is almost over. This way, your youngster will be ready when the time runs out and will not feel surprised or rushed. The important thing is to be consistent and to always use the same warning signals. This way, it will become part of the routine.

Tips to help you be successful with the “transitioning” method outlined above:

1. Be consistent. Use the same warning time and words every time. This makes it easier for your Aspie to understand and adjust to the transitions. By knowing what the expectations are, he will transition easier.

2. Do as much as possible beforehand. Pick out clothes the night before, make sure his shoes are readily available, etc.

3. Evaluate situations that are difficult. If there is a particular situation that causes major problems during transitions, evaluate the circumstances surrounding the situations. For example, it could be that your Aspie doesn't want to do the next activity due to sensory issues or other problems. It could be that the schedule needs adjustment, or that other accommodations need to be in place.

4. Make sure all of the “extra activities” are taken care of beforehand. It is easier to get out the door when the Aspie can’t pause when it opens and exclaim, “I have to go to the bathroom!” Take care of those needs before you walk out the door. Do the same with food and drink. Better yet, bring a water bottle and a snack (one less excuse for your youngster to dawdle).

5. Make your youngster part of the team. Enlist his help in order to get out the door on time. Have a checklist and allow him to check off what gets done, or have him help load important items into the car if you are leaving.

6. Negotiate transitions when possible. For example, if he’s playing video games and you want him to stop so he can get some homework done, you can say, “Do you want to continue playing your game for another 30 minutes and then do your homework – or do you want to stop for now, do some homework, and then go back to your game for 60 minutes? So, 30 minutes now – or 60 minutes later …what’s your preference?”

7. Never underestimate the power of a good social story. If you’ve tried social stories, but they didn’t work, it may have just been a poorly applied story. Social stories are a wonderful tool for working with Aspergers children. The value of seeing his name in print with clear expectations will be golden for your Aspie. A social story is a simple story naming the youngster along with the story of what you want him to accomplish.

8. Respect your youngster’s need for a warning. When an Aspergers kid is engaged in an activity, it is very difficult for him to move on to the next activity. Teaching him how to transition takes patience and time on your part. By giving a warning, the youngster will have an easier time accepting transitions.

9. Teach your child to tell time. The sooner you do it, the easier it becomes for your Aspie to understand the passage of time and how it works.

10. Use rewards. When an Aspergers kid is engaged in an activity, sometimes it is difficult to get him to transition to a new activity. In order to help him, offer some incentive to change activities (e.g., a preferred food or item, a desired activity later in the day, etc.).

A plan for blatant resistance: “This Tantrum Is Not Solving Your Problem”

If your Aspergers child flat-out refuses to make the transition from the current activity to the next one – or worse yet – throws a temper tantrum, help him understand that “resistance” and “throwing a tantrum” will not help him get what he wants. For example, let’s say he’s watching television …then you come along and want him to get ready for dinner. Your first request for this transition is met with stiff confrontation (e.g., yelling and throwing the remote). You can say, “If your problem is that you want to watch TV, then yelling and throwing the remote is not solving that problem …it’s just prolonging the problem! If you want to solve that problem, then come and eat a few bites, then you watch TV some more.”

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums

The New Diagnostic Criteria for Autism

2012-01-30T10:32:00.000-08:00

The publication of the fifth edition of Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) will have a huge impact on Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASDs). Aspergers and PDD-NOS will disappear, new criteria will be used to diagnose ASD, and new categories have been developed which are likely to absorb many individuals now diagnosed with ASD.

Autism Spectrum Disorder

Must meet criteria A, B, C, and D:

A. Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across contexts, not accounted for by general developmental delays, and manifest by all 3 of the following:

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity; ranging from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back and forth conversation through reduced sharing of interests, emotions, and affect and response to total lack of initiation of social interaction.
Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction; ranging from poorly integrated- verbal and nonverbal communication, through abnormalities in eye contact and body-language, or deficits in understanding and use of nonverbal communication, to total lack of facial expression or gestures.
Deficits in developing and maintaining relationships, appropriate to developmental level (beyond those with caregivers); ranging from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit different social contexts through difficulties in sharing imaginative play and in making friends to an apparent absence of interest in people.

B. Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities as manifested by at least two of the following:

Stereotyped or repetitive speech, motor movements, or use of objects; (such as simple motor stereotypies, echolalia, repetitive use of objects, or idiosyncratic phrases).
Excessive adherence to routines, ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior, or excessive resistance to change; (such as motoric rituals, insistence on same route or food, repetitive questioning or extreme distress at small changes).
Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus; (such as strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).
Hyper-or hypo-reactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of environment; (such as apparent indifference to pain/heat/cold, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, fascination with lights or spinning objects).

C. Symptoms must be present in early childhood (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities).

D. Symptoms together limit and impair everyday functioning.

The DSM is a manual that organizes behaviors and symptoms into diagnostic groups for the purposes of clinical diagnosis and recommended treatment. Over time, the DSM has changed significantly. The concept of an "Autism spectrum" is relatively recent, and major changes to criteria for Autism diagnoses will change what we presently think of as the "spectrum." Most significant for individuals in the autism community will be the removal of two existing Autism spectrum diagnoses from the manual: PDD-NOS and Aspergers.

Treatments will probably not vary much as a result of the DSM change. Also, there should not be a shake-up in terms of services and therapies. People and their needs aren't changing, just the way we capture their diagnoses.

The new criteria attempt to better describe and identify what Autism is, including what social communication is (separate from general learning disabilities). The DSM will also incorporate a dimensional aspect to ASD, indicating how much support an person needs in his/her community to focus on what the person should be doing at their age and developmental levels. This acknowledges that there is a range of causes in ASD, with a different range of functions.

An individual with present symptoms of Aspergers will fall in the diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder, and there will probably be additional “specifiers” (e.g., without intellectual disability, with fluent speech, etc.), which may better describe the diagnostic picture for such an individual than is currently done with the term Aspergers alone.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Preventing Meltdowns: Diversion Tactics for Parents

2012-01-29T10:42:00.000-08:00

When it comes to parenting a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), there are a few scenarios that are fertile ground for meltdowns. Some examples include (but are definitely not limited to):

all afternoon shopping trips
an endless car ride
long wait at the doctor's office
slow service at a restaurant
too many homework problems

These are moments where a meltdown is coming on fast, but can still be diverted. These are the times when moms and dads need “diversion tactics” (i.e., a supply of items and ideas that can fill a moment or turn a head).

While diversion tactics come in handy with any youngster, it's particularly imperative for kids with an Autism Spectrum Disorder who are often significantly less able to amuse themselves, negotiate transitions, or avoid meltdowns. A parent needs to be quick, versatile, creative, and resourceful to keep things running smoothly. Planning ahead can help.

Here's how to make sure you always have plenty of tricks in your bag:

1. Your diversion tactics should do one of these (and preferably more than one): Soothe, Entertain, and Distract. They must be deployable at a moment's notice, especially in stressful situations. The space of time between the need for soothing, entertainment and distraction, and the onset of complete disaster can be brutally short.

2. Some of the tactics in your “diversion kit” will be actual items (i.e., things you keep in your purse or pockets for emergencies). It doesn't hurt to have some on hand at all times (that's why most of these are small) and then to load up with extras when you know you might need them. Some possibilities (depending on the age of your ASD child) include:

• Animal crackers
• Coins
• Crayons/coloring book
• Deck of cards
• Dice
• Doll
• Fidget toys
• Finger puppets
• Flash cards
• Hard candy
• iPad
• iPhone
• iPod
• Keys
• Little notepad and pen
• Magnetic travel game
• Photos
• Pretzels
• Puzzle book
• Raisins
• Small storybook
• Stickers
• Toy cars

3. Some of the tactics in your “diversion kit” will be ideas that you can implement without any need for props. You may have to go through a few before you find one your ASD youngster will run with, so keep a list if you can't keep them all in your head. Some possibilities include:

• 20 Questions
• A is for ..., B is for ...
• Blowing a raspberry on his or her arm
• Clapping games
• Getting a drink from a water fountain
• Hide something in fist -- guess which hand?
• I Spy
• Let youngster choose what to do next
• Looking out window
• Math facts
• Play with youngster's hair
• Pushing hard against each other's hands
• Rock-paper-scissors
• Saying something silly
• Taking a walk
• Tell me three things you did today
• Tickling
• What color am I looking at?
• Whispering secrets
• Word games where each person adds an item, alphabetically, and the next person must remember the whole string of words

Putting together a good list of diversion tactics is one thing, maintaining it is another. As your ASD youngster gets older, changes interests, gets bored with some things and taken by others, you'll want to keep changing and replenishing the tactics in your "diversion kit." Remember, the objects don't have to be big, they don't have to be fancy, and they only have to be able to run your youngster past a bit of boredom, anxiety, or a little rough behavioral spot. But they do have to soothe, entertain, and distract.

Note: If you only have a couple diversion tactics, they can fade with overuse. The more tactics you've got in your “bag of tricks,” the better.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums

Dealing with Parental Stress

2012-01-28T16:11:00.000-08:00

Of course, not all moms and dads with Aspergers kids are under stress, but many are. As one mother states, “You learn to live with a significant amount of stress and you throw yourself into your everyday job as a parent when you have a youngster with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. If you work outside the home, you work even harder - and you don't think much about taking care of yourself.”

Some moms and dads worry that they could have done something to prevent their Aspergers youngster's problems. They also agonize over whether they could do more now. Some stress is to be expected. As long as you're sleeping and eating well, enjoying much of your day-to-day life, and finding support where you need it, your stress is probably not too overwhelming.

Are you too stressed? Ask yourself these questions:

Are symptoms of stress impeding your functioning?
Are you finding it hard to get through the day's activities?
Are you having a hard time eating, sleeping, or getting up in the morning?

If you're exhausted and overwhelmed on a regular basis, you're more susceptible to physical and mental disorders. You may need time and help to recharge your batteries and find coping mechanisms. And it's important to take action now for the future. After all, when you're the mother or father of an Aspergers youngster, you're in it for the long term.

An experienced professional can help give you concrete ideas for finding time and space for yourself. He/she can also work with you to develop specific coping strategies. Changes in attitude can make a big difference, and there are many ways to work on your own feelings. It may also be helpful to have an appropriate time and place to let out pent-up frustration that's so often a part of coping with a youngster with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.

It's important to find a psychologist, psychiatrist, or social worker who has specific experience in working with families affected by Aspergers. To find such a person, get in touch with local Aspergers support groups and ask for advice. Check out online databases. Ask your family doctor for suggestions, too. Some states offer a service called "mobile therapy." This program brings therapists into your home to work with you and your whole family.

The main thing parents with an Aspergers youngster need to know is that they are not alone. There is help out there! Even if you are a single mom raising kids alone, there is help. It's up to the parent, however, to realize that it's not a sign of failure as a parent to need and accept help in caring for your Aspie.

Discipline for an Aspergers youngster is often very different than the way you would discipline a neurotypical child. So a parent is often left feeling helpless and not knowing what to do, and feeling they have nowhere to turn in getting a break from parenting. In fact, a lot of moms and dads actually feel guilty for even wanting a break, let alone taking one. The idea of a few hours away from their youngster makes them feel as though they are failing him or her as a parent. For some reason, some parents feel that to parent their youngster, that means being around them and caring for them 24/7 without any outside help.

Moms and dads need to take a break! Hire a competent babysitter, even a nurse if needed, get family to help, ask a friend for help! The point is this: get out of the house alone or with your spouse for a few hours and enjoy yourself. You can’t change any of the issues your youngster may have, but you can get a break. You can get out a few hours a week alone to unwind and you can get help to allow you to get that much needed break.

There are no easy answers on how to raise a youngster with Aspergers. Every child is different, as is every parent in their parenting methods. But the stress level is invariably there. Handling the stress is necessary in order to provide good care not only for your youngster, but for yourself and the rest of the family as well.

Many parents go through a difficult time when their youngster is first diagnosed. But after a year or two, most do learn to cope, enjoy their youngster's achievements and their own lives, and have fun.

Aspergers children are special indeed – and we love our children very much. But we as moms and dads need to be able to unwind and relieve the stress so that we are better able to parent. Never feel guilty for needing to ask for help!

Bottom line: If you're not the person you normally are, then that's a reason to get help, or at least consider that possibility.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Getting Your Aspergers Child To Obey: The "Silent 30 Count"

2012-01-27T09:18:00.000-08:00

When it comes to getting neurotypical children to do what they're told, “3” seems to be the magic number in most cases. The success of your own mother or father in telling you when you were a kid “you’ve got until the count of 3 to hop to” may make you assume that if your child doesn't get moving in a similar time-frame, he’s being defiant.

But for Aspergers kids, 3 may not be a very realistic number. Think about what you're asking your youngster to do when you give an order and start counting. He has to (a) decipher what it is you want done, (b) think about how to do it, and (c) try to do it – quickly. Can your Aspie accomplish these 3 steps in 3 seconds? Don't be too quick to say “sure he can!”

Consider these possible challenges:

• Stress management. Some Aspies find deadlines energizing, but others can become paralyzed by them. Anxiety caused by “deadline pressure” can take over your youngster and cause her to be unable to focus on the task at hand. Then, since she’s not doing what you want fast enough, you may become even more impatient, thus paralyzing her even more.

• Motor planning. For some Aspies, contemplating how to physically do something (even something as obvious as stopping what they're already doing) can be a multi-step process. Planning and sequencing that activity may be a bigger job than a count of 3 will allow.

• Frustration tolerance. If your Aspie seems unable to obey for some reason, it may seem easier to just issue a consequence than to do what's called for. A count of 3 gives your youngster very little time to work through other possibilities.

• Auditory processing. If your Aspie has trouble processing language, it may take more than a count of 3 for him to figure out what you want done, much less how to accomplish it.

If any of these are issues for your youngster, you may find you will have more success if you do two very important things:

extend that “3 count” to a “30 count” (i.e., 30 seconds)
count silently (under your breath)

Counting to 30 gives your Aspie adequate time to (a) process your request or ask for clarification, (b) transition from what he is doing to a different activity, and (c) deal with frustration without becoming overly anxious. Counting to yourself (rather than out loud) helps your child to be able to focus on the task at hand rather than on your "distracting" voice.

You may find that your youngster sometimes needs less than 30, at which point you can provide praise and encouragement. But if your “silent 30 count” is reached and the behavior hasn't changed, you can then issue a consequence.

Alternative to the “silent 30 count”:

Depending on the situation, you may want to opt for the “0 count” method (that’s right …the ‘zero’ count method). How does that work, you ask?

When requesting your Aspergers child to follow your directions, you can allow him to decide when he will comply. Let’s use “doing chores” as an example:

The parent asks her child to clean his room before he takes-off over to a friend’s house. Five minutes later, the child declares that he is finished and starts to leave. Upon quick inspection, mom notices that his room is still a mess. So she says, “Hey …before you leave, I need to tell you something. Your chore isn’t done yet. Take as much time as you need, but you can’t leave until your room is cleaned-up.”

Statements like “take as much time as you need” are powerful in helping the child understand that his behavior determines when he may have the things he wants (in this case, the privilege of spending time with a friend).

Giving your Aspergers youngster more time to do what you ask may seem like a sign of weakness on your part, but if you have reason to believe that she can't comply in short order, it's not only compassionate but sensible to extend the deadline. Your goal, after all, is to have your directions followed. In the end, it's far more time efficient to spend 30 seconds and get what you want, than to spend hours seeing to it that your child follows through with the consequence for non-compliance.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums

Home-Schooling the Aspergers Child: Pros and Cons

2012-01-25T08:39:00.000-08:00

Question

The public school hasn't worked for my Aspergers daughter because she wasn't diagnosed until recently, and they didn't know how to work with her. Consequently, her needs weren't met, and their ignorance resulted in what I would call 'abuse'. The school refused to allow her to call home last Monday, and they put her into a room to allow her to compose herself, which terrified her.

Now my daughter has a very bad feeling about this school. Intuitively, she believes something terrible is going to happen to her physically if she attends school there. She expressed it was not anxiety like she normally feels ... just her intuition. However, the school is pushing for her to attend and therefore anxiety has kicked in. We attempted yesterday, but when we arrived, she went into meltdown form. She refused to leave the car.

She has lost any trust they had previously built with her. She was traumatized and they didn't get it. She feels unheard and disrespected. Also, the event was a trigger from the past school district. Based on their reaction Monday, she feels confident they don't get it and therefore she isn't safe in that environment. She fears she won't be able to protect herself in an environment if she doesn't feel heard. Now she is convinced if she feels unsafe and needs to call home, they will deny her. So, I'm struggling with this issue. I honestly don't know if she has the ability to overcome her fears and do the work required to work through this challenge.

We're supposed to meet at the school tomorrow. I doubt I will be able to get my daughter to go with me. Our plan is to sit down and outline our concerns. Honestly, based on their reaction and response to the situation Monday, I don't think they understand the diagnoses and how to deal with her effectively. However, my daughter wants me to withdraw her and home-school. I surrender ... if that is a part of my journey then I'll take it on. However, I just want to be sure that I have exhausted all possibilities and know that this is the right path for her.

Any feedback you have would be greatly appreciated.

Answer

This may not be the answer you were hoping for, but given all that you’ve said, I can say without a doubt that there would not be a better candidate for home-schooling than your daughter. However, you are certainly not alone on this.

Growing numbers of parents with Aspergers children are citing dissatisfaction with the level of their child's education as the primary reason for homeschooling. Most mothers and fathers in this group have had a child in public and/or private schools, but decided to home-school because of the lack of individual attention, inadequate teaching methods, and declining academic standards, as well as poor school performance by children that excel at home. Also, concerns about school safety have increased in recent years, resulting in an increase in the number of kids who begin home-schooling during the middle and high school years.

Having said this, I’m going to shift the conversation over to talking about the pros and cons of home-schooling so that, in case you decide to go this route, you can at least make an informed decision. Let’s look at the cons first…

Cons of home-schooling—

Home-schooling does not produce angels. Just because you take your daughter out of the current school system does not mean that she is going to immediately change some of her undesirable traits. If you decide that your main reason for home-schooling is because she presents a discipline problem for the teacher, don’t necessarily think that her attitude will change when you teach her. If, for example, she is accustomed to whining and getting her way on the little things around the home, she will not do an about-face just because you are the teacher.

You simply may not be able to gain enough control to be able to home-school. Please be realistic about this reality of home-schooling. I know of one mother who was angry with the school because the school always seems to think that her Aspie was involved in any unfortunate incident. The mother, without trying to get to the root of the problem, jerked the youngster out of the school and decided to home-school. There was little if any teaching that took place. The child rode his bicycle seemingly all day while the regular students were in school. The mother was simply too busy with the other kids to make him do his lessons. I tried very hard to help this particular Aspergers child the following year when his mother put him back in public school, but he was not willing to give up the previous freedom that he had enjoyed. His attendance was very sporadic. So, do NOT take on the task of home-schooling as a last resort because you are angry with some teacher or the school system!

Home-schooling is not free and the government does not provide home-school vouchers. The cost varies with each program. In some programs you purchase workbooks and teacher's editions for each subject (call around and find other parents that are home-schooling because they may be ready to sell you their teacher's edition or the text at a reduced rate.)

If you decide to do home-schooling, you need to reduce the amount of time watching TV. This does not mean that the TV must stay off entirely, but you can use some of the evening TV time to enrich your daughter’s reading. It is very healthy for a child to see parents reading at night. Television does not stimulate good reading habits. The youngster needs to see that movies are seldom as good as the book. Former “television time” may be the time that some of the household duties can be done.

Some home-schooled children are not required to work on a time frame (not a good idea with Aspergers kids since they crave structure). If your daughter should return to a regular classroom at some point in the future, that teacher does not have "all day" for her to work 5 math problems. (If you home-school, it will be foolish to allow unlimited time - or no time frame - to complete a task. This habit will be carried into the work force when she becomes an adult). Many times the home-schooler can’t cope with the 50-minute class frames that are prevalent in a regular classroom.

Another "con" concerning home-schooling is the fact that there is usually a state guideline for home-schooling. Some states require home-schoolers to take a standardized test.

Also, your daughter will suffer academically if your commitment is only to teach the subjects that she has an interest in.

You must carefully weigh the challenge of time. You may barely have enough time to do what you are already obligated to do. There are going to be days that you are going to feel overwhelmed and wonder if life is passing you by. Home-schooling is a job.

The largest "con" for home-schooling is the fact that there is little time for you to “distress.” For example, there is no such thing as "I'll be there in a minute” as you try to talk on the phone. Answering the phone devalues the importance of home-schooling. It is an open invitation to losing control because of the interruption. For many moms and dads, phone calls control their day. Not answering the phone requires a special kind of discipline. It is necessary for the home to have an answering machine (however, the answering machine will not help your school day if you are constantly running to the machine to see who called.) Thus, turn the ringer off if possible during the school day. A fax or an email may work better in some cases. You must be serious about your new job of teaching if you decide to home-school. Once you establish this rule, calls will diminish during school hours.

Pros of home-schooling—

Many Aspergers families enjoy the flexibility that home-schooling provides. The child can learn about things she is interested in and at a time in her life when she is ready to learn (i.e., no preconceived schedule forces her ahead or holds her back).

Your daughter will learn about the 'real world' by being a part of it (no artificial settings are needed to 'provide exposure'). She can receive a superior education attuned specifically to her own needs, learning style, personality, and interests (at far less cost than that of a private school). Being allowed to learn at her desired pace with a minimum of stress, your daughter will have the time and space to internalize and use what she learns.

Some home-school programs offer classroom videos that the youngster uses and actually sees a classroom teacher teaching the lesson. This is especially good for Jr. High and High School and for technical subjects such as advanced math. To offset the cost, you may want to consider the fact that your youngster does not need to have such an extensive wardrobe. These savings could apply toward some of the school supplies. You will save money on school clothes, gym clothes, uniforms, or unnecessary school fees.

Also, home-schooling families spend a lot amount of time together living, learning and playing. They have the opportunity to develop a depth of understanding and a commitment to the family that is difficult to attain when family members spend their days going in separate directions.

Lastly, another nice side benefit to home-schooling is that vacations and other outings can be planned for times when the family is ready - and often when the crowds are smaller or the costs are lower.

Good luck in your decision making process!

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums at Home and School

Programming Your Aspergers Child for Success

2012-01-24T10:47:00.000-08:00

Parents can - and do - program their child, either for success or failure:

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums

Pick and Choose Your Battles Carefully

2012-01-23T08:46:00.000-08:00

Not every behavioral misstep is worth fighting over. As moms and dads of Aspergers children and teens, we all want to be consistent disciplinarians. We know our kids will see waffling as a sign of weakness, and not take us seriously if we don't stand by our convictions. But children with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism sometimes present us with so many opportunities for behavioral correction that if we pursued every one, they would never be ungrounded!

How do we let our Aspergers children know that rules are important, and still use discretion when it comes to discipline? Here are some tips on being a caring, yet authoritative parent:

Tip #1: Doing a behavior analysis can help in determining what behaviors will respond to disciplinary action, which ones will be better served by changing the environment or your own expectations, and how to negotiate those that will respond best to that tactic. Here’s how to do an analysis:

A. To start with, you'll want to narrow your focus to one particular behavior to analyze and change. Although it's tempting, don't just choose the thing that most annoys you. A better choice will be something that particularly puzzles you:

Why can your youngster do math just fine some days, and balks on other days?
Why does he insist on punishment even when it upsets him?
Why does he get so wound up and wild?
Why is your youngster sweet and compliant sometimes, then resists to the point of tantrum over something inconsequential?

As long as you're going to be a detective, you might as well give yourself a good mystery. While you're stalking one behavior, you may need to let others slide, unless it's a matter of safety. Don't try to change everything all at once.

B. Keep a journal -- or, if it is a frequently occurring behavior, a chart -- for noting every incidence of the targeted behavior. Think of what might have happened directly before the behavior, and also earlier in the day. Include the time of day the behavior occurred, and what happened before, during, and after. Think of what happened directly after the behavior, and whether it offered the youngster any reward (even negative attention can be rewarding if the alternative is no attention at all). Ask yourself:

After a certain event?
Around transitions?
Does the behavior tend to be more frequent during a certain time of day?
In anticipation of something happening?
When routine is disrupted?
When something happens or doesn't happen?
When things are very noisy or very busy?

Keep track over the course of a few weeks and look for patterns.

C. It may seem as though your youngster saves his worst behavior for public places, where it causes you the most embarrassment. But there may be a reason for that.

Does he have a hard time resisting touching and banging things like buttons or doors?
Does he have trouble in places where he needs to stay still and quiet, like church?
Does he resist places where children may be cruel, like the bus or the playground?
Does he panic in places that are busy and noisy, like the mall?
Does he shy away from places with strong smells or bright lights?
Is there something about those places that might be distressing?

Notice reactions to different environments and add these insights to your journal or chart.

D. You can stubbornly insist that your youngster is responsible for his own behavior and wait for him get in line, but you're liable to be waiting for a long time. While you may find the behavior annoying, disruptive, or inappropriate, it may be filling a need for your youngster. And even if your youngster is genuinely unhappy about the negative consequences of his behavior, he may not understand it enough to control it. In the end, it is far easier for you to change -- your expectations, actions, reactions, responses -- than for your youngster to change. You will need to do some detective work to determine the support your youngster needs to improve his behavior, and provide it. Ultimately, you can teach your youngster to do this for himself. But you have to lead the way.

E. Take the data from your journal or chart, the patterns you've turned up there, the observations on environments, and see if you can figure out what's behind the behavior. Maybe he blows up over something inconsequential because he's used up all his patience weathering frustrations earlier in the day. Maybe he balks at math when he sees too many problems on the page. Maybe he gets wound up because being good gets him no attention. Maybe he begs for punishment because going to his room feels safer than dealing with a challenging situation. Once you have a working theory, make some changes in your youngster's environment to make it easier for him to behave.

Tip #2: If you decide a rule is important enough to be enforced without negotiation and without exception, then enforce it every single time. Never let it slide, even when it would be convenient for you to do so. Your Aspergers youngster needs to know that the outcome in those situations will be the same every single time, or else she's going to argue with you every single time.

Tip #3: If your Aspie is impulsive, or can't handle stress very well, or perseverates on phrases and activities once he is put "in the pipeline," one of the worst things you can say is, "If you do that one more time, you'll be punished." You may find that your youngster will be irresistibly drawn to do just that, at once -- whether because you've set an impulse in motion, because he can't deal with the stress of waiting for the other shoe to drop, or because he gets stuck on what you've said.

On other occasions though, an ultimatum seems to be what's called for. You can't just let behavior go on forever, yet you don't want to deal the consequence without giving your youngster a chance. Instead of specifying one more time, try saying something along the lines of, "I have a number of times in my head, and you're not going to know what that number is. But when you hit that number, you will get a consequence." This allows you to give your youngster extra chances if he seems to be trying without going back on a threat, and gives your youngster a little comfort zone to know that he can slip once or twice. Some children will dislike the uncertainty of it, and for them, this might not be the best technique. But if certainty is more pressure than your youngster can handle, it may just do the trick.

Tip #4: If you've determined to allow negotiations for some behaviors, allow them every time. Don't clamp down sometimes and ease up others. Your youngster needs to respect that you will listen to him as promised.

Tip #5: If you've determined to let some things slide, let them slide every time. Don't suddenly decide to swoop down because you're in a bad mood and your Aspie has been pushing your buttons. If he has to play by the rules, so do you.

Tip #6: Figure out which battles to choose, and which to let by. Here’s how: Use three baskets, one for things that are truly nonnegotiable, one for things that are important but allow for some compromise, and one for things that just aren't important enough to make a scene over. The first basket should be the smallest, and the last the largest. Think of the things you fight with your youngster over. Could any of them get tossed in the second or third baskets?

Tip #7: Instead of presenting your youngster with a choice between doing it your way or being punished (at which many Aspergers children will automatically choose the punishment), try to present a choice between two options that would both be agreeable to you. Saying, "Put on your shoes right now or you're in big trouble!" may be less likely to bring compliance than, "Which do you want to put on first, your shoes or your jacket?"

Good luck …you can do this!

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums

Aspergers Traits: A Positive for Many Careers

2012-01-22T15:50:00.000-08:00

Trait #1—All He Cares About in the World Is One Thing

If you've ever worked at a museum, lab or university, you'll find worlds full of single-minded, passionate individuals. To an academic, their area of interest, no matter how small, is desperately interesting. The same is true of museum professionals and archaeologists, who spend their lives studying individual artifacts, bones or textiles.

Trait #2—He Can't See the Forest for the Trees

It's a common trait among Aspergers individuals: they see the parts instead of the whole. It's a problem in some settings, but a terrific attribute if you're looking for deep space anomalies (e.g., as an astronomer), unique cells (e.g., as a lab technician), differences among species (e.g., as a biological researcher), or particular qualities of objects (e.g., as a gemologist, antiques appraiser, or art historian).

Trait #3—His Only Friends Are His Family

This trait may not get you invited to the prom. But it's a wonderful attribute if you're a forest ranger, a self-employed writer or artist, a caretaker at an estate, a gardener or horticulturalist, or even a paleontologist (i.e., dinosaur scientist). After all, lack of interest in other individuals is not indicative of lack of interest in or ability to manage things, animals, or systems. And it's not easy to find a qualified person who's willing to spend extended periods on their own.

Trait #4—He's So Rule-Oriented

In a typical workplace, most individuals bend and break the rules. This is very tough for many Aspergers individuals, who need and respond to structure. But there are plenty of work places in which rules are absolute -- for everyone. Of course, the most obvious choice for rule-oriented individuals is the military. But even in hospitals and labs, rule-following is not only important -- it's critical.

Trait #5—He’s So Detail-Oriented

Q: Since when have passion, meticulous attention to detail, and lack of interest in office gossip been problems in the workplace? A: Since the workplace was defined as a 9-5 social setting! It's true that offices -- and the stock rooms at Wal-Mart -- are "typical" work settings. But Aspergers individuals aren't typical. And neither are the careers for which they're ALREADY good candidates.

Trait #6—He Likes Animals, Not People

It's not easy to become a veterinarian. But consider some of the many animal-oriented careers available. For example:

animal tech at a veterinary practice or kennel
animal wrangler for the entertainment industry
caring for horses at a stable, horse-farm or track
naturalist or husbandry expert at a museum or aquarium
pet store employee
working on a farm
zookeeper or animal curator at a zoo or petting farm

…and the list goes on and on!

Trait #7—He Thinks In Pictures

Some Aspergers individuals can, with virtually no effort, envision a 2-dimensional photograph as a 3-dimensional object. With appropriate training, such individuals are ideal candidates for jobs in areas like CAD (computer aided design), architectural model construction, industrial design, exhibit prototyping, and much more. The key is finding and supporting the training that can lead to such careers.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Disappointment With The Diagnosis

2012-01-22T15:11:00.000-08:00

Question

We recently received a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome (or high-functioning autism) on our 7-year-old son. My husband is not doing so well with this recent news. Is there any way to lessen the blow to his disappointment?

Answer

To your husband:

Realize that you are not alone in this and that your feelings (which run the gamut from fear, to guilt, to anger, to depression, etc.) are just the symptoms of a broken heart. So go ahead and look at your grief. Observe your thoughts and feelings. Accept them and be kind to yourself about having them. It doesn’t help to pretend to be positive when underneath you may be lonely, afraid, or sad. You can grieve. You can complain. You can mourn. This helps you to go on, make the best of the situation, and enjoy life.

It is natural to wonder about what might have been. The longing for the “normal” youngster of your dreams - or a typical life for you and your family - may endure. You have to learn to live with that yearning, and you can do that, but you don’t have to lie to yourself about how hard this can be. It takes time to heal a confused and broken heart, and the difficulties that you must cope with everyday are nearly constant reminders and may trigger your grief over and over.

Try to accept yourself as you are—a kind and loving father doing your best with your Aspergers youngster who is undoubtedly doing his best under trying conditions. A perfectly lovely youngster with special needs can be very hard to be with because of his behavioral, social, or communication issues. But people often believe that when you love somebody, you love to be with them. When you don’t feel that and think you should, the guilt can be unbearable, and your heart aches. As you can accept yourself in a kind and compassionate way, your heart heals, and then the grief lightens. The sun comes out, and change is more likely.

Accepting our pain - and ourselves - leads to accepting and enjoying our Aspergers kids – and our family. This is the gateway to love and happiness. That deep connection that a father feels with a newborn, or a youngster’s first steps, or first words can be felt at any moment when we are truly aware and attuned to our Aspergers youngster. That deep connection is alive inside you. As you rekindle it, you can actually experience very deep happiness. That’s not to say that your life will be easy. But it can be happy and fulfilling.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Vaccination Is NOT Immunization

2012-01-21T07:19:00.001-08:00

What Your Physician Hasn't Told You About Vaccinations Could Put Your Youngster at Risk for Autism, Asthma, Allergies, Diabetes or Cancer.

Get the Medical Facts About Vaccine Dangers Before You Take Any Steps to Vaccinate Your Son or Daughter!

Do you have doubts whether vaccines can really protect your youngster from illness or disease? Do you worry that your youngster could become autistic, or develop asthma, allergies or even a fatal disease, like Sudden Infant Death syndrome? These are not theories. Millions of American kids have these conditions today. Yet most other countries on earth recommend less than half the vaccines we do.

What you're about to read may come as a shock. It did for me when I first began to research vaccines and their effect on the body over a decade ago. Hundreds of hours of digging into the medical literature and checking the facts compelled me to speak out.

Much of what I discovered was in conflict with the way most of us are taught to care for our kids. Let's face it — most moms and dads agree to have their newborn youngster vaccinated and believe it is the right thing to do. It's what their moms and dads did, and it's what their physicians recommend. Once they start, the youngster goes on to receive numerous vaccinations year after year, up through their teens. All the while you, the parent, continue to think you're doing the right thing.

Well, as it turns out, it's often a mistake.

What you'll see when you peek behind the curtain of the multi-billion dollar drug and vaccine cartels should scare the life out of you, because your youngster is being put in harm's way more than you are being told.

Click here for the full article...

40 Tips for Parenting Defiant Teens with Asperger Syndrome

2012-01-19T11:29:00.000-08:00

Parenting teenagers is hard enough ...right? But throw "Asperger Syndrome" into the equation - and now you really got a mountain to climb. Do not despair! Here you will find 40 ways to effectively parent, nurture, and discipline your defiant Aspergers teen:

1. Writing Assignments - Education sometimes alters unwanted “Aspergers-related” behavior. Examples include:

learning about a particular culture, religion or disability in order to develop understanding or tolerance
researching the long-term effects of smoking or drug usage
talking with teen parents to learn what sacrifices they have made

Such an assignment should include considerable thinking, learning, and dialogue with moms and dads, rather than simply writing a certain number of words without much independent thought.

2. Tolerating Behavior - When establishing a relationship or dealing with multiple behaviors, it may be necessary to tolerate some behaviors temporarily. This is a purposeful, thought-out choice on the part of the mother/father based on:

age and developmental level of teen involved
current situation
priorities
relationship
specific treatment issues
values

This is not to be confused with passivity, avoiding conflict, letting the Aspergers youngster "do whatever they want," inconsistently enforcing expectations or other methods that don't work.

3. Temporarily Removing One or More Privileges - It is not meaningful or realistic to "remove all privileges." This generally leads to resentment towards the parent and a lack of understanding or personal responsibility. When this technique is chosen:

it must be made clear to the adolescent exactly which privilege(s) will be removed
why it is being removed
exactly how it will be handled
for what time period

If there is something they can do to get the privilege(s) reinstated sooner, that should also be clearly explained. Note: this requires more thought and explanation than simply saying, "You’re grounded."

4. Teaching Interactions - Effective parenting of Aspergers teens requires frequent interactions. Situations, both dramatic and mundane, present themselves continually. Moms and dads, who recognize the golden opportunities in routine living tasks, capitalize upon them by turning them into teaching interactions, build solid relationships, have fewer behavior problems, and receive daily rewards. Problems = teachable moments. Teaching interactions can take several forms such as:

teaching a concept (e.g., negotiation)
processing dynamics (e.g., "Have you noticed that when someone doesn't fulfill their responsibility, others become resentful?")
demonstrating a skill

The point is that on-duty moms and dads should always be interacting with their teens, and the nature of those interactions is teaching; rather than:

becoming friends with the teen
criticizing
doing things for the teen
judging
lecturing
punishing

5. A regular bed time at a reasonable hour is more important than ever, if you can put/keep it in place. Regular routines of all kinds—familiar foods, rituals, vacations—are reassuring when the adolescent’s body, biochemistry, and social scene are changing so fast.

6. Teaching Alternatives - A good way to teach the Aspergers teen personal responsibility is to spend time brainstorming together about all the possible responses, and predicting the reactions to each response. Instead of telling them what to do and what not to do (which can elicit dependency or oppositional responses), it is useful to spend time exploring different options. For example, instead of saying, "Don't say that to your father" …it is better to say something like, "That's one way you could handle it. How do you think he would respond to that?" … "Is that the response you want from him?" … "How else might you phrase that idea?" …etc. If they have trouble coming up with alternatives, you can help out by saying, "Do you want to know what some other people have tried?"

7. Establish verbal codes or gestures to convey that one or both parties need a time out: a chance to cool down before continuing a difficult discussion at a later time.

8. Substitution - It is never enough to tell teens what they can't do or what behaviors they must stop doing. We must always add what they CAN do instead. Some examples might be ideas such as, "You cannot hit your classmate when you are angry, but you can go for a brisk walk, write in your journal, talk about how you feel, etc." The goal is to replace or substitute an unacceptable behavior with one that is acceptable and still meets the same need. The message should always be, "Your needs and feelings are normal and okay and we are here to help you express them in ways that will allow you to be successful and responsible."

9. Go with the flow of your Aspergers youngster’s nature. Simplify schedules and routines, streamline possessions and furnishings. If your adolescent only likes plain T shirts without collars or buttons, buy plain T shirts. If your kid likes familiar foods, or has a favorite restaurant, indulge her.

10. Shaping - Shaping behaviors is an approach that breaks skills down into steps and rewards small movements in the right direction. For example, if you are trying to teach the skill of greeting a visitor, you would ultimately want the Aspergers teen to go through the following series of behaviors:

stop what they are doing
stand up
look at the visitor
walk over to them
make eye contact
smile
say "hello"
extend your right hand to shake
say “my name is ___”

To ask for all of that from someone who has never done it before, or who is shy, is asking too much. So at first they would be rewarded if they momentarily stopped what they were doing when someone new cam in. After a few times they would need to stop what they were doing, stand up and look in the direction of the visitor in order to be praised, and so on. In other words new skills are not all or nothing but are a series of steps to be learned.

11. Sequencing - Desirable behaviors can be used as motivating for less desirable ones. For example, "You may watch one hour of approved TV as soon as your book report is satisfactorily completed" –or- "You may make that phone call as soon as you have finished cleaning up the kitchen." This type of statement helps the mother/father avoid power struggles because they did not say, "no." It puts the struggle and control back with the Aspergers youngster, where it belongs. They can then choose whether or not they will watch TV today and when (within limits). A version of this can be re-stated calmly and compassionately as often as necessary while the Aspie struggles with their choice.

12. Have realistic, modest goals for what the adolescent or the family can accomplish in a give time period. You may need to postpone some plans for career goals, trips, culture or recreation.

13. Some Aspergers adolescents adjust o.k. to middle/high school with appropriate supports and accommodations, Others, however, just cannot handle a large, impersonal high school. You may need to hire an advocate or lawyer to negotiate with your school system to pay for an alternative school placement, tuition, and transportation.

14. Role Playing/Rehearsing - This technique can be used to practice for an upcoming situation that may be difficult, foreign or anxiety producing or to re-create a situation that already occurred to experience alternative responses. Examples should include role-playing a situation in which the Aspergers teen was angry and became physically or emotionally abusive, or one in which they demanded or sulked instead of negotiating. The purpose of the role-play is to practice more acceptable styles of self-expression while still making their intended point. Practicing of this sort will make the desired responses more likely in future similar situations. Role playing can also be used to practice saying something that is difficult or anticipating a variety of responses in order to reduce anxiety.

15. If you can afford it, you may prefer to pay private school tuition rather than paying a lawyer to negotiate with a financially strapped or resistant school system. However, a private school may not be the best choice. Some families move to a community with a better high school. Residential schools may be worth considering for some. The right fit can build tremendous confidence for the adolescent, give the parents a break, and prepare everyone for the independence of the post high school years.

16. Role Modeling - Most of what kids learn from grown-ups comes from simply observing. All moms and dads are role models to their kids and need to be very conscious of their own behavior. Kids are astute observers of how we treat them, how we relate to each other and how we take care of ourselves.

17. Impersonal, written communication is easier for the adolescent to absorb (e.g., lists of routines and rules, notes, charts, or calendars). E-mail may become a new option.

18. Your Teen's Rights - Food, clothing, therapy, medical attention, education, spiritual activities are NEVER withheld as a consequence. Privileges (e.g., television, telephone, radio, some activities, free time, visiting with friends, hobbies, walking around the grounds, etc.) may be temporarily withheld as logical consequences and can be powerful incentives for some adolescents.

19. Aspergers teens need structure, down time, soothing activities, and preparation for transitions.

20. Rewarding/Reinforcing - Rewarding positive behavior is the best way to ensure its continuation. A common error in parenting is to spend so much time and energy dealing with crises and negative behaviors that kids who are being responsible can either get "lost" or are tempted to act less responsible to become part of the action. Rewards can take many forms from simple a comment: "I noticed that you..." or "I really appreciated it when you..." to special time and attention or more concrete things such as a special treat or privilege. For every negative interaction the Aspergers teen experiences, it takes four positive interaction to overcome the effects. Moms and dads need to be very deliberate about maintaining at least a 4:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions every day with every teenager.

21. Look for volunteer activities or part time jobs at the high school or in the community. Be persistent in asking the school to provide help in the areas of career assessment, job readiness skills, and internships or volunteer opportunities. They probably have such services for intellectually challenged adolescents, but may not realize our teens need that help, too. They may also not know how to adapt existing programs to meet our teens’ needs.

22. Requesting - When there is a good relationship between the mother/father and youngster, a simple request to do, or stop doing, something or a re-stating of the expectations is often enough. If over-used, however, it may become less effective, may be experienced by the Aspergers youngster as overly controlling, or can slow the process of responsible growth and decision-making skills. Example: "We don't use that type of language here, could you please find a different word?"

23. Make sure thorough neuropsychiatric re-evaluations are performed every three years. This information and documentation may be critical in securing appropriate services, alternative school placements, transition plans, choosing an appropriate college or other post secondary program, and proving eligibility for services and benefits as an adult.

24. Refocus - A defiant teen may be asked to spend time thinking about something (e.g., a recent run-away or self mutilation) and express their feelings and thoughts in some way. This could be writing, poetry, drawing, etc. Whatever format is used, it then needs to be processed with the adolescent. They can then be assisted in identifying early clues and practicing alternative responses. The purpose of this type of activity is to encourage thinking, self-awareness, communication, and planning for different choices in the future.

25. Schedule regular monthly educational team meetings to (a) monitor your adolescent’s progress and (b) ensure that the IEP is being faithfully carried out (and to modify it if necessary). Because adolescents can be so volatile or fragile, and because so many important things must be accomplished in four short years of high school, these meetings are critical.

26. Side by side conversations (e.g., walking, in the car) may be more comfortable for the adolescent than talking face to face.

27. Special interests may change, but whatever the current one is, it remains an important font of motivation, pleasure, relaxation, and reassurance for the adolescent.

28. Redirecting - Commonly used with younger defiant kids or those with short attention spans, this technique simply stops one behavior by substituting another or diverting the attention of the Aspergers teen or group to a different subject or activity.

29. Teach laundry and other self-care/home care skills by small steps over time. Try to get the adolescent to take an elective such as cooking or personal finance at the high school.

30. Pre-Teaching - It is easier to prevent negative behaviors than to deal with them after they occur. A very effective tool is to pre-teach behavior prior to an event or potentially vulnerable situation. This involves talking with the person or group in detail about what will be happening, why, and what their role and expected behaviors will be. Pre-teaching reduces anxiety, clarifies expectations, builds confidence, sets up success, and can add to the fun of anticipating an event.

31. Physical Proximity - Sometimes a defiant Aspie who is beginning to become anxious, irritable or overly active will be calmed down by eye contact, a special "look" or signal, moving next to them or a reassuring hand on the arm or shoulder. Along with physical proximity it is important to be calm and reassuring.

32. Observing and Commenting - A mother/father may choose to comment on a behavior in a non-threatening, non-judgmental way to bring it to the attention of the Aspergers youngster. This may be new information for the Aspergers teen to think about. What they choose to do with that feedback will provide further opportunities for discussion and teaching. For example, "I notice you tend to be critical of others when they are taking about a success" –or- "You seem to only break the rules when you are in a group" etc.

33. Tell your adolescent just what s/he needs to know – one message at a time – concisely.

34. Natural Consequences - Sometimes consequences occur through the natural course of events (e.g., a teen coming home late from school and missing a phone call from a friend). If the natural course of events makes an impact by teaching a lesson, moms and dads need not intervene further. They can be sympathetic to the Aspergers teen's plight (this must be genuine however, and never patronizing or sarcastic).

35. Logical Consequences - Logical consequences may be necessary when no natural one occurs, or when the natural one is insufficient to make a change in future behavior. An example would be a defiant teen causing a disturbance at an event, not being allowed to attend the next one.

36. Ignoring Behavior - Moms and dads may consciously decide to ignore certain behaviors of their defiant adolescent at times in an effort to extinguish the behavior by not reacting to it. The behavior may be inconsequential, may be designed just to "get a reaction," or may be masking another, more important, issue which is what really needs attention. Ignoring a behavior should not stop communication or relationship building. It is a specific behavior that is being ignored, not the person. Examples might include using certain words, attempts to provoke or annoy moms and dads, making personal comment to or about moms and dads, saying "I won't" or "you can't make me," etc.

37. Encouraging/Coaching - Encouragement, praise, and coaching are all effective ways to make pro-social behaviors more likely and more frequent. The stronger the relationship between mother/father and a given youngster, the more powerful this method becomes.

38. Consequences - Consequences may be used to discourage unacceptable behavior of defiant adolescents. Usually this will occur after other techniques have been tried unsuccessfully. Discipline should not be confused with punishment; nor should they ever be given in anger. They should be applied consistently. That means that the behavior disciplined today, will again be disciplined next week. Also, behavior disciplined for one teen will not be allowed for others. This consistency lowers anxiety by making the environment predictable. Remember:

A mother/father who is angry with an Aspergers teen should calm down before deciding a consequence, and if applicable, should consult with the other parent before doing so.
Consequences are given to help teenagers establish boundaries.
Consequences are more effective when discussed matter-of-factly from a caring and controlled point of view.
Consequences should be clearly explained, related to the behavior, and completed as soon as possible.
Moms and dads should regularly discuss the effectiveness of consequences for the specific teen and should always support each other in the positive discipline process.

39. Active Listening - Some “Aspergers-related” behaviors are bids for attention or expressions of frustration at not feeling understood. Moms and dads can reduce problem behaviors when each defiant youngster feels genuinely cared about, understood, and paid attention to. Active listening is hard work and takes energy and practice. It cannot be done when thinking about or attending to other things, or when distractions occur. Active listening need not last a long time, but attention must be focused completely on the Aspergers teen and the message must be communicated back to them in the listeners own words in a way that lets them know they really were heard. Body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, eye contact, respect for personal space, and choices of words are all important in communicating the desired message. It may take two or three attempts to really understand the message, and that is okay, as long as it is finally understood accurately and that is clearly demonstrated. A few brief exchanges of this sort for each youngster every day are necessary.

40. Patience – Your Aspergers teen has this thing called “mindblindness.” In other words, he may not understand some of the social norms that other children and teens learn automatically. Thus, be able to distinguish between “misbehavior” (which is intentional) and “Aspergers-related” behavior (which is never intentional).

Disciplinary Techniques for Defiant Teens with Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism

The Myths and Facts About Aspergers

2012-01-16T08:12:00.000-08:00

Moms and dads with an Aspergers son or daughter tend to overwhelm themselves with research, treatments, and general anxiety over their kid’s welfare. While this is natural, it's not particularly good for you, your Aspie, your marriage or the rest of your family. And the truth is this: it isn't even necessary!

Let’s dispel some myths that some parents have about Aspergers…

Myth #1: I Somehow Missed "The Cure" for My Youngster's Aspergers

Did you somehow miss out on a pill, a supplement, a special treatment or a new therapy that could be "the one" that could have cured your youngster's Aspergers? The truth is, while many kids respond well to various therapies, even kids who are supposedly "recovered" still have some Aspergers traits. Since there is no cure for Aspergers, there's no need to worry about it.

Myth #2: I Will Have to Cope with Aspergers Alone

When your youngster is diagnosed with Aspergers, you feel like you've just been tossed out of the "parent club." After all, your youngster is different, which means you may never “fit in” again. Luckily, there's a whole world of support groups, listserves, pal clubs, parent groups and events where you're more than welcome. In fact, your presence is requested!

Myth #3: I Shouldn’t Expect Much from My Aspergers Child

Your youngster has Aspergers, so you need to lower your expectations – right? Wrong! Children with Aspergers may not have a lot of social skills (yet), and they may have some significant challenges ahead. But they also have great talents (as you probably have discovered already).

Myth #4: I Won’t Be Able to Have a Normal Life

When your youngster has Aspergers, you may feel ostracized from the ordinary world. In fact, though it may be a bit tougher, you can join in most of what life has to offer, even WITH an Aspergers youngster. From vacations to family holidays to visits to grandma - most of it is a matter of planning, patience, and a sense of humor. And for some people, success is even sweeter when it requires overcoming a challenge.

Myth #5: I Need To Do a Whole Lot of Research on Aspergers

Is there another article on Applied Behavioral Analysis I should be reading? Is fish oil really going to help my youngster? How about the gluten-free diet? There's always another question - and the web holds a million answers. Take a break, have a bubble bath, and re-connect with your spouse and the rest of your family. Research is O.K. to do some of the time, but too many parents make “research” an obsession.

Myth #6: I Have to Find Out What Caused my Youngster’s Aspergers

The media is full of stories of what causes Aspergers, and you'll find answers galore, from TV to pitocin, from vaccines to Lyme Disease. Could one of these answers be correct? Absolutely. Do we know for sure WHICH is correct? No. You can sift and weigh the evidence and formulate an opinion, but as of today no one really knows what causes Aspergers. As a result, you're free to focus on the future instead of the past.

Myth #7: It’s probably too late to help My Aspergers Youngster

Whether your Aspergers son or daughter is three, thirteen, or twenty-three, he/she will still benefit from therapy. In fact, while early intervention is always helpful, the proverbial "window of opportunity" for treatment is a bit of a myth. So whatever your youngster's stage of life, you're not too late to make a difference.

We’ve looked at the myths, now let’s look at the facts…

If you're sick of hearing about all the "deficits" challenging children with Aspergers, join the club. But for every downside to Aspergers, there is a positive – an unusual trait that rarely appears among "typical" children, but shines-out among Aspergers kids. These positives are worth celebrating:

Fact #1: Aspergers Children Are Less Materialistic

Of course, this is not universally true -- but in general, children with Aspergers are far less concerned with outward appearance than their typical peers. As a result, they worry less about brand names, hairstyles and other expensive, but unimportant, externals than most children do.

Fact #2: Aspergers Children are Passionate

Of course, not all Aspergers children are alike. But many are truly passionate about the things, ideas and special intetrests in their lives. How many "typical" children can say the same?

Fact #3: Aspergers Children Play Fewer Head Games

Most Aspergers children don't play games -- and they assume that you won't either. It's a refreshing and wonderful change from the typical B.S. that tarnishes too many typical relationships!

Fact #4: Aspergers Children Rarely Lie

We all claim to value the truth, but almost all of us tell little white lies …all, that is, except children with Aspergers. To them, truth is truth -- and a good word from a child on the spectrum is usually the real deal.

Fact #5: Children on the Aspergers Live in the Moment

How often do typical children fail to notice what's in front of their eyes because they're distracted by social cues or random chitchat? Children with Aspergers truly attend to the sensory input that surrounds them. Many have achieved the ideal of mindfulness.

Fact #6: Children with Aspergers Are Not Tied to Social Expectations

If you've ever bought a car, played a game or joined a club to fit in, you know how hard it is to be true to yourself. But for children with Aspergers, social expectations can be honestly irrelevant. What really matters to them is true liking, interest and passion -- not keeping up with the current trends and fads.

Fact #7: Children with Aspergers Have Terrific Memories

How often do typical children forget directions, or fail to take note of colors, names, and other details? Children with Aspergers are often much more tuned in to details. They may have a much better memory than their typical peers for all kind of critical details.

Fact #8: Children with Aspergers Rarely Judge Others

Who's in better shape? Richer? Smarter? For children with Aspergers, these distinctions hold much less importance than for typical kids. In fact, Aspies often see through such surface appearances to discover the real person.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Setting Your Aspergers Child Up For Success: 2-Minute Tip

2012-01-15T07:37:00.000-08:00

You've heard it time and time again: "Praise your child for good behavior." Why? Because "praising" your child when he/she behaves properly is "reinforcing" (i.e., it feels like a reward to the child, thus making it more likely that his/her good behavior will be repeated). However, many parents of Aspergers children often say something like, "If I have to wait for good behavior in order to praise, we will be waiting until the end of time."

So, what can parents do if they (a) want to use the "praising" parenting technique, but (b) rarely - if ever- see any good behavior to praise? Watch this video to find out:

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Tantrums and Meltdowns

Young Adult Aspies Who Never Leave The Nest

2012-01-13T08:49:00.000-08:00

If you are in a situation where your adult Aspergers child is living with you and it is mutually beneficial (or at least mutually respectful), then this article may not be for you. However, if your Aspie is overly-dependent or lives at home in a situation that has become uncomfortable or intolerable, then read on…

Over time, some moms and dads of adult Aspergers children have moved from “caring for” their Aspie to “caretaking” – sometimes well into their adulthood. Many moms and dads are held hostage by emotions (e.g., anger, frustration, disappointment, guilt, fear, etc.) and frequently wonder what will happen if they do throw their adult child out of the nest without a net.

Here are some concrete steps to help that adult child gain the self-reliance needed to leave “the nest”:

1. If you’re living with a partner who is not on the same page as you, it can make putting these steps into effect extremely difficult. You can only control yourself. If it’s causing serious conflict, you may want to seek marriage counseling regarding how the two of you can come to a mutual agreement.

2. Identify ahead of time what your limits and boundaries are, what you’re willing to follow through with, and which emotional buttons will most likely get you to give in. One mother told me, “I’m okay with my 20-year-old son not having extras like a cell phone or video games, but I can’t let him live on the street.” That mother knew she would allow her Aspie to live in her home without the benefit of extras, so that is the boundary that was established. As it turns out, that adult Aspie decided those “extras” were important to him, so once his mother shut down the “Parent ATM,” he was motivated to get a job and pay for things himself – including an apartment.

3. Instead of picturing your adult Aspie as a fragile individual who will probably fail on multiple levels when he leaves the nest, think of him as fully capable of functioning on his own in the real world. Our emotions can cause us to be so afraid of what will happen to our Aspergers children that we think of them as kids, rather than grown-ups. In reality, your adult Aspie is a grown-up —equal to you, and equally capable of making it in this life. Thinking of him as incapable is actually a disservice to him and keeps you in parental “caretaking mode.” Your Aspie may be uncomfortable with some of the steps you’re taking that encourage more responsibility – but that’s okay. This is what he needs to experience in order to make changes within himself. Changing your viewpoint will help you strengthen those “guilt” and “fear” emotional buttons.

4. Many grown-up Aspies are struggling to become independent in today’s generation. True, the economy is bad, and our country is experiencing hard times. But that’s nothing new. We’ve gone through recessions and depressions in the past. The difference with many young Aspergers adults in today’s generation seems to be the “sense of entitlement” and the “aversion to sacrificing” in order to make it. Today, society is all about technology and instant gratification. But, it’s not too late to teach our adult Aspergers children the value of delayed gratification and working for things they desire. It’s okay for them to be uncomfortable and realize they have the ability to survive hard times through self-reliance. If your guilt or fear buttons start reacting, remember this: we give our “special needs” children these lessons out of love.

5. Make your boundaries clear. If your adult son lives in a separate residence, but still depends on you as a source of income, set some boundaries. State what you will and will not pay for. If you need to start small and work your way up, that’s okay. If you just can’t stop buying groceries yet, because you know you won’t follow through with allowing your son to eat at soup kitchens, then start with things like cell phones, money for gas, cigarettes, movie money, etc. It is his responsibility to locate resources (e.g., friends, churches, government assistance, etc.). Your adult Aspie can always apply for assistance through government programs (e.g., food stamps, rental assistance, etc.) if he is truly unable to locate work and support himself.

6. Some moms and dads have adult kids at home who are abusing them verbally or even physically. You have the right to live in your own home, free from abuse, intimidation or disrespect. Anytime someone treats you in this way, they are violating a boundary – and sometimes violating the law. It’s your right to establish personal boundaries that keep you physically and emotionally safe.

7. Another strategy to help your “dependent” child is to make it more uncomfortable to depend on you than to launch. A huge part of making your adult Aspie uncomfortable is to stop paying for all the “extras” (i.e., things he views as necessities that really aren’t). Even in today’s world, he can live without cell phones, internet, haircuts, video games, and any other leisure activity you can name. Some ways to cope with little money include the following:

He can eat cheap (e.g., macaroni & cheese, Ramen noodles, etc.).
He can take the bus.
If he doesn’t have the money for cigarettes or alcohol– he doesn’t get them.
He can get clothes from Salvation Army or Goodwill.
and so on…

8. If your adult Aspie lives in your home, draw up a contract that specifies the terms of his living there. This is an agreement between two grown-ups. Don’t think of him as your kid. Instead, picture him as a tenant. Then you’ll be less likely to have your emotional buttons triggered. An adult Aspie may decide he doesn’t like the contract and will decide to live elsewhere. More power to him! The important thing to remember is that your Aspie is not “entitled” to live in your home past the age of eighteen. It’s a privilege, and you have every right to set some realistic limits.

9. In some situations, adult Aspies have literally worn out their welcome by taking and taking – financially and emotionally – without giving in return. Thus, you don’t have to feel guilty about moving your child into independence so you can have your own life back. You have the right to:

enjoy peaceful evenings in your own home
have the environment you want in your home
spend your money on things for yourself

You’ve raised your son or daughter. He/she is an adult now. You are not expected to provide for him/her any more than your parents are expected to provide for you as a grown-up.

10. Many adult Aspergers children make a career out of asking their mom or dad to provide things for them that they can’t afford themselves. Most people aren’t going to provide these things for your adult Aspie. There is no Neighbor ATM, Friend ATM, or Third-Cousin-Twice-Removed ATM. But there is a Parent ATM. Why? Because we’re typically the only ones with emotional PINs that work to spit that money out! Look at it this way:

He can live without an Internet connection in his apartment– he can get online at the local library.
He doesn’t have to text – he can write letters (stamps are less than a dollar vs. a $50/month data package).
His hair can get really, really long – he doesn’t “need” a haircut.

11. Remember to strengthen your emotional buttons. If your adult Aspie typically pushes the “guilt” and “sympathy” buttons in order to stay dependent and comfortable, prepare yourself for what’s coming and create a plan on how you’ll handle it (e.g., make some note cards or adopt a slogan to remind yourself that you have the right to have your own home, free from negativity or meeting another adult’s needs).

12. Contact your local court to gather information about what legal steps you can take to move your adult Aspie out. Many states require you to serve a “Notice to Quit” to any grown-up living in your home. If your adult Aspie still refuses to leave, you may need to follow up with an Eviction Notice that gives a deadline for him to move out (typically 30 days). If your Aspie still refuses to leave, your local police department can enforce the eviction and will often notify the person that they will be escorted out of the home anywhere from 24 to 48 hours later. Eviction steps may sound harsh, but remember to think of your adult child as a tenant.

13. It’s okay for your adult Aspie to be uncomfortable – we’ve all been uncomfortable and survived. It’s actually a good thing – and necessary for change. “Change” occurs when things feel uncomfortable, out of balance, or unsteady for the adult child. It’s what motivates him to find his equilibrium again, through employment, returning to college, offering his services through odd jobs, or whatever it takes to get the things in life that he wants.

14. Assess where you are right now. Ask yourself these questions:

Are you in a place where your boundaries are being crossed and you need to establish some limits?
Are you willing to allow your adult Aspie to live in your home, within those limits, as he moves toward being more independent?
Do you see your adult Aspie as wanting to become independent, or as simply being more comfortable allowing you to take care of all the responsibilities?
Has the situation become so intolerable – perhaps even explosive – that your main concern is getting your adult Aspie out of your house, as quickly and safely as possible?

15. If you fear violence or other repercussions from your Aspie because of these steps, it’s beneficial to locate local resources on domestic violence and/or contact the court regarding your right to a restraining order. Safety always comes first, and if you’re in a domestic violence situation with your Aspie, you’ll want to talk with someone knowledgeable about a safety plan.

Launching Adult Children With Aspergers: How To Promote Self-Reliance

Aspergers Children Want Structure: 2-Minute Tip

2012-01-11T08:36:00.000-08:00

Children with Asperger Syndrome do best when there is plenty of structure - both at home and school:

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Tantrums and Meltdowns

Aspergers and Delayed Speech

2012-01-10T08:23:00.000-08:00

Question

Does a child with Asperger Syndrome typically have delayed speech too?

Answer

Approximately 50% of kids with Aspergers have delayed speech. While many Aspies grow out of this by age five, others go on to experience other language problems. These generally fall into one or more of the following three areas of linguistics:

1. Pragmatics—

Pragmatics refers to language usage and the way that context relates to meaning. Kids with Aspergers often have difficulty in holding a normal conversation where there is give and take and social interaction. While most children learn these skills by observing others, those with Aspergers may need some personal coaching.

Problems with pragmatics manifest in the following forms:

• does not allow the other person to talk
• does not use people’s names
• focuses exclusively on topics that interest them
• gives too much detailed information
• interrupting others
• lack of facial expression and eye contact
• lack of greeting
• oblivious to boredom in others
• oblivious to emotional reactions in others

2. Semantics—

Semantics is defined as the meaning or interpretation of a word, sentence, or other language form. While many children with Aspergers are extremely intelligent and avid readers, they often struggle in this particular area. They may have problems with the following:

• difficulty in understanding jokes
• difficulty in understanding metaphors and figures of speech
• interpreting everything literally
• pedantic speech
• problems with understanding teasing
• sarcasm is not understood

3. Prosody—

Prosody refers to the tonal and rhythmic aspects of speech. Kids with Aspergers often have a strange manner of speaking. It may come across with words enunciated precisely and formally and the speed, volume and rhythm may be odd. Problem areas to look out for include the following:

• difficulties in coordinating speaking and breathing
• little or no inflection
• monotonous sound
• stilted or formal speech
• strange rhythms of speech
• talking loudly

Help for Linguistic Difficulties—

Aspergers kids and grown-ups with language problems can benefit from one-on-one training with a parent or speech therapist. The problems are often tackled individually and it takes perseverance and repetition to see lasting results. Methods vary but could include the following:

• practicing eye contact and body language
• practicing normal pronunciation and inflection
• teaching how to start a conversation
• training them not to interrupt
• use of pictures to explain figures of speech

Unless they observe other areas of "slowness" during early development, moms and dads may hesitate to seek advice. Some may excuse the lack of talking by reassuring themselves that "he'll outgrow it" or "he's just more interested in physical things." Knowing what's "normal" and what's not in speech and language development can help you figure out if you should be concerned or if your youngster is right on schedule.

It's important to discuss early speech and language development, as well as other developmental concerns, with your physician at every routine well-child visit. It can be difficult to tell whether a youngster is just immature in his ability to communicate, or has a problem that requires professional attention.

These developmental norms may provide clues:

• Before 12 Months: It's important for children this age to be watched for signs that they're using their voices to relate to their environment. Cooing and babbling are early stages of speech development. As babies get older (often around 9 months), they begin to string sounds together, incorporate the different tones of speech, and say words like "mama" and "dada" (without really understanding what those words mean). Before 12 months, kids should also be attentive to sound and begin to recognize names of common objects (for example bottle, binky, etc.). Babies who watch intently but don't react to sound may be showing signs of hearing loss.

• By 12 to 15 Months: Children this age should have a wide range of speech sounds in their babbling (like p, b, m, d, or n), begin to imitate and approximate sounds and words modeled by family members, and typically say one or more words (not including "mama" and "dada") spontaneously. Nouns usually come first, like "baby" and "ball." Your youngster should also be able to understand and follow simple one-step directions ("Please give me the toy," for example).

• From 18 to 24 Months: Though there is a lot of variability, most toddlers are saying about 20 words by 18 months and 50 or more words by the time they turn 2. By age 2, children are starting to combine two words to make simple sentences, such as "baby crying" or "Daddy big." A 2-year-old should also be able to identify common objects, common pictured objects, indicate body parts on self when labeled, and follow two-step commands (such as "Please pick up the toy and give it to me").

• From 2 to 3 Years: Moms and dads often witness an "explosion" in their youngster's speech. Your toddler's vocabulary should increase (to too many words to count) and he or she should routinely combine three or more words into sentences. Comprehension also should increase — by 3 years of age, a youngster should begin to understand what it means to "put it on the table" or "put it under the bed." Your youngster also should begin to identify colors and comprehend descriptive concepts (big versus little, for example).

Language vs. Speech—

Speech and language are often confused, but there is a distinction between the two:

• Language is much broader and refers to the entire system of expressing and receiving information in a way that's meaningful. It is understanding and being understood through communication — verbal, nonverbal, and written.

• Speech is the verbal expression of language and includes articulation, which is the way sounds and words are formed.

Although problems in speech and language differ, they often overlap. A youngster with a language problem may be able to pronounce words well but be unable to put more than two words together. Another youngster's speech may be difficult to understand, but he or she may use words and phrases to express ideas. And another youngster may speak well but have difficulty following directions.

Warning Signs—

If you're concerned about your youngster's speech and language development, there are some things to watch for.

An infant who isn't responding to sound or who isn't vocalizing is of particular concern. Between 12 and 24 months, reasons for concern include a youngster who:

• has difficulty understanding simple verbal requests
• has trouble imitating sounds by 18 months
• isn't using gestures, such as pointing or waving bye-bye by 12 months
• prefers gestures over vocalizations to communicate by 18 months

Seek an evaluation if a youngster over 2 years old:

• can only imitate speech or actions and doesn't produce words or phrases spontaneously
• can't follow simple directions
• has an unusual tone of voice (such as raspy or nasal sounding)
• is more difficult to understand than expected for his or her age. Moms and dads and regular caregivers should understand about half of a youngster's speech at 2 years and about three quarters at 3 years. By 4 years old, a youngster should be mostly understood, even by people who don't know the youngster.
• says only certain sounds or words repeatedly and can't use oral language to communicate more than his or her immediate needs

Causes—

Many things can cause delays in speech and language development:

• Ear infections, especially chronic infections, can affect hearing ability. Simple ear infections that have been adequately treated, though, should have no effect on speech.

• Hearing problems are also commonly related to delayed speech, which is why a youngster's hearing should be tested by an audiologist whenever there's a speech concern. A youngster who has trouble hearing may have trouble articulating as well as understanding, imitating, and using language.

• Many children with speech delays have oral-motor problems, meaning there's inefficient communication in the areas of the brain responsible for speech production. The youngster encounters difficulty using and coordinating the lips, tongue, and jaw to produce speech sounds. Speech may be the only problem or may be accompanied by other oral-motor problems such as feeding difficulties. A speech delay may also be a part of (instead of indicate) a more "global" (or general) developmental delay.

• Speech delays in an otherwise normally developing youngster can sometimes be caused by oral impairments, like problems with the tongue or palate (the roof of the mouth). A short frenulum (the fold beneath the tongue) can limit tongue movement for speech production.

What Can A Speech-Language Pathologist Do?

If you or your physician suspect that your youngster has a problem, early evaluation by a speech-language pathologist is crucial. Of course, if there turns out to be no problem after all, an evaluation can ease your fears. Although you can seek out a speech-language pathologist on your own, your primary care physician can refer you to one.

In conducting an evaluation, a speech-language pathologist will look at a youngster's speech and language skills within the context of total development. Besides observing your youngster, the speech-language pathologist will conduct standardized tests and scales, and look for milestones in speech and language development.

The speech-language pathologist will also assess:

• if your youngster is attempting to communicate in other ways, such as pointing, head shaking, gesturing, etc.
• sound development and clarity of speech
• what your youngster can say (called expressive language)
• what your youngster understands (called receptive language)
• your youngster's oral-motor status (how a youngster's mouth, tongue, palate, etc., work together for speech as well as eating and swallowing)

If the speech-language pathologist finds that your youngster needs speech therapy, your involvement will be very important. You can observe therapy sessions and learn to participate in the process. The speech therapist will show you how you can work with your youngster at home to improve speech and language skills.

Evaluation by a speech-language pathologist may find that your expectations are simply too high. Educational materials that outline developmental stages and milestones may help you look at your youngster more realistically.

What Can Parents Do?

Like so many other things, speech development is a mixture of nature and nurture. Genetic makeup will, in part, determine intelligence and speech and language development. However, a lot of it depends on environment. Is a youngster adequately stimulated at home or at childcare? Are there opportunities for communication exchange and participation? What kind of feedback does the youngster get?

When speech, language, hearing, or developmental problems do exist, early intervention can provide the help a youngster needs. And when you have a better understanding of why your youngster isn't talking, you can learn ways to encourage speech development.

Here are a few general tips to use at home:

• Read to your youngster, starting as early as 6 months. You don't have to finish a whole book, but look for age-appropriate soft or board books or picture books that encourage children to look while you name the pictures. Try starting with a classic book (such as Pat the Bunny) in which the youngster imitates the patting motion, or books with textures that children can touch. Later, let your youngster point to recognizable pictures and try to name them. Then move on to nursery rhymes, which have rhythmic appeal. Progress to predictable books (such as Eric Carle's Brown Bear, Brown Bear) that let children anticipate what happens. Your little one may even start to memorize favorite stories.

• Spend a lot of time communicating with your youngster, even during infancy — talk, sing, and encourage imitation of sounds and gestures.

• Use everyday situations to reinforce your youngster's speech and language. In other words, talk your way through the day. For example, name foods at the grocery store, explain what you're doing as you cook a meal or clean a room, point out objects around the house, and as you drive, point out sounds you hear. Ask questions and acknowledge your youngster's responses (even when they're hard to understand). Keep things simple, but never use "baby talk."

It is never too late to seek help for speech difficulties. While a child may never sound completely normal or be able to hold a perfect conversation, there are definitely ways to work towards a great improvement. The key to success is often a commitment from a parent or family member to work with the youngster for extended periods of time.

Whatever your Aspergers youngster's age, recognizing and treating problems early on is the best approach to help with speech and language delays. With proper therapy and time, your youngster will likely be better able to communicate with you and the rest of the world.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Aspergers Teens and Poor Academic Performance: 2-Minute Tip

2012-01-09T17:09:00.000-08:00

You, the parent, have complained ...threatened ...taken away privileges ...grounded ...and even begged, but your Aspergers teenager still fails to perform according to your (and his teacher's) expectations. If your Aspie continues to bring home nothing but D's and F's, then you may want to follow these tips in order to stop the cycle of "bad grades":

Discipline for Defiant Aspergers Teens

What To Expect After The Diagnosis

2012-01-09T09:50:00.000-08:00

Most of the time, Aspergers is diagnosed by a developmental doctor, neurologist, psychologist, or team of professionals. The diagnosis is made on the basis of behaviors, delays, and language deficits. That means that no one can diagnose Aspergers in an infant, and unless your youngster has Rett syndrome or Fragile X, no medical test can "prove" that a youngster truly has Aspergers.

Most Aspergers professionals will provide a specific diagnosis on the spectrum. You may walk away with a diagnosis of Aspergers or PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified). Occasionally, your youngster will receive additional diagnoses such as "social anxiety" or "non-verbal learning disorder." All of these are descriptive of your youngster's behaviors, and different diagnosticians may give different labels depending on their experience and preference.

What parents can expect from their child’s physician after the diagnosis:

1. Your physician may offer suggestions for treatment. He may support your suggestions for additional treatments. But don't expect your physician to have any idea how you are supposed to pay for those treatments. While some may, in fact, be covered under insurance and/or early intervention programs, it's rare to find a physician who can guide you through that maze.

2. Moms and dads will wonder whether they should press to have their youngster included in typical classrooms, provided with a special class, or educated privately. Since every youngster, school, classroom and program is different -- and since physicians have never seen your youngster in a group setting -- reputable physicians will rarely recommend specific educational setting for your youngster.

3. Your physician can't tell you for sure which treatments will work for your youngster. He may recommend a particular diet, supplement, or treatment program. But until you try it, there's no way to know whether it will work for your individual son or daughter.

4. Unless your youngster has Fragile X or Rett syndrome (both of which can be identified through genetic markers), your doctor will not know why your youngster has Aspergers. Depending on his leanings, you may hear words like "genetics," "vaccines," or "inflammation." But the truth is that no physician has enough information to reliably explain the factors that lie behind your youngster's diagnosis.

5. Most moms and dads will ask questions (e.g., “Will my youngster get better?”). Most reputable physicians will respond with vague answers – or even no answer at all. That's because no one really knows how far your Aspergers youngster will develop, and even kids with profound disabilities can amaze moms and dads and professionals with their developmental leaps.

6. While some physicians may recommend specific biomedical treatments, neither they nor any other medical professional can tell you which of the many available non-medical treatments will be best for your youngster. They may suggest applied behavior analysis (ABA) based on a general understanding that ABA is well-researched. But no expert can tell you whether ABA is a better choice than, say, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

What ABA involves:

Done correctly, ABA intervention for Aspergers is not a "one size fits all" approach consisting of a "canned" set of programs or drills. On the contrary, every aspect of intervention is customized to each child's skills, needs, interests, preferences, and family situation. For those reasons, an ABA program for one child might look somewhat different than a program for another child. But genuine, comprehensive ABA programs for Aspergers children have certain things in common:

Abundant positive reinforcement for useful skills and socially appropriate behaviors
An emphasis on positive social interactions, and on making learning fun
An emphasis on skills that will enable Aspergers children to be independent and successful in both the short and the long run
Detailed assessment of each Aspergers child's skills as well as child and family preferences to determine initial treatment goals
Frequent review of progress data by the behavior analyst so that goals and procedures can be "fine tuned" as needed
Instruction on developmentally appropriate goals in skill areas (e.g., communication, social, self-care, play and leisure, motor, and academic skills)
Intervention designed and overseen directly by qualified, well-trained professional behavior analysts
Intervention provided consistently for many hours each week
Many opportunities - specifically planned and naturally occurring - for each child to acquire and practice skills every day, in structured and unstructured situations
No reinforcement for behaviors that are harmful or prevent learning
Ongoing objective measurement of child progress
Parent training so family members can teach and support skills during typical family activities
Regular meetings between family members and program staff to plan, review progress, and make adjustments
Selection of goals that are meaningful for the Aspergers child and the family
Skills broken down into small parts or steps that are manageable for the child, and taught from simple to complex
Use of multiple behavior analytic procedures - both adult-directed and child-initiated - to promote learning in a variety of ways
Use of techniques to help trained skills carry over to various places, people, and times, and to enable Aspergers children to acquire new skills in a variety of settings

Competently delivered ABA intervention can help Aspergers children make meaningful changes in many areas. Quality ABA programs address a wide range of skill areas, but the focus is always on the individual child, so goals vary from child to child, depending on age, level of functioning, family needs and interests, and other factors. The rate of progress also varies from one child to the next. Some acquire skills quickly, others more slowly. In fact, an individual child may make rapid progress in one skill area (e.g., Math), but need much more instruction and practice to master another (e.g., interacting with peers).

What CBT involves:

Children on the autism spectrum can be prone to depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorders and other mental health issues. CBT is one of a range of treatment options. It is a psychotherapy based on modifying everyday thoughts and behaviors, with the aim of positively influencing emotions. The particular therapeutic techniques vary according to the particular child or issue, but commonly include keeping a diary of significant events and associated feelings, thoughts and behaviors; questioning and testing assumptions or habits of thoughts that might be unhelpful and unrealistic; gradually facing activities which may have been avoided; and trying out new ways of behaving and reacting.

Relaxation and distraction techniques are also commonly included. CBT is widely accepted as an evidence-based, cost-effective psychotherapy for many Aspergers. It is sometimes used with groups as well as individuals, and the techniques are also commonly adapted for self-help manuals and, increasingly, for self-help software packages.

CBT is based on the idea that how we think (cognition), how we feel (emotion) and how we act (behavior) interact together. Specifically, our thoughts determine our feelings and our behavior. Therefore, negative - and unrealistic - thoughts can cause us distress and result in problems. One example could be a child who, after frequent bullying and failed attempts at making friends, thinks "Nobody likes me." This will impact negatively on mood, making the child feel depressed; the problem may be worsened if the child reacts by avoiding social activities all together. As a result, a successful experience becomes more unlikely, which reinforces the original thought of being "hated."

In therapy, this example could be identified as a self-fulfilling prophecy or "problem cycle," and the efforts of the therapist and the Aspergers child/teen would be directed at working together to change this. This is done by addressing the way the child/teen thinks in response to similar situations and by developing more flexible thought patterns, along with reducing the avoidance of social activities. If, as a result, the child/teen escapes the negative thought pattern, the feelings of depression may be relieved. The child/teen may then become more active, succeed more often, and further reduce feelings of depression and anxiety.

The Bottom Line:

Even today, Aspergers is a mystery. No one really knows for sure what causes it, what cures it, or even what it is. Some physicians will give you their opinion. But the moment you start digging deeper, you'll find that there are many other well-supported opinions out there. This doesn't mean your physician can't help at all, but it does mean that you'll have to look elsewhere for direction as you think through treatment options, educational settings, behavior management and other issues. For example:

Aspergers conferences, which are now held all around the world
Books (check carefully to be sure you know who the author is and whether he or she has a particular ax to grind)
Parent support groups, which offer a wealth of experience in areas ranging from therapies and therapists to schools and school programs
Regional centers, which offer a range of services and treatment options
School-based parent education programs
The Internet

In the long run, for better or for worse, you will be making many decisions based on your own parental perspective, knowledge, preferences and comfort level. Of course, that's the case for most parenting decisions, and it seems to be the case that when moms and dads are engaged in the process of helping and working with their Aspergers youngster, outcomes are improved over time.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Aspergers Teens Will Test Your Patience

2012-01-08T16:12:00.000-08:00

Aspergers teens that regularly test their mother’s/father’s patience do so for a variety of reasons. For example, they:

are asserting themselves and their independence
are protecting themselves
are stiff and rule-oriented and acting like little adults
are testing whether their parents will enforce the rules
can’t "fit-in" with their peer group, or they can’t get through the school day without a significant degree of anxiety, thus when they return home at the end of the school day they slip into meltdown
face similar academic problems as students with Attention Deficit Disorder due to their distractibility and difficulty organizing materials
feel a sense of pain, loneliness and despair, which can lead to significant behavioral problems at home or school (or both)
feel bad about themselves

In any event, parents can do a few things to muster-up some much needed patience:

Discipline for Defiant Aspergers Teens

Depression in Moms with ASD Children

2012-01-07T07:34:00.000-08:00

A recent study suggests that moms of kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) may be prone to depression if they feel responsible for the cause or outcome of their youngster's disorder. 50% of moms with ASD kids had elevated depression scores, compared to 15% to 21% in the other groups. Single moms were found to be more vulnerable to severe depression than moms living with a spouse.

Mothers are considered to exhibit symptoms of depression if they responded “all of the time” or “most of the time” to at least two of the following questions.

During the past 30 DAYS, how often did you feel:

1. Hopeless?
2. Nervous?
3. Restless or fidgety?
4. So sad that nothing could cheer you up?
5. That everything was an effort?
6. Worthless?

Certainly, a feeling of never being a “good enough” parent can lead to depression. And, in many cases, individual counseling for mothers is tremendously helpful. But, while feelings of guilt and inadequacy certainly are at play for many moms - and dads - there's much more to the story.

Families, even those with kids at the upper-end of the spectrum, cope with many other significant issues that often lead to frustration, anger, irritability, anxiety and more. For example:

As kids with ASD grow older, moms and dads often face "retirement" with full personal and financial responsibility for an adult child who may depend on them for everything. This can be quite depressing.
It can be expensive to treat a youngster on the spectrum. Many families go into debt to support therapies that are not paid for by insurance. This can lead to anxiety, depression, and anger.
It can be tough to engage in normal social activity with a youngster on the spectrum. Social isolation is known to lead to depression.
Many kids with ASD have a tough time sleeping, and keep their moms and dads awake all night. Exhaustion can lead to depression.
Often times, moms with ASD kids wind up quitting jobs they enjoy – and income they need or want – in order to care for or home-school their child. This can certainly lead to depression.
Moms and dads receiving a diagnosis of ASD are also coping with the loss of many of their expectations of parenthood. At the same time, they are losing out on the "parent club" that may have sustained them -- everything from exchanging play-dates and childcare with neighbors to coaching the local ball team. That can be depressing.
Moms and dads who have to battle the school districts and state mental health agencies for any type of appropriate services are almost certain to run into issues and circumstances which are unacceptable, but over which they have little control. This is certainly depressing.

In short, having a youngster with ASD can, indeed, lead to depression, but the reasons are many and complex. No matter how optimistic or upbeat parents are, they may be unable to cheer up in the face of exhaustion, bankruptcy and isolation.

What are parents to do in the face of so many negatives?

There are a number of options for action. While none will change the underlying truth that your child’s ASD is here to stay, many can help moms and dads cope better with the emotional strain.

Try journaling to relieve your stress.
Seek respite care, so that you and your spouse can get away together for a well deserved break.
Seek professional help from a professional with experience working with families with ASD children.
Lower your therapy costs by choosing low-cost, low-risk treatments for your youngster.
Find support among like-minded moms and dads of ASD kids.
Know that you are doing the very best you can for your youngster. Instead of tormenting yourselves with "what if's," take a moment out to enjoy him or her.

Note: ASD kids of depressed moms are more likely than other kids to have behavior problems, academic difficulties, and health problems. Maternal depression has also been linked to delays in cognitive and motor development among kids 28 to 50 months old. Long-term, maternal depression has been found to have especially adverse consequences for child development and behavior. Five-year-old kids whose moms experienced frequent depression were more likely to have behavioral problems and lower vocabulary scores than those whose moms had less chronic depression. Thus, if you feel you are suffering from depression and have procrastinated in seeking treatment, then please get some help now – if not for you, do it for your special needs child.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Aspergers Teens and Porn Addiction

2012-01-06T12:03:00.000-08:00

Question

I’m an MFT in California and I have a new client who is step mom to a 16yr old boy who has Aspergers. Lots of stressors: military family, dad has been away much of past several years, and is currently deployed, step mom is authoritarian in style, having been raised in an army family. She appears willing to consider change, as she is so stressed. She says he’s ‘a good boy’ and she loves him, but the behaviors have to change.

The boy has been obsessed with porn for a couple of years now and apparently has stolen mom/dads credit cards and downloaded over $5,000.00 of online porn. They keep removing access from him, he keeps accessing more. He also takes mom and 18 yr. old sister’s underpants, and cuts the crotches out. She doesn’t think he’s wearing it – probably masturbating with them, though she hasn’t found them soiled – just cut out. They have resorted to locking their bedroom doors, and he has broken in more than once – to access mom’s credit card, and sister’s computer and panties.

Strong sexual interest at 16 is natural, some obsessive quality about it may be common with the Aspergers feature, and he doesn’t have the social skills to get a girlfriend at this time. The family understands the boy has sexual urges, and has considered making a Playboy subscription available for him. They can’t tolerate the stealing, charges to credit cards, breaking in to their rooms, and obsessive porn fixation.

I’m not an expert here – open to suggestion if you’re willing to offer.

Answer

Pornography can create a powerful biochemical “rush.” When an adolescent is subjected to an arousing image, the adrenal gland secretes epinephrine into the bloodstream, where it proceeds to the brain and locks the image in. Once this has occurred, the simple thought of the image can trigger a feeling of arousal. Many porn-addicted adults can still vividly recall the first pornographic image to which they were exposed as a kid or teen. Other body chemicals (e.g., serotonin, adrenaline, endorphins, dopamine, etc.) also are at play creating a euphoric state.

Adolescents who experience this biochemical thrill will, not surprisingly, want to experience it again. Thus, it is helpful for therapists to see pornography not as just a social issue – but as a drug, because the addictive mechanism is clearly part of the danger when adolescents habitually view pornography.

While treatment plans vary strongly by circumstance, there are some important considerations to remember for therapists who are working with Aspergers adolescents on this sensitive issue.

1. One of the fundamental mistakes therapists make when dealing with adolescents and pornography is to willingly or inadvertently reveal, or even attempt to impose, their own religious or moral values. Therapists must never make assumptions about values of their clients (or their families), nor try to impose personal religious or moral viewpoints, even if they feel it is in the best interest of the client. Also, it is very important to closely monitor any self-disclosure about your own sexual experiences.

2. It is helpful to gain an understanding of the client’s sexual parameters, and to help them define their boundaries if they are unsure where to draw them. A helpful tool for this is the “circle plan” in which three concentric circles are drawn representing healthy sexual behaviors (outer circle), boundary or uncertain behaviors (middle circle), and bottom-line or off-limits behavior (center circle) and helping the Aspergers adolescent define where he stands. Aiding the clients in the creation of these boundaries in a safe environment will help equip them to not have to make snap decisions about where to draw the line in sexually charged, real-life situations.

3. With pornography, therapists sometimes fail to understand the power of the compulsion Aspergers adolescents are facing, and it is not uncommon for school, religious, or private-sector therapists to advocate a simple treatment plan that is based upon willpower or moral character. Since pornography can be an addiction, these “just say no” types of approaches are likely to only create more frustration and self-defeating ideation in Aspergers adolescents who do not have the willpower to stop. For such teens that can no longer control their actions, the intervention and treatment modality must recognize the problem as a full addiction, and treat it with the same consideration given to alcohol or drugs.

4. Many Aspergers adolescents who are developing compulsive pornography problems do so in agonized isolation, often believing that they are perverts and alone in their actions. It can be helpful for the professional to educate them on the prevalence of the issue while still clearly communicating the dangers so they don’t trade their isolation for an “oh well, since everyone is doing it…” idea.

5. For many Aspergers adolescents who are struggling with pornography, shame is a major factor. When you first meet the client, it is not unusual for him to avoid eye contact, and be hesitant to answer questions. The practitioner should attempt to minimize shame by being supportive and nonjudgmental about the struggle.

Discipline for Defiant Aspergers Teens

Mind-Blindness: 2-Minute Tip

2012-01-04T12:48:00.000-08:00

What is mind-blindness ...how does it affect Aspergers children ...and what can parents do to help?

The DOs and DON’Ts After The Diagnosis

2012-01-04T08:19:00.000-08:00

If you're like many moms and dads, your world changed when you first heard the word "Aspergers" used to describe your youngster. And, like any good parent, your first inclination may be to learn all you can, find the best doctors, and take aggressive action to “fix” the problem. Before you launch yourself into action, though, you might want to get a quick overview of what you're letting yourself in for.

What should you do – and perhaps more importantly – what shouldn’t you do?

The DOs—

1. Do start with the basics. Literally dozens of treatments are available for Aspergers. Start with the basics (i.e., treatments that are easily available, funded, and appropriate). For most families, the basics include speech, occupational and physical therapy. For younger kids, home-based therapeutic programs are often available. Preschoolers and school-aged kids may be offered therapies through the school system.

2. Do add therapies slowly. If you decide your youngster is not getting all he needs, you may be tempted to jump into many different interventions at the same time. Of course, there are interventions that have an immediate impact for the better or worse, including some pharmaceuticals. Most treatments, however, require days, weeks or even months to really make a difference. By making changes slowly and observing your youngster's reactions, you can see what works and what doesn't.

3. Do avoid information overload. Thought you would “read up” on Aspergers in just a few days? Truth me, plenty of parents wind up spending unending weeks and months reading every website, blog and book, and attending every conference – but at the end, they're more confused than when they started. It's a good idea to inform yourself about the options, but one or two good books (I recommend “The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook”) will give you a good gist without overloading you with 10,000 different opinions about everything from causes to treatments to adult life with Aspergers.

4. Do determine your youngster's needs. What exactly are your youngster's needs and deficits? Aspergers is a spectrum disorder, which means that your youngster may have many needs – or just a few. Does your youngster have speech delays? Sensory issues? Social deficits? By asking all of these questions of your doctor and your family and local support groups, you can start to create a picture of the services your youngster might need.

5. Do limit your interaction with other "Aspergers parents". Of course, it's a good idea to reach out and get to know other moms and dads who are in your situation, especially as you look into local therapists, schools, funding, etc. But be aware that parents with Aspergers kids are often passionate about the therapists and treatments they've selected. And it's easy to get overwhelmed as parents insist that their approach is the only approach. The truth is that no one knows the best approach for your Aspergers youngster. Every “Aspie” is different!

6. Do read and ask questions. A huge number of websites, books and resources are available about Aspergers. Select a few and dig in. Find a local support group or an online group and get involved (I recommend the “Parenting Aspergers Children - Support Group on Facebook”). Learn how other moms and dads have managed situations similar to yours.

7. Do remember that your youngster has not changed. Yesterday, your youngster was not labeled “Aspergers.” Today, he has been handed that label by a professional. But the label doesn't change your youngster or your love for him. All the good things you saw in your youngster yesterday are still there today. Part of your job will be to help him build on those strengths to compensate for the challenges of Aspergers.

8. Do remember to relax. Your youngster's diagnosis is important. But, so is your own life, your other kids, your health, and your finances. It's ok to take a break from time to time. Only when you're at your best can you hope to give your youngster all he needs to grow, develop and enjoy life!

9. Do use your Aspergers resources. Now that you know what your youngster needs, you need to determine whether those therapies are immediately available to you -- and if they are, how to put them in place. If you are in a rural area, you may have fewer options available than if you're in a city. Your medical insurance may cover only a fraction of the therapies you've discovered. Your school district may have specific options available. Once you know what's immediately available, you can set up a program that suits at least some of your needs.

The DON’Ts—

1. Don’t panic. For most moms and dads, a diagnosis of Aspergers is like a kick to the groin. You feel breathless and overwhelmed. Your world has been turned upside down. But remember that Aspergers, despite its many challenges, is not a dangerous condition. There's no need to panic! You and your entire family will benefit if you can think clearly and calmly.

2. Don't assume you always know best. Moms and dads are usually good at observing, describing and understanding their kids. Parents also, of course, need to advocate for their kids in school and elsewhere. But even parents don't always know what will work for their youngster, and often a educator or therapist will discover a talent, need, ability or challenge that surprises you. In short, parental instinct is wonderful, but it has its limits. And by insisting that you always know what your youngster needs, you may limit the options available to him.

3. Don't choose treatments based solely on the scientific research. In the best of all worlds, treatments are selected on the basis of multiple independent double-blind studies. If only that were possible in the Aspergers world! In fact, few treatments for Aspergers have been tested in this way -- and even those that have are questioned based on the quality of the research. That doesn't mean that none of the treatments are helpful. only that they haven't been fully researched. As a result, it's probably worth your time to look into several of those that seem most available and relevant to your youngster.

4. Don't choose treatments under pressure. As you enter the Aspergers world, you will meet educators, moms and dads, doctors and therapists who are absolutely certain they know what's best for your youngster. With all the best intentions in the world, they will absolutely insist that you take your youngster to Dr. X, or start your child on this treatment or that treatment. Take notes, and do your own research. If the treatment sounds too good to be true, costs too much money, or has no research behind it, you're under no obligation to say "yes" – nor are you under any obligation to report back to the insistent professional in your life.

5. Don't forget to breathe. Despite media hype to the contrary, it is extremely unusual for a youngster to be accurately diagnosed with Aspergers and then "recover" perfect normalcy. Much of the time, though, if your youngster is receiving solid one-on-one therapy, support, and love, he will develop skills and relationships – and continue to do so throughout life. In other words, treating Aspergers isn't about rushing to a cure. Instead, it's about finding a set of supports and a way of life that will work, with tweaks and adjustments, over time. No matter how quickly you move, and no matter how much money you spend, your Aspergers youngster is likely to remain Aspergers with all the ups and down that go with that diagnosis. So take time to enjoy your youngster, your spouse, your family, and your life. Get some fresh air. Remember that your youngster is not in danger of life or limb, and that he is still the same person you have always loved.

6. Don't obsess about Aspergers. It's easy to get obsessive. In fact, it's surprisingly easy for parents (especially moms) to focus almost entirely on their youngster's Aspergers. Unfortunately, obsession can create more problems than it solves. More than one marriage has fallen apart as the result of one spouse becoming too focused on Aspergers to attend to the marriage. Many households have gone broke in the attempt to provide every treatment, no matter how costly or obscure. And it's common for siblings of the Aspergers child to feel unfairly neglected by parents who seem to care only about supporting the “special needs child.”.

7. Don't overload your youngster or yourself. There is an understandable desire to see results from your efforts. And with so much emphasis on early intervention, moms and dads often want to see their kids "fixed" right away. But it's best to avoid the temptation to leap into multiple therapies with the hope that something will work. Not only will you and your youngster be exhausted, but it may be impossible to know what's really working. Remember that there really is no "window of opportunity," and your youngster will continue to learn and grow throughout his life.

8. Don't rush into action. The research says that early intervention is important. By the same token, however, Aspergers kids grow and develop over time just like everyone else. It's tempting to leap into as many therapeutic treatments as you can. But until you know what's best for your youngster, it's a good idea to take it slow.

9. Don't worry too much about the "whys" of Aspergers. There are over 24 theories of what causes Aspergers (e.g., cell phones, WiFi, pitocin, mercury poisoning, older fathers, genetics, artificial dyes and sweeteners, etc.). In short, unless your youngster is actually suffering from a physical problem (e.g., food allergy, lead poisoning, etc.), worrying about the causes of Aspergers will just drive you crazy.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Raising Special Needs Children: Reducing Parental Stress

2012-01-02T09:34:00.000-08:00

Question

My wife and I feel like the world's worst parents. Our 12-year-old Aspergers daughter pushes us to the breaking point daily. We try to manage her behaviors appropriately, but we often end up yelling. We know her behaviors are not her fault. But in the heat of the moment, our best intentions are overwhelmed by 12 years of frustration. We have talked to a psychologist for family counseling, but just got a lot of sympathy. We love our daughter and want to do a better job.

Answer

The first thing you have to realize is that you are not the world's worst parents. The fact that you are seeking help is evidence of this. Over time, relationships develop patterns, and sometimes these can be self-defeating. Yelling is the result of your frustrations with a situation that seems to have no solution at the time. I remember how angry I was when my Aspergers grandson was 9-years-old. I had a hard time accepting his Aspergers-related behavior. I walked around with a chip on my shoulder – always ready to correct him by yelling at him.

In terms of behavior, you and your wife can learn some straight forward behavioral techniques that will help. You need strategic guidance – not just sympathy. I appreciate your courage in being honest about how you feel. Anger, one of the most intense and least understood human emotions, is probably the scariest and most socially unacceptable emotion to own up to. It often arises with the thought, "Why me? Why did I do to deserve this?" It is normal for moms and dads of Aspergers children to get frustrated and direct anger at their Aspie, themselves, each other, the doctor, mercury, the local school district, etc. Many parents in your situation also feel guilty (e.g., “It’s probably my fault that my child has Aspergers”).

As with most negative patterns of behavior, it is likely that you promise yourself on a daily basis that this time you will not yell, but at this point your relationship with your daughter ends up in the same place because nobody can figure a way out of the trap. Things may need to be set up differently in your home to help you optimize your relationship with your little girl. Your daughter may be reacting to things that many of us would not realize or understand. She may not understand or be able to let you know what it is. The bottom line is this: you may simply lack some of the skills necessary for raising an Aspergers youngster, and that is not surprising given the level of complications that these kids often bring.

Some of the behaviors of Aspergers kids can push any one of us to our breaking point. It is important to remember though, as you stated yourself, that your daughter is not purposely pushing you to your breaking point, just as you are not purposely "breaking."

So what can be done?

First, be sure to watch out for a faulty belief system (i.e., negative self-talk) that contributes to parental stress (which results in much anger, frustration, and yelling). For example:

1. Giving 100% every day is what every parent is expected to do.
2. I refuse to let anyone else care for - or influence - my ‘special needs’ child.
3. I should always deny my own needs for rest and recreation in order to help my child.
4. I should do everything for my child and not require her to take on responsibilities she can’t handle.
5. I should feel guilty if I need a break or want some attention for myself.
6. I should spend every possible moment with my child.
7. I will be seen by society as a good and honorable person because of the effort I put into being a good mother/father.
8. My child should “like” me.
9. My child should appreciate everything I do for her.
10. One role in my life (i.e., the role of parent) can satisfy all my needs and can support all my dreams.
11. Other people must see me as a good parent, able to handle everything.
12. The success or failure of my child depends entirely on me.

Any of these beliefs (or ones similar to them) will direct translate into anger and frustration. Here are some ways to counteract a faulty belief system:

1. Be able to live in the presence of imperfection.
2. Boost your own self-confidence.
3. Develop a support system by sharing honestly your feelings of frustration, anger, and concern.
4. Develop the positive belief that you can control destiny.
5. Be selfish (in a healthy way).
6. Free yourself from needing outside approval.
7. Learn to catch yourself when you say negative statements to yourself and challenge them.
8. Learn to tolerate change (because Aspergers kids change a lot over time).
9. Practice positive thinking by daily affirmations; repeat positive messages to yourself over and over.
10. View love, affection, and approval from your child as a bonus – not a “need.”
11. See the positive side of stress.
12. Understand anger and use it constructively; control anger by controlling wishes.

Other things that contribute to parental stress:

1. Coping with difficult Aspergers-related behaviors.
2. Dealing with the school about your child's placement or program.
3. Educating neighbors and relatives about your child's issues.
4. Financial pressures.
5. Getting your child in the right school.
6. Home schooling your child.
7. Helping her with homework.
8. Helping siblings understand the problems associated with Aspergers.
9. Working with your “not-too-involved” spouse on child management.
10. Dealing with unexpected meltdowns (especially in public)

How to cope with parental stress associated with raising an Aspergers child:

1. Analyze problems thoroughly:

Describe the problem with a specific statement.
State how it could be worse and how it could be better.
Determine what is keeping it from getting better.
Propose solutions for the things over which you have control.
Plan action.

2. Use time management:

List priorities – both short and long term.
Do a time use audit.
Compare time use with priority of goals.

3. Develop assertiveness:

Know your limits, and be realistic about what you can accomplish. Say no to unreasonable demands.
Learn about your child's problems and needs so that you can be an active participant in meetings with school personnel and can offer suggestions to coaches, neighbors, and relatives.

4. Address physiological stressors:

Recognize that children with special needs require exceptional amounts of energy. In order to replenish energy, parents need to be sure they get sufficient rest, eat well balanced meals, and exercise vigorously.
Learn meditation or relaxation techniques to use when they feel stressed, anxious, or fatigued.

5. Use other stress-reducing strategies:

Find a place of retreat (e.g., the bathroom or the car), and go there for cooling off when the tension is very great.
Follow your physician's advice.
Hire out or trade off chores that are time consuming and distasteful. Sometimes it is well worth paying someone else to do those chores so that you have more time and energy to devote to yourself and your family.
Make recreation and relaxation a priority, so that you have some time off during the week. Studies have shown that psychologically healthy families have “less-than-perfect” housekeeping.
Team up with a spouse or friend for time off.
Use relaxation tapes or exercises to calm down after a hectic day.

It may help you to think about what other feelings you may have besides the frustration and the anger (e.g., fear, sorrow, worry). What would be there if the anger disappeared? Moms and dads like you are trying to make sense out of what has happened (e.g., "If we are good parents, then how come we can’t get our child to behave appropriately – even if she has this ‘disorder’?"). Moms and dads of Aspergers children need to allow themselves to experience anger, to cry, and to scream. It is all part of the grief process. Indeed Aspergers can be tough to live with, but trying to deny or minimize how hard it is to have an Aspergers youngster only prolongs the suffering you are describing.

Anger is a reflection of the hurt and fear. Gaining perspective, along with time and compassion, can help curb the associated frustrations. It is probably worth another try to connect with a mental health professional who can guide you through this. If nothing else, your will Aspergers daughter will teach you to be patient with what you can’t change.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums

Creating Successful Behavior Charts for Aspergers Kids

2011-12-28T10:13:00.000-08:00

Behavior charts consist of two primary components: (1) parental expectations (e.g., doing chores, behaving, handling self-care tasks, etc.) and (2) the reward for meeting such expectations.

Behavior charts can be very effective in getting kids to do what moms and dads want. But often times, parents find that their Aspergers children don't respond to charts – either because the concept is too abstract, or the gratification is too delayed. Adjusting and simplifying the chart to your Aspie’s particular needs and abilities can make the difference between success and failure with this particular parenting technique.

Here's how to successfully employ behavior charts for Aspergers children:

1. Be sure to have plenty of consistency, patience and a willingness to try new ideas.

2. Coupons for desired activities (or avoidance of undesired ones) can serve as a good tangible reward for behavior-chart goals. Try pre-made printable coupons (see below) or create some of your own.

3. Don't load up the chart with unrealistic items you'd like your youngster to complete (e.g., making all A’s on the next report card). A couple “big goals” are fine every now and then, but make sure there are some things he is already doing on a regular basis, and a couple of very easy things that will always earn some points or check marks no matter what. Add one "miscellaneous" category for rewarding random acts of good behavior.

4. Don't offer anything you can't deliver. Big trips or large toys are risky promises. Losing them will be a negative experience for your youngster if he doesn't succeed in earning enough points, and they may be hard for you to deliver reliably. If your youngster is earning an allowance, put the money aside early in the week so you'll be sure to deliver on payday.

5. Figure out a reasonable time period for your youngster to go without a reward. For a very young Aspie, or one with severe behavior issues, it may be as little as 15 minutes. Let your youngster know that for every 15 minutes of appropriate behavior, she will get a reward (e.g., a sticker on a piece of paper, a small snack, a coin, etc.). If the behavior during any specific increment doesn't measure up, the reward is missed, but the time resets and the next increment of time is open for change.

6. If your Aspergers youngster makes a partial attempt at something (e.g., doing a chore), but does not completely follow through (e.g., he made his bed, but didn’t pick up his clothes off the floor), make sure he always gets some sort of reward. The idea here is to be positive about successes. Offer a descending scale of rewards for points attained (e.g., smaller amounts of money, reduced time to play computer games, etc.). If your youngster can work with you on this, set up the rewards together and agree on them. Put the possibilities on the chart.

7. If your youngster is not always able to do the items on the chart without help, then increase the number of points available for that task, and award them according to effort (e.g., if your youngster has trouble getting dressed in the mornings, you might award 5 points if he does it himself, 3 points if you just have to help a little, and 1 point if you have to get him dressed - but he cooperates). In this way, you're able to make a positive experience out of almost any outcome.

8. If your youngster just doesn't "get" a chart with points or checkmarks, try putting happy faces or stickers on the chart for successful results – or skip the chart idea entirely and devise another method of tracking your youngster’s successful moments (e.g., put pennies in a jar, add beads to a string, add Legos to a Lego tower, add rubber bands to a rubber-band ball, etc.). Anything that involves “adding on” to something will work.

9. Make the chart all about rewarding positive behavior – not penalizing negative behavior. Make a big deal about putting points up - or checking items off. Don't apply blame for items not checked. The chart is an opportunity to get extra credit for things done right.

10. Most behavior charts are intended to improve your youngster's performance over time, or provide weekly motivators for meeting your expectations. Sometimes, though, you need to reward behavior in the short-term (e.g., making it through a church service, surviving a mall trip, etc.). Using a chart to break down the activity into small reward-able units of time can make it easier for your youngster to get it done.

11. Reviewing the chart every night gives you an opportunity to provide positive feedback for jobs well done. If your youngster responds best to short-term rewards, you might give something like a sticker for a minimum of points earned. At the end of the week, the stickers can be "cashed-in" for bigger rewards.

12. Some Aspergers children are highly motivated by an allowance. For them, the pay-off at the end of the week should be in cash. Establish the amount in advance and put it on the chart. If money isn't motivating, find something that is (e.g., small toy, fast-food lunch, computer game time, a "get out of time-out free" card, etc.). Be creative and find the things your youngster really craves, not the things that would make sense to you.

13. Your Aspergers youngster's abilities and your family's needs change, thus the chart should change too. Do this in collaboration with your Aspie when possible. Add new chores as your youngster's abilities increase, and eliminate things he is rarely successful at. Keep brainstorming new rewards and new methods of earning them. The secret to a good behavior chart is making sure your youngster is always able to earn points – and excited about doing so.

14. Decide on a couple things you would most like done "better" by your Aspie (e.g., putting shoes away, sharing toys with siblings, helping with chores when asked, good routine when getting ready for bed, etc.). With a permanent marker, write or draw these points on the side of the chart. Then write or draw the acceptable reward you are happy to offer for compliance.

15. Don’t forget about behavior at school. Ask your youngster's teacher to send home a behavior report every day. If necessary, send in a simple form that can be checked off quickly. Award points based on performance. Make a big deal of putting these points on the chart, but if your youngster has a bad day, don't make a big deal of not adding them. Simply wish him better luck tomorrow.

Making a Behavior Chart from Scratch—

1. Write out a list of goals you would like to place on the behavior chart. These might be chores, behavior modifications, or every day habits. Whatever you decide, make a “top five list” of priorities to place on the chart.

2. Open up a word-processing program (e.g., Microsoft Word) or calculation software (e.g., Microsoft Excel). Use a simple chart or graph template of your choosing to make your behavior chart. If you do not find one, you can simply draw one in Word or freehand with a marker.

3. At the side of the chart, make five sections and label each section with one of your goals. For example, "Clean Room" can be section one, "Courteous to Siblings" can be section two, "Sharing Toys" can be section three, etc. On the top of the chart list the date of the month, or just leave it blank. Make rows of squares next to each section so columns are formed with approximately 10-30 squares in each row.

4. Shop with your youngster to pick out stickers to be used as a reward. Getting him/her involved with the creation of the chart – as well as the goal reaching – can really make a strong and positive impact. Choose stickers that are brightly colored or feature your youngster's favorite characters. Place a sticker on the chart every time a good behavior is completed.

5. Decide what the reward will be once a row on the good behavior chart is filled. Note these rewards somewhere on the chart, ideally along the bottom or below the graph. Make your reward intentions clear from the start, so a youngster will not expect too much or think too little of the behavior chart. Brainstorm with your youngster to come up with goal deadlines and rewards.

6. Tack or tape the good behavior chart in a visible, common area of the home. This may be the kitchen, living room or hallway. Encourage other family members to verbally praise the youngster when a sticker is earned, or a goal is near completion. Create a new good behavior chart with fresh goals once the current ones are achieved.

Printable Reward Coupons—

Print any - or all - of the coupons below and cut along the dotted lines. Use as needed according to the situation.

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The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

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2011-12-28T07:47:00.000-08:00

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Motives Behind Behavior: Parents’ Analytical Approach

2011-12-26T09:00:00.000-08:00

When your Aspergers child begins to “act-out,” it often looks like misbehavior …sounds like misbehavior …and certainly feels like misbehavior. But for many Aspies, “mis-behavior” (e.g., lying, acting-out, tantrums, disrespectfulness, and other signs of apparent disobedience) may have more to do with typical Aspergers-related traits (e.g., lack of communication skills, motor clumsiness, sensory sensitivities, cause-and-effect thinking, etc.) than with deliberate malicious intent.

This DOES NOT mean you have to allow “out-of-control behavior” as just another fact of your parenting an Aspergers child. Your youngster still needs to learn acceptable behavior to be safe and successful. It DOES mean, though, that you're going to have to look at things from a different angle.

In order to (a) differentiate between “misbehavior and “Aspergers-related behavior” and (b) successfully address both, consider the following suggestions:

1. To start with, you'll want to narrow your focus to one particular behavior to analyze and change. Although it's tempting, don't just choose the thing that most annoys you. A better choice will be something that particularly puzzles you. For example:

Why can your youngster do math just fine some days, and balks on other days?
Why does he insist on punishment even when it upsets him?
Why does he get so wound up and wild?
Why is your youngster sweet and compliant sometimes, then resists to the point of tantrum over something inconsequential?

2. Next, keep a journal (or if it is a frequently occurring behavior, keep a chart) for noting every incidence of the targeted behavior. Include the time of day the behavior occurred, and what happened before, during, and after. Think of what might have happened directly before the behavior, and also earlier in the day. Think, too, of what happened directly after the behavior, and whether it offered the youngster any reward (even negative attention can be rewarding if the alternative is no attention at all). Ask yourself the following questions. Does the behavior tend to:

be more frequent during a certain time of day?
occur after a certain event?
occur during transitions?
occur in anticipation of something happening?
occur when routine is disrupted?
occur when something happens - or doesn't happen?
occur when things are very noisy or very busy?

Keep track over the course of a few weeks and look for patterns.

3. It may seem as though your youngster saves his worst behavior for public places, where it causes you the most embarrassment. But there may be a reason for that. Ask yourself the following question:

Does he have a hard time resisting touching and banging things like buttons or doors?
Does he have trouble in places where he needs to stay still and quiet (e.g., church)?
Does he resist places where children may be cruel (e.g., the bus, playground)?
Does he panic in places that are busy and noisy (e.g., the mall)?
Does he shy away from places with strong smells or bright lights?
Is there something about any particular place that might be distressing?

Notice reactions to different environments and add these insights to your journal or chart.

4. You can stubbornly insist that your youngster is responsible for his own behavior, but you're liable to be waiting a long time for the behavior changes you want to see. While you may find some behaviors annoying, disruptive, or inappropriate, it may be filling a need for your youngster. And even if your youngster is genuinely unhappy about the negative consequences of his behavior, he may not understand it enough to control it.

In the end, it is far easier for YOU to change (e.g., your expectations, actions, reactions, responses, etc.) than for your youngster to change. You will need to do some detective work to determine the support your youngster needs to improve his behavior, and provide it. Ultimately, you can teach your youngster to do this for himself. But you have to lead the way.

5. Take the data from your journal or chart (e.g., patterns you've discovered, observations on environments, etc.) and see if you can figure out what's behind the behavior. For example:

Maybe he balks at math when he sees too many problems on the page.
Maybe he begs for punishment because going to his room feels safer than dealing with a challenging situation.
Maybe he explodes over something inconsequential because he's used up all his patience weathering frustrations earlier in the day.
Maybe he gets wound up because “being good” gets him no attention.

Once you have a working theory, make some changes in your youngster's environment to make it easier for him to behave. For example:

Give your Aspie lots of attention when he's being good - and none at all for bad behavior (other than just a quick and emotionless timeout).
If your child’s worksheet has too many problems, fold it to expose only a row at a time, or cut a hole in a piece of paper and use it as a window to show only one or two problems at once.
Instead of being happy that your Aspergers child seems to be handling frustrating situations, provide support earlier in the day so that his patience will hold out longer.
Recognize situations your child feels challenged by - and offer an alternative between compliance and disobedience.

You may not always guess right the first time, and not every change you try will work. Effective moms and dads will have a big bag of tricks they can keep digging into until they find the one that works that day, that hour, that minute. But analyzing behavior and strategizing solutions will help you feel more in control of your family, and your youngster will feel safer and more secure. This alone often cuts down on a lot of “mis-behavior.”

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums

You Have Just Discovered Your Child Has Aspergers – Now What?!

2011-12-24T08:26:00.000-08:00

There is really no other way to begin other than immersing yourself in your youngster's treatment. While it may be painful to say goodbye to the youngster you thought you had (i.e., a “typical” child with “quirks” rather than some “disorder”), you can say hello now to the youngster who needs you just as much - if not more - as you get to know his unique personality and development, and you can fall in love with your newly-diagnosed Aspergers youngster all over again in ways you could have never imagined.

In the beginning, be sure to look at your grief. It doesn't help to pretend to be positive when underneath you may be lonely, afraid or sad. The longing for the typical youngster or a typical existence may endure. You have to learn to live with that yearning.

Take some breaks for yourself. Your child’s treatment is important – but it isn't everything! As you get involved in the Aspergers community, your isolation will lessen. Granted, it is not what you were expecting, but just like your youngster, it can be very rewarding and meaningful.

The initial period of learning about Aspergers and all of the necessary therapies and treatments can be isolating. We, as parents, are also often sad at first, or angry that our life with a youngster who has Aspergers is different than the one we dreamed of and different than the lives of most of those we see around us. Our ideal world is often very different from the world we actually live in. Still, there are many ways to work towards making your life more of how you want it to be.

Depending upon the functioning level of your Aspie, there are many parent groups to join, special sports teams to coach, and class activities that you can be a part of. Sometime the issue reflects difficulty in accepting who your youngster is with his specific challenges and abilities. It may not feel normal or coincide with the dream you had for how your life would turn out.

As you begin to get more involved in the Aspergers community, there will be more activity and company of others. This involvement often helps to make moms and dads feel more normal as it ironically provides more chances for typical activity and interaction with others. Over time, life and ideals change, and you will begin to dream new dreams for your real world.

It seems we always want the ones we love the most to understand us …our feelings, our life choices, our kids. Sometimes this is way more difficult than we would wish. Keep in mind that you are the expert on your youngster, and you know the best ways to deal with him. The truth is, if you are doing the best you can, you really don't have to prove anything to other family members or to anybody else.

In time, other family members will develop their own relationship with your Aspergers child and will hopefully follow your lead on some of the important learning and relationship issues. If you find that other family members and friends are negative around your child, or acts in ways that negate his growth or self-esteem, then you may want to limit their interaction while you gently model more helpful ways to deal with your child and continue to share new or interesting articles/information on Aspergers. This heartfelt process often takes longer than we think it should – steady persistence is paramount.

Note: Acceptance-levels vary among parents. When their child is recently diagnosed with Aspergers, some parents come to acceptance almost immediately -- and even feel a sense of relief that there is a name for what has been going on. Other parents need more time to arrive at acceptance, and that's O.K. Then there are a few parents who seem to never accept the fact that their child has special needs and struggle with the diagnosis for a life-time.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

The Functional Analytic Approach to Behavior Modification

2011-12-21T11:16:00.000-08:00

A “functional analytic approach” to developing effective behavioral modification in Aspergers children and teens utilizes a process known as “functional behavioral assessment.” Functional behavioral assessment involves employing a variety of strategies (e.g., child-centered planning, treatment team meetings, systematic interviews, direct observations, etc.) to formulate hypotheses about why a child behaves the way she does.

In order to accomplish a functional behavioral assessment, several assumptions about behavior must be regarded as valid:

• Behavior has communicative value. Though it is generally accepted that all behavior has communicative value, it is important to remember that children with Aspergers generally do not have a behavioral intent to disrupt classroom settings, but instead problematic behaviors may arise from other needs (e.g., self-protection in stressful situations). Although children with Aspergers typically have excellent language skills, their ability to use communication effectively in a social context may be limited. Inappropriate behavior may be the only available communicative response to difficult situations until other options are learned.

• Behavior is context related. All children demonstrate some level of variability in behavior across different settings. This is just as true for children with Aspergers. In fact, understanding how the environment impacts a child is one of the chief outcomes of a functional behavioral assessment. This information has particular value for preventive methods or to set the stage for teaching alternative skills. Effective behavioral support is contingent on understanding the child, the context in which he operates, and the reason(s) for behavior.

• Behavior is functional. Behavior serves a specific purpose(s). For children with Aspergers, these functions may be expressed in highly idiosyncratic and often complex verbal ways.

Though there is some disagreement about the best way to conduct a comprehensive functional behavioral assessment, most clinicians are in agreement about the key outcomes of such an assessment. They are:

identification of the consequences that maintain behavior (i.e., once a behavior starts, what keeps it going over time?)
description of situations most commonly associated with the occurrence of problematic behavior
clear and unambiguous description of the problematic behavior(s)

A functional behavioral assessment should provide information that:

guides the development of supports that are logically connected
increases understanding of the child
describes the physical and social setting(s) in which the behavior occurs
describes the problem behavior itself

Once an understanding of problem behaviors is achieved, it is helpful to come up with a behavioral modification plan. A good behavioral modification plan includes focus on:

expanding beyond consequence strategies (e.g., time outs)
preventing the occurrence of problem behavior
teaching socially acceptable alternatives to problem behavior (especially alternatives that serve the same purpose as the problem behavior and therefore are more likely to be adopted by the child)

Next, the clinician should use a comprehensive format for outlining multi-component supports that addresses the following:

Antecedent/setting event strategies
Alternative skills training
Consequence strategies
Long-term prevention

Let’s look at each of these areas:

1. Antecedent/setting event strategy: The primary goals of this strategy are to prevent or reduce the likelihood of problem behavior and to set the stage for learning more adaptive skills over time. For example, many children with Aspergers have difficulty with noisy, crowded environments. Therefore, the newly arrived middle school student who becomes physically aggressive in the hallway during passing periods may need an accommodation of leaving class a minute or two early to avoid the congestion which provokes this behavior. Over time, the student may learn to negotiate the hallways simply by being more accustomed to the situation, or by being given specific instruction or support.

Key issues to address when discussing this strategy are:

What can be done to eliminate the problem (i.e., the antecedent condition)?
What can be done to modify the situation if it can’t be eliminated entirely?
Will the antecedent strategy need to be permanent, or is it a temporary "fix" which allows the student to increase skills needed to manage the situation in the future?

The importance of using antecedent strategies should not be underestimated. Kids with Aspergers often have to manage a great amount of personal stress. Striking a balance of short and long term accommodations through manipulating antecedents to problem behavior is often critical in setting the stage for later skill development.

2. Alternative Skills Training: The primary purpose of this strategy is to teach skills that replace problem behavior by serving the same purpose as the challenging behavior. For example, an Aspergers student may have trouble "entering" into a kickball game by asking to play and instead simply inserts himself into the game, thereby offending the other players and risking exclusion. Instead, the Aspie can be coached on how and when to ask to enter into the game.

Here is a particularly useful framework for guiding efforts towards teaching alternative skills by examining the following three categories:

A. Equivalence training
B. General skills training
C. Self-regulation training

A. Equivalence training requires support persons to ask the following sequential questions:

How will alternative skills be taught?
What alternative skill(s) will be taught which serves the same function as the problem behavior?
What is the function of the problem behavior?

B. General “skills training” requires asking the following sequential questions:

How will alternative skills be taught?
What other academic, social, or communication skills will be taught that will prevent the problem behavior from occurring?
What skill deficits are contributing to the problem behavior?

C. Self-regulation training requires asking the following sequential questions:

How will skills be taught?
What events appear to be contributing to the child's anger or frustration in reference to the problem behavior?
What self-control skills will be taught to help the child deal with difficult/frustrating situations?

One particularly relevant means to teach alternative skills is through the use of self-management strategies. Self-management is a procedure in which Aspergers children are taught to discriminate their own target behavior and record the occurrence or absence of that target behavior. Self-management is a particularly useful technique to assist children to achieve greater levels of independent or even inter-dependent functioning across many settings and situations.

By learning self-management techniques, children can become more self-directed and less dependent on continuous supervision and control. Instead of teaching situation specific behaviors, self-management teaches a more general skill that can be applied in an unlimited number of settings.

Self-management strategies have particular relevance and immediate utility for children with Aspergers. The basic steps for teaching self-management are:

clearly define the target behavior
identify child reinforcers
design or choose a self-management method or recording device
teach the child to use the self-management device
teach self-management independence

It is also important for teachers to monitor their own behavior when working with Aspergers students. Each time a teacher reprimands a child for misbehavior, an opportunity to reframe the moment in terms of the child's need to develop alternative skills through a means such as self-management training may be lost.

3. Consequence strategies: Though consequences have traditionally been framed in terms of how they reduce problem behavior as a form of discipline, reframing consequences in terms of “reinforcement for achieving alternative behaviors” should be the focus for Aspergers kids. One way to reframe the use of consequences is to develop them as “planned responses to instructional situations.” This shifting of the use of consequences does not mean that negative consequences should be eliminated (especially in moments of crisis), but that multiple negative consequences are likely to heighten anxiety levels for the child and compete with teaching alternative skills.

4. Long-term prevention: In the presence of immediate behavioral concerns, it may be difficult to come up with a long-term approach to a child's educational program. However, it is critical that plans for supporting a child over the long-term be outlined from the beginning. Many supports with the most relevance for Aspergers kids (e.g., specific accommodations, peer supports, social skills, self-management strategies, etc.) must be viewed as procedures that are developed progressively as the youngster moves through school. These are not “crisis management” techniques, but the very strategies that can decrease crisis situations from developing.

Those involved with the Aspergers child will need to collaborate on a behavioral modification plan that is clear and easily implemented. Once developed, the plan will need to be monitored across settings. Inconsistencies in expectations and behaviors will only serve to heighten the challenges demonstrated by the Aspergers child.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Understanding Anger and Depression: 2-Minute Tip

2011-12-19T08:56:00.000-08:00

Reasons behind anger and depression in Aspergers children and teens:

Resources for Parents:

Tailored Disciplinary Techniques for Aspergers Children: Special Considerations

2011-12-19T06:52:00.000-08:00

Disciplining Aspergers kids and teens can present some unique challenges unfamiliar to moms and dads of neurotypical kids. “Misbehavior” is often not misbehavior at all – rather it is a symptom of the youngster’s diagnosis.

So how does a parent know when - and how - to discipline the Aspergers child? Here are some tips to help:

1. Employ “attachment parenting” skills. An Aspergers youngster can bring out the best and the worst in a family. By practicing attachment parenting and getting connected, the whole family can develop a “sixth sense” about the Aspergers child, a quality of caring that no book or counselor will be able to give you. With all children, attachment parenting is highly desirable, but with an Aspergers youngster, it's necessary and a matter of survival.

2. Avoid the use of negative labels, medical terms, or psychological jargon when talking to your Aspergers youngster about his behavior. Target the behavior – not the youngster.

3. Be consistent. If you threaten without following through, your Aspie will learn to disrespect and ignore you. You must follow through with consequences swiftly, and EVERY TIME the rule is broken. This way, your youngster can predict his consequences and make better behavior choices. When the consequences are inconsistent, changing, and infrequent, chaos will rule!

4. Beware of “over-attachment syndrome.” It is very easy for your whole life to revolve around your special style of parenting, to the extent that it becomes an end in itself. This is a “lose-lose” situation. You lose the joy of parenting, and you lose your ability to be flexible. Eventually, you will either burn out – or you will break.

5. Change your standards. Before a child is even born, moms and dads imagine what the youngster's life will be like (e.g., piano lessons, baseball stardom, graduating from college, etc.). Even with a typical youngster, you have to reconcile these dreams with reality as your youngster grows up. With an Aspergers youngster, this is a bigger task. You learn to live in the present. The milestones of the youngster's life are less defined and the future less predictable—though your youngster may surprise you! In the meantime, set your standards for your Aspie at an appropriate level.

6. Create simple house rules and discuss them together. Have a family meeting where "family rules" are created. Simplify them according to the cognitive ability of your Aspie (e.g., a rule like "no yelling or screaming when you're inside the house" could be simplified to "indoor voice"). Don't overwhelm your youngster with too many rules at first. Find ten that would cover the most problem behaviors. Later you can build from there.

7. Different doesn't mean fragile. While it is true you have to change your expectations of an Aspergers youngster, you don't have to lower your standards of discipline! It's tempting to get lax and let Aspergers kids get by with behaviors you wouldn't tolerate in other kids. He needs to know, early on, what behavior you expect. Many moms and dads wait too long to start behavior training. It's much harder to redirect an eighty pound youngster than a thirty pounder. Like all kids, this youngster must be taught to adjust to family routines, to obey, and to manage himself.

8. Different doesn't mean inferior. In a kid's logic, being different equates with being inferior. This feeling may be more of a problem for siblings and other children than for the developmentally-delayed youngster, at least in the early years. Most kids measure their self-worth by how they believe others perceive them. Be sure the youngster's siblings don't fall into this "different equals less" trap. This is why the term "special needs" is not only socially correct, but it's a positive term, not a value judgment. In reality, all kids could wear this label.

9. Don't compare. Your youngster is special. Comparing your youngster to others of the same age is not fair. Quit focusing on what your child is missing, and instead, started enjoying him for himself. Get rid of your tendency to focus on his “problem” – he is not a project, rather he is a person.

10. Give negative reinforcement for bad behaviors. Some say it's outdated, but the good old "timeout" works wonders for younger Aspies. Designate a chair or place in your house where the youngster must sit and think about his behavior. He should not have access to toys or television. Keep him isolated and apart from the action of the house, but close enough for you to observe him. Don’t talk to him except to say he must sit in “think time” for 5 minutes (or longer for older Aspies). If he leaves the seat, put him back and increase his time. "Now it's ten minutes." Use a timer that shows minutes counting down as he sits in the chair. If he yells or misbehaves in time out, start the timer over again. He must sit quietly in the chair for the allotted time. Be firm.

11. Give positive reinforcement for good behaviors. This is a step in discipline that is often overlooked, and yet can be the most effective. When your youngster hangs up his coat instead of throwing it on the floor, he should be praised. "That makes me happy when you hang up your coat! Good Job!" Special-needs kids often do well with charts, so consider giving a star when your youngster behaves well. Five stars could earn extra time playing his favorite video game.

12. Give your youngster choices. Initially, you may have to guide him into making a choice, but just the ability to make a choice helps the youngster feel important. Present the choices in your youngster's language, which may mean using pictures, pointing, and reinforcing your verbal instructions (which may not be fully understood) with visual ones. The more you use this exercise, the more you will learn about your youngster's abilities, preferences, and receptive language skills at each stage of development.

13. Reset your anger buttons. Your Aspergers youngster will frequently do some things that exasperate you. If you get angry each time there is a “challenge,” you may find yourself in a perpetual state of madness.

14. Help your youngster build a sense of responsibility. There is a natural tendency to want to rush in and do things for a developmentally-delayed youngster. For these kids, the principle of "teach them how to fish rather than give them a fish" applies doubly. The sense of accomplishment that accompanies being given responsibility gives the youngster a sense of value and raises his self-worth.

15. Know your youngster's motivators. What does he love most? Candy? Favorite books? Video games? Movies? What are his interests? These are the privileges your youngster will earn with appropriate behaviors, and will lose with inappropriate behaviors.

16. Provide structure. Aspergers kids need developmentally- appropriate structure, but it requires sensitivity on your part to figure out what is needed when. Watch your Aspie, not the calendar. Try to get inside his head.

17. Teach “frustration tolerance.” Help your youngster be frustrated and find ways to deal with it. You’re not going to be able to create a world in which your child is never angry, disappointed or frustrated. View these uncomfortable emotions as muscles, and if your child doesn't learn to flex them in socially appropriate ways, they don't develop. Aspergers children and teens really do need to learn how to be angry effectively - and how to be frustrated or disappointed effectively.

18. View behaviors as “signals of needs.” Everything kids do tells you something about what they need. This principle is particularly true with Aspergers kids.

19. Watch out for parental guilt. Moms and dads with Aspergers children often feel guilty. Many feel their youngster is getting a raw deal in the world, and they want to make it better. That's a very universal impulse.

20. Understand the difference between “accommodations” and “allowances.” Accommodations are things we do to help kids be capable …things we can put in place so that the playing field for the youngster is roughly equivalent to the playing field for a youngster without special needs. Allowances, on the other hand, are things like, "We need to let him take toys because he doesn't know how to ask for a turn yet." Allowances aren't helpful. Children with special needs have a right to struggle. That can be counter-intuitive since they're already struggling, but when we make things too easy for them, we are not helping them develop the belief about themselves that they are capable and they can learn to solve problems.

Disciplining a youngster who is "differently-abled" is likely to bring out the best and the worst in a mother or father. Caring grown-ups try to help a youngster make up for what's missing by increasing their love and attention, yet Aspergers kids trigger special frustrations in us. Be prepared to run out of patience.

Most kids go through predictable stages of development. You know about when to expect what behavior and how long it will last. You know that two-year-old temper tantrums will diminish once the youngster learns to speak. Knowing you don't have to weather this undesirable behavior indefinitely helps you cope. With the developmentally-disabled youngster, stages seem to go on forever, as do the frustrations in both parent and child.

Parenting an Aspergers youngster is a tough job. The ups and downs and joys and sorrows are magnified. You rejoice at each accomplishment, you worry about each new challenge. Welcome to the world of Aspergers :)

Resources for Parents:

Marital Stress and Parenting Aspergers Children: 20 Tips for Spouses

2011-12-16T08:20:00.000-08:00

Becoming a mother or father of an Aspergers youngster changes your identity forever. There is a balancing act between (a) caring for the needs of your “special needs” youngster and (b) putting time and effort into the maintenance and growth of yourself and your marriage.

The kind of stress that raising an Aspergers youngster often entails can affect relationships at their weakest points. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 47% of first marriages fail and 57% of all marriages end in divorce. Although the findings are inconsistent, there is general consensus among professionals that, while the divorce rates are comparable, there appears to be more reported marital distress among families of kids with special needs.

Some areas that will be impacted in your marriage are:

Finances
Future planning
Parenting style
Recreation
Self-esteem
Sexuality
Social life
Spirituality

Moms and dads of Aspergers kids often face a life very different from what they had originally imagined. The needs of Aspergers kids are often complex and illusive. Searching to find the cause of the youngster’s developmental problems - and the best treatment for it - can be a long hard journey. When the diagnosis of Aspergers is made, powerful emotions may surface - and may put the marriage on trial.

How can couples understand each other in the wake of such a challenge?

Challenging life events can serve as catalysts for change. Some families disintegrate while others thrive despite their hardships. Parents can emerge from crisis revitalized and enriched. Hope for relationships really can spring from the crises parents experience when their youngster has an Autism Spectrum Disorder.

If you and your spouse are parenting an Aspergers youngster, here are some suggestions to help your relationship:

1. A major key to coping with stress and change is to try to accept it and to regularly express your feelings and thoughts to one another. Of course a diagnosis of Aspergers does not destroy your marriage – but it will shift the balance in your marital relationship. You and your partner will be adjusting in different ways, and often at a difference pace. Sometimes your partner will want to talk about the situation, and then other times may need time alone.

2. Allow friends and family to provide extra support, or seek professional help if your marriage is in jeopardy.

3. Although your marriage is forever changed, the change doesn't have to be negative. Many partners share their sense of joy, awe and thankfulness as they speak about their special youngster. Because they were able to communicate and openly share with one another, their marriage is also enriched.

4. Be patient with one another.

5. Celebrate each milestone.

6. When an individual is in pain, he/she may withdraw or become frustrated and angry. It’s hard to talk about something we have no power to change or fix. At times the reactions of partners can become polarized or opposite (e.g., one partner may notice problems in the Aspergers youngster and tend to worry and feel negative, while the other partner holds hope and optimism that - in time - everything will be fine). Try to consider all of your feelings toward your youngster - both positive and negative - and discuss issues in ways that will help both of you feel understood and find solutions to problems.

7. Develop a strong family support network.

8. Look at what professionals believe make a strong family. The list includes communication, listening, affirming, respecting, trusting, having fun and a sense of humor, and knowing when to seek help. These strengths need to be worked on in a couple's marriage relationship, too.

9. When possible share the responsibilities at home by working together on chores, childcare, and education. It is helpful when partners both work to learn about their youngster’s disorder, prepare for and attend IEP meetings, etc. Get involved in the special needs community if you can. There’s so much to manage everyday that reaching out to your spouse, relatives or friends can help lessen the burden.

10. Reaffirm your marriage commitment to one another.

11. Realize that Aspergers children will disrupt the course of your marriage now and then. It simply comes with the territory, but can be easily worked out.

12. Remember to take care of your relationship. Make time for the two of you to be alone every day – even if it is a walk around the block. Some time away together is important also.

13. Sometimes a mental health professional can be helpful to you in understanding the needs of Aspergers kids, yourself, and your marriage. Some parents are reluctant to take this step, but if it becomes hard to function from day to day, this kind of help may be in order. Just as you would consult more than one specialist for your Aspie if necessary, do likewise for yourself. If your spouse is too discouraged, then start by yourself. Sometimes a change in one spouse changes the chemistry of the situation for the better.

14. Sort out what is important and what isn't important to the two of you. Really look at your values and your hopes and dreams for your life together. Discuss what you can – and cannot - accomplish.

15. Your Aspergers youngster has a condition that may require lots of care and supervision in the early years. In the struggle to advocate for your kid’s needs, your own needs as a parent and as spouse may get lost. Many spouses stop focusing on their marriage, but this never helps. As hard as it may sound at first, start to think about taking care of yourself and adding some fun and enjoyment into your life, even though it can take a long time for this to feel okay.

16. Take time to pursue the things that renew you as individuals.

17. Talk openly about problems and issues when they occur.

18. Together, learn all you can about your youngster's disorder.

19. Family life can be a test of love and resilience, so taking good notes and working to understand each other's wants and needs are vital to the success and survival of an intimate relationship. Life has veered-off a bit from what you had expected it to be. Try not to blame each other for the situation. It takes time to sort this stuff out. Be kind to yourself and each other when the going gets rough.

20. Prayer and meditation are useful tools for many parents of special needs children.

Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

How can I get my spouse more involved with our Aspergers daughter?

2011-12-15T07:25:00.000-08:00

Question

How can I get my spouse more involved with our Aspergers daughter? He is generally supportive, but doesn’t seem willing to learn anything about Aspergers or get involved with our daughter’s treatment. I’m starting to wonder whether he’s ever going to get to know our daughter at all!

Answer

Unfortunately, you speak for many mothers in your situation. There is a sense of loneliness that many moms experience after the diagnosis. It seems to come from the general trend that males have a hard time facing things they can’t fix. They feel powerless and inept when they can’t simply work harder to fix their youngster’s “disability.” Your spouse probably feels more powerless than you do.

The dynamic of a family with an Aspergers youngster tends to follow a pattern where the dad focuses on the long-term problems (e.g., financial burdens), while the mom responds more emotionally as she faces the burdens of the daily care of the Aspie. By being less involved in the daily interaction with their kids, dads tend to have a somewhat longer period of denial about the disorder and its implications. When males do express their feelings, they tend to show anger or frustration.

To make matters worse, many fathers of Aspergers children have undiagnosed Aspergers themselves. And some wives report that such husbands tend to be hard driven, inexpressive, pragmatic individuals, devoid of strong emotions or the capacity to nurture, always more at home with work than with their families.

Recently, a mom of an Aspergers child (who I have been counseling) told her spouse that if he really loved her the way he said, then he would come to a few counseling sessions with her. She needed that from him and insisted. He came and was glad he did. He probably thought about Aspergers as much as she did, but kept it all inside. He was very expressive about what a great job she was doing, but simultaneously very discouraged about his Aspergers child’s progress.

One dad told me he never read anything about Aspergers or went to any appointments until his wife had to go out of town for a weekend for a funeral. Left home with their Aspergers youngster, he came to a realization of what his wife’s daily life was really like, and he began to take a different attitude. He began to learn about Aspergers and get involved in his child’s treatment.

Everyone deals with parenting a child with special needs differently, and this difference may be even more pronounced in a family with an Aspergers youngster. It is very typical for one parent to become immersed in the world of Aspergers after the diagnosis, while the other parent takes a back seat. Your spouse’s supportiveness is a positive step, and not getting as involved at this stage does not necessarily mean an unwillingness to do so. He must come to terms with - and get to know - your daughter in his own way, and at his own pace.

Encouragement and support for your spouse to get more involved in your daughter’s life need not include any accusations at all. Keep your spouse informed about your daughter and what you learn about her and her Aspergers. Leave the information around for your spouse to pick up and take a look at in his own time. Continue to encourage positive family interaction as much as possible.

You may feel somewhat resentful at times that you are the one doing all of the work here. You may be more able than your spouse to deal with your daughter’s diagnosis and all of the planning and involvement that goes along with it. If your spouse has a particularly hard time accepting your daughter’s diagnosis, then some counseling may be helpful. But, first try to gently nudge him along and to talk to him about your feelings and his with regard to your daughter. Perhaps things can begin to move forward from there. You can certainly let your spouse know how his seeming lack of involvement or interest makes you feel (but no accusations).

Fathers tend to be slower in this aspect of parenting an Aspergers youngster, so don’t get discouraged. Let your spouse know that you appreciate him, and let him know what you need.

Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

Bullying: How Parents Can Take Legal Action To Get It Stopped

2011-12-12T08:45:00.000-08:00

Question

I have an 8-year-old Asperger son. How do you handle when he is bullied and the school administration seems to give you the brush off. My son act-outs when he is under stress or in an unstructured situation. In all of those instances, he gets the detentions. When I call in about his being bullied, nothing is done, or the bully gets spoken to in their classroom, as a sort of blanket discussion. How do I handle this?

Answer

Bullying is abusive behavior by one or more students against a victim or victims. It can be a direct attack (e.g., teasing, taunting, threatening, stalking, name-calling, hitting, making threats, coercion, stealing, etc.), or something more subtle (e.g., malicious gossiping, spreading rumors, intentional exclusion, etc.). Both result in victims becoming socially rejected and isolated.

Unfortunately, many parents have attempted to reconcile such victimization by going to school officials and requesting that something be done – only to be told that either (a) the bullying is not, in fact, occurring at all, or (b) the school is - or will - address the issue.

As one Aspergers student stated:

“I AM such a child with Asperger's Syndrome. Bullying hurts so badly. In my first secondary school, I was being discriminated by the teachers, especially the Head of Year. Whenever I was being bullied, they turned a blind eye, whereas when I fought back, I was suspended and the bullies weren't even punished. I do not want to see the hallway where I took those internal suspensions. I later quit that school. Just because we are "disabled", as the government puts it, does NOT mean we are brain-dead and do not have feelings. We actually feel feelings more deeply than most people, only we cannot describe them properly. More than 3 times, I have contemplated suicide because I have been bullied and cannot express my feelings. If someone bullies someone else into suicide, is that not murder? How many more times must we, the "disabled" community, be tortured to the end of our tether before people FINALLY understand that we are still people?”

Often times, after months or years of getting no results from school officials, many parents of Aspergers students have to either (a) move their child to a different school, or (b) quit work and stay at home in order to home-school their child.

So, what can parents do who are at their wits-end in trying to get bullying stopped – once and for all?! Here’s how to take the bully by the horns and get school officials to take you seriously:

1. Document all aspects of the bullying incidents involving your Aspergers youngster. Keep meticulous notes and records, just as if you are the attorney representing your youngster. Ask your Aspie to do the same. If you want to make it a fun exercise, grab a long-handled spoon and pronounce on your Aspie, "I now dub you a special junior attorney." Advocate for – and empower – your Aspergers child. Who knows, he may even become an attorney some day, or find a profession that utilizes such skills.

2. Conduct an interview with your Aspergers youngster, and then write down a summary of the bullying incidents in bullet point fashion.

3. If there were witnesses to any of the bullying incidents, get their statements – and signatures on those statements (do this in front of a grown-up if the witnesses are minors). Do not forget to add dates, names, times, and all the “who, what, when, where and why” information you can find.

4. Write down any comments made by teachers or other school officials. These written notes may not seem like much at the time, but later, they may be a deciding point for justice in your Aspie’s favor. In addition, these records may aid in procedural changes that could dramatically reduce bullying in your school.

5. The parent must prove that the school district actually knew about the bullying offenses, but refused to take action to correct it. So, be sure to notify your child’s school district. The first element that must be satisfied to win a peer-harassment complaint is to give the school district "actual notice" of the incidents. Address the notification to a specific person and date the letter. The letter should be sent via certified mail, UPS or Fed Ex to the District Superintendent with courtesy copies (CC) to your child’s teacher(s) and principal.

6. In the notification, request an Acknowledgement Letter to Confirm Receipt of Notification. An acknowledgement letter is written to confirm receipt of documents in the office this notification is used in official purposes. The authority in the office where you have submitted your notification writes this letter to let you know that the notification has reached the right place. The letter should convey that your notification has been received and how much time will be required to complete the formalities involved.

7. Be sure to write the letter to a person who has the authority to investigate - and the authority to correct - the wrong.

8. State the past - or continuing - discriminatory activity against your youngster. If you have not been documenting the history of the bullying incidents, now is a good time to start.

9. State that the school district has control over both the physical site of the discrimination and over any school personnel involved. You may want to give examples of changes the district has recently made to the school facilities, curriculum or schedule – all of which demonstrate control.

10. Explain that the discrimination was not a single act – but was severe and pervasive.

11. Tell how the discrimination excluded your Aspergers youngster from participation in certain school activities, or denied his/her benefits to which other students enjoyed. One of the elements you must prove to prevail on a peer-harassment claim is that the harassment was "so severe, pervasive, and objectively offensive that it can be said to deprive the victims of access to the educational opportunities or benefits provided by the school."

12. Explain what you would like the school to do. Suggest what the school may do to stop the discrimination or to fix the harm the discrimination has done to your youngster.

13. Ask for a copy of a school district grievance procedure under Section 504 (even if your youngster has an IEP under IDEA). Not having this information may result in continued discrimination.

14. State that you expect investigation and/or effective corrective action. Should the individual receiving the letter fail to investigate, or does not take effective corrective action, you may claim that the district showed deliberate indifference to the discrimination.

15. Add a date that you expect to hear back from the district in regards to your notification.

16. Lastly, you may wish to include the following "Note to School Officials" along with your notification letter (copy and paste into a Word document, then print-out and add as an attachment):

Note to School Officials—

The school district is a recipient of federal financial assistance. Public schools depend on the continued flow of federal funds. This depends, in part, on their compliance with Federal Laws.

Harassing conduct may take many forms, including verbal acts and name‐calling, graphic and written statements (which may include use of cell phones or the Internet), or other conduct that may be physically threatening, harmful, or humiliating. Harassment does not have to include (a) intent to harm, (b) be directed at a specific target, or (c) involve repeated incidents. Harassment creates a hostile environment when the conduct is sufficiently severe, pervasive, or persistent so as to interfere with or limit a student’s ability to participate in or benefit from the services, activities, or opportunities offered by a school. When such harassment is based on race, color, national origin, sex, or disability, it violates the civil rights laws that OCR enforces.

A school is responsible for addressing harassment incidents about which it knows or reasonably should have known. In some situations, harassment may be in plain sight, widespread, or well‐known to students and staff, such as harassment occurring in hallways, during academic or physical education classes, during extra-curricular activities, at recess, on a school bus, or through graffiti in public areas. In these cases, the obvious signs of the harassment are sufficient to put the school on notice.

In other situations, the school may become aware of misconduct, triggering an investigation that could lead to the discovery of additional incidents that, taken together, may constitute a hostile environment. In all cases, schools should have well‐publicized policies prohibiting harassment and procedures for reporting and resolving 10complaints that will alert the school to incidents of harassment.

When responding to harassment, a school must take immediate and appropriate action to investigate or otherwise determine what occurred. The specific steps in a school’s investigation will vary depending upon:

the age of the student(s) involved
the nature of the allegation
the size and administrative structure of the school
the source of the complaint
and other factors

In all cases, however, the inquiry should be prompt, thorough, and impartial.

If an investigation reveals that discriminatory harassment has occurred, a school must take prompt and effective steps reasonably calculated to end the harassment, eliminate any hostile environment and its effects, and prevent the harassment from recurring. These duties are a school’s responsibility even if the misconduct also is covered by an anti‐bullying policy, and regardless of whether a student has complained, asked the school to take action, or identified the harassment as a form of discrimination.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Aspergers Children and Intensity-Seeking: 2-Minute Tip

2011-12-11T10:06:00.000-08:00

This Week's 2-Minute Tip: Aspergers Children and Intensity-Seeking

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Aspergers Children

Free Parenting Aspergers Mini-Course

2011-12-10T11:43:00.000-08:00

1. How to help your child cope in social gatherings (either at school or work)
2. How to help your child create and enjoy long-lasting friendships
3. How to encourage your child to form loving relationships with your family, friends and romantic partners
4. And much, much more…

Strategies for Parents and Teachers: Summary of Mark Hutten's Lecture

2011-12-10T07:38:00.000-08:00

The autism spectrum extends from “classic autism” (which lies at the lower end of the spectrum) through to Aspergers (which is characterized as being at the mildest and highest functioning end of the spectrum).

Aspergers reflects deviations or abnormalities in four aspects of development:

1. Certain behavioral and stylistic characteristics such as repetitive or persevering features
2. Limited, but intense, range of interests
3. Social relatedness and social skills
4. The use of language for purposes of communication

These dysfunctional features can range from mild to severe.

Aspergers is characterized by:

• a better prognosis than other Autism spectrum disorders
• difficulties with pragmatic, or social language
• extending into the very superior range of cognitive ability
• high cognitive abilities - or, at least, “normal” IQ level
• normal language function when compared to other autistic disorders

Diagnostic Criteria from DSM-IV-TR—

Aspergers:

A. Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)
failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
lack of social or emotional reciprocity
marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction

B. Restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:

apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals
encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereo-typed and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus
persistent preoccupation with parts of objects
stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements)

C. The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

D. There is no clinically significant general delay in language (e.g., single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrase used by age 3 years).

E. There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction), and curiosity about the environment in childhood.

F. Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Schizophrenia.

CLINICAL FEATURES—

One of the primary features of Aspergers is the child’s passion for favorite topics or special interests. Some of these areas include:

• astronomy
• dinosaurs
• extraterrestrials
• geography
• history
• machines or machinery
• maps
• math
• meteorology
• music
• reading
• science
• social studies
• space travel
• trains
• weather

Socialization deficits:

• Are inflexible and incapable of coping with change
• By school age express desire to fit in socially
• Described as being "in OUR world, but, ON THEIR OWN terms"
• Different from "typical" Autism
• Difficulties making social connections
• Easily stressed and emotionally vulnerable
• Frequently described as “odd” or selfish
• Highly frustrated by their social awkwardness/alienation
• Lack effective interaction skills — not desire
• Lack understanding of human relations and rules of social convention
• Naïve and lack common sense
• Preoccupied with own agenda
• Seldom interested in other's interests/concerns
• Unable to “read” others' needs and perspectives
• Unable to appropriately respond to social cues

Use of Language:

• Concrete language rather than abstract
• Difficulty understanding humor
• Early years: repetitive phrases or language or stock phrases from memorized material
• Excessively formal or pedantic language
• Hyper-verbal (highly developed vocabularies)
• Laugh at “wrong time” with jokes or interactions
• Many have good sense of humor
• Misused or not used cultural slang or social idioms
• Problems with taking turns in conversations
• Prosody (speech volume, intonation, inflection, rate) is frequently deficient or unusual
• Rote skills are strong
• Typically revert to favorite topic area
• Usually like word games and puns
• Weak pragmatic-conversational-skills
• Some have normal or early language development while others have speech delays, then rapidly catch up, making diagnosis between Aspergers, autism, and speech disorders difficult

TEACHING STRESS REDUCTION SKILLS—

Aspergers kids are:

• are often anxious and worrisome
• easily overwhelmed
• highly sensitive
• often engage in rituals

Practical Suggestions:

• consistent routines
• let them know what to expect
• minimize fears of unknown
• minimize transitions
• prepare them for altered plans, schedules or changes
• provide predictable, safe environments

Examples:

• Introduce to teacher, therapist or para-professional before work begins
• Take tour of building child will be working or learning in
• Learn about child's favorite topics or special interests

Aspergers kids typically display impaired social interaction…

Practical Suggestions:

• Create cooperative learning situations
• Educate peers
• Praise classmates when supportive
• Promote empathy and tolerance
• Shield them from bullying and teasing

Examples:

• Encourage participation in conversations
• Insensitive or inappropriate comments from Aspergers child are usually innocent
• Model two-way interactions
• Rehearse proper response repertoires
• Teach and support proper reaction to social cues
• Teach WHAT to say, WHEN, and HOW to say it
• Teach/model correct emotional responding
• Teaching WHY & WHAT response is appropriate is necessary
• Use Aspergers youngster’s strengths in exchange for liabilities to foster acceptance

COMMUNICATION AND GESTURES—

Six steps for understanding challenging communications…

1. Try to figure out what your youngster is communicating with the challenging behavior:

• “I can't remember what I'm supposed to do”
• “I'm mad…scared…confused”
• “This is too difficult for me”

2. Consider how you can adapt the situation:

• Child overwhelmed or over-stimulated? Try reducing amount of time in situation, or avoiding it in future.
• Child expressing confusion? Consider how to make the situation easier to understand; make it more concrete, routine, or predictable.

3. If the message must be communicated, come up with alternate way in which your youngster can communicate his or her needs or wishes more appropriately:

• Help your youngster develop appropriate ways of conveying requests/needs. If screaming when confused by a task, teach youngster to raise hand, ring a bell, or say: “I need help with this…this is too hard.”

4. Practice the “new way” of communicating:

• during the situation, remind (prompt) youngster to use new phrase or behavior
• have youngster practice the “new phrase” or behavior
• model more appropriate phrase or nonverbal signals

5. Reward your child for using the strategy by showing that it gets his or her needs met:

• if asks to leave situation, provide her with immediate break
• if needs attention, stop what you're doing and provide some time/interest
• if your youngster requests help assist her immediately

6. Be sure that the challenging behavior is no longer effective in getting your youngster’s needs met:

• ignore problem behaviors
• provide prompt for the “new, appropriate one
• if youngster screams to avoid situation, prompt him to use an appropriate phrase; don’t allow him to leave the situation while he is screaming

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

How To Have A Stress-Free Christmas

2011-12-09T13:15:00.000-08:00

Christmas is often filled with stress. There is a lot of pressure to make Christmas perfect and fun, and to enjoy yourself while you're doing it. This is a tall order in any situation, but when you add to that the stress of having a child with special needs for whom you also want the holidays to be perfect and fun – it can often become more overwhelming than ever.

Here are 10 tips to help you have a stress-free Christmas with your Aspergers child:

1. Kids on the autism spectrum will always do better when they are not over-stimulated by the many sights, sounds, smells, and unpredictable events of the outside world. You can create an experience in your home that you normally would go out for. For example, instead of going to an evening parade with a festival of lights, you can put Christmas lights all around your house, turn off all the lights, and play Christmas music at a gentle volume. You may be concerned about depriving your youngster of a fun holiday experience, but keep in mind that when your youngster can’t digest the experience, he’s not having the fun experience you want. That’s why, if you can create a digestible version of the experience at home, your youngster can take in and enjoy the experience. By doing this, you are actually giving him more, not less.

2. Focus on a few things you know are important to make sure you have prepared around this time. Of course, some things may need modification so that it is possible to enjoy them with your youngster. For example, if there is a danger of them hurting themselves on fragile decorations, you may have to put them higher up and out of reach, or get new ones that are not so fragile. Some special foods may not be served. These modifications often bring some disappointment, but if the goal is a nice family holiday, it's important and we can adjust.

3. Holiday decorations inside the house – including bright and blinking lights, wreaths, trees, candles and stacks of presents – could be areas of concern. Parents know best what their Aspergers youngster enjoys and at what point things may become overwhelming. However, parents should not expect higher tolerance simply because it is the holiday season.

4. Holiday shopping with an Aspergers youngster may present its own set of challenges, especially when the stores are crowded and noisy. Make a list that identifies the items you’re shopping for, and do not roam the stores trying to decide what to buy. Keeping the trip short and being organized will help minimize the potential for your youngster to become overwhelmed and have a “meltdown” in the middle of a store.

5. If you are visiting family with your child, send them an email ahead of time to explain what they can do to make the visit comfortable for you and your Aspie. Explain why a group of talkative family members asking your child a bunch of questions might be problematic, or tell everyone the answer your youngster likes to hear when he asks over and over, “How fast does your car go?” Also, designate in advance a calm room or space where he can go to decompress once he begins to be overwhelmed by all of the commotion and sensory input that comprise most celebrations. Every so often, take the youngster to this room and spend some time alone with him.

6. Make the demands on yourself realistic and don't try to do so much that you feel only frustration. Make realistic lists and work on things one at a time. Looking at a whole month of this holiday season is less overwhelming if you take it in small pieces. You may also have to lower your expectations of what you can really do, but at least what you do will be less stressful and make the holidays special.

7. Most parents dread their Aspergers children behaving in a challenging way. We worry about it, we look for it, and we try to stop it as soon as it happens. Ironically, this puts all the focus on what you DON’T want from your youngster. If you don’t want him to hit, for example, focusing on getting him ‘not to hit’ actually creates more hitting. Instead celebrate your child every time he does something well. If your kid sometimes hits, cheer wildly every time he is gentle.

8. Since the holidays are a time for the whole family to enjoy together, it’s important to make siblings aware of how stressful this season can be for their brother or sister with Aspergers. Take the time to remind your other kids of their sibling’s sensory issues, communication difficulties, low frustration tolerance and likes and dislikes. Moms and dads can then share the family’s strategy for avoiding potential issues and discuss what they will do if their best efforts are unsuccessful.

9. So often, we get caught up in the trappings of the holidays – the tree, the presents, the outings that have to go exactly as planned. It’s okay to arrange fun things, but remember that these are only trimmings. They aren’t the gift, they’re just the wrapping. The gift is your special youngster. The gift is sharing hope and sweetness with loved ones. Instead of using the Christmas season as a “planning fest,” use it to see the beauty in your Aspergers kid’s uniqueness. Use it to celebrate what he can do, and use it to feel and encourage compassion for his very different way of experiencing the world.

10. We often put pressure on ourselves to make the holidays perfect, which is unrealistic. In the end, the most important thing to remember is that the holidays are a time to cherish one another and the joy of being together. Whether it’s scaling back or starting new traditions, celebrate in a way that makes the most sense for your family and is something that you, your Aspergers youngster, and the entire family will all enjoy.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums

Creating an Individualized Education Program (IEP) for Students with Asperger’s Syndrome and High Functioning Autism

2011-12-09T08:04:00.000-08:00

Children with delayed skills or other disabilities might be eligible for special services that provide individualized education programs in public schools, free of charge to families. Understanding how to access these services can help moms and dads to be effective advocates for their Aspergers children.

The passage of the updated version of the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA 2004) made mothers/fathers of children with special needs even more crucial members of their youngster's education team. Moms and dads can now work with teachers to develop a plan — the individualized education program (IEP) — to help children succeed in school. The IEP describes the goals the team sets for a youngster during the school year, as well as any special support needed to help achieve them.

A youngster who has difficulty learning and functioning and has been identified as a special needs child is the perfect candidate for an IEP. Children struggling in school may qualify for support services, allowing them to be taught in a special way, for reasons such as:

attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
autism spectrum disorders
cognitive challenges
developmental delay
emotional disorders
hearing impairment
learning disabilities
speech or language impairment
visual impairment

How Services Are Delivered—

In most cases, the services and goals outlined in an IEP can be provided in a standard school environment. This can be done in the regular classroom (e.g., a reading teacher helping a small group of kids who need extra assistance while the other children in the class work on reading with the regular teacher) or in a special resource room in the regular school. The resource room can serve a group of children with similar needs who are brought together for help. However, children who need intense intervention may be taught in a special school environment. These classes have fewer children per teacher, allowing for more individualized attention.

In addition, the teacher usually has specific training in helping children with special educational needs. The kids spend most of their day in a special classroom and join the regular classes for nonacademic activities (like music and gym) or in academic activities in which they don't need extra help.

Because the goal of IDEA is to ensure that each youngster is educated in the least restrictive environment possible, effort is made to help children stay in a regular classroom. However, when needs are best met in a special class, then children might be placed in one.

Referral and Evaluation—

The referral process generally begins when a teacher, mother or father, or doctor is concerned that a youngster may be having trouble in the classroom, and the teacher notifies the school counselor or psychologist. The first step is to gather specific data regarding the child's progress or academic problems. This may be done through:

conference with moms and dads
conference with the child
analysis of the child's performance (e.g., attention, behavior, work completion, tests, class work, homework, etc.)
observation of the child

This information helps school personnel determine the next step. At this point, strategies specific to the child could be used to help the youngster become more successful in school. If this doesn't work, the youngster would be tested for a specific learning disability or other impairment to help determine qualification for special services.

It's important to note, though, that the presence of a disability doesn't automatically guarantee a youngster will receive services. To be eligible, the disability must affect functioning at school.

To determine eligibility, a multidisciplinary team of professionals will evaluate the youngster based on their observations; the youngster's performance on standardized tests; and daily work such as tests, quizzes, class work, and homework.

Professionals on the Team—

The professionals on the evaluation team can include:

physical therapist
psychologist
special educator
speech therapist
vision or hearing specialist
occupational therapist

As a mother or father, you can decide whether to have your youngster assessed. If you choose to do so, you'll be asked to sign a permission form that will detail who is involved in the process and the types of tests they use. These tests might include measures of specific school skills, such as reading or math, as well as more general developmental skills, such as speech and language. Testing does not necessarily mean that a youngster will receive services.

Once the team members complete their individual assessments, they develop a comprehensive evaluation report (CER) that compiles their findings, offers an educational classification, and outlines the skills and support the youngster will need.

The moms and dads then have a chance to review the report before the IEP is developed. Some moms and dads will disagree with the report, and they will have the opportunity to work together with the school to come up with a plan that best meets the youngster's needs.

IEP Development—

The next step is an IEP meeting at which the team and moms and dads decide what will go into the plan. In addition to the evaluation team, a regular teacher should be present to offer suggestions about how the plan can help the youngster's progress in the standard education curriculum.

At the meeting, the team will discuss your youngster's educational needs — as described in the CER — and come up with specific, measurable short-term and annual goals for each of those needs. If you attend this meeting, you can take an active role in developing the goals and determining which skills or areas will receive the most attention.

The cover page of the IEP outlines the support services your youngster will receive and how often they will be provided (e.g., occupational therapy twice a week). Support services might include special education, speech therapy, occupational or physical therapy, counseling, audiology, medical services, nursing, vision or hearing therapy, and many others.

If the team recommends several services, the amount of time they take in the youngster's school schedule can seem overwhelming. To ease that load, some services may be provided on a consultative basis. In these cases, the professional consults with the teacher to come up with strategies to help the youngster but doesn't offer any hands-on instruction. For instance, an occupational therapist may suggest accommodations for a youngster with fine-motor problems that affect handwriting, and the classroom teacher would incorporate these suggestions into the handwriting lessons taught to the entire class.

Other services can be delivered right in the classroom, so the youngster's day isn't interrupted by therapy. The youngster who has difficulty with handwriting might work one on one with an occupational therapist while everyone else practices their handwriting skills. When deciding how and where services are offered, the youngster's comfort and dignity should be a top priority.

The IEP should be reviewed annually to update the goals and make sure the levels of service meet your youngster's needs. However, IEPs can be changed at any time on an as-needed basis. If you think your youngster needs more, fewer, or different services, you can request a meeting and bring the team together to discuss your concerns.

Parents’ Legal Rights—

Specific timelines ensure that the development of an IEP moves from referral to providing services as quickly as possible. Be sure to ask about this timeframe and get a copy of your parents’ rights when your youngster is referred. These guidelines (sometimes called procedural safeguards) outline your rights as a mother or father to control what happens to your youngster during each step of the process.

The parents’ rights also describe how you can proceed if you disagree with any part of the CER or the IEP — mediation and hearings both are options. You can get information about low-cost or free legal representation from the school district or, if your youngster is in Early Intervention (for children ages 3 to 5), through that program.

Attorneys and paid advocates familiar with the IEP process will provide representation if you need it. You also may invite anyone who knows or works with your youngster whose input you feel would be helpful to join the IEP team.

Conclusion—

Moms and dads have the right to choose where their children will be educated. This choice includes public or private elementary schools and secondary schools, including religious schools. It also includes charter schools and home schools.

However, it is important to understand that the rights of kids with disabilities who are placed by their moms and dads in private elementary schools and secondary schools are not the same as those of children with disabilities who are enrolled in public schools or placed by public agencies in private schools when the public school is unable to provide a free appropriate public education (FAPE).

Two major differences that moms and dads, educators, other school staff, private school representatives, and the children need to know about are:

Not all children with disabilities placed by their moms and dads in private schools will receive services.
Kids with disabilities who are placed by their moms and dads in private schools may not get the same services they would receive in a public school.

The IEP process is complex, but it's also an effective way to address how your youngster learns and functions. If you have concerns, don't hesitate to ask questions about the evaluation findings or the goals recommended by the team. You know your youngster best and should play a central role in creating a learning plan tailored to his or her specific needs.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

What To Do If You Think You Have Aspergers

2011-12-08T08:44:00.000-08:00

Question

I suspect that I have Aspergers. What course of action should I take - if any?

Answer

Because individuals with Aspergers are among the most high-functioning and able on the autistic spectrum, they are also the most likely to slip through the diagnostic net. Although many are diagnosed as kids, others reach adulthood either undiagnosed or misdiagnosed.

The key to getting an accurate diagnosis is finding a professional who has experience diagnosing children, teens and adults with Aspergers (High-Functioning Autism). A clinician whose only experience is with "low-functioning" autism may not be as helpful. Here is a list of clinicians who have experience in diagnosing Aspergers.

Grown-ups with Aspergers who seek help with challenges they face are sometimes misdiagnosed with depression, bipolar disorder, or other mental illnesses. It is important that adults questioning whether or not they have Aspergers seek the services of a professional experienced in diagnosing Aspergers.

Does it matter if you get a diagnosis or not? Well, if you are functioning well and have a job, and are happy with the life you have, then there may be no reason to get a diagnosis. Conversely, if you are struggling in important areas in your life, a diagnosis can provide a framework for understanding and learning about behavioral and emotional challenges that have seemed unexplainable until now. Although challenges in sensory integration (i.e., the ability to organize sensory information for use by the brain) are not considered diagnostic criteria, most – if not all – Aspies have a sensory challenge of one kind or the other.

Some areas of difficulty where Aspergers could possibly be a factor include the following:

1. Are parties uncomfortable or overwhelming? Social events are a great way to meet people, and they can be essential for business, dating, and even marriage. But if you are uncomfortable because you are unsure of what to wear, how to start conversations, you have a hard time reading body language, then these “fun events” can be murder.

2. Do you a problem focusing on what others are saying while looking at them?

3. Do you avoid social events because you can't hear the person next to you over the hum of the crowd, or you don't like the touch of shaking people's hands or having people pat you on the back?

4. Do you have a passionate interest in a certain subject or topic? Perhaps you've been called OCD, but you think you're just very interested in one incredibly fascinating subject matter. This passionate topic could help you in other areas of your life, if only you knew how to use it.

5. Do you have a tough time making or keeping friends, and don't understand why? Or perhaps your peers are only interested in you when you're engaged in an activity or interest that you share, but you have not built a personal relationship.

6. Do you have trouble in getting and keeping a job that reflects your abilities even though your credentials look great on paper? It could be that you are very talented but don't have a clue as to how to do the sell yourself during an interview. Maybe the office politics are just something you don't get, so you are routinely passed up when it comes to promotions.

7. Has someone you are very fond of pointed out certain behaviors that drive them crazy and suggested that you might have Aspergers. Maybe there is something to their suggestion.

8. Have you ever met someone special that you wanted to get to know better, but didn't have a clue as to how to go about asking him or her out on a date?

9. If you are a college student, do you have trouble keeping up with coursework and finishing a degree? Perhaps you could use some help in getting and staying organized and planning your time.

Why you should get a diagnosis, if indeed you do have Aspergers:

1. Getting a diagnosis may help you find the strategies you need to be more successful in the areas where you are facing challenges.

2. It may help others in your life understand why you are the way you are, and respond to you differently.

3. There are Aspergers support groups out there (on-line and off-line) who can help you in many ways so you don't have to feel isolated and figure everything out for yourself.

4. There is a whole community of people who get who you are, how you think, how you feel, and that you can share experiences with.

5. You can begin the process of learning to live more adaptively with an Aspergers brain.

6. You may be eligible for service services in areas of need thanks to having a diagnosis - perhaps help with finding a job or a place to live.

How to find out if you have Aspergers or not:

1. If you know any mothers or fathers of kids with Aspergers, ask them about the clinicians in your area familiar with Aspergers. If those clinicians can’t help you, they will hopefully refer you to someone in your area familiar with Aspergers.

2. One way to find the right person in your geographical location is to contact The Global and Regional Aspergers Partnership (GRASP), and the Autism Society of America (ASA). These organizations may have chapters in your area. If not, they can provide you with the names of professionals who would know someone to refer you to, in your geographical area.

3. Typically you need to see a clinical social worker, a licensed professional counselor, a psychologist, a psychiatrist or neuro-psychiatrist. It is important to see a professional who specializes in Aspergers, especially one who is familiar with Aspergers in grown-ups.

List of Aspergers Clinicians in the U.S.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

List of Aspergers Clinicians in the U.S.

2011-12-08T08:33:00.000-08:00

Below is a list of professionals (e.g., clinicians, counselors, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, etc.) who have stated that they are familiar with Aspergers and are willing to evaluate children, teens and adults who have the disorder.

If you are a professional who specializes in Aspergers and want to get listed, send me an email [mbhutten@gmail.com] with your request to be listed on MyAspergersChild.com. Provide information regarding your credentials as well as your contact information.

These Aspergers professionals are listed by the U.S. State they practice in and by their names in an alphabetical order:

ALABAMA
________________________________________
G. Michael Shehi, MD
Mountain View Hospital
3001 Scenic Highway
Gadsden, Alabama 35904
Phone: (256) 546-9265

________________________________________
ARIZONA
________________________________________
G. Dean Bathel, LCSW, LISAC
5210 E Pima Suite 140
Tucson, AZ 85712
Phone: (520) 275-6780
________________________________________
Natasha Hill, LCSW
Hill Child Counseling
891 E. Warner Rd. #100-215
Gilbert, AZ 85296
Phone: (480) 612-4444

________________________________________
CALIFORNIA
________________________________________
Linda Andron-Ostrow, LCSW
1637 Malcolm Ave. Ste. 2
Los Angeles, CA 90024
Phone: (310) 475-9620
E-Mail: linda@factfamily.org
Web Site: www.factfamily.org
________________________________________
Abbe Barron DMD, PhD
337 So. Beverly Dr. Suite #206
Beverly Hills, CA 90212
Phone: (310) 476-7810
E-Mail: abbebarron@gmail.com
________________________________________
Janet L. Bowden, MA, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapy, Inc.
3685 Motor Ave., Ste. 230
Los Angeles, CA 90034
Phone: (310) 559-1071
E-Mail: JanetLBowden@aol.com
Web Site: members.tripod.com/janetlbowden
________________________________________
Mara Bruckner, M.F.T.
4505 Las Virgenes Road
Suite 217
Calabasas, CA 91302
Phone: (818)725-7924
e-mail: mbrucknermft@gmail.com
website: www.marabrucknermft.com
________________________________________
Robin Burkholz M.A.CCC
973 S. Westlake Boulevard
Suite # 105
Westlake Village, California 91361
Voice/Fax: 805-374-7888
website: www.robinburkholz.com
email: robin@robinburkholz.com
________________________________________
Michael Cohn, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Calif License # PSY6064
14025 Panay Way, Suite A
Marina Del Rey, CA 90292
Phone: (213) 851-6481
________________________________________
Marian Lane Diamond, PhD
Diamond and Associates
250 Bel Marin Keys Blvd., Suite D-5
Novato, CA 94949
Phone: (415) 382-7927
E-Mail: mdiamond@sonic.net
________________________________________
Carrie N. Dilley, PhD
Synergy Psychological, Inc.
505 W. Sierra Madre Blvd.
Sierra Madre, CA 91024
Phone: (626) 539-2001
E-Mail: DrCarrieDilley@gmail.com
Web Site: www.SynergyPsychological.com
________________________________________
Carl E. Drake, MD, PhD
Diablo Behavioral HealthCare
4185 Blackhawk Plaza Circle
Suite 210
Danville, CA 94506
Phone: (925) 648-4800
Web Site: www.behaviorquest.com
________________________________________
Rita Eichenstein, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
California License #14536
Cedars-Sinai Medical Towers
8635 West Third Street, 685-W
Los Angeles, CA 90048
Phone: (310) 202-6301
________________________________________
Shawna Fishman, MFT
1460 7th Street, Suite #201
Santa Monica, CA 90404
Phone: (310) 339-9565
E-Mail: shabefi@aol.com
________________________________________
Sarita Freedman, PhD
Licensed Psychologist
Adults & Children, Developmental Disabilities
Author, Developing College Skills in Students with Autism & Asperger’s Syndrome
26540 Agoura Road, Ste. 100
Calabasas, CA 91302
(818) 999-9330
________________________________________
Bruce M. Gale, PhD
16430 Ventura Blvd., Suite 107
Encino, CA 91436-2135
Phone: (818) 788-2100
E-Mail: bgale@behaviortech.net
________________________________________
Donald P. Gallo, Ph.D., ABPP
Board Certified Clinical Psychologist
21241 Ventura Blvd. Suite 180
Woodland Hills, Ca. 91364
dgallophd@aol.com
www.donaldgallo.com
________________________________________
Brian D. Halevie-Goldman, MD
Diablo Behavioral HealthCare
4185 Blackhawk Plaza Circle
Suite 210
Danville, CA 94506
Phone: (925) 648-4800
Web Site: www.behaviorquest.com
________________________________________
Leslie A. Hendrickson-Baral, MEd
3636 Fourth Avenue, Suite 210
San Diego, CA 92103
Phone: (619) 220-2458
E-Mail: neurobics2000@yahoo.com
Web Site: www.attention-training.com
________________________________________
Kenneth L. Herman, PhD
1137 Huntington Drive, Suite A-2
South Pasadena, CA 91030
Phone: (323) 344-0123
E-Mail: ken@docherman.com
Web Site: www.docherman.com
________________________________________
Bruce Hirsch, PhD
130 S. Euclid Ave., Ste. 1
Pasadena, CA 91101
Phone: (626) 395-7833
E-Mail: drbruce@sbcglobal.net
Web Site: www.brucehirschphd.com
________________________________________
Amy Keller, MFT
350 S. Lake Avenue, Suite 284A
Pasadena, CA 91101
Phone: (626) 396-9468
________________________________________
Lynn Kilroy, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
11340 W. Olympic Blvd., Suite 320
Los Angeles, CA 90064
lynnkilroyphd@gmail.com
310-446-8088
Specializing in psychotherapy with children, teen, adults and
families impacted by Asperger's Syndrome
________________________________________
Jerry Lindquist, PhD, OTR
8699 Holder Street
Buena Park, CA 90620
Phone: (714) 563-6556
________________________________________
Debra Moore, PhD, Director
Fall Creek Attention and Behavior Centers
5900 Coyle Avenue, Suite D
Carmichael, CA 95608
Phone: (916) 344-0900
E-Mail: drdmoore@pacbell.net
Web Site: www.psychpages.com
________________________________________
David Morrison, Psy.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
1337 E. Thousand Oaks Blvd. Suite 200
Thousand Oaks, Ca 91362
(805) 368-8376
davepsyd1@gmail.com
________________________________________
Kyle D. Pontius, PhD
Adult & Child Psychology
License #PSY14186
23441 South Pointe Drive, Ste. 200
Laguna Hills, CA 92653
Phone: (949) 454-9016, x3
E-Mail: drkyle@um.att.com
Web Site: www.drkyle.net
________________________________________
Meredith Rimmer, Ph.D.
P.E.D.S
5363 Balboa Boulevard, Suite 436
Encino, CA 91316
Phone: 818.906.8151
Email:drmrimmer@yahoo.com
Specializing in diagnosis, testing/assessment,
and treatment for ASD
_______________________________________
Edward Ritvo, MD
10570 Rocca Way
Los Angeles, CA 90077
Phone: (310) 825-0220
________________________________________
Patricia Robinson, MA, MFT
2500 Old Crow Canyon Road, Ste. 218
San Ramon, CA 94583
Phone: (925) 915-0924
E-Mail: patricia@patriciarobinsonmft.com
Web Site: http://patriciarobinsonmft.com
________________________________________
Karen L. Schiltz, Ph.D.
Karen Schiltz Ph.D. and Associates
4764 Park Granada, Suite 109, Calabasas, California 91302
Phone: 805-379-4939; 818-518-1057
E-Mail: officemanager@karenschiltz.com
Web Site: www.karenschiltz.com
________________________________________
William J. Shryer, LCSW, BCD
Diablo Behavioral HealthCare
4185 Blackhawk Plaza Circle
Suite 210
Danville, CA 94506
Phone: (925) 648-4800
E-Mail: bahaviorquest@aol.com
Web Site: www.behaviorquest.com
________________________________________
Curt Widhalm, MA, LMFT
4519 Admiralty Way, Suite C
Marina del Rey, CA 90292
Phone: (424) 571-3557
E-Mail: curt.widhalm@gmail.com
Web: curtwidhalm.com
________________________________________
Eileen Zaroff, M.A. LMFT
17737 Ventura Blvd.,
Encino, Ca. 91316
818-886-9410 Extension 2
or
24509 Walnut Street,
Newhall, Calif. 91321
661-287-5996 Extension 2

________________________________________
COLORADO
________________________________________
Gary Macdonald, PhD
1175 Osage Street, Suite 201
Denver, CO 80204
Phone: (303) 573-0839 x107
E-Mail: garymac@lifelongaes.com
Web: www.lifelongaes.com
________________________________________
Tiffany Wind, PhD
3300 E. 1st Ave. Suite 650
Denver, CO 80206
Phone: (303) 829-9724
E-Mail: drtiffanywind@gmail.com

________________________________________
CONNECTICUT
________________________________________
Michael S. Cohen, PhD, ABPP
CT and NY Licensed Psychologist
7 Whitney Street Extension
Westport, CT 06880
Phone: (203) 381-9396
E-Mail: michael.cohen.phd@post.harvard.edu
Web Site: www.michaelcohen.phd.com
________________________________________
Marcia Eckerd, PhD
Associates for Children and Families, P.C.
83 East Avenue Suite 217
Norwalk, CT 06880
Phone: (203) 299-1331
E-Mail : eckwestoff@aol.com
________________________________________
Eric B. Nicholson, MD, PhD
16 River Street
Norwalk, CT 06850
Phone: (203) 838-8168
________________________________________
Fred R. Volkmar, MD
Yale Child Study Center
230 South Frontage Road
P.O. Box 207900
New Haven, CT 06520-7900
Phone: (203) 785-2510

________________________________________
FLORIDA
________________________________________
Caroline L. Bias, MS, CCC-SLP
Speech-Language Pathologist
2000 Derby Glen Drive
Orlando, FL 32837
Phone: (321) 947-6282
Web: www.floridapediatrictherapy.com
________________________________________
Myles L. Cooley, PhD, ABPP
9121 N. Military Tr., Suite 218
Palm Beach Gardens, FL 33410
Phone: (561) 694-0001
Web Site: www.drmylescooley.com
________________________________________
Gary M. Eisenberg, PhD
Clinical and Child Psychologist
950 Glades Road, Suite 1A
Boca Raton, FL 33431
Phone: (561) 392-1414
Web: www.iser.com/eisenberg-FL.html
________________________________________
Gregg L. Friedman, MD
2500 East Hallandale Beach Blvd., Ste 702
Hallandale Beach, FL 33009
Phone: (954) 456-1996
________________________________________
George Kachmarik, MS, LMHC
FL 2199MH
Pasadena Villa Adult Residential Center
119 Pasadena Place
Orlando, FL 32803
Phone: (407) 246-5250
________________________________________
Timothy P. Kowalski, MA, CCC
Speech-Language Pathologist
Professional Communication Services, Inc.
1401-A Edgewater Dr.
Orlando, FL 32804
Phone: (407) 245-1026
Web Site: www.socialpragmatics.com
________________________________________
George Lindenfeld, PhD, ABPP
Frederick Avenue
Daytona Beach, FL
Phone: (904) 257-0780
________________________________________
Lynda Mance, LCSW
Mandarin Counseling
12058 San Jose Blvd., Ste 703
Jacksonville, FL 32223
Phone: (904) 260-0454
Web: www.mandarincounseling.com
________________________________________
Krista M. Marchman PhD
215 Celebration Place, Suite 500
Celebration, FL 34747
Phone: (321) 559-1222
________________________________________
David W. Peterson, EdD, LCSW
TeamWork, LLC
237 Lookout Place, Ste. 200
Maitland, FL 32751
Phone: (407) 252-5418
________________________________________
Marie T. Rogers, PhD, PA
Licensed Psychologist
Florida License #PY6312
3650 N. Federal Highway, Suite 209
Lighthouse Point, FL 33064
Phone: (954) 782-6461
________________________________________
Bonnie Slade, PhD
4951 Babcock Street Suite 3
Palm Bay, FL 32905
Phone: (321) 729-0870
E-Mail: drslade@digital.net

________________________________________
GEORGIA
________________________________________
Candice L. Barnette, MA, CCC-S
6815 Forest Park Drive
Suite 124
Savannah, GA 31406
Phone: (912) 352-4045
E-Mail: BarnetteC@aol.com
________________________________________
Rees Chapman, Ph.D.
108 Mountain Drive
Dahlonega, GA 30533
Phone: (706) 864-0695
Website: www.DrChapman.org
________________________________________
Michael Johns, PsyD
3678 Vineville Avenue
Macon, GA 31204
Phone: (478) 477-2220
E-Mail: dr.johnsnvps@gmail.com
________________________________________
Drs. Melissa Lang & Dana Weinstein
Center for Psychological and Educational Assessment
6111 Peachtree Dunwoody Road
Building F Suite 103
Atlanta, GA 30328
Phone: (770) 352-9952
E-Mail: info@atlantachildpsych.com
Website: www.atlantachildpsych.com
________________________________________
Robert W. Montgomery, PhD, BCBA
Reinforcement Unlimited
PO Box 1572
Woodstock, GA 30188
Phone: (404) 368-9100
E-Mail: RWM@Behavior-Consultant.Com
Web: www.behavior-consultant.com
________________________________________
Michael Mueller, PhD, BCBA
Southern Behavioral Group
1950 Spectrum Circle, Suite 400
Marietta, GA 30067
E-Mail: mmueller@southernbehavioral.com
Web: www.southernbehavioral.com
________________________________________
M. Kevin Turner, PhD
Transitions of Augusta
103 Rossmore Pl.
Augusta, GA 30909-5769
Phone: (706) 364-7165
________________________________________
LaRonta M. Upson, PhD
913 Main Street, Suite H
Stone Mpountain, GA 30083
or
212 Arrowhead Boulevard
Jonesboro, GA 30236
Phone: (770) 375-8124
Web: www.healthyyoungminds.com

________________________________________
HAWAII
________________________________________
William M. Bolman, MD, FAPA
1600 Kapiolani Blvd., Suite 620
Honolulu, Hawaii 96816
Phone: (808) 944-2597
E-Mail: wmbolman@pixi.com
________________________________________
David E. Roth, MD, FAPA
Mind & Body Works, Inc.
3036 Diamond Head Road
Honolulu, HI 96815
Phone: (808) 923-7684
E-Mail: mbwfrontdesk@gmail.com
Web: www.mind-bodyworks.com

________________________________________
IDAHO
________________________________________
Jack Alban, PhD
Idaho License # PSY 162
111 Palmer Drive
Nampa, ID 83686-8313
Phone: (208) 467-2741

________________________________________
ILLINOIS
________________________________________
Jerry L. Boyd, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
P.O. Box 406
1901 Eighteenth Street
Charleston, IL 61920
Phone: (217)348-7911
Fax: (217)348-3909
E-Mail: jlboyd@advant.com
________________________________________
Bryan Bugay, LCPC
550 Frontage Road, Suite 3515
Northfield, IL 60093
Phone: (773) 318-8959
E-Mail: b-r-y-a-n@comcast.net
Web: www.bryanbugay.com
________________________________________
Todd R. Lendvay, PsyD
1644 Colonial Parkway
Inverness, IL 60067
or
9113 Trinity Drive
Lake In The Hills, IL 60156
Phone: (847) 458-7442
E-Mail: t.lendvay@att.net
________________________________________
Aimee Micetic, MA, LCPC
13717 South Route 30, Unit 159
Plainfield, IL 60544
Phone: (815) 676-6535
E-Mail: aimee@encouragingchanges.com
Web: www.encouragingchanges.com
________________________________________
Anthony Rotatori, PhD
Sandra Burkhardt, PhD
Saint Xavier University
3700 W. 103rd St.
Chicago, IL 60655
Phone: (773)298-3476
E-Mail: burkhardt@mercy.sxu.edu
________________________________________
Dana Steiner, LCPC, BCPC
1800 Nations Drive, Suite 202
Gurnee, IL 60031
Phone: (847) 668-6290
E-Mail: dana@danasteiner.com
Web: www.danasteiner.com
________________________________________
Frederika C. Theus, PsyD
University of Illinois at Chicago
Institute on Disability and Human Development
1640 West Roosevelt Road
MC 626
Chicago, Illinois 60608
Phone: (312)413-1490
E-mail: ftheus@uic.edu
________________________________________
Elizabeth A. Zavodny, PsyD
The Institute for Family Development
15010 S. Ravinia Ave., Suite 19
Orland Park, IL 60462
Phone: (708) 403-3200
E-Mail: InstituteFamilyDevelopment@juno.com

________________________________________
IOWA
________________________________________
Dick Socwell, MS, MSEd
Licensed Psychologist #529
ADHD Clinic of Eastern Iowa
3100 E Avenue NE, Suite 101
Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52405
Phone: (319) 396-1066
E-Mail: rsocwell@mchsi.com

________________________________________
KANSAS
________________________________________
Dana K. Fitzer, LSCSW
ASAP Expert Counseling
8906 W 97th Street
Overland Park, KS 66212
Phone: (913) 952-6696
E-Mail: ASAPexpertcounseling@yahoo.com
Web: ASAPexpertcounseling.com

________________________________________
MAINE
________________________________________
Ginger Walker, LCPC-C
836 Main St. (2nd Floor)
Westbrook, ME 04092
Phone: (207) 615-9692
E-Mail: integrativepsychotherapy100@gmail.com

________________________________________
MARYLAND
________________________________________
Tom Holman, PhD
19642 Club House Road, Suite 610
Gaithersburg, Maryland 20879-3046
Phone: (301) 990-0792
E-Mail: tom@tomholman.com
Website: www.tomholman.com
________________________________________
Karen Kuell, MSW, PhD
4424 Montgomery Avenue, Suite 300
Bethesda, MD 20814
Phone: (301) 951-1990
________________________________________
Jorge C. Srabstein, MD
20528 Boland Farm Road, Suite 207
Germantown, Maryland 20876
Phone: (301) 916-5300
________________________________________
Carol Watkins, MD
2360 W. Joppa Rd. Suite 223
Baltimore, MD 21093
Phone: (410) 329-2028
E-Mail: ncpa@qis.net
Website: http://www.ncpamd.com
________________________________________
Anthony B. Wolff, PhD
Spectrum Behavioral Health
1509 Ritchie Highway
Arnold, Maryland 21012
Phone: (410) 757-2077

________________________________________
MASSACHUSETTS
________________________________________
Sangeeta Dey, PsyD
Pediatric Neuropsychologist
594 Marrett Road, Suite 22
Lexington, MA 02421
Phone: (781) 799-8585
E-Mail: dey.ccnc@gmail.com
________________________________________
Ann A. Helmus, PhD and 6 colleagues
NESCA Neuropsychology & Education Services for Children & Adolescents
90 Bridge Street
Newton, MA 02458
Phone: (617) 658-9800
E-Mail: ahelmus@nesca-newton.com
Web: www.nesca-newton.com
________________________________________
Wayne Klein, PhD
Family Neuropsychology
741 Pond Street
Franklin, MA 02038
Phone: (617) 512-9166
E-Mail: Klein@Family-Neuropsychology.com
Web: http://Family-Neuropsychology.com
or
Rehab Hospital of the Cape & Islands
RHCI for Children
280-D Route 140
Forestdale, MA 02644
Phone: (508) 833-4166
E-Mail: WKlein@Partners.org
Web: www.rhci.org
________________________________________
Margaret A. McPhee, PhD
Center for Neurointegrative Services
394 Lexington Street
Lexington, MA 02420-2825
Phone: (781) 862-2333
E-Mail: mmcphee@cns-consult.com
________________________________________
Cheryl Muzio, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
40 Center Street, Suite A
Northampton, MA 01060
Phone: (413) 586-7123
E-Mail: cmuzio@aol.com
________________________________________
Liana Peňa Morgens, PhD
Clinical Neuropsychologist
298 Crescent Street
Waltham, MA 01453
Phone: (781) 899-1160
E-Mail: lmorgens@hms.harvard.edu
Web Site: www.psychsteps.com
________________________________________
Fran Peterson, MEd, CAGS, LMHC
Family Works
51 Union Street, Suite 304
Worcester, MA 01609
Phone: (508) 791-9340
________________________________________
Helene Pniewski, MD
Timothy Martin, PhD
89 Access Road, Unit 24
Norwood, MA 02062
Phone: (781) 551-0999
E-Mail: info@cfpsych.org
Web Site: www.cfpsych.org
________________________________________
Allan J. Rooney, PsyD
Clinical Neuropsychology
418 Main Street, 3rd Floor
Worcester, MA 01608
Phone: (508) 757-5694
Web Site: www.allanjrooney.com
________________________________________
Jeff Turley, MD
475 School Street
Suite 17
Marshfield, MA 02050
Phone: (781) 934-9325
________________________________________
Stephen J. Wieder, MD
155 Low Street
Newburyport, MA 01950
Phone: (978) 462-3496
E-Mail: swieder@comcast.net
Web Site: www.wieder.yourmd.com

________________________________________
MICHIGAN
________________________________________
Richard Howlin, PhD
114 North Main Street
Chelsea, MI 48118
Phone: (734)475-6070
E-Mail: rhowlin@aspergersmichigan.com
________________________________________
Jed Magen, DO
College of Osteopathic Medicine
Michigan State University
Phone: (517) 355-4456

________________________________________
MINNESOTA
________________________________________
Andrea Bieberich, PhD, LP
11900 Wayzata Blvd., Suite 132
Minnetonka, MN 55305
Phone: (952) 835-6776
________________________________________
Anne J. Ford, LICSW, LLC
17819 Hutchins Drive
Minnetonka, MN 55345
Phone: (952) 470-1186
Web Site: www.ajfordtherapy.com
________________________________________
Mitch Leppicello, LICSW
1789 Woodlane Dr. Suite C
Woodbury, MN 55125
Phone: (651) 739-7539
E-Mail: mleppicello@usfamily.net
________________________________________
Robin McLeod, PhD
Counseling Psychologists of Woodbury
1789 Woodlane Drive, Suite C
Woodbury, MN 55125
Phone: (651) 739-7539
E-Mail: mcleod@cpwmn.com
Web: www.cpwmn.com
________________________________________
Steven J. Ruff, MA, LAMFT
Nystrom & Associates, LTD
Merchants Bank Building
7300 West 147th Street, Suite 204
Apple Valley, MN 55124
Phone: (952) 997-3020
________________________________________
Sandy K. Sondell, PhD, LP
Pediatric Consultation Specialists, PLLC
3021 Harbor Lane North, Suite 210
Plymouth, MN 55447
________________________________________
Susan Storti, PhD, CCC
Jennifer Bennett, MS
Learning & Language Specialists
1405 Lilac Drive
Golden Valley, MN 55422
Phone: (763) 545-7708
E-Mail: learnlang@aol.com

________________________________________
MISSOURI
________________________________________
William G. Collins, PhD
Reintegrative Health Institute
1610 Des Peres Road, Suite 340
Saint Louis, MO 63131
Phone: (314) 984-8412
Web Site: www.rhistl.com
________________________________________
Kathy Harms, PhD
Kathy Harms & Associates
851 N.W. 45th Street - Suite 110
Kansas City, MO 64116
Phone: (816) 452-7775
E-Mail: drharmsassociates@sbcglobal.net

________________________________________
MISSISSIPPI
________________________________________
James W. Irby Jr., PhD, ABPP
4500 I-55 North
Highland Village, Suite 234
Jackson, MS 39211
Phone: (601) 982-8531

________________________________________
MONTANA
________________________________________
Lynn Carlson, LCSW
100 Second Street East
Whitefish, MT 59937
Phone: (406) 863-4810

________________________________________
NEBRASKA
________________________________________
Lorrie E. Bryant, PhD
Licensed Psychologist
Nebraska License #469
Behavioral Pediatric and Family Therapy Program
4501 South 70th Street, Suite 120
Lincoln, NE 68516
Phone: (402) 483-1936
(Children and Adolescents Only)
_______________________________________
Diane C. Marti, PhD
Williamsburg Behavioral Psychology, LLC
3801 Union Drive, Suite 206
Lincoln, Nebraska 68516
Phone: (402) 489-2218
E-Mail: dcmarti@wpblincoln.org
(Children, Adolescents, Adults, Families, & School/Employer Consultation)
________________________________________
Caryll Palmer Wilson, PhD
Williamsburg Behavioral Psychology, LLC
3801 Union Drive, Suite 206
Lincoln, Nebraska 68516
Phone: (402) 489-2218
E-Mail: behavioralpediatrics@gmail.com
(Children, Adolescents, Adults, Families, & School/Employer Consultation)

________________________________________
NEVADA
________________________________________
Katherine Z. Souza, PhD
Community Chest, Inc.
991 South "C" St.
Virginia City, Nevada 89440
Phone: (775) 847-9311
E-Mail: Katherine@communitychestnevada.net

________________________________________
NEW HAMPSHIRE
________________________________________
Larry Welkowitz, PhD
Asperger Resource Group
Keene State College
Keene, NH 03435-3400
Phone: (603) 358-2517
E-Mail: lwelkowi@keene.edu

________________________________________
NEW JERSEY
________________________________________
Michael J. Asher, PhD
Behavior Therapy Associates, P.A.
35 Clyde Road, Suite 101
Somerset, NJ 08854
Phone: (732) 873-1212
E-Mail: behaviortherapy@aol.com
Web Site: www.behaviortherapyassociates.com
________________________________________
Ronald Barabas, MD
3350 Highway 138W
Bldg. 1, Suite 117
Wall, NJ 07719
Phone: (732) 556-0200
________________________________________
Holly L. Blumenstyk, MEd, LDTC
20 Community Place, Ste. 8
Morristown, NJ 07960
Phone: (973) 540-0995
Web Site: www.learningassoc.com
________________________________________
Annette L. Becklund, MSW, LCSW & Associates
Valley Park Office Complex
2517 Highway 35 G-103
Manasquan, NJ 08736
Phone: (732) 292-2929
E-Mail: AnnetteLBecklund@gmail.com
________________________________________
Thomas D. Boyle, Ph.D.
675 Morris Avenue
Suite 202
Springfield, New Jersey
Phone: (973) 467-9422
________________________________________
Nevine Fahmy, MD
Child, Adolescent and Adult Psychiatrist
50 Bridge St.
Metuchen, NJ 08840
Phone: (732) 754-4354
E-Mail: NKFAHMY@cs.com
________________________________________
Steven B. Gordon, PhD, ABPP
Behavior Therapy Associates, P.A.
11 Clyde Rd., Suite 103
Somerset, NJ 08873
Phone: (908) 873-1212
________________________________________
Elliot A. Grossman, MD
205 Ridgedale Ave.
Florham Park, NJ 07932
Phone:(973) 966-6333
E-Mail: PDNEURO@AOL.com
________________________________________
Daniel B. LeGoff, PhD
1001 Laurel Oak Rd., Suite E-2
Vorhees, NJ 08043
E-Mail: dlegoff@thecnnh.org
Web Site: www.thecnnh.org
________________________________________
Mark Mintz, MD
1001 Laurel Oak Rd., Suite E-2
Vorhees, NJ 08043
E-Mail: mmintz@thecnnh.org
Web Site: www.thecnnh.org
________________________________________
David P.Osterhout, LCSW, BCD
Elmwood Business Center
Building #3, Suite 303
733 State Highway #70, East
Marlton, NJ 08053
Phone: (856) 782-8383
________________________________________
Mark Pesner, PhD
Fairfield Commons
271 Route 46 West
Suite G101
Fairfield, NJ 07004
Phone: (973) 276-9040
E-Mail: markpesner@yahoo.com
________________________________________
Gilda D. Rivera, MS, OTR/L
Occupational Therapy Associates of Princeton
219 Wall Street
Princeton, NJ 08540
Phone: (609) 921-1555
E-Mail: grivera@otap.net
Web: www.otap.net
________________________________________
Howard Rudominer, MD
59 Springbook Road
Livingston, NJ 07039
Phone: (201) 716-9500
________________________________________
Kai-ping Wang, MD
Adult, Adolescent & Child Psychiatrist
Hudson Psychiatric Associates, LLC
79 Hudson St., Suite 203
Hoboken, NJ 07030
Phone: (201) 222-8808
Web: hudsonpsych.com

________________________________________
NEW MEXICO
________________________________________
Robert Annett, PhD
Behavioral Pediatrics Clinic
Department of Pediatrics
University of New Mexico - Health Sciences Center
Albuquerque, NM
Phone: (505) 272-2345
________________________________________
Jim Jenson, MD
Department of Psychiatry
University of New Mexico
Phone: (505) 272-6130
________________________________________
Mary LeCaptain, EdD, ABPP
2741 Indian School Road
Albuquerque NM 87106
Phone: (505) 255-8682
________________________________________
Kim A. Rubin, MA, LMSW, NCSP
Rubin Educational Resources
1800 Old Pecos Trail, Suite J
Santa Fe, NM 87505
Phone: (505) 989-8910
Web Site: www.rubinedu.com

________________________________________
NEW YORK
________________________________________
Candice Baugh, MA, LMHC
26 Court St., Ste. 1210
Brooklyn, NY 11242
Phone: (917) 604-3578
E-Mail: Candice.Baugh@gmail.com
________________________________________
Kenneth A. Bonnet, PhD, ABPN
114 East 32nd Street
Mezzanine Floor
New York, New York 10016
Phone: (212) 889-6540
________________________________________
Joseph Coppolo Jr, PsyD
3 William Avenue
Staten Island, NY 10308-3142
Phone: (718) 967-5404
E-Mail: DrCoppolo@aol.com
________________________________________
Jennifer Daily, LCSW
276 5th Ave. Ste. 507A
New York, NY 10001
Phone: (917) 727-3163
E-Mail: Jennifer@jenniferdailycounseling.com
Web: www.JenniferDailyCounseling.com
________________________________________
Andy DeBaun, CSW
52 Booth Street
Pleasantville, NY 10570
Phone: (914) 773-0770
________________________________________
Lynda Geller, PhD
Spectrum Services
303 Fifth Avenue, Suite 1003
New York, NY 10016
Phone: (212) 686-3535 x205 or (718) 406-3848
E- Mail: lynda.geller@aspergercenter.com
Web: aspergercenter.com or spectrumservicesnyc.com
________________________________________
Greg Hannahs, MD
49 West 24th Street, Suite 610
New York, NY 10010
Phone: (646) 369-4797
________________________________________
Glenn S. Hirsch, MD
NYU Medical Center
Child Study Center
550 First Ave, NB 21E7
New York, NY 10016
Phone: (212) 263-8704
________________________________________
Nursel Kahya, PhD, BCBA
8 Beaver Hollow Lane
Airmont, NY 10952
Phone: (845) 290-0365
E-Mail: drnurselkahya@yahoo.com
________________________________________
Jeffrey I. Kassinove, PhD
124 West 79th Street, Suite 1E
New York, NY 10024
Phone: (212) 580-0080 or (516) 592-7404
E-Mail: Jkassinove@yahoo.com
Website: www.nypsychological.com
________________________________________
Robert Katz, MD
Affiliated: Sagamore Children's Psychiatric Center
Private Practice: Syosset, NY
Phone: (516) 364-6545
________________________________________
Amy Keller, MS CCC-SLP
Speech-Language Pathologist
100 West 26th St. Apt. 11C
New York, NY 10001
Phone: (516) 782-8804
E-Mail: amy.keller@gmail.com
________________________________________
Martin L. Kutscher, MD
Pediatric Neurological Associates
125 South Broadway
White Plains, NY 10605
Phone: (914) 997-1692
Web Site: www.PediatricNeurology.Com
________________________________________
Steven Marcal, PsyD
Center for Disability Services
314 South Manning Blvd.
Albany, NY 12208
Phone: (518) 437-5732
________________________________________
Ruth Nass, MD
NYU Medical Center
400 East 34th Street, RR 311
New York, NY 10016
Phone: (212) 263-7753
________________________________________
Richard R. Pleak, MD
Schneider Children's Hospital, Suite 135
New Hyde Park, NY 11040
Phone: (718) 470-3517
________________________________________
June Rousso, PhD
15 West 72nd Street Apt. 16N
New York, NY 10023
Phone: (212) 496-4111
E-Mail: enuj49@aol.com
________________________________________
Lisa Salvato, PhD
19 West 34th Street, Penthouse
New York, NY 10001
Phone: (646) 530-8536
E-Mail: nycchildpsychology@yahoo.com
Web Site: www.drlisasalvato.com
________________________________________
James Snyder, MD
Long Island Psychiatric, PLLC
2 Main Street, Suite 8
Roslyn, NY 11576
Phone: (516) 626-2182
Web Site: www.lipsychiatric.com
________________________________________
Alan V. Tepp, PhD
800 Cross River Rd.
Katonah, NY 10536
Phone: (914) 232-1000
E-Mail: aadrtepp@optonline.net
Web Site: www.drtepp.com

________________________________________
NORTH CAROLINA
________________________________________
Lisa C. Brewer, MA
Licensed Psychological Associate, NC License #1234
665 A Israel St.
Hendersonville, NC 28739
Phone: (828) 693-3338
________________________________________
Steven R. Edelman, MA, LPA
Behavioral Counseling and Psychological Services, PA
916A Hay Street
Fayetteville, NC 28305
Phone: (910) 485-1703
________________________________________
Michael L. Reed, EdD, PhD, NCSP
Psychological/Therapeutic Resources, LLC
504 Pollock Street
New Bern, NC 28562
E-Mail: ptr@embarqmail.com
Web: ptrnewbern.com
________________________________________
Hal Shigley, PhD
3717 National Drive, Suite 220
Raleigh, NC 27612
Phone: (919) 909-2288
Web: www.shigleycounselingcenter.com
________________________________________
Seth E. Tabb, MD
Family Psychiatry & Psychology Associates, P.A.
104-A. Fountainbrook Circle
Cary, North Carolina 27511
Phone: (919) 233-4131
Fax: (919) 233-4168
E-Mail: STabb@fppa.com
Web Site: www.fppa.com
________________________________________
David A. Verhaagen, PhD
Trey Ishee, PsyD
Frank W. Gaskill, PhD
Southeast Psychological Services
2701 Coltsgate Road, Suite 101
Charlotte, NC 28211
Phone: (704) 365-6262
Web Site: www.southeastpsych.com

________________________________________
OHIO
________________________________________
Carol A. Bline, PhD
Developmental Associates
2386 Parkview Drive
Grove City, OH 43123-1858
Phone: (614) 578-1185
________________________________________
Daniel L. Davis, PhD
Tennenbaum and Associates
5151 Reed Road
Columbus, Ohio 43220
E-Mail: drdandavis7@yahoo.com
________________________________________
C. Christopher Fiumera, PhD, BCFE
204 South Gay Street
Mount Vernon, Ohio 43050
Phone and Fax (740) 392-5399
E-Mail: Fiumera@aol.com

________________________________________
OREGON
________________________________________
Jay Edwards, PhD
Emanuel Medical Office Building
501 North Graham, Suite 365
Portland, Oregon 97227
Phone: (503) 219-9992
________________________________________
Darryn M. Sikora, PhD
Oregon Health Sciences University
Child Development and Rehabilitation Center
707 SW Gaines Rd./P.O. Box 754
Portland, Oregon 97207
Phone: (503) 494-2749

________________________________________
PENNSYLVANIA
________________________________________
Michael P. Freidman, EdD
15 Presidential Blvd. Suite 202
Bala Cynwyd, PA 19004
Phone: (610) 667-6269
E-Mail: mfreidman@mindspring.com
________________________________________
Linda M. Gourash, MD
Behavioral and Developmental Pediatrics
Fort Couch Towers
180 Fort Couch Road
Pittsburgh, PA 15241
Phone: (412) 831-0355 x1 (appts) or x534 (voice)
________________________________________
Margaret J. Kay, EdD
Licensed Psychologist
Nationally Certified School Psychologist
2818 Lititz Pike
Lancaster, PA 17601-3322
Phone: (717) 569-6223
E-mail: MJK@MargaretKay.com
Web Site: http://www.margaretkay.com
________________________________________
Robert Sherry, PhD
302 Castle Shannon Blvd.
Pittsburgh, PA 15234-1404
Phone: (412) 344-5554
E-Mail: rs413@aol.com
________________________________________
Cynthia Stauffer, MS
Licensed Psychologist
New Passages
3235 North Third St.
Harrisburg, PA 17110
Phone: (717) 579-6715
E-Mail: Psychocin@comcast.net
________________________________________
Robert Elden Wilson, MD, PhD
Saint Vincent Health Center
232 W 25th Street
Erie, PA 16544
Phone: (814) 452-5490

________________________________________
RHODE ISLAND
________________________________________
Laurence M. Hirsberg, PhD
One Regency Plaza, Suite 2
Providence, RI 02903
Phone: (401) 351-7779
________________________________________
Lori L. McKinsey, PsyD
Developmental Disabilities Program
Emma Pendleton Bradley Hospital
1011 Veterans Memorial Parkway
East Providence, Rhode Island 02915
Phone: (401) 434-3400 ext. 158

Private Practice:
44 Love Lane
Warwick, Rhode Island 02886
Phone: (401) 885-0462
E-Mail: lmckinsey@edgenet.net

________________________________________
SOUTH CAROLINA
________________________________________
Idalyn S. Brown, PhD
Suite 115
222 West Coleman Boulevard
Mount Pleasant, SC 29464
Phone (843) 216-6400
E-mail: ibrown1@bellsouth.net

________________________________________
TENNESSEE
________________________________________
Janis G. Neece, PhD
Cherokee Health Systems
7714 Corner Road, Ste. 105
Powell, TN 37849
Phone: (865) 947-6220
or
Cherokee Health Systems
6350 West Andrew Johnson Highway
Talbott, TN 37877
Phone: (423) 317-9344, ext. 3
________________________________________
Karen L. Weigle, PhD
The TEAM Centers, Inc.
Director of Clinical Services and The Chattanooga Autism Center
Medical Towers, Suite 102
1000 East Third Street
Chattanooga, TN 37404
Phone: (423) 622-0500

________________________________________
TEXAS
________________________________________
Alex Alexander, PhD
1220 Ector Street
Denton, TX 76201
Phone: (469) 446-1588
E-Mail: alexanderai@verizon.net
Web Site: www.iser.com/alexander-TX.html
________________________________________
Christopher J. Anagnostis, PhD
Clinical Psychologist (Child and Adolescent)
6410 Southwest Blvd., Suite 105
Fort Worth, TX 76109
Phone: (817) 732-6767
E-Mail: DrChris@FortWorthPsychology.com
www.FortWorthPsychology.com
________________________________________
Woody C. Childress, PhD
5658 Westcreek, Suite 400
Fort Worth, TX 76131
Phone: (817) 731-2468
E-Mail: w_childress@yahoo.com
http://www.childresseducational.com
________________________________________
Pilarita Cortez, MD
Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics
125 West Hague Suite 320
El Paso, Texas 79902
Phone: (915) 532-1005
________________________________________
Paul T. Elliott, MD
600 University Village Center
Richardson, TX 75081
Phone: (972) 234-0352
________________________________________
David L. Falkstein, PhD, LSSP
101 W. McDermott, Suite 109
Allen, TX 75013
Phone: (214) 727-0250
or
302 E. Brockett St.
Sherman, TX 75090
Phone: (903) 891-0506
E-Mail: DFalksteinphdllc@aol.com
________________________________________
Bruce Feltrup-Exum, MDiv, LMFT
3840 Hulen Street, Ste. 602
Fort Worth, TX 76107
Phone: (817) 735-4165
________________________________________
Maria Fishel, PhD, LSSP
4534 Westgate Blvd., Suite 230
Austin, TX 78745
Phone: (512) 748-6373
E-Mail: DrFishel@russianpsychologist.com
________________________________________
Steven Gutstein, PhD
The Connections Center
4120 Bellaire Blvd.
Houston, Texas 77025
Phone: (713) 838-1362
E-Mail: gutstein@connectionscenter.com
www.connectionscenter.com
________________________________________
James R. Harrison, PhD
402 West Lamar, Suite 102
Sherman, Texas 75090
Phone: (903) 868-2961
________________________________________
Ethel W. Hetrick, PhD
Oak Forest Psychological Services
2834 Bill Owens Parkway
Longview, TX 75605
Phone: (903) 759-6588
________________________________________
Greg Hupp, PhD
Hill Country Behavioral Medicine
1001 Ave. E
Marble Falls, TX 78654
Phone: (830) 265-4554
E-Mail: dochupp@texasbmed.com
www.texasbmed.com
________________________________________
Dr. Melinda Lang and Jamie Thomas
737 Oakwood Trail
Fort Worth, TX 76112
Phone: (817) 994-8040
E-Mail: docscudder@ev1.net
________________________________________
Beth Lusby, PhD
Cornerstone Assessment and Guidance Center, LP
1213 Hall Johnson, Suite 200
Colleyville, TX 76034
Phone: (817) 428-9810
E-Mail: drbeth@cagclp.com
www.cagclp.com
________________________________________
Robert Mandell, PhD
AAA Mental Health
2007 N. Collins Blvd., Suite 503
Richardson, TX 75080
Phone: (972) 690-6700
E-Mail: aaamentalhealth@aol.com
Web: www.aaamentalhealth.org
________________________________________
Denise McCallon, PhD
Clinical Child Psychologist
Children's Medical Center of Dallas
Department of Psychiatry
University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas
1935 Motor Street
Dallas, TX 75235
Phone: (214) 456-5912
________________________________________
Rachelle K. Sheely, PhD
The Connections Center
4120 Bellaire Blvd.
Houston, Texas 77025
Phone: (713) 838-1362
www.connectionscenter.com
________________________________________
Sarah L. Sirbasku, PhD
595 Round Rock West Drive, Suite 303
Round Rock, TX 78681
Phone: (512) 279-8353
E-Mail: drsarah@drsarahs.com
www.drsarahs.com
________________________________________
Alicia Snow, PhD
The Learning Assistance Center
28301 Tomball Parkway, Ste. 400
Tomball, TX 77375
Phone: (713) 240-8609
E-Mail: alisnow@prodigy.net
________________________________________
Alice R. Wiedenhoff, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Child Study Center
1300 West Lancaster
Fort Worth, TX 76102
Phone: (817) 336-8611
Fax: (817) 870-4860
or
6040 Camp Bowie, Suite 58
Fort Worth, TX 76116
Phone: (817) 732-7748
Fax: (817) 370-8504
________________________________________
H. Denise Wooten, PsyD
1422 W. Main, Ste. 206
Lewisville, Texas 75067
Phone: (972) 436-6158

________________________________________
VIRGINIA
________________________________________
C. Rick Ellis, EdD
Spectrum Psychological Services
1020 Independence Blvd., Ste. 204
Virginia Beach, VA 23455
Phone: (757) 640-1882
E-Mail: crickellis@cox.net
________________________________________
Robert S. Falk, PhD
Dominion Behavioral Healthcare
703 N. Courthouse Rd., Suite 101
Richmond, VA 23236
Phone: (804) 794-4482
________________________________________
Michael Oberschneider, PsyD
Ashburn Psychological Services
44110 Ashburn Shopping Plz., Suite 251
Ashburn, VA 20147
Phone: (703) 723-2999
Web: www.ashburnpsych.com
________________________________________
Christina Ralph, PhD
MindWell Psychology
4455 Brookfield Corporate Drive, Suite 101
Chantilly, VA 20151
Phone: (703) 568-2045
Web Site: www.mindwellpsychology.com
________________________________________
Jorge C. Srabstein, MD
5201 Leesburge Pike, Suite # 1002
Falls Church, Virginia 22041
Phone: (703) 578-3900
________________________________________
Patricia Velkoff, PhD
243 Church Street, N.W., Suite 300-A
Vienna, Virginia 22180-4434
Phone: (703) 938-6100

________________________________________
WASHINGTON
________________________________________
Darrow A. Chan, PhD
Northwest Psychological Services
1104 Market Street
Kirkland, Washington 98033
Phone: (425) 827-3019
________________________________________
Judith E. Gorman, MSW, DCSW
Biofield Healing Arts
5275 S. April Drive
Langley, WA 98260
Phone: (360) 321-7226
E-Mail: jgorman@whidbey.com
________________________________________
Christopher Nelson, PhD
Wilburton Ridge Office Park
365 118th Avenue SE, Suite 110
Bellevue, WA 98005
Phone: (206) 459-4817
E-Mail: drchrisnelson@comcast.net
________________________________________
Thomas M. Stallone, PsyD, PC
Attention Disorders Clinic of Vancouver
100 East 13th Street
Vancouver, WA 98660
Phone: (360) 696-1646
________________________________________
Cary Louise Terra, MA, LMFT
Terra Therapy
600 1st Avenue, Suite 526
Seattle, WA 98104
Phone: (206) 890-4858
E-Mail: Cary@terratherapy.org
Web: www.terratherapy.org
Blog: http://aspiestrategy.blogspot.com

________________________________________
WISCONSIN
________________________________________
Chris Nelson, PhD
American Foundation of Counseling Services
130 E. Walnut Street Suite 700
Green Bay, WI 54301
Phone: (920) 437-8256
E-Mail: cnelson@afcscounseling.org

Aspergers professionals in other countries:

Australia

Anthony Attwood, PhD
The Macgregor Specialist Centre
568, Kessels Road
Macgregor
Brisbane
Queensland 4109
Phone: (61) 73349 7683

Janine Manjiviona, PhD
PO Box 2121
Lower Templestowe, 3107, Melbourne
Phone: (03) 9891 6835
E-Mail: janine.m007@optushome.com.au

Julie Peterson, Clinical Psychologist
Embracing the Other Half Psychology Clinic
43 Livingstone Ave.
Pymble NSW
Australia 2073
Phone: (02) 9988 0760
E-Mail: julie@otherhalf.com.au

______________________________

Canada

Sharon H. Blott, BSW, MEd
Registered Psychologist # 2612
745 - 37th Street NW
Calgary, Alberta T2N 4T1
Phone: (403) 270-9400 #110
Joel Jeffries, MB, FRCPC
Clarke Institute
250 College Street
Toronto ON M5T 1R8
Phone: (416) 979-6863

Shawn Reynolds, PhD
6770 - 129 Ave.
Edmonton, Alberta T5C 1V7
Phone: (780) 440-0708
E-Mail: shawnrab@hotmail.com

Kevin Stoddart, PhD
180 Bloor Street West, Suite 601
Toronto ON M5S 2V6
Phone: (416) 920-4999

______________________________

Hong Kong

Caleb Knight EdD
Child and Family Centre
15F The Strand
49 Bonham Strand East
Sheung Wan,
Hong Kong
Phone: 852 2543 0993
E-Mail: cknight77hk@yahoo.com

______________________________

Mexico

Julian Martinez Carbonell, MD
Cayetano Rodriguez # 49 Colonia Centro.
Xalapa, Veracruz Mexico
Telefono: 18-84- 12

J. Gomez-Plascencia, MD
Eclipse 2745 J. del Bosque
CP 44520 Guadalajara
Phone: (3) 647-0328

Jose Eduardo San-Esteban, MD
San Francisco 2-101
Col.Del Valle
Mexico City
Phone: (525) 669-3879

Jorge Trevino-Welsh, MD
Ave.Hospital #106
Col. Sertoma
Monterrey, Nuevo Leon
MEXICO
Phone: 528 3464535
E-Mail: neurojtw@mail.giga.com

______________________________

United Kingdom

Tim Williams
Department of Psychology
University of Reading
Earley Gate
Reading RG6 2AL
Phone: 0118 949 5008
E-Mail: sxswiams@rdg.ac.uk

Aspergers Children and Bed-wetting

2011-12-07T08:52:00.000-08:00

Nocturnal enuresis (bed-wetting) is one of many issues Aspergers kids face. In comparison, it is likely a less important problem, but a problem nonetheless. Many Aspies, in general, have trouble with nocturnal enuresis, because they have difficulty in toilet training.

Why the difficulty in toilet training? A number of factors are involved:

Aspergers kids are not good at imitation, which makes the process of potty training more difficult.
Some Aspies do not even feel the wetness of the bed, which can complicate the training methods to help them overcome nighttime bed-wetting.
Many of these children are also hypotonic, which is a condition that includes a lax form of muscle control as well as a failure to respond or recognize stimuli (e.g., the need to urinate).

By age 5, nocturnal enuresis remains a problem for about 15 percent of Aspies.

Causes—

No one knows for sure what causes nocturnal enuresis, but various factors may play a role:

Hormone imbalance. During childhood, some children don't produce enough anti-diuretic hormones (ADH) to slow nighttime urine production.
Small bladder. Your youngster's bladder may not be developed enough to hold urine produced during the night.
Structural problem in the urinary tract or nervous system. Rarely, nocturnal enuresis is related to a defect in the youngster's neurological system or urinary system.
Chronic constipation. A lack of regular bowel movements may make it so your youngster's bladder can't hold much urine, which can cause nocturnal enuresis at night.
Diabetes. For a youngster who's usually dry at night, nocturnal enuresis may be the first sign of diabetes. Other signs and symptoms may include passing large amounts of urine at once, increased thirst, and fatigue and weight loss in spite of a good appetite.
Inability to recognize a full bladder. If the nerves that control the bladder are slow to mature, a full bladder may not wake your youngster — especially if your youngster is a deep sleeper.
Sleep apnea. Sometimes nocturnal enuresis is a sign of obstructive sleep apnea, a condition in which the youngster's breathing is interrupted during sleep — often because of inflamed or enlarged tonsils or adenoids. Other signs and symptoms may include snoring, frequent ear and sinus infections, sore throat, and daytime drowsiness.
Stress. Stressful events — such as becoming a big brother or sister, starting a new school, or sleeping away from home — may trigger bed-wetting.
Urinary tract infection. A urinary tract infection can make it difficult for your youngster to control urination. Signs and symptoms may include bed-wetting, daytime accidents, frequent urination, bloody urine and pain during urination.

Risk factors—

Several factors have been associated with an increased risk of nocturnal enuresis, including:

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Nocturnal enuresis is more common in kids who have ADHD.
Family history. If both of a youngster's parents wet the bed as kids, their youngster has an 80 percent chance of wetting the bed, too.
Sex. Nocturnal enuresis can affect anyone, but it's twice as common in boys as girls.

Complications—

Although frustrating, nocturnal enuresis without a physical cause doesn't pose any health risks. The guilt and embarrassment a youngster feels about wetting the bed can lead to low self-esteem, however.
Rashes on the bottom and genital area may be an issue as well — especially if your youngster sleeps in wet underwear. To prevent a rash, help your youngster rinse his or her bottom and genital area every morning. It also may help to cover the affected area with a petroleum ointment at bedtime.

When to Call the Doctor—

Nocturnal enuresis that begins abruptly or is accompanied by other symptoms can be a sign of another medical condition, so talk with your doctor. The doctor may check for signs of a urinary tract infection (UTI), constipation, bladder problems, diabetes, or severe stress. Call the doctor if your youngster:

begins to wet his or her pants during the day
complains of a burning sensation or pain when urinating
has swelling of the feet or ankles
has to urinate frequently
is drinking or eating much more than usual
starts misbehaving at school or at home
suddenly starts wetting the bed after being consistently dry for at least 6 months
your youngster is still wetting the bed at age 7 years

Also let the doctor know if you're feeling frustrated with the situation or could use some help. In the meantime, your support and patience can go a long way in helping your youngster feel better about the bedwetting.

Preparing for a doctor’s appointment—

You're likely to start by seeing your family doctor or your youngster's pediatrician. However, he or she may refer you to a doctor who specializes in urinary disorders (pediatric urologist or nephrologist). Here's some information to help you get ready for your appointment, and what to expect from your doctor:

1. Make a list of all medications, vitamins and supplements that your youngster is taking.

2. Write down any symptoms, including any that may seem unrelated. It can also be helpful to keep a diary of your youngster's bathroom visits. Write down when your youngster goes to the toilet, as well as whether or not he or she felt a sense of urgency to urinate. Also make note of how much your youngster has had to drink, especially after dinner.

3. Write down key personal information, including any major stresses or recent life changes.

4. Write down questions to ask your youngster's doctor. For example:

Are there any alternatives to the primary approach that you're suggesting?
Are there any brochures or other printed material that I can take home with me?
Are there any drinking or dietary restrictions that my youngster needs to follow?
Are there any side effects to medications?
Is there a generic alternative to the medicine you're prescribing?
What treatments are available, and which do you recommend?
What websites do you recommend visiting?
What's causing my youngster to wet the bed?
When might he or she outgrow wetting the bed?

Your time with your youngster's doctor may be limited, so preparing a list of questions can help you make the most of your time together. List your questions from most important to least important in case time runs out.

Your doctor is likely to ask you a number of questions. Being ready to answer them may reserve time to go over any points you want to spend more time on. Your doctor may ask:

Does the nocturnal enuresis seem to be triggered by certain foods, drinks or activities?
Does your youngster complain of pain or other symptoms when urinating?
Has your youngster always wet the bed, or did it begin recently?
How often does your youngster wet the bed?
If you're divorced, does your youngster live in each parent's home and does the nocturnal enuresis occur in both homes?
Is there a family history of bed-wetting?
Is your youngster dry during the day?
Is your youngster facing any major life changes or other stresses?

Try to be patient and understanding with your youngster. Nocturnal enuresis is a source of anxiety and frustration for your youngster. He or she isn't wetting the bed on purpose. While you're waiting to see the doctor, try limiting the amount your youngster drinks in the evening.

Tests and diagnosis—

Your youngster will need a physical exam. Depending on the circumstances, urine tests may be done to check for signs of an infection or diabetes. If the doctor suspects a structural problem with your youngster's urinary tract or another health concern, your youngster may need X-rays or other imaging tests of the kidneys or bladder.

Treatments and drugs—

Most kids outgrow nocturnal enuresis on their own. If there's a family history of bed-wetting, your youngster will probably stop nocturnal enuresis around the age the parent stopped bed-wetting. Generally, your youngster will be your doctor's guide to the level of necessary treatment. If your youngster isn't especially bothered or embarrassed by an occasional wet night, home remedies may be the ideal treatment. However, if your grade school youngster is terrified about wetting the bed during a sleepover, he or she may be more motivated to try additional treatments.

• Calm the bladder. If your youngster has a small bladder, an anticholinergic drug such as oxybutynin (Ditropan) or hyoscyamine (Levsin) may help reduce bladder contractions and increase bladder capacity. Side effects may include dry mouth and facial flushing.

• Change a youngster's sleeping and waking pattern. The antidepressant imipramine (Tofranil) may provide nocturnal enuresis relief by changing a youngster's sleeping and waking pattern. The medication may also increase the amount of time a youngster can hold urine or reduce the amount of urine produced. Imipramine has been associated with mood changes and sleep problems. Caution is essential when using this medication, because an overdose could be fatal. Because of the serious nature of these side effects, this medication is generally recommended only when other treatments have failed.

• Medication. Your youngster's doctor may prescribe medication to stop bed-wetting. Sometimes a combination of medications is most effective. There are no guarantees, however, and medication doesn't cure the problem. Nocturnal enuresis typically resumes when the medication is stopped.

• Moisture alarms. These small, battery-operated devices — available without a prescription at most pharmacies — connect to a moisture-sensitive pad on your youngster's pajamas or bedding. When the pad senses wetness, the alarm goes off. Ideally, the moisture alarm sounds just as your youngster begins to urinate — in time to help your youngster wake, stop the urine stream and get to the toilet. If your youngster is a heavy sleeper, another person may need to listen for the alarm. If you try a moisture alarm, give it plenty of time. It often takes at least two weeks to see any type of response and up to 12 weeks to enjoy dry nights. Moisture alarms are highly effective, carry a low risk of relapse or side effects, and may provide a better long-term solution than medication does.

• Slow nighttime urine production. The drug desmopressin acetate (DDAVP) boosts levels of a natural hormone (anti-diuretic hormone, or ADH) that forces the body to make less urine at night. Although DDAVP has few side effects, the most serious is the potential for seizures. This can happen if your youngster drinks too much when taking the medication. For this reason, don't use this medication on nights when your youngster drinks a lot of fluids. Additionally, don't give your youngster this medication if he or she has a headache, has vomited or feels nauseous.

Lifestyle and home remedies—

Here are changes you can make at home that may help:

• Adjust the child's diet. Aspergers children commonly have a poor immune system and resulting food allergies. Because this may be one of the causes of bed wetting, perform an allergy test on the child, with a physician's permission, to rule this possibility out. Common allergies among Aspergers children are dairy, grain and strawberries or citrus fruit. To test the child, take one of these categories of food at a time out of her diet completely for two weeks. At the end of the two-week period, give her the food item on an empty stomach. If she is allergic, she will react within 15 to 60 minutes. Continue on to a different category every two weeks until you have tested all three food categories.

• Avoid beverages and foods with caffeine in the evening. Caffeine may increase the need to urinate, so don't give your youngster drinks, such as cola, or snacks that have caffeine, such as chocolate, in the evening.

• Consider a bed-wetting alarm. A common problem among bed wetting in Aspergers children is that they can't recognize the feeling of moisture. Also, some Aspergers children are not bothered by wetting their bed. Bed-wetting alarms are waterproof censors that attach to bed sheets. When moisture occurs, a beeping alarm goes off. This wakes them up and prompts them to finish going to the bathroom in the restroom. It seems to be very effective for many Aspergers children, but there are exceptions. Some children get very frightened by the sound, so it is important to consider the child's personality and consult a physician before attempting to use a bed-wetting alarm.

• Encourage double voiding before bed. Double voiding is urinating at the beginning of the bedtime routine and then again just before falling asleep. Remind your youngster that it's OK to use the toilet during the night if needed. Use small night lights, so your youngster can easily find the way between the bedroom and bathroom.

• Encourage regular toilet use throughout the day. During the day and evening, suggest that your youngster urinate once every two hours, or at least enough to avoid a feeling of urgency.

• Limit how much your youngster drinks in the evening. Having around 8 ounces of liquid to drink (about .25 liter) in the evening is generally enough, but check with your doctor to find out what's right for your youngster. There's no need to limit how much your youngster drinks, but some experts feel a good rule of thumb is for kids to have 40 percent of their liquids between 7 a.m. and noon, another 40 percent between noon and 5 p.m., and just 20 percent of their daily fluids after 5 p.m. However, don't limit fluids if your youngster is participating in sports practice or games in the evenings.

• Observe the Aspergers child's bathroom behavior during the day. It is important to be aware of the level of his current potty training capability. Not being potty trained during the day can point to a developmental problem of not being able to imitate the concept of going to the bathroom in the first place. In this case, you should be patient and potty train the child in the same fashion you would most children. Aspergers children may take longer to understand the concept as a whole. If they go to the bathroom with no problem during the day, you can assure yourself that they are able to grasp the concept. If this is the case, you need to explore other options of what the problem might be during the night.

• Take advantage of dry protection. For the comfort of the Aspergers child as well as creating an easier clean up for you, use plastic mattress liners. In addition, have the child wear adult disposable moisture-locking underpants to bed. If needed, she may also wear them throughout the day. This will help contain most of the moisture from her pajamas and the bed sheets. Use these dry protection methods while you are working with the Aspergers child's bed wetting situation to allow more comfort for both of you.

• Treat constipation. If constipation is a problem for your youngster, your doctor may recommend an over-the-counter stool softener.

• Wake the child up every few hours in the middle of the night and explain to him that he needs to go to the bathroom. Take him to the restroom. If you do this consistently every few hours for a few weeks, it will help implant the idea in his head to get up when he has to go to the bathroom.

Alternative medicine—

Many people are interested in trying alternative therapies to treat bed-wetting, and several therapies, such as hypnosis and acupuncture, appear to be somewhat effective. However, other therapies currently don't have evidence to support their use.

Acupuncture. This treatment involves the insertion of fine needles in specific parts of the body. Acupuncture may be effective for some kids.
Chiropractic therapy. The idea behind chiropractic therapy is that if the spine is out of alignment, normal bodily functions will be affected. However, there's little evidence regarding the use of chiropractic therapy for the treatment of bed-wetting.
Diet. Some people believe that certain foods affect bladder function and that removing these foods from the diet could help decrease bed-wetting. More study is needed.
Homeopathy and herbs. Although some people are interested in homeopathic remedies and herbal products, none of these has been proven effective in clinical trials.
Hypnosis. Small trials of hypnosis coupled with suggestions of waking up in a dry bed or visiting the toilet in the night found that this therapy may help some kids stay dry throughout the night.

Be sure to talk to your youngster's doctor before starting any alternative therapy. Some treatments can be just as powerful as prescription medications or surgeries. Make sure the alternative therapies you choose are safe for your youngster and won't interact with other medications your youngster may take.

Coping and support—

Kids don't wet the bed to irritate their moms and dads. Try to be patient as you and your youngster work through the problem together.

Be sensitive to your youngster's feelings. If your youngster is stressed or anxious, encourage him or her to express those feelings. When your youngster feels calm and secure, nocturnal enuresis may become a thing of the past.
Celebrate effort. Don't punish or tease your youngster for wetting the bed. Instead, praise your youngster for following the bedtime routine and helping clean up after accidents.
Enlist your youngster's help. Perhaps your youngster can rinse his or her wet underwear and pajamas or place these items in a specific container for washing. Taking responsibility for nocturnal enuresis may help your youngster feel more control over the situation.
Plan for easy cleanup. Cover your youngster's mattress with a plastic cover. Use thick, absorbent underwear at night to help contain the urine. Keep extra bedding and pajamas handy.

With reassurance, support and understanding, your youngster can look forward to the dry nights ahead.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

The CAT-kit: Communication Tool for Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management

2011-12-06T09:39:00.000-08:00

World-renowned expert on Aspergers, Dr. Tony Attwood, has teamed up with Kirsten Callesen and Annette Moller Nielsen of Denmark to create a powerful -- yet user-friendly -- tool that gets straight to the core of the thoughts and emotions behind behavior. The CAT-kit offers an easy, hands-on way for young people to communicate with grown-ups, and each other.

It's great for:

Moms and dads. The kit will simplify day-to-day conversation and help you deal with inappropriate displays of emotion.
Educators. With its visual and concrete design, the kit attracts students' attention and can be implemented and cleaned up in a matter of minutes.
Therapists and counselors. The kit allows you to obtain valuable information about thoughts and feelings in an open, non-stressful environment.
Children and young adults. They love to have fun while learning about themselves and those around them.

Visit www.FHautism.com for more information...

Aspergers Children and Social Phobia

2011-12-05T13:19:00.000-08:00

The diagnosis of social phobia in Aspergers kids emphasizes the following:

A youngster with social phobia must show the capacity for age-appropriate social relationships with familiar people, and his/her anxiety must occur in peer contexts, not just with grown-ups.
Due to limitations of cognitive and perceptual skills, Aspergers kids with social phobia need not recognize that their fear in social situations is excessive or unreasonable.
The anxiety brought on by social situations may be evidenced by crying, tantrums, freezing, or shrinking from social situations with unfamiliar people.
There must be evidence of the social fears existing for a minimum of six months.

Developmental Pathways to Social Phobia—

1. Genetic factors: Taken as a whole, studies using twins to determine whether genetics play a significant part in the development of social phobia are inconclusive. Some twin studies have examined the heritability of shyness and social fears rather than the clinical disorder social phobia. Overall, these studies suggest that genetics play a modest to moderate role in the development of symptoms and temperamental traits associated with social phobia.

Studies examining the rates of social phobia in the offspring or in other first-degree relatives of socially phobic people show that social phobia rates in relatives are higher than in the relatives of people with other anxiety disorders or no disorder. Overall, these studies suggest that social phobia is at least moderately familial and possibly specific in its transmission. However, family studies cannot specifically sort-out the relative contributions of genetic influences and family environmental influences on the development of a disorder. Thus, the mechanisms behind this familial connection in social phobia still need clarification.

2. Normative developmental factors: Kids as young as 6 months through 3 years of age commonly show anxiety in the forms of stranger and separation anxiety. Some young kids, when confronted with a new social situation, throw tantrums, cling to a familiar person, avoid contact, refuse to take part in group play, and become overly vigilant. By late childhood and early adolescence, kid's fears of social evaluation of academic and social performance are forefront. Although at some point during their adolescence all youth will experience some level of anxiety about being judged in school or social situations, obviously not everyone goes on to develop pathological levels of social anxiety (i.e., social phobia).

3. Parenting/family environment factors: Research indicates that parent characteristics and family environment (through such mechanisms as modeling of avoidant responses and restricted exposure to social situations) are likely to have at least a moderate effect on the development of social phobia in kids and adolescents. It appears likely that if the parent's own anxiety is communicated to the youngster, a cycle is established in which parent and youngster reinforce each other's anxiety.

Controlling/overprotecting and less affectionate parenting styles have been found to be associated with social phobia in adult offspring, although the cause and effect relationship between these characteristics and social phobia is unclear. A major gap in this area is research that uses kids with social phobia or kids at high risk for social phobia, and this needs to be filled before the developmental impact of parental and family factors can be specified.

4. Physiological factors: Researchers have just begun to explore the physiology of social phobia, and studies have been primarily conducted with grown-ups. When facing phobic situations, socially phobic people commonly experience such symptoms as blushing, racing heart, sweating, and increased respiration, all of which are reactions associated with the autonomic nervous system (ANS). However, the few studies that have examined ANS functioning in socially phobic people have provided mixed results.

Other research has examined the function of the amygdala, a small region in the forebrain involved in the output of conditioned fear responses, e.g., freezing up behavior, blood pressure changes, stress hormone release, and the startle reflex. Hypersensitivity in the neural circuitry that centers on the amygdala may be responsible for behavioral inhibition in kids. The application of currently developing neuroimaging technologies to kids and adolescents may prove to be especially useful in elucidating the continuities and differences between social phobia in youngsters and in grown-ups.

5. Temperamental factors: A predisposition to timidity and nervousness has been believed to be a matter of inborn temperament. The majority of recent research in the role of temperamental factors in the development of social phobia focuses upon behavioral inhibition (BI). BI refers to a temperamental style that is characterized by reluctance to interact with and withdrawal from unfamiliar settings, people or objects. In infants, BI is typically manifest as irritability, in toddlers as shyness and fearfulness, and in school age kids as cautiousness, reticence and introversion. BI includes reactions that can be seen in behavior, such as interrupting of ongoing behavior, ceasing vocalization, comfort seeking from familiar persons, and retreat from and avoidance of unfamiliarity.

BI also includes reactions that are physiological, such as stable high heart rate, acceleration of heart rate to mild stress, pupillary dilation, and increased salivary cortisol. Overall, evidence to date suggests that a behaviorally inhibited temperament may predispose a youngster to the development of high social anxiety, although BI has yet to be definitively identified as a necessary precursor to the development of the clinical syndrome social phobia.

Treatment of Social Phobia—

1. Cognitive Behavioral Treatment (CBT): Treatment from the cognitive-behavioral perspective assumes that social anxiety is a normal and expected emotion. Social anxiety becomes problematic when it exceeds expected developmental levels and results in significant distress and impairment at home, school, and in social contexts. Anxiety is assumed to be comprised of physiological, cognitive, and behavioral components.

Cognitive behavioral treatment involves specific psycho-education, skills training, exposure methods, and relapse prevention plans for addressing the nature of anxiety and its components. Psycho-education provides corrective information about anxiety and feared stimuli; somatic management techniques target autonomic arousal and related physiological responses; developmentally appropriate cognitive restructuring skills are focused on identifying maladaptive thoughts and teaching realistic, coping-focused thinking; exposure techniques involve graduated, systematic, and controlled exposure to feared situations and stimuli; and, relapse prevention methods focus on consolidating and generalizing treatment gains over the long term.

2. Social Effectiveness Therapy for Children (SET-C): This treatment is appropriate for youth ages 8 through 12 and involves 24 treatment sessions held over a 12-week period. Each youngster participates in one group social skills training session and one individual exposure session each week, with structured homework assignments serving to promote generalization of the within session experience to the youngster's real life.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Help With Transitions: Moving To A New Home

2011-12-05T08:06:00.000-08:00

The logistics of a move can – and will - influence your child's adjustment. For many neurotypical kids, moving can be a positive experience, as it brings the opportunity to develop new friendships, pursue new interests, increase social confidence, and learn important lessons about adapting to change. However, as parents of Aspergers children know, “change” is extremely difficult for Aspies. Transitions of any kind – especially those that are unpredictable – are unsettling and can cause the youngster to become totally undone.

Knowing how to support your Aspie through change in order to make a successful transition is crucial. Helping with transitions is especially important during childhood “life event” changes (e.g., attending a new school, death in the family, divorce, going to college, moving, etc.).

Here are some tips to help transition your Aspergers child to a new home:

1. Access religious and community organizations. They can provide a ready structure of activities, contacts, and resources for the whole family. If the family was involved with similar groups before, participating in such activities in the new location can increase feelings of familiarity.

2. Adolescents with Aspergers will be able to understand the nuances of the decision to move, but may be resistant to change. At a time when they are establishing important relationships outside of the family, they may feel the move threatens their evolving identity. The move can be disruptive to the stability they have already established with a core group of friends or with an athletic or academic path they are pursuing.

3. Allow your youngster to accompany you when viewing potential new homes. Encourage him to ask questions of the Realtor related to areas of interest or importance for him. This will help quell his anxieties, and you may be surprised to hear him ask questions you hadn't thought to ask yourself.

4. Be patient, some Aspergers kids will dive in, develop a support network of friends, and become involved with school and activities without missing a beat. Others may need more time and help to feel acclimated and at ease. Providing your Aspie with new experiences in new places will help him in the future when he makes decisions for himself about where to live.

5. During a walk-through of a potential home, give your youngster the chance to speculate with you about room designations, potential location of furniture, changes in décor, etc.

6. For young Aspergers kids, put their furniture on the moving van last so that it is first to unload. This will help orient them quickly to the new surroundings.

7. Upon arrival to the new home, try to get the Aspergers youngster’s room in order before the rest of the house.

8. Have your Aspie pack a bag of essential, favorite, "can't live without" things to keep with them at all times.

9. If possible, have your Aspie invite a friend from his old neighborhood for a visit. This can help the youngster make decisions about what is new and fun, and also helps him get a much-needed dose of validation from an old friend.

10. If you are building a new home, it will be beneficial to you and your youngster to document the building process with your Aspie manning the camera.

11. It can be tempting to literally "clean house" and discard old toys and unused articles. But this should be done gingerly. The loss of material things will most likely overwhelm some Aspergers kids. Better to help them sort out the bulk of their things once they've moved in when they can feel more in control of their new environment.

12. Know that your Aspergers youngster may experience resistance, denial, and emotional upset when you break the news of the move to another house. Be wary of your youngster's potential to dip into a depressed state at this time as well.

13. Moving day will be very emotional for you all, but maintaining a positive attitude about a new beginning and a fresh start will be of great value.

14. Once the initial shock and heartbreak of the news subsides, share with your youngster thoughts about all the impending unknowns that face you and your family.

15. Once you've narrowed your choices of location to a select few, plan to document the final decision-making visits by taking photos or videos. Not only will this be an aid to your youngster, it will be as equally helpful to you as well in recalling certain details.

16. Partner with your youngster in as many facets of the moving process as possible.

17. Preschoolers with Aspergers are not able to understand the meaning of the move or complex explanations. They are affected more by the reactions and availability of their parents. Little children do best when things are predictable, so keeping to a routine with familiar things and people eases the transition for them. Avoid making other changes at the same time as the move (e.g., toilet training, transfer to a new bed, etc.) so as not to overwhelm and confuse a young Aspie.

18. Scheduling some trips away from the new home may actually help establish the new base. It becomes the place to "come home to" and enhances the sense of a familiar place.

19. School-age kids with Aspergers are likely to be concerned about fitting in with new friends and dealing with different academic demands. Their general personality and social style may influence their ease in adjustment. They may also be better able to tolerate the “new kid jitters” if a brother or sister will be at the same school.

20. Some Aspergers kids will actually thrive in the new environment depending on the circumstances of the move, an accepting peer group, and a supportive mentoring adult network.

21. Stay in contact with the school and other areas in which your Aspie is involved to monitor his progress in making the transition. Kids who are still sullen or angry at the parents about the move at home may have anger management issues at school as well.

22. The Internet and cell phone text messaging are a mixed blessing for kids who have recently moved. Contact with old friends helps a youngster stay connected to a support system and provides an outlet for talking about the new home and experiences. But, when a youngster spends long periods of time chatting with friends "back home," it can decrease the motivation to become involved with the new community and interfere with the adjustment to new friends.

23. Timing the move is important. Moms and dads should carefully consider their options. Certain moves may be inevitable (e.g., when a parent loses a job, when finances are strained, etc.) or impossible to predict (e.g., when a parent dies). But when circumstances allow for flexibility, it is often better to postpone or avoid a move at certain transitional times (e.g., when the Aspergers adolescent is a junior in high school, immediately following a divorce, etc.). When timing is not ideal, options may be possible to ease the strain (e.g., having a high school student remain in town with a friend or relative to finish out the year).

24. When moms and dads are sensitive to the impact of moving on their Aspergers youngster, they can make moving a positive experience, enhancing the Aspie’s emotional growth, adaptability, self-confidence and social skills.

25. If your Aspergers youngster is the oldest sibling, let him assist you in breaking the news to younger siblings, cousins, neighbors, or other family members. This type of “grown-up” responsibility can empower him to shift his perspective of the move to a more selfless position. Think of some of the other responsibilities you can share with your Aspergers youngster to make the move more palatable and less threatening. Some of the things your Aspie can do include:

Begin to inventory household and personal belongings
Determine data involving the geographic location of the move, mileage to and from the destination, and other pertinent logistics
Fill out change-of-address cards
Help arrange showings of your current home
Help you to schedule dates and times to meet with Realtors to view prospective homes
Identify all utility companies that require notification of the move
Plan a garage sale or designate items for drop-off donation
Scan the Internet to locate Realtors, new home listings, and other related information
Start to prioritize packing and labeling moving boxes

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Mourning the Loss of a Loved One: Helping Aspergers Children through the Grieving Process

2011-12-02T09:21:00.000-08:00

As a parent, consider the range of emotions you have experienced after the loss of a loved one (e.g., grief, guilt, shock, loneliness, compassion, etc.), and think of how that might reflect in your Aspergers youngster during his first loss. The difference may be that while you outwardly show a variety of feelings associated with loss, you may not see similar emotions in your Aspergers youngster.

Just like you, comprehending the loss of a loved one – even a beloved pet – may take time for your youngster to completely process. Just because he doesn’t grieve in “typical” ways (e.g., openly sobbing, wanting to be with family members, talking to close friends, etc.) doesn't mean he is emotionless or unaffected. In fact, the opposite could be true.

Tips for helping Aspergers children and teens through the grieving process:

1. An Aspergers youngster's capacity to understand death — and your approach to discussing it — will vary according to the youngster's age.

2. As children mature into teenagers, they start to understand that every human being eventually dies, regardless of grades, behavior, wishes, or anything they try to do. As your Aspergers teenager's understanding about death evolves, questions may naturally come up about mortality and vulnerability. Aspergers teenagers also tend to search more for meaning in the death of someone close to them. A teenager who asks why someone had to die probably isn't looking for literal answers, but starting to explore the idea of the meaning of life. Teenagers also tend to experience some guilt, particularly if one of their friends died. Whatever your Aspergers teenager is experiencing, the best thing you can do is to encourage the expression and sharing of grief.

3. Children from the ages of about 6 to 10 start to grasp the finality of death, even if they don't understand that it will happen to every living thing one day. A 9-year-old might think, for example, that by behaving or making a wish, grandma won't die. Often, children this age personify death and think of it as the "boogeyman" or a ghost or a skeleton. They deal best with death when given accurate, simple, clear, and honest explanations about what happened.

4. Don't be quick to scold if your youngster's emotions seem inappropriate (e.g., laughing during a solemn discussion). He may be on the verge of meltdown and is distracting himself by playing a mind movie.

5. Don't be surprised if your youngster reports that he has seen, talked with, smelled, or otherwise interacted with the loved one who has recently passed. Remember that your youngster may be very sensitive to many things, seen and unseen. Instead, validate what your youngster tells you by listening carefully, requesting further information, asking clarifying questions, and providing assurances.

6. Don't get angry if your youngster catches you off-guard with seemingly insensitive questions (e.g., about the mechanics of embalming, cremation, burial, body decomposition, etc.). These are honest inquiries designed to contribute to your youngster's understanding and comfort level.

7. Encourage questions. This can be hard because you may not have all of the answers. But it's important to create an atmosphere of comfort and openness, and send the message that there's no one right or wrong way to feel.

8. Follow your youngster's lead. It’s not helpful to exclude him from participating in any of the subsequent formalities (i.e., the funeral or other rituals) if he expresses a desire to attend.

9. If possible, assign your youngster a responsibility. This may help him to maintain focus during what may be a chaotic and upsetting time (especially helpful for preteens and teens).

10. If you need help, many resources — from books to counselors to community organizations — can provide guidance. Your efforts will go a long way in helping your youngster get through this difficult time — and through the inevitable losses and tough times that come later in life.

11. If you think your own grief might prevent you from helping your Aspergers youngster during this difficult time, ask a friend or family member to care for - and focus on - your youngster during the funeral service. Choose someone you both like and trust who won't mind leaving the funeral if your youngster needs to go.

12. Many moms and dads worry about letting their children witness their own grief, pain, and tears about a death. Don't! Allowing your youngster to see your pain shows that crying is a natural reaction to emotional pain and loss. And it can make children more comfortable sharing their feelings. But, it's also important to convey that - no matter how sad you may feel - you'll still be able to care for your family and make your youngster feel safe.

13. Moms and dads can't always shield children from sadness and losses. But helping them learn to cope with them builds emotional resources they can rely on throughout life.

14. Remember that Aspergers children' questions may sound much deeper than they actually are. For example, a 5-year-old who asks where someone who died is now probably isn't asking whether there's an afterlife. Rather, children might be satisfied hearing that someone who died is now in the cemetery. This may also be a time to share your beliefs about an afterlife or heaven if that is part of your belief system.

15. Remember that honesty is the best policy. You may be pressured by well-meaning friends or relatives to offer some alternate explanation for the loss of a loved one (e.g., “Grandpa is resting in the ground now”). At some point, your sugar-coated explanation may be exposed, and the cover-up (despite your good intentions) might upset the trust between you and your youngster.

16. Remember that learning how to deal with grief is like coping with other physical, mental, and emotional tasks — it's a process.

17. Until children are about 5 or 6 years old, their view of the world is very literal. So explain death in basic and concrete terms. If the loved one was ill or elderly, for example, you might explain that the person's body wasn't working anymore and the doctors couldn't fix it. If someone dies suddenly, like in an accident, you might explain what happened — that because of this very sad event, the person's body stopped working. You may have to explain that "dying" or "dead" means that the body stopped working.

18. Watch for any signs that children need help coping with a loss. If a youngster's behavior changes radically — for example, a gregarious and easygoing youngster becomes angry, withdrawn, or extremely anxious; or goes from having straight A's to D's in school — then be sure to seek help.

19. What do you tell an Aspergers youngster about the funeral? You may want to explain that the body of the person who died is going to be in a casket, and that the person won't be able to talk or see or hear anything. Explain that others may speak about the person who died and that some mourners may be crying.

20. Younger children often have a hard time understanding that all people and living things eventually die, and that it is final and they won't come back. So, even after you've explained this, children may continue to ask where the loved one is or when the person is returning. As frustrating as this can be, continue to calmly reiterate that the person has died and can't come back.

Note: The Aspergers child who is having serious problems with grief and loss may show one or more of these signs:

acting much younger than his age for an extended period of time
an extended period of depression in which the youngster loses interest in daily activities and events
excessively imitating the dead person
inability to sleep
loss of appetite
prolonged fear of being alone
refusal to attend school
repeated statements of wanting to join the dead person
sharp drop in school performance
withdrawal from friends

If these signs persist, professional help may be needed. A qualified mental health professional can help the Aspergers youngster accept the death and assist the others in helping him or her through the mourning process.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook