Aspergers and Post High School Education

"My 18 year old with AS just graduated from high school. What are the best options for post high school education?"

The future is looking brighter than ever for young people with Aspergers (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA). As most parents know, kids and teens on the spectrum are usually very intelligent, but suffer from a lack of social skills, communication abilities, and sensory issues. The recent surge of information, education, and treatment options are starting at younger ages, increasing the chances - and the choices - for post high school education.

There are several secondary education options to investigate for your AS youngster:

• Technical or vocational schools: These schools offer career training in a relatively short amount of time, with the added benefit of being close to home. If your youngster is thinking of a career in computer repair, air conditioning and heating repair, general office duties, or computer technology, a vocational school is worth a look. Check your local schools for the programs available in your area. Many of these schools offer federal financial aid, as well as state or local aid.
• Community college: If your AS teenager is interested in earning an Associates degree, the local community college may be the solution. These schools are close to home, yet offer the ‘real’ college experience. For young people who are uncomfortable with the thought of going away to college, this alternative can give them that big school experience at a more manageable volume.
• Specialty schools: Single concentration schools are popping up everywhere. These schools cater to one certain specialty. For the young person with AS or HFA, special interests can mean sure success when it comes to choosing a career path. Some examples of specialty careers are culinary arts, cosmetology, graphic arts, fashion design, and animation.
• Colleges and Universities: It is no longer unusual to find young people with AS and HFA going away to a college or university in search of a higher-level degree. These schools are starting to make necessary accommodations for students on the spectrum, offering more assistance on campus.

Young people with AS and HFA are demonstrating their capabilities by adapting to college life quite well, as long as the preparation has been in place during high school. Possibilities for financing their education are numerous with federal and state financial aid and scholarships.

Preparing your youngster early by working on social skills, organizational skills, and living skills will ensure a successful adjustment from high school and home life to the college experience. Finding the right post high school opportunity is not only possible -- it is promising.

Launching Adult Children With Aspergers: How To Promote Self-Reliance

The Truth About Asperger's Syndrome & Criminal Behavior

This post explores the question whether teens and young adults diagnosed with Aspergers (High-Functioning Autism) have a greater probability than typically-developing peers of becoming involved in delinquent or criminal activity.

The alternative perspective under consideration is that the characteristic traits and behaviors associated with Aspergers (e.g., poorly developed theory of mind, obsessions, etc.) may lead to a greater vulnerability to accusations of offending behavior despite no criminal intent, especially when there appears to be little regard for the effect of certain behaviors on other people.

Although several studies have suggested an association between violent crime and Aspergers, few have examined the underlying reasons. Research needs to determine to what extent psychiatric factors contribute to offending behavior in this population.

Of the 37 cases described in one recent research project, 11 cases (29.7%) had a definite psychiatric disorder and 20 cases (54%) had a probable psychiatric disorder at the time of committing the crime. These findings underscore the role of psychiatric disorders in the occurrence of violent crime in teens and young adults with Aspergers and highlight the need for their early diagnosis and treatment.

The review of available findings and observations by Allen et al (2007) set out to highlight evidence by which to support or refute the suggested association between Aspergers (AS) and offending against the law that has become a subject for much debate.

Reference is made, for example, to the work of Haskins and Silva (2006) whose initial research data indicated that teens and young adults with Aspergers are over-represented among the population of known offenders relative to their prevalence in the general population.

On the other hand, Howlin (2004) has argued that any association that is perceived between Aspergers and crime is the result of a small number of cases which have given rise to much publicity and to (speculative) causal attributions in the media.

Allen et al recognize how this kind of link may come to be perceived in that, in his original description, Asperger (1944) noted that some kids carried out what could be defined as malicious acts either of an aggressive or sexual nature without any apparent regard for the impact upon other people.

However, the question is raised about the actual intent or motive behind these and other offensive actions; and Howlin argues that significant underlying factors include a reaction to a lack of social understanding of situations (or of being misunderstood by other people), the pursuit of some obsessional interest, and a failure to anticipate consequences.

There is also the possibility that the individual concerned would not have the capacity to avoid pressures from peers to engage in malicious or delinquent activity.

This view concerning problems in verbal and non-verbal communication, social understanding, and flexibility of thought or action has become commonly expressed; and reference is made to a number of factors which could explain why someone with Aspergers may have an increased risk for offending behavior:

• An (innate) lack of concern for the outcomes of actions
• Failure to understand (formal) questioning and an over-frankness
• Impulsive behavior which may be stimulated by an underlying anxiety
• Misreading of social signals and a lack of knowledge of social rules which may underlie accusations of sexual misconduct
• Obsessional interests which may be reflected in behavior such as stalking
• Resistance or limited motivation to change may underlie a persistence of inappropriate behaviors
• Social immaturity, and a misinterpretation of “friendships”, with a vulnerability to being led by others into inappropriate or illegal behavior

It has been suggested (by Debbaudt 2002 among others) that certain types of illegal acts may have diagnostic significance and lead to the identification of previously unrecognized Aspergers. These include an (obsessive) harassment of other people, hitting out for no observable reason, computer crime, and offences arising from misjudged personal relationships.

Allen et al have also been able to identify a number of forensic case studies which have provided illustrations of how the particular characteristics of Aspergers may predispose the people to offending.

Their summary indicates that there are three key types of offence that are consistently reported ... sexual offences, violent offences, and arson. Frequently, there was a ready admission of the actions, with the reasonable implication that the offences themselves and the reactions afterwards reflect central features of Aspergers, namely preoccupations, self-centered “logic”, interpersonal naiveté, and low empathy.

However, the authors identify a problem applicable to a case study approach in that, when assessing the circumstances of some offence committed by a person identified with Aspergers, it is virtually inevitable that there will be a focus upon aspects of this condition that can be linked to the offending behavior. There is a lack of evidence concerning variables that differentiate among people with Aspergers who have been involved in offending and those who have not.

Just because someone with Aspergers offends does not mean that this condition is a inevitable and universal risk factor for offending ... (and one is reminded of the consistent finding that a number of risk factors, e.g. living in a high delinquency area, poor achievement at school, etc, may differentiate between groups of teenagers whose probability of offending are respectively high and low, but such variables may be much less accurate in predicting the behavior of a given person).

In respect of experimental studies, reference is made to the work of Baron-Cohen and Wheelwright (2004) who demonstrated that the capacity for empathy is indeed lower among people with Aspergers than in the general population.

However, while this limited empathy might be thought to be a risk factor for offending, it was further shown that the characteristic problems of interpreting the behavior and feelings of other people are not associated with any wish to cause harm to those other people.

When it was pointed out that their behavior could be hurtful, this sample of people with Aspergers offered expressions of regret, but they could not see that their own actions were responsible for causing the hurt.

In other words, there is support for the hypothesis that limited or absent theory of mind, (an inability to read the signals and reactions of other people), coupled with unusual and repetitive interests, is significant for offending behavior among people with Aspergers.

As far as actual prevalence of offending behavior is concerned, inconsistent findings emerge from existing studies.

Tantam (2003) found that acts of violence towards others, such as lashing out, were common in an Aspergers population; and there is a consensus among various studies that sexual offences, aggression, and arson are particularly prevalent.

However, the problem with much of the evidence available for review by Allen et al is that it is based upon very selective samples of people with Aspergers, typically those attending specialist hospitals.

It is consistently noted that there is an over-representation of such people among the population of known offenders in these hospitals, but the question is raised whether this kind of statistic which applies to people who have committed serious offences, can be generalized to the overall Aspergers population. There is the further possibility that the significant association is between offending and some co-morbid condition rather than with the Aspergers per se.

The National Autistic Society (2004) presented the view that only a minority of people with Aspergers become offenders and that there is no association between autism and crime ... (although one might ponder whether autism and Aspergers are comparable in this respect given that the people with Aspergers are more likely to work in mainstream settings and to be exposed to the behaviors and relationship patterns of a range of peers while seeking acceptance and relationships of their own and pursuing their particular interests and goals).

The NAS further argues that the very rigidity of adherence to rules and routines would decrease the probability of law-breaking ... (although, again, one might ponder whether any literalness about rules, and a kind of tunnel-vision, may cause some interpersonal conflicts and increase the risk of misunderstanding, anxiety, and reactive aggression).

The present authors (Allen et al) highlight the continuing inconsistency of findings concerning whether offending is more or less prevalent in an Aspergers population than in the general population, complicated by methodological differences between studies in terms, for example, of criteria for the diagnosis of Aspergers among target samples and for defining the offending behaviors.

Prevalence of offending appears lower in an Aspergers population than in the general population when a whole range of types of offence is considered; but higher in respect of aggressive behavior such as criminal damage (perhaps attributable to reactions to perceived victimization).

However, while offending may be a relatively low-frequency phenomenon among people with Aspergers, it seems likely that those who do offend will experience marked difficulties with the subsequent judicial processes, starting with the arrest, any element of restraint, and with the questioning.

Problems are likely in their remembering the sequences and timing of events or in over-compliance to suggested interpretations of events; and their apparent competence in (expressive) language may mask their particular vulnerabilities and anxieties.

The implications include ensuring that staff working in the criminal justice system are aware of the nature of Aspergers and ASD generally, and of the particular profile of strengths and weaknesses in given people; that language used in investigating events is kept simple and unambiguous; that approaches are not threatening; and that the person is supported by a familiar person who has experience of working in the field of autism.

Allen et al conclude by making a plea for ongoing research to study truly representative samples of people with Aspergers rather than those already involved with the judicial system in order to identify the similarities and differences between people with Aspergers and controls in respect of the risk for offending; and to explore further the factors which differentiate offenders from non-offenders within the overall Aspergers population.

It was noted by Allen et al (op.cit) that any association that may be perceived, rightly or wrongly, between Aspergers and offending will have been influenced by the dramatic or even sensational way in which certain cases have been reported in the media.

A recent example concerned an 18 year old, diagnosed with Aspergers and experiencing the characteristic social and communication weaknesses (and, reportedly, associated bullying), who, during a party which had been particularly daunting for him, responded to the teasing from a 10 year old girl by attacking her with fatal consequences.

The young man was convicted, and, when sentencing him to a long prison term, the judge referred to the Aspergers condition and his uncertainty whether the disturbance of personality could be traced to the Aspergers, but justified the sentence by describing the young man as presenting considerable danger to young girls.

A similar implication of some direct link between autism and violent crime was made in the trial of the man accused of the murder of a TV presenter in 1999, when specialist opinion highlighted a number of diagnosed conditions co-morbid in this man with no way of determining which condition or combination of conditions could be associated with the crime. (The conviction has now been declared unsafe, and a re-trial is to be held.)

The general moral is that the action (or alleged action) of one given person with his or her idiosyncratic profile of strengths and needs, and history of experiences, and which occurs in a particular setting and involves a particular set of circumstances, should not be regarded as typical of all the people who share a diagnostic label, especially one associated with a spectrum condition.

The further moral appears to involve an early recognition of the condition, and the precise nature of the behavioral profile and symptoms, with a view to increasing awareness of the needs and strengths on the part of extended family, peers, and relevant others, thus to minimize situations likely to evoke fight or flight reactions.

In a conference presentation, Allen et al (2006) provided a summary of their general themes. First, they set out the possible predisposing factors among people with Aspergers that could increase the probability of offending:

• Anxiety or even panic reactions which may be translated into aggressive actions
• Impulsiveness (perhaps linked to co morbid ADHD)
• Lack of awareness of likely outcomes, hence a willingness to initiate outcomes with unforeseen consequences
• Misunderstanding of social and interactional conventions or rules
• Naïve social awareness and misinterpretation of relationships leading to exploitation
• Obsessions and preoccupations
• Resistance to changing behavior
• The lack of empathy, or lack of insight into the effects of behavior; a denial of their own responsibility

They go on to cite supportive evidence from other researchers to highlight this kind of commonality across cases, with deficient empathy typically seen as the most significant factor.

While noting the relatively few people with Aspergers identified among those of their sample known to have committed offences, they listed the commonly-cited precipitating events, as described by their sample of adults with Aspergers, for the aggressive or destructive or otherwise offending actions.

The percentage of respondents referring to particular circumstances was as follows:

• Bereavement 13%
• Bullying 50%
• Change in the support arrangements 19%
• Change of domicile 25%
• Family conflict 50%
• Onset of additional mental health problems 31%
• Sexual rejection 50%
• Social rejection 69%

The point emphasized by these authors was that, in their survey covering a very large number of people, the actual incidence of crime among people identified with Aspergers was low. On the basis of this kind of empirical evidence, the team held that there is little support for any hypothesized association between Aspergers and criminal activity.

This is not to belittle the impact of the offences that are committed, but the implication concerns how to interpret the actions. It is accepted that some of the behaviors associated with Aspergers reflect a lack of communication, or misunderstandings, coupled with an inability to predict the outcomes; but whether the offending actions should be interpreted as having a knowing and criminal intent is questionable, with implications for determining how judicial and mental health systems should best respond in safeguarding the interests both of the person and of the community.

In a commentary on the presentation, Dr Tony Attwood held that it is important that such findings are given publicity in order to counter any view among the general public that Aspergers is a direct and common cause of anti-social or threatening behavior.

Attwood shares the concern lest high profile cases where the central figure is identified with Aspergers (or is believed, or claims, to be so-identified) will reinforce a false assumption that anyone validly diagnosed with Aspergers may commit similar actions.

This concern is justified given the reports in the national press (e.g. Bright 2005) that kids and adolescents with developmental or psychological difficulties, including Aspergers, are being unreasonably targeted for anti-social behavior orders (ASBOs).

The examples, identified by the British Institute for Brain Injured Kids, are given of a 15 year old boy with Aspergers given an ASBO to counter his tendency to stare over the neighbors’ fence into their garden; and of another 15 year old boy identified with Tourettes given an ASBO seeking to stop his swearing in public!

In a further case, an ASBO was served upon a 13 year old girl with Aspergers who had been swearing in the street (and where it turned out that there had been an angry altercation between her parents and the neighbors and she had been copying the language used).

The concept of “zero tolerance” has been identified by staff at the institute as problematic if it is taken literally and involves unreasonable demands upon some kids and teenagers.

The NAS has taken a similar line in expressing concern that the definition of anti-social behavior is too vague. In particular, it is held that “behavior which causes or is likely to cause harassment, alarm, or distress” could describe some of the core symptomatic behaviors of many people with autism.

One NAS initiative has involved a pilot program in a number of UK schools to help teenagers with Aspergers to become aware of the risk of crime and associated issues, given that their social and communicative vulnerability will increase the risk of their being placed in dangerous situations.

The program is seeking to enhance social awareness in the target group and to enable them to remain safe from exploitation or from (unwitting) involvement in offending activities.

One common area of potential offending is with the use of computers.

Aspergers is not a specific risk factor for hacking activities, but there has long been the concern (as expressed, among others, by Temple Grandin) that many people with ASD and Aspergers are drawn to computer-based learning or recreation, and to jobs which utilize IT interests and skills, so that, without monitoring and mentoring, there is a risk of a drift into hacking activities.

It may well be, again, that there is no criminal intent but that the people who are identified as hacking into the systems of large organizations are motivated by the presenting challenge to their computing skills.

There are no hard data concerning the actual incidence of this computer crime among people with Aspergers or ASD, but a small number of publicized cases may have allowed there to develop a belief (which may or may not be true) that such actions are more common among people with Aspergers than among the general population.

Therefore, while seeking to avoid inappropriate stereotyping, one might still recognize (as noted by Baron-Cohen 2001 among others) the overlap of traits of people with Aspergers and of people prone to computer hacking. However, Baron-Cohen stresses that any link can only be speculative in the absence of any actual research evidence.

Meanwhile, Szatmari is quoted in the same 2001 publication as dismissing any such link arguing, instead, that people with Aspergers tend to stick to rules and routines almost to a fault.

However, it is possible that, in addition to the “abstract” intellectual challenge involved, there may be some instances where the hacking is motivated by a sense of injustice or by a claimed quest to identify poor security.

Whether this kind of action is more common among the Aspergers population remains subject to debate; and, presumably, there remains the possibility that it is more identified but not more prevalent among the Aspergers group given their likely frankness or lack of concealment about what they are doing.

Finally, one can refer to the work of Bowen and Plimley (2007) who accept that people with ASD can be particularly vulnerable to becoming either victims or perpetrators of offending actions.

They, too, highlight the characteristic problems with social communication and interaction, inflexibility, etc, which can lead to a misunderstanding of their actions and reactions (including on the part of staff in the judicial system).

The implication is not that people with ASD are more likely to commit some offence, but that they need help to stay safe and to avoid actions which were not motivated by a criminal intent but which may be interpreted in that way.

These authors go on to cite the comments of teachers experienced in working with teenagers with ASD to the effect that behaviors accepted and tolerated in childhood, such as outbursts of temper, pushing into people, touching, expressing highly personal comments or questions, etc, are not tolerated and may be interpreted very negatively during adolescence and into adulthood.

It may also be the case that the teenagers can present as confrontational or provocative (which, presumably, may be the starting point for an escalation of behavior into more overtly aggressive interchanges); and they may also be persuaded into delinquent acts, such as petty theft or damage to property, by peers.

Their interviews with those teenagers who had experience of involvement with the police revealed the probability of mutual misunderstandings as a result of some or any of the characteristic aloofness, or apparent rudeness and insensitivity, or literalness, etc.

Bowen and Plimley recommend providing people with ASD some kind of identity card describing the presence and nature of the condition and presenting symptoms.

This concept was described as being supported by their sample of teenagers (and their parents) who felt that behaviors could be open to misinterpretation as deliberately provocative or dangerous or offensive when the real issues concerned communication problems, a lack of recognition of consequences, and stress in the face of uncertain or challenging situations leading to apparently aggressive actions.

Social stories are also recommended as a means of teaching the people concerned about how to avoid those behaviors open to misinterpretation, such as being able to differentiate appropriate and inappropriate touching, social rules, road safety etc.

Further, the advice is for identifying “triggers”, i.e. those events or experiences giving rise to idiosyncratic but negative reactions which may be perceived as deliberately provocative or aggressive acts.

One might summarize much of the implication from the studies reviewed as a matter of seeking fully to understand what lies behind and motivates the observable behavior. If triggers are operating, one needs to be clear what they are ... seeking to gain the perception and to tap the experience of the people concerned as opposed to maintaining one’s own untested hypotheses about the sequence of events.

This could be summarized as ensuring a functional assessment of behavior ... the precise antecedents, the intended purpose, the payback, etc ... with a view either to averting those circumstances which evoke the inappropriate behaviors or to identifying acceptable means of achieving the desired outcome.

Once more, the need is for identification of the needs as early as practicable in order that the particular “style” of the person can be observed and increasingly appreciated over time with the opportunity to introduce strategies to reduce maladaptive behaviors and reactions, and generally to increase appropriate day-to- day social functioning.

Further, despite the high incidence of diagnosed cases of Aspergers and ASD, it appears that the nature of these conditions remains unclear or confused among significant numbers either of the public, typically-developing peers, or of professionals whose role may bring them into frequent contact with teenagers.

The need is for ongoing efforts to raise awareness of the nature of Aspergers and ASD, and the range of permutations of symptoms that may be observed among the persons so-identified, thus to increase an understanding of the needs and an avoidance of misinterpretations leading to inappropriate judicial disposals which may serve only to compound the needs.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

REFERENCES—

Allen D., Peckett H., Evans C., Hider A., Rees H., Hawkins S., and Morgan H. 2007 Asperger Syndrome and the criminal justice system. Good Autism Practice 8(1) 35- 42

Allen D., Evans C., Hider A., and Peckett H. 2006 Asperger Syndrome and offending behaviour : exploring the links. Conference presentation - Autism Cymru, Cardiff. May 2006

Asperger H. 1944 Die Autistichen Psychpathen in Kindersalter. Archiv fur Psychiatrie und Nevrenkrankenheiten 117 76-136

Baron-Cohen S. and Wheelwright S. 2004 The empathy quotient. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders 34(2) 163-175

Baron-Cohen S. 2001 Cited in Zuckerman M. Hacker reminds some of Asperger Syndrome. USA Today 29/3.01

Bowen M. and Plimley L. 2007 Keeping out of trouble. Special (July) 31-33

Bright M. 2005 Charity pleads for tolerance as autistic youngsters face ASBOs.

Debbaudt D. 2002 Autism, Advocates, and Law Enforcement Professionals. London : Kingsley

Haskins B. and Silva A. 2006 Asperger’s disorder and criminal behaviour. Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law 34(3) 374-384

Howlin P. 2004 Autism and Asperger Syndrome : Preparing for Adulthood. New York : Routledge

National Autistic Society 2004 Autistic Spectrum Disorders and Involvement in the Criminal Justice System. London : NAS

Satzmari P. 2001 (Also cited by Zuckerman M. op.cit)

Tantam D. 2003 The challenge of adolescents and adults with Asperger Syndrome. Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics of North America. 12 143-163

The Observer (Home Affairs) : May 22nd 2005 

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COMMENTS: 

Anonymous said... So sad how a lot is misunderstood. Police killed a young man w/ Aspergers because someone called in a domestic dispute and he was holding a knife. So instead of using different measures or even finding out that he didn't understand, a man is dead. This happened in Florida, first week of June. So sad.

Asperger's Adults & Marriage

Being partnered to an Aspergers adult comes with its own set of marital difficulties. Of primary concern is the lack of intimacy and reciprocation of emotion. This is the most common reason for marriage breakdown associated with Aspergers. This neurological disorder makes it extremely difficult for the Aspergers adult to interact emotionally in an appropriate way with others.

In a marriage situation, the so-called "normal" spouse may be content with doing the bulk of the emotional work of the relationship, particularly if that person is a female. However, once kids arrive, further difficulties can arise as the Asperger mom or dad cannot effectively engage with their youngster and the other parent can observe feelings of distress in the growing youngster as little empathy is displayed towards that youngster. When the spouse expresses frustration at this lack of affection and intimacy, the Aspergers adult is often puzzled by the outburst as understanding is absent. It is easy to see how arguments and unhappiness result. It is not surprising that around 80% of such marriages end in divorce.

For spouses and family members of an Asperger adult, counseling can help in learning to overcome feelings of anger, hurt, disappointment, and depression. Joining a support group can also assist on overcoming the feelings of isolation associated with being a relative of an Aspergers adult.

For the Aspergers adult himself, counseling is of some assistance, but social skills training will better equip the individual in dealing with others, whether they be spouses, kids, or workplace colleagues. Social skills training involves teaching the person to recognize facial expressions and associate them with certain emotions, learning body language skills and being able to interpret what is being communicated, and learning to verbally interact with others at a more functioning level.

This type of training is a learned procedure, as it does not come naturally to the Aspergers adult. However in doing so, it makes for easier social interaction, less misunderstanding and social isolation. If the person desires better relationships, they must also be willing to ask for and act on advice in situations in which they know they find difficult to negotiate. The attitude of both spouse and the Aspergers adult are crucial for the successful learning process to occur.

It requires hard work and much patience for spouses and family members, and a willingness to accept constructive criticism on the part of the Aspergers adult to smooth out the rough edges of these relationships. But, like any relationship, willingness on both sides can certainly lead to improved daily interactions.

This condition is a lifelong developmental disorder and mainly manifests in the inability to successfully relate emotionally to others during everyday interactions. There exists a lack of awareness in interpreting social cues; a skill that most of us take for granted. Given that inability, it can be extremely difficult for the family and friends of an Asperger to cope with many of the behavior patterns typically exhibited.

As Aspergers is a relatively recently classified disorder, an adult's diagnosis with Aspergers may occur after the diagnosis of a youngster or a grandchild. When this occurs, family members often then relate the behaviors of the newly-diagnosed youngster to that of the lifelong behavior patterns of a parent or spouse.

This "Ah-ha" phenomenon is often accompanied by relief on the part of the parent, spouse, or youngster of an Aspergers adult, but with it comes grief when the realization hits home that there is little likelihood of gross changes in the Aspergers adult. For instance, the daughter whose son is diagnosed with Aspergers may then realize that her father had the same constellation of symptoms, and the reason for her father's apparent disconnectedness, coldness, and inability to empathize with her suddenly becomes crystal clear.

Coping with a family member with Aspergers can be frustrating and demoralizing, particularly with an Aspergers adult who is undiagnosed. There can be much suffering and misunderstanding by the youngster of a mom or dad with Aspergers, and certainly psychological damage is likely. Once an effective diagnosis is made, at least there is some understanding for other family members as to why the Aspergers adult behaves the way that they do.

One of my clients had a mother-in-law who exhibited all the classic symptoms of Aspergers. Previous to the mother-in-law's diagnosis, this distressed client had suffered enormously at the hands of this woman, as had her husband and kids. She had called her "The Hologram." Her explanation was that "she looks like a normal human being, and she's smart and has a good job, but there's just nothing there." Hence the name she had dubbed her mother-in-law in order to cope with the stress that family get-togethers inevitably brought.

The term "hologram" was an unwittingly apt description of her mother-in-law. There was no intimacy, no understanding, no empathy, just a pragmatic approach to life that did not take into account the emotions of the individuals she dealt with. Nor was she able to adapt herself to the changing needs of different individuals or situations. The diagnosis of this woman's grandchild with Aspergers led to a realization by her own adult kids as to why their mother was the way she was. It answered a lot of questions, and gave these adult kids some closure regarding the childhood hurts they had experienced due to her inability to relate to them.

Dealing with a person with this condition can be extremely difficult at times, particularly when the person has yet to be diagnosed with Aspergers. When diagnosis of Aspergers occurs, it is often as a result of a child or grandchild being assessed with Aspergers. It then becomes apparent to other family members that the undiagnosed adult they have struggled for so long to understand or relate to also has Aspergers.

When an adult is diagnosed with Aspergers as a result of a youngster within the extended family being diagnosed, it can come as a "double whammy" to the family. This is particularly the case when a youngster and a spouse are diagnosed, since the remaining member of the family group is now in the position of dealing with two Aspergers in the one home.

Similarly, the diagnosis of a youngster may make the parent twig that Mom or Dad had Aspergers too. This also causes intense personal suffering for the person concerned since finding out that one's mom or dad has Aspergers will open as many wounds as it will explain.

The problems in dealing with Aspergers adults can be numerous, and include:

• A sense of frustration that you cannot "get through" to this person.
• A sense of hopelessness that the person doesn't love you.
• Depression related to the knowledge that the individual won't get better.
• Difficulties accepting that the spouse has the condition.
• Failure to understand why the person cannot relate to you in a "normal" manner
• Feeling overly responsible for the person; feeling a need to constantly explain their inappropriate behaviors and comments to others. A feeling of trepidation due to the effect of this constant vigilance.
• If the Aspergers adult is a marriage partner, concerns over whether to stay in the relationship are at times overwhelming.
• Lack of intimacy in the relationship and a failure to have your own needs met Lack of emotional support from family and friends who do not understand the condition.

Aspergers makes for difficulties in understanding the emotions of others as well as interpreting subtle communication skills, as transmitted through eye contact, facial expressions, and body language. This often leads to the person with Aspergers being labeled as rude, uncaring, cold, and unfeeling. While it is natural for those who interact with him/her to feel this way, it is unfair to the Aspergers adult. This is because Aspergers is a genetic, neurological condition which renders the Aspergers adult mentally unable to readily understand and interpret the emotional states of others.

One of the problems associated with adult Aspergers is lack of accurate diagnosis. Because Aspergers is a disorder that has only been recognized and singled out from other autistic spectrum disorders in the last decade, to date there has been little information about the behaviors of adults with the condition. As kids, these adults would have stood out among their peers as being "unusual," yet at the time there was no accurate diagnosis available. Hence there still remains many Aspergers adults in the community who remain undiagnosed.

The other problem is that, even when diagnosis occurs, the Aspergers adult may refuse to go into family counseling or accept available assistance as they do not see that they have a problem. One of my client's who had a mother with the condition was relieved to finally discover the reason for his mother's emotional aloofness, yet was devastated when that same mother refused to go into family therapy because she simply said "I feel good, there's nothing wrong with me."

In this case, there was no denial involved on the part of the mother. She simply couldn't understand her son's pain, his feelings of rejection, or his desire for a real "mother-son" relationship. None of it made any "sense" to her. In addition, her interactions with the family and in-laws were fraught with difficulties. Eventually this man decided to limit interaction with his mother as it caused too much distress.

In other cases, the Aspergers adult, when told that their actions are hurtful or inappropriate, may be genuinely shocked. However, the behavior is likely to be repeated, unless there is some form of intervention, and the individual genuinely desires to change.

Some Aspergers individuals can maintain ongoing relationships, however due to their neurological inability to effectively communicate on an emotional level, there are numerous difficulties. Even dating can prove to be a problem as the subtle "language of love" which operates during the courtship phase is often a mystery to the Aspergers adult. This can apply to even the most academically gifted individual. Recent research into the sexual behaviors of Aspergers adults indicate that they have similar sex drives as the general population but seldom possess the social skills to deal with the high level of intimacy required of such a relationship. In fact, research suggests that the divorce rate for couples in which one spouse has Aspergers is around 80%.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.


Comment:


My boyfriend (who I love dearly) and I have really been struggling ever since early March when we had a pregnancy scare. Neither of us has ever had a pregnancy scare before. We have both generally been very careful about protection with previous partners and have never faced unplanned pregnancy before with past partners. He has Asperger's. I am 35. He is 34. I have a son and a daughter, aged 3.5 and nearly 2 from a previous marriage. When I told him I thought I may be pregnant..I told him I wouldn't know for sure till I missed a period and was able to take an accurate pregnancy test..but even just hearing that it was possible he vomited a couple times and became consumed with anxiety. Since then, I did get a positive pregnancy result on a test. But when we re-tested a couple days later, it was negative. He was watching me pee in a cup and inserting multiple tests (6 or 7 total) into the urine himself, timing the test with a stopwatch, having me test at different intervals...Anyways, we only got negative results when we marathon tested together a couple days after the initial positive result. Turns out, I had a natural expulsion of the fertilized egg, embryo..a naturally occurring, very early term abortion. I began bleeding out on a Sunday when I was at his house. And I told him that I thought I had my period and that it seemed everything was going to be all right. I took a pregnancy test on Friday at home by myself to confirm that I was not pregnant. The test came back positive because there was still pregnancy hormone in me. The expulsion bleeding had finished on Thursday and I was taking the test the next day, Friday. When he and I tested on Sunday multiple times, all night long, at his insistence, we only got negatives. He has been so stressed out from the initial moment he knew I might be pregnant. He has been so anxious and so terrified. He's been consumed by the stress. He couldn't work for 2-3 weeks. He is an electrical engineer who has been at his job for 10 years. He couldn't function well at work and was catching negative, watchful attention from supervisors. That is better now that nearly 3 months have passed. He was so anxious he couldn't eat hardly anything for 2-2.5 weeks without terrible indigestion. He won't sit next to me. He doesn't want to touch me or for me to touch him. For a while he would give me a kiss as we said bye, or a hug....but very often no contact at all unless I am sort of asking for a kiss, or a hug. Absolutely no sex or anything vaguely sexual since the beginning of March. But he tells me he feels incredibly close to me like he could tell me anything. That he feels like we have become incredibly close over the past couple months. He had been an avowed atheist since I met him in October 2011. The night we did the marathon pregnancy testing I said something to him about God looking out for us as we got only negative test results. He said he also felt the presence of God strongly and asked me to kneel and pray with him. We kneeled and I prayed a prayer of thanks and gratitude, and asked God to guide us and support us in having the strength, wisdom, knowledge, to follow His will and act accordingly. My boyfriend sobbed much of that night. He was so shook up by everything. He has since told me that he has never felt closer to another human being ever in his entire life than when he and I kneeled together. He talks about how remarkable it was that he an avowed atheist asked me to kneel and pray with him. He says he is a person who does not pray and he really wanted to pray with me that night. He is very clear even now that he felt the hand of God with us, between us, helping us that night. I felt God's presence too. My boyfriend says that sometimes when I speak to him about God's love, reassuring him that God loves him, has always loved him, is not personally hurt by my boyfriend's long-term rejection of religion, he says that God is speaking through me to him. He talks about how he was so far from God for so long, but that he can feel God in his life again particularly when I talk to him about God, when I prayed with him. I love my boyfriend dearly. I want us to make it. Maybe we just need to pray together more regularly? I will accept what God has in store for us. But you seem to have a special, unique understanding of how those of us who love individuals with Asperger's really struggle to understand, be supportive, develop and maintain healthy relationships with the partners we love and dedicate ourselves to. Do you have any suggestions regarding how my boyfriend and I can get over the intense stress he still feels about the pregnancy scare? Sometimes I think we will just become a more God-fearing conservative couple and one day get married and have sex again then :) He says that is definitely a possibility. He has wanted so much to get over his anxiety and fear about being around me. He has been so frustrated that he couldn't seem to get past it. He has said that he wants nothing more than for us to be able to go back to being as happy and relaxed, as we were before the scare. He said he wants to feel comfortable with me again. Sometime in April, he was driving home from my house which is 30 minutes from his house. He was not in the best shape to drive but didn't listen to me about waiting. He went for a walk with me and then insisted it was time to go, he had to go, and just took off. I couldn't stop him. I worry about him so much when he drives like that. I was texting him to ask him to let me know when he got home safe. He crashed his car that night. He was not hurt. No one was hurt. He basically just didn't make a turn and went off the road and wrecked the car. He had long since been saying he wanted to get a new car so the damage to the car was not terribly upsetting to him. But the ensuing police and insurance investigations were very stressful for him. He was really freaked out that I had texted asking him if he was all right, if he had got home safe. So, he called me the next morning told me about the accident, and told me not to text him anymore about anything and that he would call me, we could call each other as a way of keeping in touch. Until then, we had relied heavily on texting as he explained early on that he was not good on the phone and often found it too much to go through a phone conversation at the end of a long day. He has an unbelievable chock full activity schedule that frequently includes 2 or even 3 evening activities after a full day at work. His weekends are packed with 40 mile bike rides, 20 mile runs, all kinds of stuff. Anyways, now we speak on the phone very regularly, at least every other day, and often speak for 2, 3, 4 hours at a time. For a while he was calling me every day as he left work. Then he said he started feeling differently about me and wasn't sure he was feeling it anymore, and had stopped calling every day. He was breaking up with me I thought. But in the same conversation he told me he had come to feel incredibly close to me over the past couple months, that we get along incredibly well, that he feels that God speaks to him through me, that God is reaching out to him through me. He was sobbing nearly hysterically during this conversation where he tired to break up with me, but didn't in the end. I was calm and reassuring and told him I was not worried because I had faith that it would all work out according to God's will and plan for us in the end. I told him I would always love him and be there for him in a friend capacity if he couldn't feel comfortable dating me right now, or ever again. Please help us understand how to work through my love's residual stress about the pregnancy scare, the car accident, his terror of having a kid before he's ready. I also told him that I considered that he had gotten off relatively unscathed with the car accident relative to the risks he had taken repeatedly with driving. I told him I was very glad that he seemed to have learned an important lesson about driving safely, a lesson that was not to be taken lightly. He agreed that the car accident and the related lesson were also evidence of God actively present in his life, taking an interest in him, trying to help him learn and be better. Thank you for any insights, advice, suggestions, you can offer. It is really hard sometimes. But I do trust God and I do believe He is here with us always as we strive to be better as individuals and hopefully continue on as a couple. There is something about you, your website, your e-book, your voice on your phone voicemail prompt, the tone of your email. I believe you really want to help people with Asperger's and their partners. I feel that you are called in your heart to do this work. I feel comfortable reaching out to you for help and support. Thank you for being there for people like us who struggle. 

Response: 

RE: Do you have any suggestions regarding how my boyfriend and I can get over the intense stress he still feels about the pregnancy scare? 

Your boyfriend can greatly benefit by openly giving and receiving support and by recognizing and sharing his feelings with you, with your respective families, and with a therapist. When men share their feelings, it helps deepen the relationship, reduce stress, and promote health for all concerned. You should know, however, that sharing feelings doesn't always go as planned. Just as you experienced a wealth of conflicting emotions, it's normal for your boyfriend's feelings to cover a broad range—from feeling thrilled, loving, and tender to devastation and shock. He may be curious about what your child could be like, or he may believe he is totally unprepared for fatherhood. He may feel uncertain about your relationship, or he may be unsure he wants the relationship to continue. He may feel angry, trapped, or sad, believing the pregnancy will interfere with the things he believes to be important. Good luck in any event, Mark 

Follow-up to response: 

Thank you Mark. Talking about it is the one thing he has completely refused to do. He will not permit me to bring up anything related to the pregnancy scare or how it was resolved. He says it is so painful for him to even begin thinking about those events that he has to talk about it he won't be able to endure the pain and won't be able to be around me anymore. In the weeks after the scare he was telling me things like it was painful for him just to be in my company at all because being near me evoked all his painful, terrified, anxious, sick feelings about the pregnancy scare and how we didn't agree about how to deal with it. He pushed incredibly hard for abortion. I don't believe in abortion in my personal life. I think every woman should be able to choose for herself. But it's not something I personally feel right about doing.Our disagreement over abortion became a moot point when the pregnancy aborted itself. Even yesterday, the issue of abortion came up in a political discussion we were having and he instantly told me he didn't want to talk about that subject. He gets upset at any reminder of the pregnancy or how it ended. Before we got all the negative pregnancy test results, he was pushing me really, really hard to have an abortion. I told him that I didn't believe in abortion and that I would raise the kid on my own rather than do that. He said terrible things like he would have absolutely no involvement in the child's life and that I was going to have to take him to court to get child support or any financial help. He said it would ruin his life to have a kid at that juncture. He said his dreams were being ruined. That he had dreamed that one day he'd have a normal sort of life with a blissful wedding day, and have a house with a white picket fence, before any children came along. He said his conservative parents and brothers would disown him and that he would lose his life insurance policy his parents have for him. He said he had had high hopes for the relationship with me until this happened. I talked about having a loving, supportive community of friends and that somehow I would make it with the baby and my friends's support even if he abandoned us. He said he wouldn't continue to see me if I kept the baby and that he had been among those many who love me until very recently, i.e. hearing about the potential pregnancy. He never once asked me how I felt about anything. He bullied me about getting an abortion and getting rid of this problem for him until I collapsed in tears devastated. I told him I was going home because nothing was being accomplished and that if I was indeed pregnant, I didn't want the fetus to endure all this stress. He begged and pleaded for me not to leave him alone and then we did a marathon of pregnancy tests. He insisted on driving to walmart at least 3 times through out the night to get more tests. The tests came back negative and we thought God was giving us another chance to do things right together, come back closer to Him. That's what I thought. I think my boyfriend kind of saw it as God was letting him off the hook from a responsibility, a life development he absolutely wasn't ready for. That's how he described it last week during the 4.5 hour conversation when he was trying to break up with me, but then ended up telling me how close he felt to me, sobbing for hours, asking me what I wanted to have happen with us, with our relationship, asking me how I felt about him. When he was breaking up with me, he began by saying stuff like he felt that I wasn't really into him anymore either, that I wasn't feeling it either. At times, I feel resentful and mad that he was so unsupportive of me during what was also a very difficult time for me. I also sometimes feel resentful that he won't touch me even to show affection if not have sex. Though I know that the lack of physical and verbal affection is closely tied to the Asperger's even separate from all the stress and anxiety he is feeling right now. There were moments when I was utterly relieved the pregnancy was lost as I recalled how completely unwilling he was to be supportive of me in any way if I chose to keep the kid. I remember thinking and saying that I was relieved that I was not going to have to co-parent with someone so unwilling, disinterested, unsupportive. I knew he's be stressed but I never imagined he's react as negatively as he did, the initial night and for months following. After reading your e-book, I realized that it may not be a good idea at all to plan on starting a family ever with a partner with Asperger's. In the weeks that followed the initial scare, he would say things to me like, "We will do that (get pregnant) again when you are ready." At this point, I had explained at length that I absolutely didn't feel ready to have another kid, and wasn't at all ready to take that step with him either. I was just trying to accept responsibility for the mistake we made and care for the kid alone, or with his help. I always said he was under no obligation to stay with me, that we could co-parent without being a couple if he (we) were too stressed by the early and unexpected pregnancy to be able to remain together as a couple. Last night, he told me over the course of our second long phone conversation that night, that he had recently realized that he may never want to be a dad, that he might not want kids. He said he previously had imagined he would or should one day have kids because that seems to be what people do, how it goes for everyone. I told him that that was totally fine and that I don't believe everyone needs to have kids. I told him I think it's important for people to recognize and be honest with themselves and others if that's really not something they want in their lives, and that that's totally fine. I also said I already have 2 kids and therefore am not longing for kids as I might be if I didn't have any. He underscored the fact that it was really great that I already have kids, since that was something that was important to me in my life. He said it is really great that I already have 2 kids, even though I have struggled a lot since the divorce with my kids being very little, because it is very possible I may never have an opportunity to have more children. Thank you so much for your advice. I have read your last email over several times already so I can assimiliate it into my understanding of things and remember what you said.

Natural Treatment for Asperger’s Syndrome?

Aspergers kids commonly have fluctuating moods throughout the day as their emotional development is still in its early stages. Moods may differ from moment to moment based on the youngster’s feelings and the trials of daily life. Events that may seem small and insignificant to adults, may become huge calamities for young minds and this can sometimes cause chaos and distress in the family. Although these ‘childish storms’ may soon blow over, they can come and go many times in the average day – depending on the age and disposition of the youngster.

From worries over imaginary monsters to fretting over the opinion of other kids at school, the moods of both Aspergers kids and teens can be commonly affected by many seemingly normal events, causing mood swings and concern.

On the whole, adults have normally learned how to weather these storms as their nervous systems and emotional development has matured. However, even for adults, routine ‘ups and downs’ may occur as part of daily living and can sometimes become difficult to manage.

Natural remedies have been used in traditional medicine for thousands of years to gently and safely support the healthy functioning of the brain and nervous system, as well as to encourage normal and efficient balance of emotion and a soothed state.

There are now many published clinical studies demonstrating the ability of a range of herbs to support the normal functioning of the brain and nervous system and maintain balanced mood, feelings of well-being and promote emotional health.

MindSoothe Jr.™ is an herbal remedy especially for Aspergers kids and formulated by a Clinical Psychologist to support balanced mood and feelings of well-being. Regular use promotes the health of the brain and nervous system, helping to support healthy production of essential brain hormones and chemicals related to nervous system health and emotional well-being, thereby helping to maintain balanced mood and optimum performance.

MindSoothe ™ is a 100% safe, non-addictive, natural herbal remedy that has been especially formulated by a Clinical Psychologist for adults and teens, and comes in a compact capsule form, making it easy to take. MindSoothe can be used to safely maintain emotional health, balanced, mood and harmony in the brain and nervous system, without harmful side effects.

Sometimes erratic, unpredictable impulsive behavior can escalate to frenetic, flustered, and wild outbursts in even the most normal and even tempered youngster.

Aspergers kids may commonly resort to yelling and kicking - even biting - in order to express their feelings and get what they want. This behavior may become increasingly difficult for parents to manage and can cause numerous disruptions to the family’s daily routine. These bursts of childhood temper tantrums are most common during the pre-school years, but may occur from time to time in older Aspergers kids and even adults if they occasionally lose their tempers – which can happen to all of us from time to time.

Natural remedies can help to support a balanced demeanor and homeopathic and herbal remedies are of great benefit in helping to restore calm and a positive demeanor after a common emotional episode. Natural remedies have been used in traditional medicine for thousands of years to support the healthy functioning of the brain and nervous system.

Tula Tantrum Tamer ™ is a registered homeopathic remedy which helps Aspergers kids to maintain balanced mood, calm demeanor and reasonable attitude by providing a sound platform to support emotional peace and stability. As a result, Tula Tantrum Tamer can make all the difference to a youngster who is prone to tantrums and emotional storminess.

PureCalm™ is a 100% safe, non-addictive herbal remedy that has been specially formulated by a Clinical Psychologist for adults and Aspergers kids. PureCalm can especially benefit those individuals needing support for balanced mood and to assist with common nervous tension.

Our brain is like a virtual filing cabinet where the completed tasks, acquired information, and experiences are all processed and then stored - nothing is lost, instead we sometimes need to just take a little more effort to retrieve. Healthy brain functioning, including concentration and focus, are essential if we are to successfully complete our everyday tasks.

Natural remedies have been used in traditional medicine for thousands of years to support the healthy functioning of the brain and nervous system, helping to maintain efficient concentration and memory functioning.

Focus Formula ™ is a 100% safe, non-addictive, natural, herbal remedy. Formulated by a Clinical Psychologist for both Aspergers kids and adults, Focus Formula has been used for many years to safely maintain health and systemic balance in the brain and nervous system. Focus Formula contains a selection of herbs known for their supportive function in maintaining brain, nervous system and circulatory health, and well-being.

BrightSpark ™ is a safe, non-addictive, registered homeopathic remedy containing 100% homeopathic ingredients especially selected by a clinical psychologist. BrightSpark will help keep your youngster alert while at the same time preventing common restlessness, thereby helping Aspergers kids to concentrate and balance moods. BrightSpark can also be especially effective for Aspergers kids who tend to "act out" or for those who have routine difficulties controlling their tempers or getting along with other Aspergers kids.

A regular and peaceful night’s sleep is a useful indicator of overall physical and emotional health. Healthy sleep patterns are a crucial aspect of a youngster’s development. Aspergers kids commonly resist going to bed – especially when their minds are busy and they can think of a million more exciting things to do! However, Aspergers kids who routinely get away with late bed times may struggle to cope the next day – especially at school – and may become ratty and difficult.

A good night’s sleep is just as important for adults who need to replenish their resources after a demanding day of work and family responsibilities. For many adults, a natural sleep tonic can make all the difference to supporting regular sleeping patterns.

Serenite Jr. ™ is a safe and effective herbal remedy specially formulated by a Clinical Psychologist to promote junior night time harmony and to assist parents in their task of naturally settling fussy little ones.

SerenitePlus ™ is a herbal formula specially formulated by a Clinical Psychologist for teenagers and adults. The natural ingredients are chosen for their relaxing and calming properties to assist with occasional routine sleeplessness and to relax and wind down at night.

For the Brain and Nervous System—

For Aspergers kids:

• BrightSpark is a registered homeopathic formula used to reduce routine impulsive, restless and erratic behavior – so helping your youngster to listen more calmly, carefully, and attentively.

• Focus Formula is used to support brain health and maintain a healthy supply of blood and nutrients to the brain – thereby supporting the brain’s functions of concentration, memory and healthy mental focus, while promoting corresponding health in the nervous system.

• MindSoothe Jr. is used to maintain emotional balance, a reasonable attitude and feelings of well-being in Aspergers kids, also supporting the balance of neurotransmitters produced in the brain like dopamine and serotonin, both linked to the maintenance of balanced mood.

• PureCalm is an excellent on the spot remedy for nervous system support - widely used to lessen common feelings of being flustered, bothered or on-edge, and to soothe the nerves.

• Serenite Jr. is used to support healthy sleep patterns in babies over 6 months and Aspergers kids up to 12 years old.

• Tula TamtrumTamer is a registered homeopathic remedy used to reduce the frequency and strength of common childhood tantrums, calm and soothe fiery tempers, while promoting a balanced mood and reasonable attitude.

For Adults:

• SerenitePlus is a herbal formula specially formulated by a Clinical Psychologist for teenagers and adults. The natural ingredients are chosen for their relaxing and calming properties to assist with occasional routine sleeplessness and to relax and wind down at night.

• PureCalm is an excellent on-the-spot remedy for nervous system support - widely used to lessen common feelings of being flustered, bothered or on-edge, and to soothe the nerves.

• MindSoothe is used to support emotional well-being and stability , lessen general feelings of the blues, support a healthy motivated attitude, a well-adjusted outlook and positive temperament, as well as support healthy sleep patterns.

• Focus ADDult contains a selection of herbs known for their supportive function in maintaining brain, nervous system, circulatory health, and overall well-being.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.

The Gluten-Free, Casein-Free (GFCF) Diet for Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

It has been suggested that peptides from gluten and casein may have a role in the origins of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and that the physiology and psychology of ASD might be explained by excessive opioid activity linked to these peptides.

What on earth are gluten and casein? Can removing them from my youngster's diet really improve the symptoms of ASD and Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)?

Gluten and casein are getting a lot of attention in the ASD community and from doctors in the "Defeat Autism Now!" biomedical movement. Some parents, doctors and researchers say that kids have shown mild to dramatic improvements in speech and/or behavior after these substances were removed from their diet. Some also report that their kids have experienced fewer bouts of diarrhea and loose stools since starting a gluten-free, casein-free (GFCF) diet. Author and ASD consultant Donna Williams , who has ASD herself, says she has been helped by "nutritional supplements together with a dairy/gluten-free and low Salicylate diet." Some children report no benefits from the GFCF diet. (Salicylates are found in some fruits likes apples and other foods).

Gluten and gluten-like proteins are found in wheat and other grains, including oats, rye, barley, bulgar, durum, kamut and spelt, and foods made from those grains. They are also found in food starches, semolina, couscous, malt, some vinegars, soy sauce, flavorings, artificial colors and hydrolyzed vegetable proteins.

Casein is a protein found in milk and foods containing milk, such as cheese, butter, yogurt, ice cream, whey and even some brands of margarine. It also may be added to non-milk products such as soy cheese and hot dogs in the form of caseinate.

There is growing interest in the link between ASD and gastrointestinal (GI) ailments. A study by the University of California Davis Health System found that kids with ASD born in the 1990s were more likely to have gastrointestinal problems, including constipation, diarrhea and vomiting, than autistic kids who were born in the early 1980s. Some children use the GFCF diet mainly to ease gastrointestinal problems and food allergies or sensitivities.

According to one theory, some children with ASD and PDD cannot properly digest gluten and casein, which form peptides, or substances that act like opiates in their bodies. The peptides then alter the person's behavior, perceptions, and responses to his environment. Some scientists now believe that peptides trigger an unusual immune system response in certain children. Research in the U.S. and Europe has found peptides in the urine of a significant number of kids with ASD. A doctor can order a urinary peptide test that can tell if proteins are not being digested properly.

Studies are currently underway to examine the effectiveness of the GFCF diet, which has not gained widespread acceptance in the U.S. medical community. One recent study found behavioral improvements in kids on a GFCF diet, while another study found no significant effects from the diet.

Medical tests can determine if your youngster has a sensitivity or an allergy to gluten, casein and other foods such as eggs, nuts and soybeans. Any pediatrician or a physician from the DAN! (Defeat Autism Now!) list can order these tests before you begin the diet.

Before you change your youngster's diet, consult with a physician and nutritionist to make sure you are providing a healthy diet and, if necessary, nutritional supplements. Also, read any of the books and web sites about the diet.

Some advocates of dietary intervention suggest removing one food from the diet at a time, so you will know which food was causing a problem. It also is helpful to ask children who do not know about the dietary change if they see any improvement after a few weeks.

It's often suggested to remove milk first because the body will clear itself of milk/casein the quickest. Gluten may be removed a month after the elimination of milk. It may take up to six months on a gluten-free diet for the body to rid itself of all gluten. That is why most advocates suggest giving the diet a trial of six months.

The diet can seem like a lot of work, at first. You must carefully read the ingredients on food packages. Beware of "hidden" casein and gluten in ingredient lists, such as curds, caseinate, lactose, bran, spices or certain types of vinegar. It may be hard to locate a substitute for the milk your youngster loves, although many kids do adapt to the gluten-free, casein-free (GFCF) soy, potato, almond and rice milk substitutes available. Look for varieties that are enriched with calcium and Vitamin D. In addition, many parents provide vitamin and calcium supplements to their kids on the diet.

Many communities have health food stores or regular supermarkets that stock flour, bread, crackers, cookies, pretzels, waffles, cereal, and pasta made of rice, potato or other gluten-free flours. There also are online retailers that sell GFCF foods and vitamins. Also, some web sites list commercially-available foods that are gluten-free and casein-free, such as Heinz ketchup, Bush's Baked Beans and Ore-Ida Golden Fries. Some prepared foods originally developed for children with Celiac Disease, a form of gluten intolerance, now come in casein-free varieties, too. To save money, some families choose to make their own GFCF foods using some of the cookbooks below.

Foods that CAN be eaten on a gluten-free, casein-free diet include rice, quinoa, amaranth, potato, buckwheat flour, soy, corn, fruits, oil, vegetables, beans, tapioca, meat, poultry, fish, shellfish, teff, nuts, eggs, and sorghum, among others.

Author Karyn Seroussi says her son now has no traces of ASD, due in large part to a strict GFCF diet. Some parents report improved eye contact, less constipation or diarrhea, and better behavior. However, other parents do not notice a difference in their kids.

Besides gluten and casein, some parents report that removing corn or soy led to equal or greater improvements in their kids. Because soy protein is similar to gluten and casein, some diet proponents recommend removing it if the youngster seems very sensitive.

Research into the GFCF diet continues. "Although the hypothesis may appear 'off the wall' in many respects, there are a number of pieces of evidence, which seem to support them. The ideas are compatible with virtually all the accepted biological data on ASD and are therefore worthy of consideration. The dietary method must still be considered as experimental and no positive results can be promised or are claimed for every person," according to Paul Shattock and Dr. Paul Whiteley of the British Autism Research Unit at the University of Sunderland, which provides scientific information on the diet.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.

Meal Plan for Aspergers Adolescents

As moms & dads, we all know that our adolescents need to eat well. Their bodies are still growing, their brains are still changing, and their hormones may be taking a toll on their moods and energy levels. Yet we also know that adolescents are prone to eating irregularly, and sometimes quite poorly, particularly as they distance themselves from parental controls, and eat more meals away from home. Pizza, cookies, ice cream, and soft drinks may be the most common foods in their diets at this age. But moms & dads have more influence and capacity to affect their adolescents' diets positively than they may think they do. The keys to positive change in the arena of diet and nutrition are positive attitude, planning, and preparation. These keys are already in your hands.

Moms & dads have a particularly strong advantage in this arena because, generally speaking, moms & dads have higher incomes than adolescents, and adolescents would rather spend more of their incomes on clothing, music, movies, and other entertainment, and as little as possible on food. Adolescents with Aspergers are not much different; the only real difference may be that appropriate diet and nutrition may be even more important to help them keep improving their social skills and relations with other adolescents and adults. Even slight worsening of moods, or additional absent-mindedness due to low blood sugar from skipping a meal, may cause a adolescent with Aspergers to fall into difficulties in important social situations. Once he or she has created a "social storm", such as a rift with a friend, or opposition to a teacher, the adolescent with Aspergers often has more trouble than other adolescents navigating the troubled waters and reaching a safe shore.

Using the keys to positive change in the arena of your adolescent's diet and nutrition is not difficult. The following outline gives many examples of simple and direct changes you can make. A separate article on this website will cover special issues, including how to assess and manage food allergies, and co-occurring medical conditions.

Positive Attitude—

Most of us yearn to have peace at the dinner table and in the home; we would like to provide healthy food, and have our kids eat it with appreciation and without complaints. Yet we may forget that a positive attitude about food has to begin with us.

In many countries and cultures of the world, kids and adolescents are only too glad to have enough food to eat each day. In much of Africa, families still eat all their meals together and in rural areas there is generally a single bowl of food, a grain or root starch with a vegetable sauce that young and old family members share. Meat is often more of a luxury, or may be offered only in small quantities. Soft drinks and sugary desserts are luxury items, and a regular component of the diet only for relatively wealthy people. While living and traveling in rural West Africa for four years, I never observed any adolescents complaining about the food, or refusing to eat a prepared meal.

In the United States, by contrast, we often have too much food, and paradoxically, much of it is not healthy or nutritious. Adolescents complain about the food provided for them, and may refuse to eat, or don't eat well at prepared meals with their families, because they have a confusing array of other choices. They often do not view making daily decisions about what is and is not nutritious as their job, and they shouldn't; it is the job of the adults in the community, whether at home or at school, to guide adolescents to eat wisely by providing nutritious food, and by limiting the supply of non-nutritious foods available.

At the same time, eating together is one of the most affirming and basic family-building activities possible; it also links us to other human beings in our own community and other communities; it is one activity that we all have in common, no matter what culture we are from! Our first job, therefore, is to return a sense of pleasure and even joy to family mealtimes, and to eating in general, if it isn't already there; our second job is to plan for food that is appropriately nutritious, even planning some meals with our adolescents; our third job is to prepare the food with a calm attitude and with thoughtful attention to the needs of our adolescents, whether it be for portable meals, late-night snacks, or a constant supply of pocket-sized nutritious energy-boosters.

Here are several ways to keep positive attitudes circulating in your home:

1. Try music and candlelight for a change. Ask your adolescent to choose some quiet music that he or she especially likes.

2. Start each meal together, at the table, and wait for everyone to be there. It helps to share a moment of silent appreciation, a chosen quote, or a prayer if you are so inclined. Let all family members take turns choosing the opening.

3. Offer only nutritious foods at mealtimes. Try to buy as many fresh foods as possible, and use color contrasts to make the meal appeal to the artist in your teen.

4. Get family members to take turns helping to set the table creatively with attractive, even unusual, centerpieces or decorations. Some of these may even help generate conversation with ordinarily taciturn adolescents.

5. Do not make meal times a time to criticize or moralize; try to open the conversation to everyone, and avoid topics that exclude some people, or are boring for kids or teens. In the original book, Cheaper by the Dozen (a true story), family members were allowed to call out, "Not of general interest!" when inappropriate or boring dinnertime conversation topics were introduced.

6. Ask family members what their favorite dinners are, and either prepare those meals yourself or allow them to prepare those meals, once a week.

Planning and Preparation—

Turning your kitchen into a generator of good nutrition and better eating habits may feel like a monumental task, but it is entirely manageable if broken down into tasks that only take an hour or less.

1. Based on your family's list of favorite meals, and the cook's preferences, create a new grocery list featuring fresh foods and non-sugar foods for the main meals.

2. Go through the refrigerator and the pantry shelves and gradually reduce and eliminate unhealthy foods. These include those foods whose primary ingredient is sugar (i.e. the first ingredient on the label), and foods with artificial ingredients, including preservatives and artificial coloring. Get rid of all soft drinks. Extra salty or fatty foods should also be limited, but these are more problematic for adult health; adolescents can handle some salty, fatty foods because of their higher activity levels. Then don't buy unhealthy foods anymore. If anyone asks, you can tell them you can't afford them. Having to buy these foods themselves will immediately reduce your adolescents' (and other family members') need for them.

3. It is also good practice to rotate cooking duties. Cooking is a practical skill and art form that all adolescents should master early in life. A adolescent with Aspergers may especially appreciate feeling self-confident serving tasty food he or she has prepared to friends and family.

4. It is important to continue to provide some snack foods, portable foods, and quick meals. These in-between food sources are often the culprits in poor nutrition and diet, however, so it is crucial to look closely at ingredients, and change the foods that are available whenever you determine that the current offerings are unhealthy. Make sure that you provide a continual supply of a variety of these meal alternatives, or your adolescent will resort to relying on vending machines and friends; neither source can be relied upon for solely healthy and nutritious food!

5. Next, see how many canned or already prepared foods you can replace with fresh foods. These foods are often a hidden source of unwanted sugars, preservatives, and other chemical additives that can actually damage your family's health. Try the local health food store for spaghetti sauce and other sauces and dressings free of chemistry experiments; farmer's markets often have homemade jams, hot sauces, pesto, flavored honey, herb vinegars and other specialties. Check the local bakeries for bread; often bakeries sell their day-old bread at a significant discount - and it is still a lot fresher than what you will find at the grocery store!

6. Pay special attention to breakfast foods. You may have to woo your adolescent to the breakfast table, but it is worth the effort. Breakfast is still the most important meal of the day for regulating energy levels, brain power, and moods.

7. Preparing food should be a happy, not a harassed, activity. We have a rule in our house that the cook gets to choose the music or radio program while preparing meals, and others are in the kitchen at the same time only if they are contributing to a positive atmosphere.

8. Whoever does the majority of the cooking in the family should consider what foods he or she enjoys the most, and should check out a few cookbooks featuring their favorite foods from the library. A happy and inspired cook makes good food; inspiring food makes better mealtimes and better nutrition possible.

Very Easy Recipes—

Simple examples of healthy snack foods: a) apples and peanut butter; b) carrots, celery, cherry tomatoes etc., either plain or with dipping sauce; c) granola or homemade granola bars; d) peanuts and raisins, or other fruit/nut mixes; e) whole yogurt with fresh fruit and honey; f) cheese and wholegrain crackers; g)yogurt and fruit "smoothies" made in the blender; h) quick breads and muffins made from scratch - easier than you think.

Portable foods need to be hard, or in a hard container, so that they are not squashed and unappetizing by the time your adolescent gets around to remembering to eat them. Apples and granola bars are a good start; sometimes we get beef, elk, venison or bison jerky from friends who make their own jerky, and more farmers and ranchers are starting to offer these products for sale. We also have a favorite cookie recipe. Using whatever basic chocolate chip cookie recipe your family prefers, cut the sugar by one-quarter cup, and substitute one-half cup quick oats for one-half cup of the flour required. Add chopped nuts, and even coconut flakes, if you prefer. Use real butter rather than margarine. Making a variation of these cookies each week, and filling the cookie jar will provide a more nutritious treat than store-bought cookies.

Quick meals should be meals that adolescents, including those with Aspergers' Syndrome, can cook for themselves in the afternoon after school, or late at night when returning from an evening out, or if they are up late studying. Provide instruction in how to prepare basic pasta, and then make sure that a variety of interesting pasta shapes and sauces are readily available and that your adolescent knows how to find the necessary ingredients and pots and pans by him or herself. Egg-based meals are another example. Make sure that your adolescent knows how to prepare basic scrambled eggs, omelets, fried or poached eggs, hard-boiled eggs, and French toast. With just these two basic food sources in his or her cooking repertoire, your adolescent can create a dozen different healthy meals.

Rather than using direct praise for positive changes in your adolescent's eating habits, which may feel too intrusive or excessive for what he or she will rightly regard as a very basic part of life, ask your adolescent to cook for the family. "You prepare such good food these days; could I get you to cook for everyone once this week or next week?" will make your adolescent feel both self-confident, and needed. For a adolescent, with or without Aspergers, these are the marks of growing into adulthood and family membership as the contributing adult that he or she wants to be, deep down.


RESOURCES:

• Zurbel, Runa and Victor. 1984. The Natural Lunchbox. New York, New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston.

• Robertson, Laurel, Carol Flinders, and Bronwen Godfrey. 1976. Laurel's Kitchen: A Handbook for Vegetarian Cookery and Nutrition. New York, New York: Bantam Books. Considered the "Joy of Cooking" for the whole foods kitchen, this book has great tables on the nutritional components of different foods, as well as a large number of recipes.

• Schauss, Alexander, Barbara Friedlander, and Arnold Meyer. 1991. Eating for A's. New York, New York: Pocket Books.

• Katzen, Mollie. 1977. The Moosewood Cookbook. Berkeley, California: The Ten Speed Press. Many of our family's favorite nutritious, fresh food recipes come from this cookbook and its successor, The Broccoli Forest.

• Fallon, Sally. 1995. Nourishing Traditions: The Cookbook that Challenges Politically Correct Nutrition and the Diet Dictocrats. San Diego, California: ProMotion Publishing. The title says it all; this wonderful cookbook provides healthy, fresh food alternatives based on a wide variety of traditional cultures, as well as an introduction to good nutrition that is well worth reading.

• Beard, James. 1973. Beard on Bread. New York, New York: Alfred A. Knopf, Inc.This easy-to-use cookbook has clear instructions and great recipes for all kinds of quick breads, including biscuits, muffins, and sweetbreads, as well as yeast breads.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.