Succeeding in College with Asperger Syndrome

Question

My adult son is doing wonderful at college managing his
courses and his job. This past year he has even been
developing new friendships. However, he is not managing his
finances well. For a while he only had to pay for his car
payment and insurance. Now, he has also accumulated some
credit cards and short-term loans. While he lives away at
school, his mail and bills come here–so I’ve been checking
his mail. He has not been paying his bills on time–I’ve had
to make some payments for him. He knows that I am holding
him accountable to reimburse me. How can I help him develop
an organized budget system, while at the same time not
offending him and turning him away from us? It’s been
difficult to get him to answer our phone calls and emails,
and maintain that delicate balance of discussing these
problems while maintaining our nice parent/son relationship.
I’d appreciate any advice or resources for this.

Answer

Congratulations on raising a well-adjusted, successful adult.
Leaving home, managing college courses, a job and developing
new friends are all huge accomplishments for a person with
Asperger’s Syndrome. These types of life changes can be
overwhelming for any young adult.

Going away to college creates feelings of newfound
independence. It is normal for your son to pull away a bit
as he finds his own way. Balancing this independence with
the need for parental guidance may be difficult for all of
you. Assure your son that it is still your job to support
him through life, no matter how old he is. While you are
willing to help in any way, you will expect him to take full
control of his financial situation, just as he has taken
control of the other areas of his life. Paying his late
bills for him will keep his credit report in good shape, but
he will not learn to manage his money this way.

One way you can help from a distance is to find a good
computer bookkeeping program. These programs make budgeting
and bill paying quick and easy. Use the program yourself
and recommend it to him. This will help the encounter seem
more equal-a genuine product review rather than a
parent-to-child demand. Encourage him to share this new
information with any friends who may be struggling with
their finances. This is a common problem for college kids
everywhere. Sometimes the freedom is just overwhelming.
Once he has come up with a solution for his financial
struggles, make sure he budgets for the money he owes on
those late bills you paid. Live and learn, right?

There are many things to learn at college other than that
major being pursued. This time of life can be stressful for
the student and the family. It is difficult to make life
changes and they seldom go perfectly. The book “Succeeding
in College with Asperger Syndrome: A Student Guide” by John
Harpur, Maria Lawlor and Michael Fitzgerald - will be a helpful
guide that your son can refer to as often as necessary.

This book will answer many questions regarding life as a
college student with Asperger’s. Covering concepts such as
studying, peer interaction, household chores, relationships
and time management, this title takes on all aspects of life
away from home from the perspective of both clinical
applications and personal interviews with Asperger’s
students.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.

How can I help my son to better manage his frustrations?

Question

How can I help my son to better manage his frustrations?

Answer

Children with Asperger’s are easily frustrated. For the,
living in the world can be confusing and they need to have
someone there to translate and explain every day events to
them. One of the best things you can do with your child with
Asperger’s is to help him learn to identify his feelings and
emotions, and then teach him how to cope with those same
feelings.

Tony Attwood has developed a cognitive behaviour therapy
program which he outlines in his book, “Exploring Feelings:
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to Manage Anger (Anxiety).”

The program is designed to keep the interest of the children
while encouraging the cognitive control of emotions. The
program was designed as an anger management program for
children with Asperger’s, so the needs of children with
Asperger’s are addressed in the program.

The program is designed to help children identify feelings
and emotions and then discusses appropriate responses to
those feelings and emotions. The program does not have to be
implemented by someone with a background in cognitive
behavior therapy. A teacher or a parent could use this
program effectively.

Remember that your child with Asperger’s is also a child,
not simply a child with Asperger’s. All children get
frustrated and all children need to learn to manage those
frustrations. All parents deal with teaching their children
appropriate ways to behave and appropriate ways to deal with
anger and frustration. For a child with Asperger’s, the
challenge is to communicate effectively and to try not to
get frustrated yourself.

If your child is a teenager, remember that all teenagers
struggle with testing limits, learning to make their own
decisions, and learning to function independently. All
teenagers struggle with making and keeping friends, with
finding success at school, and even with the development of
romantic relationships. Your child may be more or less
frustrated than a neuro-typical child, but he may not have
the skills to handle those frustrations.

Set appropriate limits while trying to give your child some
leeway to function independently. That is a difficult task
for any parent. Allow your child the ability to express his
frustrations in appropriate ways and ensure that he
understands what is appropriate. As a parent, you can model
and teach appropriate ways of coping. Often, a program such
as Tony Attwood’s can help ensure that you find an effective
way to communicate these skills to your child.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.

Asperger’s & Depression

Question

Can you tell me about Asperger’s and depression?


Answer

Children with Asperger’s have difficulty verbalizing their
feelings and thoughts. This can be misinterpreted by some
and can lead to the assumption that because these thoughts
and feelings aren’t verbalized, that they don’t exist.
Often, the opposite is true. Many children with Asperger’s
have an overwhelming number of thoughts and feelings that go
unexpressed. This inability to express feelings can lead to
depression.

Children with Asperger’s often find school a challenging
environment. Difficulty with social interaction can lead to
a child feeling isolated and friendless, especially during
the tumultuous teenage years. Those feelings of isolation
and confusion can lead to depression. This can be compounded
by an inability to express the feelings of depression to
anyone.

Learning to cope with these feelings is an important part of
learning to cope with Asperger’s syndrome. In his book,
“Helping Children Overcome Depression and Anxiety: A
Practical Guide,” Kenneth W. Merrell outlines some clear cut
and creative strategies for helping your child’s teachers
and counsellors deal with depression. By utilizing some of
Mr. Merrell’s intervention methods and strategies, school
personnel can work with you and your child to help recognize
signs of depression and to help your child overcome it.

Since depression in children with Asperger’s is often linked
to feelings of isolation and frustration with not being able
to express himself, it’s important for parents to understand
that while children with Asperger’s don’t necessarily
express their feeling, that doesn’t mean that they don’t
have them. Talk with your child about how he might be
feeling about his social relationships with others. Try to
give him the words to use, such as mad, sad, frustrated and
angry. By giving him those words and trying to help him
differentiate those words and identify those feelings, you
can help him develop his voice while expressing his
emotions. You may not be able to make his social
relationships smoother for him, but you can try to get him
to understand that his feelings surrounding those
relationships are valid.

Talking to your child with Asperger’s about emotions can be
a frustrating experience for you, but the benefits will
hopefully outweigh the frustrations you are dealing with.
It’s also helpful for you to understand the warning signs of
depression. Watch for behavioral changes that might indicate
depression in your child. Is he more easily frustrated? Is
he giving up on his social relationships? Has he lost
interest in things that typically gave him pleasure? Does he
have difficulty sleeping? Has he gained or lost a
significant amount of weight?

If you notice unusual changes, speak with your child’s
doctor about the possibility of depression and possible
treatments.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.

How do I help my 12 year old son to come to terms with his diagnosis...

Question

How do I help my 12 year old son to come to terms with his
diagnosis and help him understand that it is not the end of
the world?

Answer

Asperger’s Syndrome is a form of autism; those who have it
experience various symptoms, exhibiting a range of behaviors.
People with Aspergers have a different way of thinking,
concentrating on special interests. Many people with
Aspergers can speak eloquently and have extraordinary
abilities in engineering, computer science, and systematic
thinking, yet have serious difficulties with social
interaction and functioning in the world. However,
Asperger’s is not the end of world; it is treatable. It is
very normal for your son (and you) to react with sadness,
self pity, anger, or depression when you receive the
diagnosis. You are mourning the life you thought you were
going to have. But that does not mean that you won’t have a
good life; it will just be different.

If your son is willing, discuss with him his diagnosis and
your plans to help him. Reassure him that he will do fine.
If he cannot get over his sadness and anger, get him into
counselling. Once properly diagnosed, reassured, and
treated, he will feel much happier and more optimistic.

Start now to educate yourself and your son. There are tons
of books available for adults, children, and teens that
explain Asperger’s and provide information and help. Read a
book and discuss it together. Then, get online and start
researching Asperger’s symptoms and treatments. There is a
wealth of information on this site!

Become involved in the forum on this site. Also find a
support group in your area. Other parents will provide
moral support and comfort. Your son may enjoy talking with
other children with Aspergers online. Be sure to monitor
the sites he visits to make sure they are appropriate for
him.

I want your son to know that having Asperger’s is not the
end of the world. It creates difficulties in the social
sphere, yes. But special interests can lead to career
skills, and, in some cases, to career success. Good social
skills can be learned over time. With reinforcement and
guidance from loving people; progress is possible. With
knowledge and support from parents, teachers, mentors,
medical professionals, and peers, the inner strengths of
these special people shine, adding uniqueness to our world.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.