Anyone out there that has an Asperger son that is obsessed with WWII?

My 8 year old son was diagnosed with autism at age 4. He displayed many of the symptoms of autism, poor social skills, tantrums, sensory problems. Now with early intervention he has blossomed. At the end of Kindergarten he was assessed again by the School Board and he no longer fit the criteria for Autism. He is now in 2nd grade and doing well. He is very smart with an IQ of 132 and a verbal IQ of 148; I got these results when I had him tested to see if he was gifted. The results were yes he is gifted. I did not tell the Dr. of his prior diagnosis of Autism, I guess I wanted to believe that the earlier diagnosis of Autism was a misdiagnosis. Now I had a staffing at school and according to the onsite psychologist he does not qualify to be in the gifted program. I was upset because I think he would fit in much better with the gifted kids. My son sounds like a walking dictionary. After reading about Asperger wow that is my son! Very high IQ, high vocabulary, obsessive interests! He is obsessed with WWII history. It is mostly all he talks about, and his conversations are all fact based about what he knows.

Please is there anyone out there that has an Asperger son that is obsessed with WWII?

I want to make sense of all this and I want to be informed so that if what he has is Asperger I can understand my son better. I also want to find a social skills group for him.

I appreciate any response. Please share your story. I want to be better informed. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

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Re: Obsessions

Obsessions and compulsive behavior are typical problems linked with Asperger Syndrome Behavior. This is often a hallmark sign of Aspergers syndrome. These children may become fixated on a narrow subject, such as the weather, compulsive cleanness, sport statistics or other narrow concern.

Aspergers kids can be explicitly taught better ways of communication with others which will lessen their focus on obsession.

Medications that control obsessive behavior can be tried to see if some of the obsessiveness reduces.

In some cases, it helps to turn your child's obsession into a passion that can be integrated into his or her own extracurricular or school activities. A consuming interest in a given subject can help connect your child to schoolwork or social activities, depending on the obsession and the behavior.

Part of the obsessiveness stems from a conflict between longings for social contact and an inability to be social in ways that attract friendships and relationships.

While it is better to teach communication skills and self esteem to the younger children, communication skills and friendship skills can be taught to teens or even adults that can eliminate some of the social isolation they feel. This can avert or reverse depression and anger symptoms as well as obsessions and compulsive behavior.

Learn as much about your child as you can and learn which things trigger compulsive behavior so they can be avoided. Some compulsive behavior is completely benign and is easily tolerated by everyone involved. As parents, you need to decide which kinds of behaviors should be just tolerated and which need intervention.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums

Aspergers Meal Plans: Gluten and Casein Free

The following food items make limited use of specialty gluten-, casein- and soy-free items like expensive flours and other substitute ingredients. Most everything can be purchased at your local grocery store and these ideas are meant so that everyone in the house can eat it rather than needing to cook two meals.

Breakfast:

• Bacon Potatoes
• Cereal with milk
• Cereal, Cream of rice
• Donuts/donut holes
• Eggs, fried, scrambled, poached
• Eggs, Scrambled with avocado
• French toast
• Fruit
• Grits
• Hash Brown Casserole
• Hash Browns
• Hash with poached eggs (corned beef or ham)
• Hominy
• Meat - ham, bacon, steak, sausage
• Muffins, Banana Coconut Flour
• Pancakes, Fabulous Banana
• Pancakes, Nut Butter
• Sausage
• Waffles

Lunch:

• Chicken and rice (arroz con pollo)
• Chicken Fries
• Chicken Nuggets, Battered
• Chicken Nuggets, Pecan-coated
• Chicken Salad
• Salad, Almost-Cobb
• Sandwiches – peanut butter and jelly, lunchmeat, chicken salad, egg salad, etc.

Snacks:

• Chex-style mix
• Chicken, Buffalo Wings
• Chicken, Teriyaki Wings
• Chips
• Deviled Eggs
• Guacamole
• Hummus
• Hummus, White Bean
• Kettle corn
• Nuts
• Popcorn
• Refried bean dip
• Salsa (Pico de Gallo)

Beverages:

• Cider, Mulled
• Cocoa, Hot (Vance’s DariFree or Almond Breeze) More about milk substitutes
• Juices, Sparkling
• Mangoade
• Smoothie, Island fruit
• Smoothie, Orange Banana
• Smoothie, Tropical blend

Main Courses—

Beef & Buffalo:

• Beef Fajitas
• Beef Shanks
• Beef Short Ribs
• Beef Stew
• Beef Stew, Red Wine with Potatoes and Green Beans
• Beef Stew, Red Wine with Potatoes and Green Beans
• Beefy Stew
• Buffalo burgers
• Chili
• Hamburgers
• Meatball and Rice soup
• Meatloaf
• Pot Roast, Holly's Florida
• Prime rib with roasted garlic and horseradish crust
• Rib Roast, Herbed
• Ropa Vieja
• Rouladen
• Shish Kebabs (beef, chicken, veggie and shrimp), Build-your-own
• Sloppy Joes, Easy
• Spaghetti and Meatballs
• Steak
• Tacos

Game:

• Venison Stew

Lamb:

• Lamb, Herb Roasted
• Lamb, Chops with Pomegranate Relish

Pork:

• Beans and rice, Louisiana Red
• Black Beans and Cumin Scented Rice, Cuban
• Ham and Apple Stacks
• Navy Bean/Split Pea Soup with Ham
• Pork chops, Stuffed
• Pork fried rice
• Pork Shoulder roast
• Pork, Pulled sandwiches
• Pork, Roast Loin with Apples
• Pozole
• Ribs, Melt in your mouth
• Roast pork loin, Simple
• Sausage, Italian with peppers and onions
• Tamales, Traditional pork

Poultry:

• Almost-Cobb salad
• Apple pecan chicken salad
• Chicken Diane
• Chicken Fajitas
• Chicken Marengo
• Chicken Noodle soup
• Chicken Nuggets, Battered
• Chicken Nuggets, Pecan-coated
• Chicken Vegetable Soup
• Chicken, Alex’s Double-coated Fried
• Chicken, and rice
• Chicken, Apricot Glazed with dried plums and sage
• Chicken, Arroz con pollo
• Chicken, BBQ
• Chicken, Citrus-garlic-ginger sauce
• Chicken, Coconut finger salad
• Chicken, Drumsticks, Apricot glazed
• Chicken, Honey Mustard kabobs
• Chicken, Lemon
• Chicken, Lemon-Pepper Thyme
• Chicken, Maple Orange Glazed breasts
• Chicken, Pulled BBQ sandwiches
• Chicken, Roasted Rosemary with Garlic Mashed Potatoes
• Chicken, Sticky Coconut
• Chicken, Stir-Fry
• Cornish Hens, Glazed
• Goose, Roasted with cherry sauce
• Shish Kebabs (beef, chicken, veggie and shrimp), Build-your-own
• Turkey & Rice Soup
• Turkey, Brined
• Turkey, Roast

Seafood:

• Salmon, Baked, maple glazed
• Salmon, Grilled
• Salmon, Poached
• Shish Kebabs (beef, chicken, veggie and shrimp), Build-your-own

Vegetarian:

• Black Bean-Chipotle chili
• Shish Kebabs (beef, chicken, veggie and shrimp), Build-your-own

Side dishes:

• Caramelized apples
• Cranberries, Best Relish
• Polenta
• Rice, Arroz Con Gandules
• Rice, Brown
• Rice, Brown, Salad with tomatoes
• Rice, White
• Rice, Wild
• Rice, Wild, stuffing with hazelnuts and dried cranberries
• Salad, Watergate
• Spring rolls
• Stuffing, World’s best cornbread
• Sweet Potatoes, Candied

Bread:

• Cornbread

Vegetables:

• Artichokes, BBQ
• Artichokes, Boiled
• Asparagus, Grilled
• Asparagus, Grilled with Meyer lemon vinaigrette
• Asparagus, steamed
• Beans
• Beans, BBQ Baked
• Beans, Black
• Beans, Mexican
• Broccoli
• Butternut squash
• Carrots
• Chard
• Collard greens
• Corn on the cob
• French fries
• Green beans with lemon and walnuts
• Hash browns
• Plantain Rounds, Double-Fried
• Potato and zucchini pancakes (latkes)
• Potato, tomato, corn and basil salad
• Potatoes, Bacon
• Potatoes, Baked
• Potatoes, Mashed
• Potatoes, Sliced baked
• Spaghetti squash with marinara
• Spinach, Sautéed
• Sweet potato casserole
• Sweet potato fries, Baked
• Sweet potatoes, Candied
• Zucchini, Fried
• Zucchini, Grilled

Dressing, Gravy & Sauces:

• 1000 Island
• Apple Balsamic Vinaigrette
• Avocado Dressing
• Basil Vinaigrette
• Blackberry Dressing
• Creole mustard dressing
• French Dressing
• Gravy, Foolproof Giblet
• Gravy, Turkey
• Honey Sesame Dressing
• Kitchen Bouquet Recipe
• Marinara Sauce
• Meyer Lemon Vinaigrette
• Sweet and Sour Dressing
• Tarragon Egg Dressing
• Vinaigrette Dressing

Soups:

• Beef Stew
• Beef Stew, Red Wine with Potatoes and Green Beans
• Beefy Stew
• Black Bean-Chipotle chili
• Chicken Noodle Soup
• Chicken Vegetable Soup
• Chicken Veggie Stew
• Chili
• Louisiana Red Beans and Rice
• Meatball and Rice soup
• Navy Bean/Split Pea Soup with Ham
• Turkey & Rice Soup
• Venison Stew

Desserts:

• Apple pecan pie
• Chocolate, Sweet dark
• Meringue Triple Stars
• No-bake pumpkin pie
• Peanut butter balls
• Peanut butter cookies
• Popcorn, Party
• Popcorn, Sweet nutty treats

Salads:

• Almost-Cobb salad
• Apple pecan chicken salad
• Chicken salad
• Chicken, Coconut finger salad
• Fancy salad
• Mushroom spinach salad with tarragon egg dressing
• Spinach Salad with Warm Bacon and Apple Cider Dressing
• Turkey & Mixed Green salad with Strawberries and Kiwi
• Watergate salad

Kids Only:

• Buffalo Burgers, Mini
• Chicken Fries
• Chicken Nuggets, Batter-dipped
• Chicken Nuggets, Pecan-coated
• Food-on-a-stick
• French Fries, Oven
• Potato Logs
• Shepard Pie, Easy
• Sweet Potatoes and Red Potatoes, Baked

Holidays—

Meats:

• Goose, Roasted with cherry sauce
• Ham
• Lamb, Chops with Pomegranate Relish
• Lamb, Herb Roasted
• Prime rib with roasted garlic and horseradish crust
• Rib Roast, Herbed
• Salmon, Poached
• Turkey, Brined
• Turkey, Roast

Sides:

• Cranberries, Best Relish
• Gravy, Foolproof Giblet
• Gravy, Turkey
• Green beans with lemon and toasted walnuts
• Jello mold with canned fruit
• Potatoes, Mashed
• Salad (fancy)
• Salad (plain)
• Salad, Watergate
• Stuffing, Rice
• Stuffing, World's Best Cornbread
• Sweet potatoes, Candied

Desserts:

• Apple pecan pie
• Chocolate, Sweet dark
• Meringue Triple Stars
• Peanut butter balls
• Peanut butter cookies
• Pears, Poached
• Popcorn, Party
• Popcorn, Sweet nutty treats
• Pumpkin Pie
• Pumpkin pie, No-bake

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Tantrums and Meltdowns

Is Abilify® Safe for Children with Autism?

Autism Spectrum Disorder is a neurobiological condition that cannot be cured. Although medications do not fully alleviate the symptoms, it is common for physicians to prescribe a variety of medications to help improve a child with Autism’s outlook and circumstances.

Anti-anxiety drugs, antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and drugs for hyperactivity are all commonly used to lessen the effects of social anxiety, depression, fear, sensory issues, and additional emotional distresses that can cause problems for children with ASD.

With trial and error, the correct medication course and dosage can make all the difference in the life of a child with Autism or ASD. Medication, while not appropriate for all children with Autism, can change the course for some children, allowing for a life of independence.

Researchers are working to find medications that can be used to treat the symptoms of ASD in children. Some medications can serve dual purposes, like an anti-seizure medication that also happens to be a mood stabilizer. Finding safe medication choices for citizens is a job that the US Food and Drug Administration takes very seriously.

Researchers, physicians, parents, and patients can feel relatively certain that when a drug is approved by the FDA for pediatric use, it is safe to use in that capacity. Recently, the FDA approved the drug Abilify® to treat irritability in children with Autism Spectrum Disorder. You can read the official announcement from Bristol-Myers Squibb Company and the FDA here: http://www.medilexicon.com/medicalnews.php?newsid=172339

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Aspergers Children

Is Early Intervention the Answer?

Thanks to the recent advances in the areas of research and awareness, children are being diagnosed with ASD at increasingly younger ages. In the past, a child with Aspergers would easily go undiagnosed until the second year of school, or even later. Pediatricians are now using guidelines for developmental milestones, along with parental checklists, to question whether young children need to be tested for ASD. Because of these efforts, children as young as 15-18 months of age are receiving the Autism diagnosis, allowing for early treatment options.

Early Intervention programs are state-run government programs that offer testing, evaluation, and treatments to children from birth to age three, with medical needs and/or developmental delays. These programs are funded by state and federal government agencies and are offered to families at no cost beyond health insurance coverage. In most cases, testing is done in the child’s home and therapies are offered within the home if possible.

Recent studies are showing that these Early Intervention programs are making a significant difference in the lives and abilities of children with Autism. The University of Washington in Seattle has published a paper on one such study. This five-year study involved US toddlers who had been diagnosed with Autism. You can read more about the effectiveness of Early Intervention as found in the study at the University of Washington by clicking this link: http://www.medilexicon.com/medicalnews.php?newsid=172495

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Aspergers Children

Aspergers Subtypes: Rule Boy, Logic Boy, and Emotion Boy

It is important to recognize that each Aspergers youngster is different, with his or her own unique set of issues. No two are exactly the same. However, there are three main subtypes: the Rule Boy, the Logic Boy, and the Emotion Boy, each with its own basic set of issues and several individual subtypes. It is very important to clarify each youngster's issues, because each type demands a different kind of response from you. Choosing the right approach is crucial if changes are to occur. By determining your youngster's type you will be able to identify his most important characteristics and learn what his core issues are. This helps to determine where to begin the treatment program. Once the type is identified, the basic issues for each will become clear and the course of action can be specified. The course of action consists of teaching the various skills that are lacking or replacing those skills that are inappropriate.

Although Aspergers kids differ from others by their worldview and many other ways we've already discussed, the primary issue to be determined is his individual coping strategy. Each youngster has developed a very specific way to deal with problem situations, and his particular strategy determines the subtype to which he belongs.


The Rule Boy—

Having a set of rules to live by is the most important issue for this type. Once he has a set of rules to follow, there tend to be few, if any, concerns, except in areas where you have not yet established rules. If there is a void where a rule has not been established, the Rule Boy is not happy; because he doesn't know what to do in that situation; he makes up his own rules. Any situation that has too few rules will be a bad one for this type of youngster. He must have rules to live by and he will create his own if you don't provide them, which will probably not match what others are thinking. This will cause conflict and upset until someone prevails and the rules are clarified. This boy respects authority figures and does well when it is perfectly clear who is in charge and who makes the rules. This youngster can often be fine in school but a real problem at home, because the rules are not clear enough in the latter situation. It is not unusual for moms and dads of this type to be quite surprised to hear how well behaved their youngster is in school. There are two main subtypes of Rule Boy – the innocent/passive and the over controlled – but not everyone has all of the characteristics listed below.

The Rule Boy—Innocent/Passive

This youngster or adolescent is often seen as a teacher's delight. Everywhere he goes, others remark how well behaved he is. He is never a discipline problem, never a disruption. However, at home his behaviors can be terrible. He can be quite bossy and controlling. Tantrums, yelling, and arguing can be a daily occurrence. The key to recognizing this type is the behavior differences between home and school. If he is poorly behaved in school as well, he is not a Rule Boy.

The Rule Boy wants to please others. He doesn't want anyone mad at him. He is very cooperative with authority figures and is very obedient, often to a fault. He can be too naive and taken advantage of because he will be reluctant to stand up for himself or be assertive. He tries to "fly under the radar." He does not want to stand out. While his behavior is unusually good, he can become distressed by others who do not follow the rules. Often, these kids monitor others' actions and will "tell on them," becoming the "rule police." Clearly, these kids have anxiety, but it is not overwhelming for them. They manage their anxiety by following the rules and making sure others do as well. Problems only occur for them when rules are absent or vague and the person in charge lacks authority in their eyes.

Recommended Approach: Structure, routines, schedules, and prompting cards are some of the tools used to create a new set of appropriate rules for this youngster in every difficult setting no matter how small the situation might be. There is no such thing as a situation that is too small to have rules. Going to a store, taking a bath, deciding where to eat dinner – all need rules. You need to supply a set of rules regarding appropriate behaviors to be demonstrated in each problem situation, and state them like this: "The rule is . . ." Don't hesitate to also explain why you are doing what you are doing. This will help generalize these skills later on.

For example, you would say, "The rule is, when we take a bath we can only put ten toys in the tub" (or whatever number you think is right). "We'll stay in the tub for twenty minutes, and when the buzzer goes off it's time to get out and we'll go in your room and put your pj's on. We'll go back in the bathroom and brush your teeth for two minutes and then get back in bed and we'll read one book before we shut the lights out and go to bed." These rules can be modified to suit your particular situation, but it should give you an idea of the details that may be needed for your youngster.

Highly structured classrooms run by authority figures won't need to do much of this. Instead, they will be trying to help the rule youngster be less rule-bound and have greater tolerance for ambiguity.

The Rule Boy—Over-controlled

This is another type of Rule Boy, who is very similar to the above subtype, except his behavior is good at home as well as at school. He is also rule bound, with rules for everything. He has learned to control outbursts, sometimes too much, in all situations. In this case, he sees his moms and dads, who have created many rules for him to follow at home, as authority figures just like his teachers. There are no situations that don't have rules for him to follow. All other characteristics from above are similar, and he, too, is far and away overly obedient. He needs to become more flexible.

Recommended Approach: You won't have to worry about rules with this girl or boy. You need to begin a crash course in flexibility to help him see the world as less black-and-white. He will need to learn much more about the reasons behind actions and how the world works, with less emphasis on obedience. Don't throw out the rules altogether, but slowly help him to learn decision-making and problem-solving skills so he can become a more independent thinker.


The Logic Boy—

This youngster or adolescent needs to know the reasons for the rules before he is okay. Blindly accepting your rules is not the way he operates. He wants to know the reasons behind your actions, why something is done a certain way, and it has to make sense to him. If it seems too arbitrary, it's not an adequate reason in his mind, and he won't listen. His coping strategy is to try to make sense of the world through logic, reasoning, and rational thought. He wants the world to be a place with order and rationality to it. This reduces his anxiety. He may ask lots of questions about how the world works. He uses his very well-developed logical mind to understand what is going on, and you need to give him the reasoning behind a decision or an action.

He is often a very bright boy with a high IQ. He usually becomes more flexible when he knows the reason for something. The rule alone is not sufficient. After you have explained the reason for your request, many behavioral issues decrease. However, he may not accept your logic unless it is quite convincing, because he may very well have his own reasons and explanations. His view of the world is based on logic and reasons, which can also cause him to become over analytical. In this case, he often cannot function appropriately because he never gets past the analysis stage to the action stage. He suffers from "analysis paralysis." Remember, not every Logic Boy has all of these characteristics.

Recommended Approach: You will need to explain why something needs to be done or why it can't be done before you will get compliance. For the Logic Boy, understanding precedes cooperation. If your explanations provide him with information he didn't have, might have overlooked, or didn't understand, you will have helped him clarify the way the world works and how a desired action is beneficial to him. As these kids become older, you will need to do much more explaining because rules by themselves will have less impact. As you explain things to these kids, always match your explanation to their cognitive and emotional level. Don't overestimate how much they know because they have a large vocabulary. Always make sure they understand you as you move step by step. As you explain something from a new angle you will help them see it differently. For those who overanalyze, you will have to help them reduce the amount of analysis by helping them see how it is unproductive.


The Emotion Boy—

This is the most difficult type to deal with because rules and reasons mean much less to him or her. Many of the Aspergers kids fall into one of the emotion types. Their emotions control their behaviors. If you do not recognize and deal with their emotions, your success is diminished. This group has many more tantrums, is less available, easily disengages, or is more prone to acting out. Those dealing with the Emotion Boy can often find themselves in a state of frustration at best and a crisis state at worst. The vast majority of this group will end upon medications for their issues because their coping strategies are poorly developed and inadequate to meet the demands of the world. Fortunately, the right medication and an effective behavioral plan can do wonders.

The Emotion Boy—Paranoid

By far, this is the most difficult type. Fortunately, their numbers are small. Some other subtypes may have characteristics similar to this type, but not all. He sees the world from an adversarial point of view. The world is against him. Everyone is out to get him and no one can be trusted. The only coping strategy he has is to maintain a good "offense" and so he attacks before others do or say anything. Even the slightest issue is a source of provocation. Once he begins his attack he can be relentless, and keep coming at you until he is exhausted. If he is younger, you might have the stamina to deal with this. If he is older, the police are often called. These kids are unusually bright. Their thinking involves violent themes and their actions are hostile and aggressive to others. They want to "fire, murder, devour, shoot, destroy" people who go against them in any situation, no matter how trivial. Typically, they receive multiple diagnoses, often oppositional defiant disorder or some other psychiatric condition such as bipolar disorder.

Recommended Approach: Since this is the most difficult type by far, you must take extraordinary means to help these kids. Placating your youngster or "walking on eggshells" will only give you a momentary reprieve. Most moms and dads of these kids refrain from physical interventions, but may be using a good deal of restraining techniques. This again is a temporary solution. To begin with, you must seek professional help, in terms of both medication and behavioral interventions. You must maintain calmness in your interactions with these kids. Only the most powerful reinforcers may be of some use. A highly structured environment with firmness is needed, along with great persistence and patience. Dealing with this type is something you don't do alone.

ADHD, OCD, and Fantasy Kids:

The factors marking these three subtypes – attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and preoccupation with a fantasy world – are very closely related, even intertwined. In all three, the youngster is often described as being inattentive, but there are a number of reasons for the inattention. If he is an ADHD youngster, he is inattentive because he is nowhere. He is not focused on any one thing for very long. He is distracted by anything new or different that passes in front of his eyes, and his interest moves from one thing to another and he cannot easily control his focus. He has many of the other signs of ADHD as well. He is easily distracted, disorganized, forgetful, and impulsive. He may or may not be hyperactive.

The OCD youngster, on the other hand, is inattentive because he is somewhere else. He is not so much distracted as preoccupied with something else that is of greater interest to him, usually related to some preferred activity such as videos, numbers, or how things are placed in his environment. Some kids have one or the other, ADHD or OCD, and most have both to varying degrees. Since symptoms of both disorders can exist at the same time and to varying degrees, it can be difficult to tell which is which at times. In either case, the result is a lack of awareness of what is going on around him. However, it is important to distinguish between the two and decide how much each contributes to the inattention, because your approach for each will be different. Underfocusing (predominantly ADHD) and overfocusing (predominantly OCD) are important variables that must be addressed, as well as the youngster who dwells in a fantasy world.

The Emotion Boy—Predominately ADHD

This youngster is very unfocused and has difficulty attending to and processing information on a consistent basis. He is easily distracted and forgetful, loses things, and has significant difficulty keeping track of school assignments. He wanders around in the classroom and may not be able to stay in his seat at home and in school. Conversations are difficult because he is always looking around the room at something else, but doesn't stay focused on any one thing very long.

Recommended Approach: Medication is very important to deal with inattention and impulsiveness. Careful monitoring of all tasks and situations, along with powerful reinforcers, is sometimes helpful. He will find it hard to stay focused on most tasks. Frequent breaks, structured tasks, and supervision are all necessary. If you find the right medication, the inattention reduces significantly, but may not disappear.

The Emotion Boy—Predominately OCD

This youngster has many obsessions that take him elsewhere, away from the here and now. Although he appears inattentive, in reality, he has other issues that he is dealing with instead. For example, are his shoelaces tied the way he likes them? Is everything around him exactly where it belongs? How many dots are in that ceiling tile over his head? Did he ask the question that he wanted to in the right way? And so on. The list can be endless. But no matter what is on his list, it usually takes precedence over anything that is on your list. He is often a perfectionist, and everything has to go a certain way. If it doesn't, it's the end of the world. There is no middle ground; everything is black or white. It is either perfect or it is terrible.

He may have completion rituals where things must be finished before he moves on. And there are many rituals or routines in this youngster's life. For example, he can't shut off his Game Boy until he reaches a certain level or he can't shut off the TV until the program is totally and completely over. All of this and more can be going on in his head and cause him to disengage from reality and become unavailable.

Let's look at an example: Jonathan, age seven, only wants to play his video games. He always plays them after dinner until bedtime. When he is playing them, he finds it very hard to stop. He argues, whines, and may even have a tantrum when asked to try an alternative to video game playing. He has certain requirements for getting ready for bed and an order to them. He changes his clothes under his covers, even though there is no one else in his room. He brushes his teeth for 120 seconds. Mom has to kiss him good night first, Dad is next, and then he gets a story that he always picks from the books on his shelf. He has to have his radio on in order to fall asleep because he has to hear the music and have the light from the radio shining in his room. Jonathan has lots of rules about how things are supposed to go in his world. He is an OCD youngster. Now, it may seem like he is a Rule youngster with all of these rules, but there is a difference. The Rule youngster will typically follow others' rules once they are spelled out to him. The OCD youngster makes up his own rules about everything and only wants to follow his own rules, no one else's. The OCD youngster is compelled by his anxiety to follow his own dictates: he must be in control. The Rule youngster's anxiety compels him to follow everyone else's: he must obey. Each has a different motivation and therefore a different response.

Recommended Approach: You must gain control over his obsessions. There must be limits and restrictions on certain activities. Rituals and routines are addressed through sabotage. You must teach him how to be more flexible by changing routines. You must expand his repertoire of interests, teach him shades of gray, and have him develop a balance in his life. Obsessions will remain, but you can use them as reinforcers as long as you limit the amount of time spent on the obsessions. Each of these things is discussed later on.

The Emotion Boy—Predominately Fantasy

This youngster is very similar to the OCD type except his distractions primarily involve his preoccupations with fantasy. This means Game Boy, Nintendo, Xbox, video games, Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh!, the Cartoon Network, TV shows, Japanese animé, fantasy books, show tunes – the list is endless, but often involves electronics in some way. Not only does he obsess over the use of the electronic equipment, but the fantasy reoccurs without it as well. If the fantasy involves books or music, he doesn't need the actual object to experience its pleasure. So he replays, re-creates, or in some way engages in the obsession in his head. As he is eating dinner, sitting in class, doing his homework, or talking to you, there is another tape playing in his head. And this tape is all about fantasy. He does word-for-word scripting of dialogue and scenes in his head, combines different ones together, or makes up his own based on something he has seen or read. He may have many other obsessions, but the strongest are about fantasies. These fantasies serve many functions – besides being very enjoyable, they remove him from the unpleasantness of the real world, demands are reduced, and everything goes just the way he wants. As a result, reality is avoided, interactions with others don't occur, and life goes on without him. This is how he copes with stress and reality. Interfere with his preoccupations and you will experience his wrath. Leave him to his preoccupations and he can amuse himself for hours.

Recommended Approach: Everything we said about the OCD type applies here. Additionally, you must go beyond those techniques to include teaching him the difference between reality and fantasy – how to recognize it, what constitutes each, and how to be in the here and now. You must limit fantasy time and help him to develop the ability to enjoy non-fantasy activities. If he can't enjoy the real world, he won't want to be a part of it. Medication is almost always necessary.

The Emotion Boy—Anxiety

This youngster differs from all other types because he has no coping strategy. While every other type experiences anxiety to some degree, they cope with it through rules, rituals, obsessions, or fantasy. The Anxiety Boy has never figured out how to deal with problems. As a result, his anxiety overwhelms him and he shuts down, hides under furniture, cries, wants to stay at home, acts silly, wants to stay inside, and tries to avoid people and places outside of his small comfort zone. In other words, he becomes a mess. He is very rigid but doesn't really know the rules of the world. His anxiety comes from his confusion and lack of understanding of how the world works. He just doesn't get it.

He usually needs much more time to handle even the smallest issue. You cannot give him too many issues to deal with at once, even if they are all small, or he will be overwhelmed. Bigger issues are too much as well and he falls apart. Sometimes the issues are so small that you think they cannot possibly cause a problem. Not true. Even the smallest change can result in upset if his anxiety is too big. The degree of anxiety varies, and not all kids have the same amount, and not all situations produce the same degree of upset. He can be upset if it's picture day at school, his teacher is absent, someone comes to visit his moms and dads at home, he has to get his hair cut, you give him the orange cheese and not the yellow cheese – this list can be longer than any other list we've talked about because everything has the potential to be upsetting. You'll know you have an Anxiety Boy because he cries quite a bit, clings to you in new situations or with new people, doesn't want to leave his house, and when away from home often tells you he wants to go back home immediately. His tantrums end when he is allowed to be alone in his room under the covers. Once he gets used to something he can often do better. So once he is desensitized to school, he can be okay if he sees it as a structured, calm, and safe place. He, too, may then act better at school than at home, or he may be the same in both places.

Recommended Approach: This boy or girl needs a great deal of structure, routine, and explanation about every possible troublesome situation. You need to explain the rules of each situation, including what to do and what not to do, before he experiences the situation. You need to give him lots of warning on what is going to happen, preparing him for change. Never overwhelm him. Go slowly and don't try to accomplish too much at one time. Help him get past each issue that has occurred, to "get over it" and move on, or they will build up and the next small one will cause him to fall apart. These are the prevention aspects of dealing with anxiety. That is, you will try to prevent situations from overwhelming him. However, that will never be sufficient and he will need to learn how to cope with it as well. Teach stress management skills: stress resiliency, stress immunity, learned optimism, and "theory of mind." Teach him emotional regulation skills: anxiety management, self-calming, being okay, and the like. Medication may be needed if these skills are difficult for him to learn.

The Emotion Boy—Angry/Resistant

This youngster or adolescent may look similar to the paranoid type, but he is less adversarial and less intense. He is also easier to deal with if and when he feels safer. He argues about everything, and almost anything can lead to a tantrum of some size. At times, he can be violent and physical or will destroy property. He wants things to go his way. He wants to control situations and has his own rules about the world and how things are supposed to be. He is often diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). This is another youngster who doesn't understand the way the world works and becomes anxious as a result. He feels threatened by others and thinks they are trying to control him or are being unfair and arbitrary. He needs to fight with them to gain control and get things straightened out to his way of thinking. However, his arguing does nothing but further aggravate the situation. His rigidity, lack of understanding, and disuse of logic prevent him from seeing this clearly. His emotions determine his actions.

Recommended Approach: Try to avoid power struggles. Do not show much emotion in your responses and try to be matter-of-fact. Stay focused on a particular issue and don't get sidetracked as you have a discussion with this youngster. It's very easy for the discussion to get off track and become nonproductive. Try to see his arguing as a sign of anxiety and not purposeful misbehavior. Try to get him to see you as a helper or problem solver rather than an adversary or problem causer. Don't over-focus on the content of a discussion, but rather on the process; that is, what is going on behind the content of the discussion.

For example, a discussion may begin around what he is going to get from you for Christmas. Before you know it, you are being accused of buying others bigger and better presents. Or perhaps the accusation is that you never buy him what he really wants. Rather than debate the merits of this argument, which will only escalate further, you should discuss how he is stuck on certain ideas that will only lead to greater upset, and the impact his actions have on himself and others. He must begin to see his role in what is going on and stop blaming others for what occurs. You will need to teach him how to stay focused and how to self-calm, as well as how to compromise and negotiate. But most of all, he needs to see you as trying to help him solve his problems, not making them worse.

The Emotion Boy—Negative

This youngster or adolescent tends to be more of an annoyance than anything else. He does a lot of complaining and whining about doing things that are not preferred activities because he only enjoys preferred activities. As a result of his actions, there can be a good deal of arguing and refusals. He usually sees the world in a negative way–"the glass is half empty"–and rarely sees the good aspects of an event or situation, no matter how much good has occurred. Tantrums, bossiness, rituals, and rules are not issues. He may even be fairly cooperative at times. The major concern regarding this youngster is that he is more prone to future depression than any other type.

Recommended Approach: He must learn to be okay with non-preferred activities and that it is better to "say nothing than be negative." You need to teach her how to use positive commenting and responses. Direct instruction in how to have a "positive attitude" and "learned optimism" is needed. Each youngster can have many issues that make him unique. You have begun to sort out those factors that make your youngster who he is. It is his uniqueness that tells you what subtype he is and what techniques you need to use. When you understand your youngster and his interaction with the world, you will be better able to help him reach his full potential. If you still are not sure of the subtype characteristics your youngster demonstrates, at least provide the two things every Aspergers youngster needs: structure and predictability.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Aspergers Children

Aspergers Kids: Reasons for Their Behavior

You need to understand what your youngster or adolescent is thinking, how he interprets what is going on, and how his deficits cause problems before you can begin any intervention strategy. Do not rush into action until you have collected enough information and analyzed what is going on. If you do not know the reasons behind the behavior, you may very likely do the wrong thing. If you know what is going on, you can help things go better.

Realizing that your youngster will not be a good observer of his behavior is your first step. The Aspergers youngster often does not know what to do in a situation. He does not know the appropriate behavior because he doesn't understand how the world works. Or, if he knows a better solution, he cannot use it because he becomes "stuck."

Not knowing what to do - or being unable to do what is appropriate - results in anxiety that leads to additional ineffective and inappropriate actions. An Aspergers-like behavior is usually a result of this anxiety, which leads to difficulty moving on and letting go of an issue and "getting stuck" on something. This is rigidity, and it is the most common reason for behavioral problems. See the sidebar for a list of reasons for rigidity. You must deal with rigidity and replace it with flexibility early on in your plan to help your youngster. Flexibility is a skill that can be taught, and you will make this a major part of your efforts to help your youngster.

Reasons for Rigidity—

1. A misunderstanding or misinterpretation of another's action.
2. A violation of a rule or ritual – changing something from the way it is supposed to be. Someone is violating a rule and this is unacceptable to the youngster.
3. Anxiety about a current or upcoming event, no matter how trivial it might appear to you.
4. Immediate gratification of a need.
5. Lack of knowledge about how something is done. By not knowing how the world works with regard to specific situations and events, the youngster will act inappropriately instead.
6. Other internal issues, such as sensory, inattention (ADHD), oppositional tendency (ODD), or other psychiatric issues may also be causes of behavior.
7. The need to avoid or escape from a nonpreferred activity, often something difficult or undesirable. Often, if your youngster cannot be perfect, she does not want to engage in an activity.
8. The need to control a situation.
9. The need to engage in or continue a preferred activity, usually an obsessive action or fantasy.
10. Transitioning from one activity to another. This is usually a problem because it may mean ending an activity before he is finished with it.

Note: Attention-getting is very rarely seen. It should not be considered as a reason for rigidity until all of the above reasons have been considered and eliminated.

Understanding your youngster involves knowing the Aspergers characteristics discussed earlier and how they manifest themselves in everyday behaviors. How does your youngster or adolescent see the world, think about matters, and react to what is going on around him? The following reasons will help you understand "why he acts the way he does."

Not Understanding How the World Works—

Your Aspergers youngster has a neurocognitive disorder that affects many areas of functioning. This includes a difficulty with the basic understanding of the rules of society, especially if they are not obvious. Life has many of these rules. Some are written, some are spoken, and some are learned through observation and intuition. Your youngster only knows what has been directly taught to him through books, movies, TV shows, the Internet, and explicit instructions. He is not able to sit in a room, observe what is happening, and understand social cues, implied directions, or how to "read between the lines," and as he is growing up, he does not learn how to do this. Instead, he learns facts. He does not "take in" what is happening around him that involves the rest of the world, only what directly impacts him.

Many of the conversations he has had have generally been about knowledge and facts, not about feelings, opinions, and interactions. As a result, he does not really know how the world works and what one is supposed to do in various situations. This can apply to even the smallest situations you might take for granted. Not knowing the unspoken rules of situations causes anxiety and upset. This leads to many of the behavioral issues that appear as the Aspergers youngster tries to impose his own sense of order on a world he doesn't understand.

The Aspergers youngster creates his own set of rules for everyday functioning to keep things from changing and thereby minimize his anxiety. Sometimes, he just makes up the rules when it is convenient. Other times, he attempts to make them up by looking for patterns, rules, or the logic of a situation to make it less chaotic for him and more predictable and understandable. If there are no rules for an event or situation, he will create them from his own experiences based on what he has read, seen, or heard. He will often have a great deal of information to use in reaching his conclusions and forming his opinions and feelings. As a result, some of his conclusions are correct and some are wrong.

He will rarely consider someone else's point of view if he does not consider them to be an "expert." The fewer people he sees as experts, the more behavioral difficulty you will see. He might consider teachers and others to be experts, but his parents will rarely be seen as such. Therefore, he will argue with you about your opinions if different from his own. He thinks that his opinion is as good as yours, so he chooses his. This represents his rigid thinking. He finds it difficult to be flexible and consider alternate views, especially if he has already reached a conclusion. New ideas can be difficult to accept ("I'd rather do it the way I've always done it"). Being forced to think differently can cause a lot of anxiety.

You must never overestimate your Aspergers youngster's understanding of a situation because of his high intellectual ability or his other strengths. He is a boy who needs to figure out how the world works. He needs a road map and the set of instructions, one example at a time.

Frames of Reference—

In trying to understand how the world works, your youngster tries to make sense of your explanations, but sometimes is not able to do this. As a result, your effort at intervening falls short. This can occur because your explanation has no meaning. Each Aspergers youngster can only understand things for which they have a frame of reference, meaning they have a picture or idea about this from other sources or from prior discussions. They cannot understand what you will tell them without this frame of reference. For example, when I asked a teenage boy if he missed his parents when he was at overnight camp for a week, he replied that it was not all that long. When I asked him again if he missed them, he said he could e-mail them whenever he wanted. After my third attempt to get an answer he finally said to me, "I can't answer that question. Since I have never missed anyone before, I have nothing against which I can compare my feelings to know what missing feels like." In the next few chapters we will explain how to give your youngster or adolescent a new frame of reference.

Preferred and Nonpreferred Activities—

For all Aspergers children, life tends to be divided into two categories – preferred and nonpreferred activities. Preferred activities are those things he engages in frequently and with great intensity. He seeks them out without any external motivation. However, not all of his preferred activities are equal. Some are much more highly desired and prized. An activity that is lower on the list can never be used as a motivator for one that is higher. For example, you cannot get him to substitute his video game playing by offering a food reward if the game playing is higher on his list.

Any activity that is not preferred can be considered nonpreferred. They are less desirable and many are avoided. The lower they are on the list of desirability, the more he will resist or avoid doing them. Sometimes an activity or task becomes nonpreferred because it is made to compete with one that is much more highly valued. For example, taking a bath could be enjoyable, but if your youngster is reading, and reading is higher on his list, he will resist or throw a tantrum.

Preferred and nonpreferred activities are always problem areas. Your youngster or adolescent will always want to engage in preferred activities even when you have something more important for him to do. He does not want to end preferred activities and your attempts to have him end them can produce upset of one kind or another. On the other hand, trying to get him to do nonpreferred activities, such as interacting socially, can also be difficult. If many nonpreferred elements are combined together, the problem can become a nightmare, such as with homework.

The Aspergers youngster rarely has activities he just likes. He tends to either love or hate an activity. The middle ground is usually missing. Teaching a middle ground or shades of gray can be a goal and will be discussed later. Also, as you try to teach him something new, you will encounter resistance because you are asking him to do something that's not a preferred activity. But, as he outgrows younger interests, he will need to learn new ones in order to have some common interests with his peers. He needs to experience new things to see if he likes them, but may not want to do this just because you're asking him to do something new. He already has his list of preferred interests and will rarely see the need for anything new. Quite often, his preferred list will include computer or video games. However, the more he is on the computer or the more he plays video games, the less available he is to be in the real world and learn something new. Most likely, you will have to control his access to preferred activities if new ones are to be introduced.

Obsessive-Compulsive Behaviors and Anxiety—

Obsessive-compulsive issues, also referred to as rituals, rigidity, perseverations, rules, or black-and-white thinking, originate in the Aspergers person's difficulty understanding the world around him. This creates anxiety, the underlying cause for his obsessive-compulsive behaviors. You will see anxiety in many different ways, depending on how your youngster manifests it. Some kids will show it in obvious ways, such as crying, hiding under furniture, or clinging to you. Others show it by trying to control the situation and bossing people around. Some may hit or throw a tantrum. Some may act silly. No matter how your youngster displays his anxiety, you need to recognize that it is there and not assume it is due to some other cause such as attention seeking or just plain misbehavior.

Anxiety can occur for the smallest reason. Don't judge anxiety-producing situations by your own reaction to an event. Your youngster will be much more sensitive to situations than you will be, and often there will be no logical reason for his anxiety. Something that you would be anxious about causes no anxiety in your youngster, while a small event causes him to be quite anxious. When events change, he never knows what is going to come next and he becomes confused and upset, leading to some form of inappropriate behavior.

Your youngster's first reaction is to try to reduce or eliminate his anxiety. He must do something, and one of the most effective means is to take all changes, uncertainty, and variability out of the equation. This can be accomplished by obsessions. If everything is done a certain way, if there is a definite and unbreakable rule for every event, and if everyone does as he wishes, everything will be fine. Anxiety is then diminished or reduced, and no upset, tantrums, or meltdowns occur.

Unfortunately, it is virtually impossible to do this in the real world. Nevertheless, anxiety needs to be dealt with in some manner. This is the first order of business in planning for many interventions. If you move ahead before this has been settled, it will continue to be a significant interfering factor. Let's look at some examples of this.

Allen, age seventeen, won't leave the house because he wants to have his nails in a certain condition. This condition requires many hours of grooming that interfere with sleeping, eating, and doing just about anything else. This is obsessive-compulsive behavior. Any attempt to get him to leave the house or stop his nail maintenance causes anxiety and is rarely successful.

Anytime Craig, age eleven, hears an answer that he does not like, he becomes upset. If he asks a question or makes a request and the other person's response is not what he expected, he starts to argue with them, often acting out physically. He must have certain answers that are to his liking. This is rigidity in thought and it is also obsessive-compulsive.

Each of these cases has a cognitive and a behavioral component, and both must be considered. Each youngster must learn to get "unstuck" or let go of an issue and move on. They also need to learn how to change their thinking so that it doesn't become a problem to begin with.

Behavioral Manifestations of Anxiety—

• Becoming easily overwhelmed and having difficulty calming down.
• Creating their own set of rules for doing something.
• Demanding unrealistic perfection in their handwriting, or wanting to avoid doing any writing.
• Demonstrating unusual fears, anxiety, tantrums, and showing resistance to directions from others.
• Displaying a good deal of silly behaviors because they are anxious or do not know what to do in a situation.
• Eating a narrow range of foods.
• Having a narrow range of interests, and becoming fixated on certain topics and/or routines.
• Having trouble playing and socializing well with peers or avoiding socializing altogether. They prefer to be alone because others do not do things exactly as they do.
• Insisting on having things and/or events occur in a certain way.
• Intensely disliking loud noises and crowds.
• Lecturing others or engaging in a monologue rather than having a reciprocal conversation.
• Preferring to do the same things over and over.
• Reacting poorly to new events, transitions, or changes.
• Remaining in a fantasy world a good deal of the time and appearing unaware of events around them.
• Tending to conserve energy and put forth the least effort they can, except with highly preferred activities.
• Wanting things to go their way, when they want them to, no matter what anyone else may want. They may argue, throw a tantrum, ignore you, growl, refuse to yield, etc.

Black-and-White Thinking and Mindblindness-

The obsessive-compulsive approach to life results in the narrow range of interests and insistence on set routines typical of an Aspergers youngster. However, it usually starts as a cognitive (thinking) issue before it becomes a behavioral one. Cognitive issues, such as the inability to take someone else's perspective (mindblindness) and the lack of cognitive flexibility (black-and-white thinking), cause many of the behaviors we see. We know there is a cognitive element by looking at the youngster's behaviors. There is always some distress, anxiety, or obsession manifested in every inappropriate behavior.

As mentioned, your youngster's cognitive difficulties lead to inaccurate interpretations and understanding of the world. How someone interprets a situation determines how he will respond to it. Many times the interpretation of an event is either not an accurate one or not one that leads to positive or prosocial actions. If the event can be reinterpreted for him, it might lead to a more productive outcome. In doing this, we must first try to understand how the child interprets a situation. All of the child's behaviors are filtered through his perception of the way the world works.

Take a look at the questions in the sidebar as they pertain to a problem situation. Try to answer all the questions to see which explanation fits the situation the best. Each of these questions represents a problematic way of thinking for your youngster. As a result of your questioning, it should become clearer that your youngster is engaging in a nonproductive interpretation and that correcting this faulty thinking with a more positive interpretation could lead to a more positive action. Remember, details are extremely important in trying to understand what is happening and what to do about it. Do not try to intervene until you understand, at least to a small degree, what is happening with your youngster. Changing thinking becomes a paramount issue, but one that is often neglected. However, successful changes in thinking will dramatically increase the success rate of any strategy you use.

Questions to Ask about Your Youngster's Behavior—

To help you determine the reasons why your youngster acts the way he/she does, you should ask yourself the following questions:

1. Because a situation was one way the first time, does he/she feel it has to be that way always? (Being rule bound.)
2. Does he/she need to be taught a better way to deal with a problem? (He/she does not understand the way the world works.)
3. Does he/she see only two choices to a situation rather than many options? (Black-and-white thinking.)
4. Has he/she made a rule that can't be followed? (He/she sees only one way to solve a problem. He/she cannot see alternatives.)
5. Is he/she blaming you for something that is beyond your control? (He/she feels that you must solve the problem for him/her even when it involves issues you have no control over.)
6. Is he/she exaggerating the importance of an event? There are no small events …everything that goes wrong is a catastrophe. (Black-and-white thinking.)
7. Is he/she expecting perfection in him/herself? (Black-and-white thinking.)
8. Is he/she misunderstanding what is happening and assuming something that isn't true? (Misinterpretation.)
9. Is he/she stuck on an idea and can't let it go? (He/she does not know how to let go and move on when there is a problem.)

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

Aspergers Child Abuse: Physical, Emotional, and Sexual

Aspergers Child Physical Abuse—

The statistics on physical child abuse are alarming. It is estimated hundreds of thousands of kids are physically abused each year by a parent or close relative. Thousands actually die as a result of the abuse. For those who survive, the emotional trauma remains long after the external bruises have healed. Communities and the courts recognize that these emotional “hidden bruises” can be treated. Early recognition and treatment is important to minimize the long term effect of physical abuse. Whenever a youngster says he or she has been abused, it must be taken seriously and immediately evaluated.

Aspergers kids who have been abused may display:

• a poor self image
• aggressive, disruptive, and sometimes illegal behavior
• anger and rage
• anxiety and fears
• drug and alcohol abuse
• fear of entering into new relationships or activities
• feelings of sadness or other symptoms of depression
• flashbacks, nightmares
• inability to trust or love others
• passive, withdrawn or clingy behavior
• school problems or failure
• self destructive or self abusive behavior, suicidal thoughts
• sexual acting out
• sleep problems

Often the severe emotional damage to abused kids does not surface until adolescence or even later, when many abused kids become abusing moms and dads. An adult who was abused as a youngster often has trouble establishing lasting and stable personal relationships. These men and women may have trouble with physical closeness, touching, intimacy, and trust as adults. They are also at higher risk for anxiety, depression, substance abuse, medical illness, and problems at school or work.

Early identification and treatment is important to minimize the long-term consequences of abuse. Qualified mental health professionals should conduct a comprehensive evaluation and provide treatment for kids who have been abused. Through treatment, the abused youngster begins to regain a sense of self-confidence and trust. The family can also be helped to learn new ways of support and communicating with one another. Moms and dads may also benefit from support, parent training and anger management.

Physical abuse is not the only kind of child abuse. Many kids are also victims of neglect, or sexual abuse, or emotional abuse. In all kinds of child abuse, the youngster and the family can benefit from evaluation and treatment from a qualified mental health professional.

In the view of some experts, Aspergers child abuse in this country has reached almost epidemic proportions. According to a recent report, more than two million kids are subjected to neglect and physical, emotional, or sexual abuse every year.

There is no standard definition of what constitutes child abuse, but each state has statutes that describe the forms of child abuse. Regardless of distinctions in legalistic terminology, however, experts agree that the abuse cases reported represent a small percentage of the actual number of kids who are victims of sever abuse.

Causes and Consequences:

Most moms and dads prefer to think of chronic child abuse as something that happens to other people’s kids. While it is evident that certain kinds of stress make abuse statistically more likely – poverty, job loss, marital problems, extremely young and poorly educated mothers – abuse also occurs across all economic lines and in seemingly good homes. Many people blame the prevalence of violence on TV and in the movies, and while that theory has not as yet been fully substantiated, media violence may contribute to our acceptance of physical aggression toward kids. It is worth noting that cultures in which corporal punishment is not sanctioned have much lower rates of child abuse.

Aspergers Child Sexual Abuse—

Child sexual abuse has been reported up to 80,000 times a year, but the number of unreported instances is far greater, because the kids are afraid to tell anyone what has happened, and the legal procedure for validating an episode is difficult. The problem should be identified, the abuse stopped, and the youngster should receive professional help. The long-term emotional and psychological damage of sexual abuse can be devastating to the youngster.

Child sexual abuse can take place within the family, by a parent, step-parent, sibling or other relative; or outside the home, for example, by a friend, neighbor, child care person, teacher, or stranger. When sexual abuse has occurred, a youngster can develop a variety of distressing feelings, thoughts and behaviors.

No youngster is psychologically prepared to cope with repeated sexual stimulation. Even a two or three year old, who cannot know the sexual activity is wrong, will develop problems resulting from the inability to cope with the overstimulation.

The youngster of five or older who knows and cares for the abuser becomes trapped between affection and loyalty for the person, and the sense that the sexual activities are terribly wrong. If the youngster tries to break away from the sexual relationship, the abuser may threaten the youngster with violence or loss of love. When sexual abuse occurs within the family, the youngster may fear the anger, jealousy or shame of other family members, or be afraid the family will break up if the secret is told.

A youngster who is the victim of prolonged sexual abuse usually develops low self-esteem, a feeling of worthlessness and an abnormal or distorted view of sex. The youngster may become withdrawn and mistrustful of adults, and can become suicidal.

Some kids who have been sexually abused have difficulty relating to others except on sexual terms. Some sexually abused kids become child abusers or prostitutes, or have other serious problems when they reach adulthood.

Often there are no obvious external signs of child sexual abuse. Some signs can only be detected on physical exam by a physician.

Sexually abused Aspergers kids may also develop the following:

• aspects of sexual molestation in drawings, games, fantasies
• delinquency/conduct problems
• depression or withdrawal from friends or family
• refusal to go to school
• secretiveness
• seductiveness
• sleep problems or nightmares
• statements that their bodies are dirty or damaged, or fear that there is something wrong with them in the genital area
• suicidal behavior
• unusual aggressiveness, or
• unusual interest in or avoidance of all things of a sexual nature

Child sexual abusers can make the youngster extremely fearful of telling, and only when a special effort has helped the youngster to feel safe, can the youngster talk freely. If a youngster says that he or she has been molested, moms and dads should try to remain calm and reassure the youngster that what happened was not their fault. Moms and dads should seek a medical examination and psychiatric consultation.

Moms and dads can prevent or lessen the chance of sexual abuse by:

• Encouraging professional prevention programs in the local school system
• Teaching kids that respect does not mean blind obedience to adults and to authority, for example, don't tell kids to, Always do everything the teacher or baby-sitter tells you to do
• Telling kids that if someone tries to touch your body and do things that make you feel funny, say NO to that person and tell me right away

Sexually abused kids and their families need immediate professional evaluation and treatment. Child and adolescent psychiatrists can help abused kids regain a sense of self-esteem, cope with feelings of guilt about the abuse, and begin the process of overcoming the trauma. Such treatment can help reduce the risk that the youngster will develop serious problems as an adult.

Many moms and dads are unsure or squeamish about bringing up sexual matters, especially with their kids. Yet, there are ways of laying the groundwork so that you can talk to your youngster without scaring her. Establish an open dialogue about sexual issues early on. If you introduce the subject of sex in a discussion of abuse, there is the danger that the idea of sex may become automatically linked in your youngster’s mind with danger and anxiety.

If you have fostered in your youngster a sense of ownership regarding her body, she will likely have an instinct about what is okay for her body and what is not. You build on her natural sense of ownerships of her body by letting her pick out her own clothes or wash herself in her own way. Also, avoid pushing her to kiss or hug other adults when she clearly does not want to.

Finally, when moms and dads treat their kid’s bodies with respect, kids tent to demand that others treat their bodies in a similar manner. Kids who are consistently hit, grabbed, or physically punished at home may feel that adults are entitled to misuse their bodies simply because they are bigger.

Responding To Aspergers Child Sexual Abuse—

When a youngster tells an adult that he or she has been sexually abused, the adult may feel uncomfortable and may not know what to say or do. The following guidelines should be used when responding to kids who say they have been sexually abused:

What to Say—If a youngster even hints in a vague way that sexual abuse has occurred, encourage him or her to talk freely. Don't make judgmental comments.

• Assure the youngster that they did the right thing in telling. A youngster who is close to the abuser may feel guilty about revealing the secret. The youngster may feel frightened if the abuser has threatened to harm the youngster or other family members as punishment for telling the secret.

• Show that you understand and take seriously what the youngster is saying. Child and adolescent psychiatrists have found that kids who are listened to and understood do much better than those who are not. The response to the disclosure of sexual abuse is critical to the youngster's ability to resolve and heal the trauma of sexual abuse.

• Tell the youngster that he or she is not to blame for the sexual abuse. Most kids in attempting to make sense out of the abuse will believe that somehow they caused it or may even view it as a form of punishment for imagined or real wrongdoings.

• Finally, offer the youngster protection, and promise that you will promptly take steps to see that the abuse stops.

What to Do—Report any suspicion of child abuse. If the abuse is within the family, report it to the local Child Protection Agency. If the abuse is outside of the family, report it to the police or district attorney's office. Individuals reporting in good faith are immune from prosecution. The agency receiving the report will conduct an evaluation and will take action to protect the youngster.

Moms and dads should consult with their pediatrician or family physician, who may refer them to a physician who specializes in evaluating and treating sexual abuse. The examining doctor will evaluate the youngster's condition and treat any physical problem related to the abuse, gather evidence to help protect the youngster, and reassure the youngster that he or she is all right.

Kids who have been sexually abused should have an evaluation by a child and adolescent psychiatrist or other qualified mental health professional to find out how the sexual abuse has affected them, and to determine whether ongoing professional help is necessary for the youngster to deal with the trauma of the abuse. The child and adolescent psychiatrist can also provide support to other family members who may be upset by the abuse.

While most allegations of sexual abuse made by kids are true, some false accusations may arise in custody disputes and in other situations. Occasionally, the court will ask a child and adolescent psychiatrist to help determine whether the youngster is telling the truth, or whether it will hurt the youngster to speak in court about the abuse.

When a youngster is asked as to testify, special considerations--such as videotaping, frequent breaks, exclusion of spectators, and the option not to look at the accused--make the experience much less stressful.

Adults, because of their maturity and knowledge, are always the ones to blame when they abuse kids. The abused kids should never be blamed.

When a youngster tells someone about sexual abuse, a supportive, caring response is the first step in getting help for the youngster and reestablishing their trust in adults.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums


Best Comment:


My problem is this....I don't have my son (9 years old)living with me at this time so I can't try the different ways of working with him. I am also facing charges of child abuse at this time and it's scary because I didn't do this and my son self-injured himself and told his father I did it. My son is not with me because he was placed with his father by CPS.

In April, my son was diagnosed as having Aspergers after initally being diagnosed as ADHD/OCD and bipolar tendancies. His father (my ex-husband), also has Aspergers (undiagnosed) and my son is like him in EVERY way. I have seen the destruction that this condition has done to his father, who is now engaged to his 6th wife (I was #4). I have been alone in trying to get my son to work through his problems, and to teach him to treat others with respect. He hates my husband, and doesn't treat anyone at my home nicely, especially me. Now because his father "understands" him, he allows my son's behavior, never correcting it because he doesn't know the difference. His father treats everyone poorly so he doesn't see that my son's problems with school and me are a problem, and thinks I am over exagerating our son's bad behaviour even though his teacher and counselor are on my side.


In May my son was kicked out of school after screaming for an hour in the principal's office because he didn't want to do his math test. His father's new fiance took him for the day because I had just had back surgery and was out of time at work to be able to stay home with him (I had him Monday-Friday). When he came home that night, he was adament that I let him live with his father. When I talked to his father, he said my son just wanted to do fun things with me on the weekend so I could still keep him during the week and if we had something fun coming up on the weekend, I could have him then too. Two weeks later, my son tried again to get kicked out of school (since it worked so well the first time) however the principal and vice principal were not at the school that day, just his counselor. His counselor told him she knew what he was up to, and that no matter how long he screamed, he would not be sent home. She explained to him that he could finish his work that he was refusing to do, and return back to class to try and work on having a good day. When faced with the fact that he wasn't going home, he stopped screaming, did his work, and had a good day. She described their relationship after this as "strained" now.


Again, my son insisted he wanted to go and live with his father, and stay with me on the weekend. He again told that this would not happen.


Without getting into the legalities here, I need some help badly. He has now told everyone that I beat him on a daily basis, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. I can count 2 times that he had been spanked in a 2 year period by me. Also during this process, in March he reported to his future step-mother that my husband was giving him daily spankings and she in reported us to CPS. When I received the call (2 days after being released from the hospital for my 3rd back surgery) I asked him what this was about, and he said it was about the nightly game that my husband played with him and my 12 year old son. This consisted of them both giving my husband a hug every night before bed. When my husband would release his hug, the boys would take off running, trying to get away before my husband could swat their butts. It was a game that he enjoyed, where he would usually circle back around and punch my husband in the leg, and run off again before he could get the playful swat on his butt. Well, one night he was not on his game and ended up getting tagged. He was pissed, to say the least, for losing that night and went to bed very angry. He stayed up all night obsessing over it, and I suspect went to his father's that morning before school and told his future stepmother that he was spanked the night before.


My oldest son (now 13) is extremely upset with him for lying about this and having CPS investigate it (it was closed out as unsustained). He's also not happy that his brother is telling lies about my "daily beatings". I should also note that my 9 year old was the only child placed by CPS, as my 13 yr old, and my husband's 9 yr old and 6 yr old were deemed to be "safe" (none of them have any problems with me....in fact they all told CPS that my son is not very nice, but I'm very loving).


Both his father and I are police officers. I was forced to retire in October because of my back problems after 21 years. This only compounds things because his father has "pushed" this case through the sheriff's department and now up the chain of command at the D.A.'s office.


I am at a loss as to prove how I did not do these things to my son, and was wondering if you have any ideas that could help me get someone that can help me in court. I have a CPS hearing coming up on December 16th, along with a hearing on December 19th as my ex filed for full custody. 


Response:  

Here’s the DOs and DON’Ts when falsely accused: 

http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/mr-cps.html

Aspergers Children: Medication & Side Effects

Kids who have Aspergers think and function very differently than other kids. In most cases, they need special help and coaching to function more successfully in their school and home environments. Treatments for ASPERGERS focus on helping kids manage in these settings.

Special education services, behavior therapy, speech therapy, and physical or occupational therapy may help the youngster learn to function more effectively and harmoniously with others. Training and counseling for parents and other family members also may be helpful.

There are no specific medications used to treat ASPERGERS. However, kids who suffer from anxiety, depression, hyperactivity, or obsessive-compulsive disorder as a result of Aspergers may benefit from medication to help with these symptoms. When these medications are prescribed, the youngster will be monitored by his or her health care provider at regular intervals throughout treatment.

To treat depression, drugs such as fluoxetine (Prozac®, Sarafem®) may be prescribed. It is important for parents to work closely with the youngster's health care provider and to fully understand how to monitor the youngster for side effects of antidepressant medication. In some kids and teenagers, these medications may increase suicidal thoughts and actions.

Other side effects that should be reported to the youngster's health care provider immediately include the following:

• Aggressive or impulsive behavior
• Agitation or restlessness
• Increased activity level
• Increased chattiness
• Increased depression or anxiety
• Increased irritability
• Panic attacks
• Sleep difficulties
• Strange moods or behavior changes

Kids should be monitored especially closely when they first begin taking antidepressant medication or if the dosage of the medication is changed. These medications should not be discontinued or the dosage changed without consulting a qualified health care provider.

To treat obsessive-compulsive behavior (OCD), clomipramine (Anafranil®) may be prescribed. Clomipramine is also an antidepressant and increases the risk for suicidal thoughts and actions in kids and teens. Patients should be monitored closely while taking this medication. Side effects that should be reported immediately to the youngster's health care provider include the following:

• Weakness
• Tremors
• Tiredness
• Seizures
• Muscle stiffness
• Loss of bladder control or difficulty with urination
• Increased heart rate
• Hallucinations
• Eye pain
• Depression
• Breathing difficulties

The following side effects, which generally are less serious, should be reported to the youngster's health care provider if they persist or cause particular discomfort:

• Sinus congestion
• Nervousness
• Loss of memory or difficulty concentrating
• Intestinal symptoms
• Headache
• Drowsiness
• Changes in appetite

These medications should not be discontinued or the dosage changed without consulting a qualified health care provider.

To treat inattentiveness or hyperactivity, stimulants such as methylphenidate (Concerta®, Ritalin®) or dextroamphetamine (Dexadrine®) may be prescribed. These medications can be habit forming and should be used with caution in patients who have heart problems or psychiatric conditions. The youngster's health care provider will take a careful health history and perform a medical evaluation before prescribing this medication.

Methylphenidate and dextroamphetamine can interfere with the youngster's growth and weight gain. If this occurs, the youngster's health care provider should be contacted right away. The following serious side effects also should be reported immediately:

• Vision problems
• Speech difficulties
• Shortness of breath
• Seizures
• Pounding heartbeat
• Numbness in arms or legs
• Muscle weakness
• Mood changes
• Hives
• Hallucinations
• Extreme tiredness
• Dizziness
• Distorted perceptions of reality
• Chest pain

The following side effects generally are less serious and should be reported to the youngster's health care provider if they persist or cause particular discomfort:

• Sleep problems
• Shakiness, nervousness, or restlessness
• Nausea or vomiting
• Loss of appetite
• Headache
• Gastrointestinal distress
• Dry mouth

These medications should not be discontinued or the dosage changed without consulting a qualified health care provider.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

Aspergers in Grown-ups

More males than females have Aspergers. While every man or woman who has the syndrome will experience different symptoms and severity of symptoms, some of the more common characteristics include:

• Adherence to routines and schedules, and stress if expected routine is disrupted
• Average or above average intelligence
• Difficulties in empathizing with others
• Hampered conversational ability
• Inability to manage appropriate social conduct
• Inability to think in abstract ways
• Problems with controlling feelings such as anger, depression and anxiety
• Problems with understanding another man or woman's point of view
• Specialized fields of interest or hobbies

The emotions of other individuals—

A man or woman with Aspergers may have trouble understanding the emotions of other individuals, and the subtle messages that are sent by facial expression, eye contact and body language are often missed. Because of this, a man or woman with Aspergers might be seen as egotistical, selfish or uncaring. These are unfair labels, because the affected individual is neurologically unable to understand other individual's emotional states. They are usually shocked, upset and remorseful when told their actions were hurtful or inappropriate.

Sexual codes of conduct—

Research into the sexual understanding of individuals with Aspergers is in its infancy. Studies suggest that affected individuals are as interested in sex as anyone else, but many don't have the social or empathetic skills to successfully manage adult relationships.

Delayed understanding is common; for example, a man or woman with Aspergers aged in their 20s typically has the sexual codes of conduct befitting a teenager. Even affected individuals who are high achieving and academically or vocationally successful have trouble negotiating the 'hidden rules' of courtship. Inappropriate sexual behavior can result.

Being a partner and parent—

Some affected individuals can maintain relationships and parent children, although there are challenges. Dutch research suggests that the divorce rate for individuals with Aspergers is around 80 per cent.

A common marital problem is unfair distribution of responsibilities. For example, the partner of a man or woman with Aspergers may be used to doing everything in the relationship when it is just the two of them. However, the partner may need practical and emotional support once children come along, which the individual with Aspergers is ill equipped to provide. When the partner expresses frustration or becomes upset that they're given no help of any kind, the individual with Aspergers is typically baffled. Tension in the relationship often makes their symptoms worse.

The workplace—

The Commonwealth Department of Family and Community Services, in conjunction with a range of specialist employment services, help to place individuals with disabilities in the workforce. A man or woman with Aspergers may find their job opportunities limited by their disability. It may help to choose a vocation that takes into account the individual's symptoms, and plays to the strengths rather than the weaknesses. The following career suggestions are adapted from material written by Temple Grandin, who has high-functioning autism and is an assistant professor at Colorado University, USA.

Careers to avoid—

Careers that rely on short term memory should be avoided. Examples include:

• Air traffic controller
• Cashier
• Receptionist
• Short order cook
• Taxi dispatcher
• Waitress

Career suggestions for visual thinkers—

Suggestions include:

• Appliance repair
• Building maintenance
• Building trades
• Commercial art
• Computer programming
• Drafting
• Equipment design
• Handcraft artisan
• Mechanic
• Photography
• Video game designer
• Webpage designer

Career suggestions for those good at mathematics or music—

Suggestions include:

• Accounting
• Bank teller
• Computer programming
• Engineering
• Filing positions
• Journalist, copy editor
• Mathematician
• Physician
• Piano (or other musical instrument) tuner
• Statistician
• Taxi driver
• Telemarketing

Common issues for partners—

An adult's diagnosis of Aspergers often tends to follow their child's diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. This 'double whammy' can be extremely distressing to the partner who has to cope simultaneously with both diagnoses. Counseling, or joining a support group where they can talk with other individuals who face the same challenges, can be helpful. Some common issues for partners include:

• A sense of isolation, because the challenges of their relationship are different and not easily understood by others.
• After accepting that their partner's Aspergers won't get better, common emotions include guilt, despair and disappointment.
• Difficulties in accepting that their partner won't recover from Aspergers.
• Failure to have their own needs met by the relationship.
• Feeling overly responsible for their partner.
• Frequent wondering about whether or not to end the relationship.
• Frustration, since problems in the relationship don't seem to improve despite great efforts.
• Lack of emotional support from family members and friends who don't fully understand or appreciate the extra strains placed on a relationship by Aspergers.

Depression—

Like all mental conditions which cause people to behave differently from the norm, Aspergers is associated with depression. Depression can be caused by a number of things including:

• Anxiety and Panic Attacks
• Fatigue or Tiredness due either to the condition that all to the treatment of the condition
• Guilt or regret over past actions/outburst/meltdowns
• Miscommunications / Misunderstandings
• Overwhelming feelings and thoughts
• Social troubles because you do not seem to fit in

Recent research suggests that depression is common in individuals with Asperger syndrome with about 1 in 15 people with Aspergers experiencing such symptoms. There are a number of factors which would influence the onset of depression. These include as follows:

• Difficulty reading of other people's body language expressions and tone (leading to misunderstandings)
• Obsession with completeness, order and patterns
• Obsessive compulsion
• Unusual world view/Paradigm
• Very good long term memory

Things to remember—

A man or woman with Aspergers often has trouble understanding the emotions of other individuals, and the subtle messages that are sent by facial expression, eye contact and body language are often missed. Research suggests that the divorce rate for individuals with Aspergers is around 80 per cent. Social training, which teaches how to behave in different social situations, is generally more helpful to a man or woman with Aspergers than counseling.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

Examples of Schedules for Aspergers Children

Question

i have a 5 yr old son who has been diagnosed with aspergers and i need help on making a daily schedule or routine that will help us both. i am at a loss. can anyone help me, please. i would love examples of schedules.

Answer

A daily schedule benefits Aspergers children by providing the structured environment that is critical to their sense of security and mastery. If you spend any time in a kindergarten or elementary school, you will marvel at the teacher's ability to organize the kid's day.

When you understand the nature of attachment in older Aspergers kids, you realize that shared communication and goals replace the attachment patterns of very young Aspergers kids. The daily schedule communicates the family's shared goals and allows kids to contribute to their accomplishment. Each time he follows the schedule, the child has a small, but cumulative, experience of mastery of his environment.

Follow these simple steps to create a daily schedule for your family:

Step 1 - Analyze Your Day—

Do a simple, but consistent time study. The easiest way to do this is to print a daily calendar. Note what each family member is doing at each time of the day. Look for the problem times, and think about how the schedule can be structured to eliminate problems related to behavior, stress, fatigue, hunger, and disorganization.

Step 2 - Brainstorm What You Want—

Less confusion in the morning, homework done by dinner, kids in bed by a certain hour, family play time, relaxation, a clean house - this is the time to think about what you want in your family life. Focus on a balance of activity and rest for your family. Take an honest look at both moms and dads' and kid's needs.

Step 3 - Write It Down—

Get a poster board and a marker, and write it down for all to see. Post it in the kitchen, and tell the Aspergers youngster that you will now be following it. You're likely to get some opposition, so moms and dads need to stand firm.

Step 4 - Follow the Schedule for a Week—

Check the schedule often, and let it guide your days for at least one week. Instruct the kids to check the schedule and follow it. If you must remind them, do so; but, your goal is for the kids to learn to take responsibility for their part of the schedule.

Step 5 - Tweak the Schedule—

After the first week, take a look at what is working and how the schedule needs changing. Make changes in the schedule, and write it on a new poster. Continue to follow your daily family schedule until it is second nature. In a few weeks, you'll marvel at how this simple tool has changed your family life for the better.


Here is just one of many examples of schedules for Aspergers children:

EARLY MORNING SCHEDULE—

7:30 - 8:15 a.m. - Youngster and parent prepare for breakfast.

8:15 - 8:45 a.m. - Breakfast and clean-up: As youngster finishes breakfast, he reads books or listens to music until free play begins.

MORNING SCHEDULE—

8:45 - 9:00 a.m. – Sharing time: Conversation and sharing time; music, movement, or rhythms; finger-plays.

9:00 - 10:00 a.m. - Free play: Youngster selects from one of the interest areas: art, blocks, library corner, table toys, house corner, sand and water.

10:00 - 10:15 a.m. - Clean-up: Youngster puts away toys and materials; as he finishes, he selects a book to read.

10:15 - 10:30 a.m. - Story time: The length of story time should vary with the age of the youngster.

10:30 - 10:50 a.m. - Snack and preparation to go outdoors.

10:50 - 11:45 a.m. - Outdoor play: Youngster selects from climbing activities, wheel toys, balls, hoops, sand and water play, woodworking, gardening, and youngster-initiated games.

11:45 - 12:00 noon - Quiet time: Youngster selects a book or listen to tapes.

LUNCH AND REST—

12:00 - 12:45 p.m. - Prepare for lunch, eat lunch, clean up: As youngster finishes lunch, he goes to the bathroom and then read books on his bed in preparation for nap time.

12:45 - 1:00 p.m. - Quiet activity prior to nap: Story, song by parent, quiet music, or story record.

1:00 - 3:00 p.m. - Nap time: As youngster awakens, he reads books or plays quiet games such as puzzles or lotto on their cots (kids who do not sleep or who awaken early are taken into another room for free play with books, table toys, and other quiet activities).

AFTERNOON SCHEDULE--

3:00 - 3:30 p.m. - Snack and preparation to go outdoors.

3:30 - 4:30 p.m. - Outdoor play: Youngster selects from climbing activities, wheel toys, balls, hoops, sand and water play, woodworking, gardening, and youngster-initiated games.

4:30 - 5:15 p.m. - Free play: Youngster selects from art (activity requiring minimal clean-up time), blocks, house corner, library corner, and table toys.

5:15 - 6:00 p.m. - Clean-up: After snack, parent plans quiet activities such as table toys; songs, finger-plays, or music; stories; and coloring. Older kids might help parent prepare materials for the next day.


My Aspergers Child: Preventing Tantrums and Meltdowns in Aspergers Children