tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1527055659904040434.post1263476529506453559..comments2023-09-17T04:34:33.856-07:00Comments on My ASD Child: Living With An Aspergers Partner/SpouseUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1527055659904040434.post-11702886362451736942012-09-30T08:25:12.846-07:002012-09-30T08:25:12.846-07:00Thank you Mark! I believe that my husband has been...Thank you Mark! I believe that my husband has been given the opportunity of Aspergers (I use "opportunity" instead of "challenge"). We have been married for 13 1/2 years and after tons of marriage counseling that didn't work, my "Tug" told me to research Aspergers. I bawled when I read your site! I have been the nurturer to our children, the primary provider, ran the household and tried to keep peace in our home not knowing why I was being treated the way I was, when I knew that deep inside he loved me. It was freedom to see that I wasn't crazy all these years! Thank you for this site, we haven't read the book yet but this is already making a difference. We have three brilliant sons and I believe you are going to help us be better parents too. I can't thank you enough, a million pounds have been lifted off me! <br />Blessings on you and all you do!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1527055659904040434.post-2075583840427198712012-09-24T06:09:59.885-07:002012-09-24T06:09:59.885-07:00I am constantly exhausted trying to create better ...I am constantly exhausted trying to create better communication and to create win / win situations. However if I don't, the nastiness that comes from him when he feels threaten or doesn't get his own way, is most of the time unbearable. And he doesn't seem to have any understanding of what he has said or why he said it. I just get a blank look...<br /><br />For the past 6 years I have been aware that Aspergers may be the reason / explanation for all our issues and my partners at times 'strange' behaviour. I did discuss this with him years ago and he was open to finding out more. However, after bringing it up with his doctor (who did a brain scan and said his brain was fine!) and a relationship counsellor I was the one that felt awful because they dismissed me and my concerns. So for a few years I decided to say nothing to anyone including him but to have it in the back of my mind that I need to take Aspergers into account for his behaviour and my responses.<br /><br />Our lives together for the past 7 years has been the best and the worst years of my life. The good is that we have travelled together and I have been encouraged to get out of my comfort zone and have new experiences. He is a very hard worker (to the point of being a workaholic) and a good provider. He can also be the most supporting loving man...when things are going his way. The bad is that we have had a terrible time with the children from his previous marriage because he has no boundaries with them and he mostly does everything they say because he is so insecure with them. He has constantly chosen to listen to them over me. Hence, our relationship has been off and on for 7 years and we are now on our third try at living together. I admit I am struggling with menopause and I don't feel as strong as I used to. Having to deal with him and he's need and wants is the reason I have been on the net looking for answers and explanations as to why when we love each other dearly one minute and then everything just falls apart so quickly. This is usually about him getting his own way. He would rather have his own way than be happy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1527055659904040434.post-10295420385690273352012-09-02T08:07:23.327-07:002012-09-02T08:07:23.327-07:00My spouse has never been diagnosed with Aspergers,...My spouse has never been diagnosed with Aspergers, but has physical conditions (since childhood) and characteristics which could categorize him as High Functioning. He is not open to the idea that there may extenuating circumstances to our marital/parental challenges, however. <br /><br />I have two major issues that I'm praying this book will address: financial disclosure/budgeting and mourning a loved one. Our 20yo son (also named Mark) passed on last year after a close encounter with a brain tumor, and this brought many issues to the surface, as I'm sure you can imagine. We've been together for 28 years (including co-parenting one -now grown- child with his ex,) so there's a lot more to consider than potential AS. Looking forward to hearing what you have to offer by way of resolving some of the day-to-day and long-term challenges we face as a family. Appreciate the information and encouragement you provide on the website.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1527055659904040434.post-56286046676184819132012-08-31T06:37:01.454-07:002012-08-31T06:37:01.454-07:00I have recently started a relationship with a succ...I have recently started a relationship with a successful, internationally respected businessman with Aspergers and ADHD. And my goodness it's already hard work. He displays most, if not all of what you mention.<br />I fell in love with his quirky way of communicating, his cryptic mind, his ability to pick up a musical instrument and play it, his artistic creativity and what first appeared to be an enthusiastic view on life, but now I know it to be his "game" face. I also respect his ability to run a successful and influencial business. We had been childhood friends, in fact as he recalls first sweethearts, and reconnected after 33 years, all of these characteristics and personality traits were just how I remembered him... a fascinating soul.<br />Now, I'm still attracted to all of this, however wonder if I should peruse the relationship based on his "Homer Simpson" inability to connect emotionally, his thoughtless way in which he speaks his mind without realising he is being hurtful, as well as all the other complexities that this syndrome presents. I have already spent many times in tears, not understanding the "why", longing for a compliment and explaining to my friends his anti social behaviour.<br />He has been married twice before and has indicated to me that he'd like to take things slowly with me as he feels" there could be the L word involved and a few decades thrown in". This is one of only three compliments I have heard verbally. The others come in a glance or a squeeze of a hand and mostly through music.<br />I, on the other hand am an enthusiast, who loves people, I am spontaneous, adventurous and reliable, I too have good business nous. I look for the good in others and play to their strengths, while being aware of their weaknesses, and consider myself to be accepting and understanding almost to a fault. He finds me funny with a an intelligent mind and I believe to be desirable in his eyes (although I am often told of his other conquests, to which I reply that I am not going to compete with them, I am a 45 year old woman, who is very happy in their skin.) He tells me he is attracted to me and interested, these sorts of conversations are staccato in style are like statements. I gather information, rather than have it delivered.<br /><br />There are so many things I love about him and so many things I see as just too hard work.<br />What would your advice be to me at the onset of a relationship like this?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1527055659904040434.post-37331085884535639932012-05-25T10:09:48.253-07:002012-05-25T10:09:48.253-07:00There is something about you Mark, your website, y...There is something about you Mark, your website, your e-book, your voice on your phone voicemail prompt, the tone of your email. I believe you really want to help people with Asperger's and their partners. I feel that you are called in your heart to do this work. I feel comfortable reaching out to you for help and support. Thank you for being there for people like us who struggle.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1527055659904040434.post-44152371503362110072012-03-31T15:08:27.349-07:002012-03-31T15:08:27.349-07:00My partner has Aspergers, I am convinced, we have ...My partner has Aspergers, I am convinced, we have so many problems and he fits all the criteria. Obviously he is undiagnosed, we are both 39 and have a two year old together, and I have tried to broach the subject with him to which he is very hostile at the mere suggestion. <br /><br />We have been together for 3 years, and I have two teenage girls also from a previous marriage, and I am at breaking point. My self esteem is on the floor from the constant criticism and negativity , and his sarcastic jokes at my expense which are constant, and we just cant communicate properly about anything. He doesn't empathise, not in the sense of showing compassion or much sympathy, he sees any dislike from me towards the way he behaves or talks as me telling him how to be or criticising him which then makes him either angry of depressed, and if he upsets me its my fault and Im just being negative or oversensitive and he hasnt done anything wrong. He always thinks he is right! I just get emotional and angry while he is detatched. If I can't find something to help I can see myself just walking out one day soon and he will never understand why. I have never met anyone like him, and I have never had problems or arguments like ours, over the simple things we do, before in my life. I have tried and tried, but one little thing wrong and we are back to square one as he keeps a mental list of all the times a day I react in a way he doesnt like and constantly tells me. He manages to find insults and slights in anything from me putting an emphasis on a particular word to me talking passionately about something. He is now out of work and has hardly any friends, neither do I any more since we have been together, and we live in the UK where there is little in the way of help at all, especially if undiagnosed.<br /> <br />I'm pretty much at the end of the road really. Every night I tell myself I am entitled to feel how I do, that its not me thats the problem and that life is too short for this, and every morning I cant face ending it, but I cant carry on much longer like this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1527055659904040434.post-4957077319742742862011-06-20T06:42:05.949-07:002011-06-20T06:42:05.949-07:00I am a 58 year old woman. My Aspergers partner is...I am a 58 year old woman. My Aspergers partner is 45 years old. We have been together 15 years/ I feel i am not wanting to get old with him.... Its all too much. I want my freedom back! No more rules, routines, and rituals I feel i have to fit into his way of living, and feel i am in aspergers training, as i find myself doing things like he does, and the way he needs his environment to operate... I believe that any Neuro-typical who values their lives and existence ,should not be in this situation. Its been hell on earth, and i want a life of my own ,as im only going to get older! What then? I wont be able to keep up. I resent him, and find his company jarring, and my heart drops when he comes home at night. I am not being unfair, as i care deeply about him, and he has some wonderful qualities, but not the ones i need at this time of my life. Should i not want to be happy? I would love to read the book, but cant afford it.....But i cannot see how you think anything could change what i feel .There is no way in the world an Aspie and a N/P can cohabit sucessfully. I really believe that. Unless, of course i sacrifice my life for him. I have always had 'Lame Duck Syndrome' rescuing all the poor things in the world. Now i am the lame duck. Is he going to care and look after my emotional needs? NO! Thanks for listening, Regards, LynnAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com