Comments on My Aspergers Child: Aspergers Children & School Refusal

It almost seems like because he is high functionin...

2012-01-04T11:36:15.132-08:00

It almost seems like because he is high functioning and can speak, the schools insist on treating him like everyone else. Some days I feel like just pulling my hair out. How did you incorporate breaks into his day?

I used to joke about my son he would be a 1st grad...

2012-01-04T11:36:04.634-08:00

I used to joke about my son he would be a 1st grade dropout if he could have been. After getting an IEP and moving to a better school he enjoys school more but still has a struggle. What we did was highlight the breaks for him to help he see it's not a never-ending process. By Wednesday we would say only 2 more days to the weekend & breaks are his favorite so we would do a countdown on the calendar. Some of his best behavior days were on the Thurs/Fri before breaks. We also kept tabs on special events at school that he liked so he would find things to look forward to at school.

School is so hard for my 7 yr old. The process is ...

2012-01-04T11:35:56.320-08:00

School is so hard for my 7 yr old. The process is so demanding to him. He used to love the idea of it and now it is like pulling teeth everyday to get him to go. Any suggestions on how to help him? I've got an IEP meeting tomorrow. Suggestions?

I feel so much better in some ways after reading t...

2011-11-26T03:10:43.460-08:00

I feel so much better in some ways after reading this article! My daughter ( nearly 13) has taken two overdoses in school, has a cahms worker and consultant and is a non mainstream school. Her consultant is now saying maybe they should put her on a part time school timetable, which I feel will not do any good. I have to work full time as I am the main wage earner for our family and all the stress from dealing with work, my other children and her is severely affecting my whole family. I have been offered no help on how to deal with her, they just talk to my daughter. We have had to make it that she is always looked after, she can never be left alone and the thought of her only going to school part time scares me as I feel I have lost so much of myself already that I have nothing left to give. Then I feel guilty for feeling like this :-(

I have a son who is 12 years old. I have always kn...

2011-11-07T00:48:41.362-08:00

I have a son who is 12 years old. I have always known he was a bit different, he has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers. I live in the UK.
I Have such a problem getting him to school,he will half get dressed, and then get back into bed. He will completely shut down, if I try to talk to him, he goes blank its like there is no one there. He will say he feels sick or he has an upset stomache, the list is endless.
I am a single Mum, and find it so difficult to cope. He sometimes says he will go tomorrow because it's a cooking day, and then he won't because there is PE after that.
There is no reasoning with him. If he says he wont go that is it. He will cover up under the bedclothes and that is it for the day.
He has missed so much school.
I am now thinking about getting him into a school with smaller classes instead of main stream school.

I am starting to wonder how long I can deal with m...

2011-08-31T21:39:54.860-07:00

I am starting to wonder how long I can deal with my son and his refusal to participate in his future, which is schooling. Again it is about to start and already he is acting anxiety ridden. I am wondering how long we can babysit our soon to be adult child that seems to not care about his future or the future of our family. I wish he would be placed in a residential school so that I could have my life back. Sorry if that sounds selfish but I can't live forever like this.

I am another parent with a teenager of 15 years di...

2011-08-31T14:56:08.910-07:00

I am another parent with a teenager of 15 years diagnosed with AS since February. He learnt he has AS about 2 months ago, as his physician (psychiatre) had advised us not to tell him right away as he suffers also with severe depression, delusions, hearing voices and has suicidal thoughts. During this summer, after a panic attack he had during a long distance trip (airplanes and train), he won't get out of our house. He now doesn't want to go to his psychiatre (hospital) and of course it's for him out of the question to go to school. He simply refuses. And doesn't want to talk about it. Here in Greece, the educational system won't help, and I really believe that home schooling would increase his fear of getting out of home. The only place he feels safe is his room, playing x-box and drums. He also is under medical treatment with Zoloft for his depression, but till today (after 6 months of medication), we haven't seen any difference -maybe he's a little worse. It really hurts me to feel his anxiety and I understand how stressful school has always been for him, but I do not know what to do...

I am in the UK. My son transferred to secondary sc...

2011-08-24T12:06:48.364-07:00

I am in the UK. My son transferred to secondary school last September. Within six weeks, he became so aggressive and frightened and started refusing to go to school or leave the house. He was 11. Since then, he has been diagnosed with Aspergers and Turrets.

We are waiting for a special school, which, he says he won't go to. He will only leave the house for his CAMHS appointments. I am dreading the next chapter of this journey. I would love to feel that it will be an easy transition. However, if challenged, he become verbally and physically aggressive.

It is such a difficult situation to be in and I just hope that things get better for him.

Getting an Asperger child to school, young child, ...

2011-08-21T22:04:04.003-07:00

Getting an Asperger child to school, young child, or teenager is tough. I have a 17 yr old with Asperger and ADD. He was going to high school fine, until he felt kids are teasing him. I put him in a small private school, but he refused to go to class, because a fear of something new. Both schools were giving him more than enough support, but he refused. Now he wants to go to another school because other kids saw him breakdown. The school he wants to try (or at least says) tomorrow is s over 2000 kids and he doesn't know anyone. If he doesn't go, he will be in trouble for truancy and may have to go to court.

With my son, it's all about social issues a refusal to try.
Even though I understand why he is doing this, he is still capable of trying.

Sometimes I think that as parents we enable them not to try by either giving in or offering to much help. Just a thought.

We have a 15 year old son who we are loosing to ou...

2011-07-31T10:17:09.483-07:00

We have a 15 year old son who we are loosing to outside influences from his friends-his choices. He went to an all boys private school last year, while he came a long way, he is fighting us to not go back. He played football, wrestling and lacrosse. He finally learned how to get his homework and take his tests, he brought his d's up to b's. He is fighting us to go back to the private school. He wants to go to the local High School, Agoura High School, where he has friends who are good and bad influences and a lot more freedom.

Our concern is we are going to loose him. We tried to take him the Crespi (the private school football practice which I spoke to the coach and got him back on because he hasn't showed up and when it was time to leave, he left the house.

We have turned off his phone, taken his computer away, x-box and tv. He is disrespectful to his father and I, not to other people. We really want him to stay at Crespi, we just feel the public school he will be lost and another statistic. He has also told us he will fail if we send him to Crespi. I realy think it has a lot to do with his friends and telling them he is going to Crespi and them calling him a whimp etc.

im the same position as julie.. im lost, she doesn...

2011-07-31T05:38:32.120-07:00

im the same position as julie.. im lost, she doesn't want to go to school. she is being bullied.. we still dont have an official diagnosis yet.. i have advised against home schooling as well, why is that?

I would, firstly like to say that I dont feel so a...

2011-06-16T05:25:51.248-07:00

I would, firstly like to say that I dont feel so alone after reading this. We are in exactly the same position as most people on here. Olivia has AS and was diagnosed with Seperation Anxiety at 6 yrs old. Her mainstream primary school failed to help us and we applied for a Statement of Special Educational needs and got it when the refused to help us. olivia is now in a Special Needs school but even they are struggling with this as she refuses to go most days, we got her in a routine and she was attacked by an Autistic child, not his fault but she simply refuses to go back for long and I have to stay with her all the time..it is sheer hell, for her and us. i think Homeschooling is the only answer but we have been advised against this...Olivia now has depression and so unhappy some days...just so unfair as we all seem to be saying the same things on here and you feel so alone...people do not understand it atall other than us few, it seems

I already posted here before and now my son is goi...

2011-05-16T15:49:01.447-07:00

I already posted here before and now my son is going to be 14 this Saturday and yes we are still going through hell with his schooling. We are at the point now that we will have to try an anti anxiety med because of the trauma that he puts us through every day of school. How much can we take of this, now he can't even look at an "image" without anxiety. He has gotten worse. I wish someone would help us.

i have a 12 year old son who is waiting diagnosis ...

2011-05-16T11:41:10.344-07:00

i have a 12 year old son who is waiting diagnosis adhd nurse who did all tests is 99% sure so is consultant by looking at all paperwork but needs to see him, he is on school refusal since feb work sent home via email, camhs cant deal with him because of extreme anxiety, all authorities say get him back to school, but how? we think he cant deal with main stream school, crowds, he walks out of class when other students arrive, been home schooling but struggling, any advice.

my son is 12 and he has only just been diagnosed w...

2011-03-21T03:16:48.871-07:00

my son is 12 and he has only just been diagnosed with aspergus and add and he also refuses to go to school.i have had meetings with the welfare who are threating me court action if he dont go what am i meant to do i can not physically remove him from his bed as he is a big boy and he will just go off in one i need help but dont know where to start

I feel your pain. My 13 year old AS boy will not g...

2011-03-09T12:34:29.272-08:00

I feel your pain. My 13 year old AS boy will not go to school either. He hasn't been there for 6 weeks now and everyday he says he will go tomorrow. But when tomorrow comes he has a headache or stomchache or just will not get out of bed. If you push the issue he gets very angery and only leads to a fight and him running away or hidding. I know school is overwhelming for him, to many distractions. He also has ADD so every little thing he hears or sees is more interesting to him then the teacher lesson. He also thinks the teachers do not like him because he just can't understand people very well. Because they push him to complete his work, he thinks they hate him. I really do not know what to do anymore and I can not home school him I must be at work. Any ideas are welcome.

My son is 15 with Asperger's and also school r...

2011-01-28T03:46:42.872-08:00

My son is 15 with Asperger's and also school refuses. I also do not think it is SA - he just doesn't want to go to school. He doesn't see the point and no amount of discussion will change his mind. He is another one who is 6ft tall so there is no way you could get him there against his will (and I don't think that would be appropriate even if I COULD just pick him up.)He currently attends a small support unit with only 10 other students and all the understanding you could give a child but some days he just doesn't want to go in.There is no fear there for him, and no attachment problems as he happily would go to his friends' houses. The way I see it, he weighs up rewards and costs. Some days he wants a reward (eg cinema trip) enough to go in, and on other days you could offer him £500 and he wouldn't budge. Although he's very clever, the promise of a good GCSE result seems too abstract and too far away to be a motivator at this moment in time. He thinks he can learn anything important and worth knowing,from a computer or the TV. Of course, none of this understanding actually helps get him into school or gets him the results he's capable of or gets the LEA off our backs when he doesn't attend! Also, being threatened with court action for non attendance makes life very stressful for us but makes no difference to him - he has AS, he would only notice when the internet gets cut off or his dinner wasn't made!

After two years of struggling to get my son to sch...

2010-10-12T18:28:44.783-07:00

After two years of struggling to get my son to school his therapist and psychiatrist kept digging. It turns out he has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from how his fourth grade teacher treated him. Now we are starting therapy for that as well. Hopefully I will "just" have an Asperger's kid after that...

We go nuts every year with our aspergers son who i...

2010-09-26T21:03:41.810-07:00

We go nuts every year with our aspergers son who is now 13 years old. No one would understand unless the also had this problem that I wouldn't wish on anybody. You have to think out of the box and sometimes that doesn't work. I am not sure how long he will be in school, usually by Jan he is being home schooled. Just a lot to handle and wonder what his future will be.

What if there is nothing that can be done? I feel ...

2010-09-21T04:48:58.448-07:00

What if there is nothing that can be done? I feel as though I have exhausted every opportunity and stretched the IEP to his advantage.

I don't believe it is separation anxiety, but absolute refusal. At 15, 155 lbs and 5'9" I can't force him at all after the rational pressure starts to turn argumentative and counter productive.

Help me please!

Hey, thanks so much for you comments. I am a mum o...

2010-09-13T16:20:34.182-07:00

Hey, thanks so much for you comments. I am a mum of an 11 year old boy recently diagnosed, although I have know for sometime. We are all struggling at the moment, especially his siblings. I know what I need to do it's just remembering it at the worst times :)

It might be a mistake to just assume that School R...

2010-08-01T06:08:52.039-07:00

It might be a mistake to just assume that School Refusal in AS is always about seperation anxiety.

50 years experience as an Aspie has taught me that my mind much is more direct and literal than that:

*If I don't want to leave my familiar environment, then I don't want to leave my familiar environment.
*If I don't want to go to school then I don't want to go to school.

...and I do not mix the two concepts up, at all, ever...

I can still tell you, cartegorically, that 40 years ago I most definately did not want to go to school, for the very simple reason that school was a distressing ordeal for me. Some of that ordeal was caused by bullying, some of that ordeal was caused by the same, incredibly stressful, interactive difficulties and incompatibilities that make me socially avoidant to this day...but it was all related to going "to" school, not seperation anxiety. I would have been no more enthusiatic about hanging around either parent...I just wanted to be left alone in a safe place.

As Aspies we tend not to attach to people in the same way as others and are more likely to experience seperation anxiety towards objects or places, especially our safe places and refuges (and a "special interest" often serves the same purpose as a refuge).

If your Aspie refuses to go to school, ALWAYS check what might be making school deeply unpleasant for him, and if there is anything you can do to change that.