Aspergers Kids & Bullying

Question

My son is being home-schooled this year because of the bullying that went on in his public school class. How can Asperger’s kids be helped with bullying or, even better, get it stopped in the first place?

Answer

Unfortunately, the majority of children with Asperger’s Syndrome experience bullying or victimization at school. There are many reasons for this, but mainly it is because children with Asperger’s stand out from typically developing students due to their problems in social situations. Children who bully are socially savvy and are able to keep from getting caught, which makes bullying difficult to spot and stop. Students with Aspergers have a low social IQ, so they either do not notice the bullying, retaliate, or get the blame for it shifted onto them! It is the responsibility of adults, parents and teachers, to address this issue.

Your decision to homeschool your son is a wise one in this situation. Be sure that he knows he must tell you right away when he is bullied. Warn him against being aggressive or provoking the bully. Help him practice being assertive and not showing fear. Encourage your child to stick with friends at all times when he is away from home. Also warn him against trying to appease the bully, for example, if the bully says he should steal something and then they’ll be friends, your son should be taught how to say no.

The myth of the “overprotective mother” in this case is bogus; parents and professionals must assume a “protective” role with Asperger’s children. These children are extremely vulnerable and independence should be introduced gradually, in controlled, non-threatening situations.

Your next step is to see if anti-bullying laws exist in your country or state and get a copy of the law. Your child’s rights are contained in these laws. Many states have anti-bullying laws that should contain the following:

1) The word “bullying” must be used in the bill/law/statutes and the law must mandate programs, using the word “shall.” Some other words used are, “hate crimes” harassment, discrimination, or intimidation.

2) The law must be an anti-bullying law, not a school safety law. Anti-bullying laws discuss individual student

3) There must be definitions of bullying and harassment. Any child can be a bullying victim and all children should be protected.

4) There should be recommendations on how the policy will be implemented. Log on to: www.bullypolice.org/wa_law.html for more information.

5) An effective law involves education specialists at all levels, i.e.; the State Superintendent of Education’s office, school district and school personnel, parents and students.

6) Laws should include a date by which policies must be in effect.

7) There must be consequences for reprisal, retaliation, or false accusations and procedures for reporting bullying anonymously.

8) There must be school district protection against lawsuits. Parents of bullies should know that they can be
sued for their child’s behavior and school districts should know that they can be sued if they fail to comply with anti-bullying law.

Next, make an appointment with the school principal to see a copy of the school’s anti-bullying policy. The vast majority of schools have disciplinary policies to address this type of misconduct. Explain what happened to your child and demand to know what steps are being taken so that your child can return to school without harassment. If the school principal refuses to cooperate with you to get bullying in the school stopped, speak to the School Board, publicly stating what is happening. You will get a response! If you know of other bullying victims, get their parents to work with you. If the school district still won’t cooperate, get a child advocate or attorney and take steps to see that they do.

Notify the police if your child is assaulted. Get a restraining order so that a bully is required by law to have no contact with your child. Take legal action.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Best Comment:

As an adult on the spectrum, I will say the only thing that ever worked was fighting back, physically if necessary. Teachers normally did not intervene when they witnessed bullying. Parent and teacher intervention was not effective, and the teachers didn't really care. Teachers generally did not take insults, kicking, or another student threatening to stab me with a pocket knife seriously. Their responses: "Just ignore them" and (if I was merely being called a "psycho retard nerd" or being told to go to a mental institution) talking about sticks and stones. When I was 9, I did stupid things because I thought my classmates had a right to order me to. 

When I was 11, bullies made my life a living hell. By the time I was 13, I knew to hit back and the turds found other kids to pick on. I later unlearned this behavior in high school (no longer necessary), and about half the kids who picked on me went on to (found this out by searching public records online) have criminal records. My boyfriend (also on the spectrum) had a similar experience, except that he started fighting back a couple years later and his school life became tolerable a couple years later. If the school is truly interested in intervening that's one thing, but more often they gave it lip service and then turn a blind eye. And the kids know it.

PARENTING AUTISM & ASPERGER’S NEWSLETTER

April 2009

Inside this edition you will find:

1. Hot Topic of Discussion – Asperger’s Syndrome and Crime

2. In the News – Cambridge offers place to rejected teen with Asperger’s Syndrome

3. Prominent People Linked with ASD - Richard Ewen Borcherds, British mathematician and Fields Medalist

————————————————————
1. Hot Topic of Discussion - Asperger’s Syndrome and Crime

It has always been a hot topic for discussion whether there is a direct association between Asperger’s syndrome and violent crimes and offenses. Some media reports suggest that a person with Asperger’s Syndrome may be more likely to develop criminal behavior because of issues with social skills/communication. However, arguments from the other end of the spectrum disputes these findings, stating that people with Asperger’s Syndrome are more likely to be victims than offenders. And I have to say I am pretty much in favor of this end of the debate from personal experience.

Efforts to further increase the awareness of Asperger’s Syndrome is still needed to extend the understanding of this condition in order to recognize and avoid misconceptions and confusion. Awareness of this condition within criminal courts also has grown over the past few years and certain measures have been in effect in order to respond to the nature of Asperger’s syndrome. But it’s still a work in progress!

To read the full article, go to: http://www.mugsy.org/connor111.htm

People mentioned as having Asperger’s Syndrome may or may not have actually have been diagnosed with it.

————————————————————-
2. In the News – Cambridge offers place to teen with Asperger’s Syndrome

When Alex Goodenough, 17, applied to study at a local secondary school, his application for enrollment was refused due to his diagnosis. Hertfordshire and Essex High School and Science College rejected Alex initially because of he has Asperger’s Syndrome.

Alex, a self-taught and home schooled boy, used this experience as his motivation to excel in the math courses and physics modules he took at another regular school. His hard work and efforts were rewarded when he won a conditional offer to study Engineering at Trinity College, Cambridge.

Prior to his application to Hertfordshire, Alex was enrolled at another school where his mother also used to work. There, Alex completed his first year of A-levels but planned to transfer to H&E which is near their Bishop’s Stratford home after his mother left her job.

The high school has offered a written apology for the unfair treatment of Alex “for a reason related to his disability”.

To read the full article, go to: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/apr/20/aspergers-school-rejection-cambridge

People mentioned as having Asperger’s Syndrome may or may not have actually have been diagnosed with it.

————————————————————

3. Prominent People Linked with ASD - Richard Ewen Borcherds, British mathematician and Fields Medalist

Richard Ewen Borcherds was born on November 29, 1959 in Cape Town. He is a British mathematician who was honored with a Fields Medal in 1998. A Fields Medal is the highest honor for a mathematician to receive. It is awarded every four years and is said to be the “Nobel Prize” of Mathematics.

Borcherds, who grew up in Birmingham, was a top student of his class and has shown potential to be a great chess player. He graduated from Cambridge University and taught in Cambridge and University of California-Berkeley after getting his doctorate. Currently, he is a Mathematics professor in Berkely.

In an interview with The Guardian, Borcherds said that he considers the possibility of him having symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome.

To see the full text of the article go to: http://simonsingh.net/Fields_Medallist.html

The person mentioned above may or may not have Asperger’s Syndrome.


The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.

Aspergers & Impulse Control

Question
My son will strip off at times and swear – how can I stop these behaviors?

Answer
Because of an inability to control impulses, understand appropriate and inappropriate behavior, and empathize with others’ feelings, as well as experiencing nearly constant frustration in dealing with daily life, children with Asperger’s often behave inappropriately at home or in public. Stripping off is particularly inappropriate and is something about which you must be direct and forceful. Your son may refuse to accept that his behavior must change, in which case he will not respond to the suggestions that follow. If so, counselling is appropriate. You can use the techniques below for both stripping and swearing.

Sit down and have a talk with your son. Establish firm rules for his behavior; let him know that stripping and swearing at home or in public are inappropriate and disrespectful of others. Ask him why he does these things. He may respond by saying that he gets frustrated or angry when certain situations occur. If you can address the situations, you may be able to find ways for him to avoid them or handle them more appropriately.

Behavior modification techniques can be effective. Make two firm rules. “No stripping off.” “No swearing. {List the swear words he is not to use.}” Make a chart of the rules. List a consequence for each day he strips off or swears. Choose a consequence that deprives him, for one day, of something he loves to do, perhaps watch TV or use the computer. List a reward for each day that he follows the two rules. You might consider extra TV or computer time, money (don’t offer too much per day), or a special privilege after he goes for 7 days (they don’t have to be consecutive) without breaking the rules. If this plan does not work, increase the consequences by depriving him for two days when he breaks the rules.

If your son does not respond to your attempts to teach him to stop these behaviors, I recommend immediate psychological counselling. If he strips off in public, he could be arrested and jailed, which you want to avoid. Besides helping him control these behaviors, a counselor will help him handle frustration and anger in ways that are appropriate for his age.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.

Aspergers & Curfew Violation

Question

My 21 year old is staying out all night and not telling us
where he has been. I am worried as he is not really “street
wise” and probably at big risk.

Answer

Those with Asperger’s have a lot of difficulty recognizing
when someone is lying to them, using them for their own
purposes, or befriending them in order to get them involved
in inappropriate activities. Many Asperger’s teens and
adults are surprised that someone would even try to take
advantage of them. While they understand if something is
true or false, they cannot understand why someone would use
the truth to create lies, say one thing but mean something
else, or believe something that is not true.

The slow or confused processing of emotions many Aspies
experience can impede awareness of dangerous situations and
stop rational thought. The emotional warning signs that are
meant to protect them from difficult or harmful situations
may malfunction, or work so slowly that they lose
effectiveness. This means that Aspies are less prepared to
defend themselves verbally or physically in an argument or
conflict or say “No” to inappropriate activities.
Consequently, your son, even though he is an adult, may fall
victim to exploitation or worse through no fault of his own.

Even though he is an adult, you must still try to protect
your socially naïve son as he is not ready for the same
amount of freedom as other adults. Does he have a
trustworthy friend or relative (a cousin, perhaps) who could
help him by going out with him and keeping him out of
trouble?

This person can try to help him understand that many people
act friendly, but may want to get him involved in foolish or
dangerous activities. Also, this person could help him get
involved in clubs or groups in which he will meet
responsible friends.

Counselling is definitely called for in this situation. You
and a counsellor may be able to convince your son to tell
you what is going on when he is outside the home. Also, he
needs to tell you when “friends” want him to do something
wrong or dangerous. Convince him that by doing so he is
doing the right thing, obeying the law, and keeping himself
and others safe.

It is probably a good idea to put your name on all his bank
accounts so that both of you must agree before he can access
his money.

Sit down with your son and have a long talk about what he
shouldn’t do when he is with friends, including
inappropriate sexual activity, criminal activity, take
drugs, drink, drive after drinking, and so forth. Make it
very clear to him the negative consequences of doing each of
these things, in very specific terms. Make it clear that he
must not engage in these activities even to gain the
friendship of others.

One of the good things for young people with Aspergers in
this situation is that they can be very “black and white” in
sticking to rules. So if you can emphasise some of the laws
around certain behaviors e.g. petty crime, certain sexual
behaviours, use of alcohol/drugs etc. you have a much better
chance of compliance than with non-Aspie teens. In such
situations quite rigid thinking can be a good thing if it
helps to keep your son on the “straight and narrow”.

You should also consider the possibility of a group home or
assisted living situation for your son to help him learn to
become independent and act responsibly.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.

Aspergers & Split Personality

Question

Is it common for a child with Asperger’s to have a split
personality? My son is a really good kid at school, but
then a complete monster at home. Is this normal?

Answer

Asperger’s Syndrome is known to manifest itself differently
with different children. Also, children with Asperger’s
Syndrome may react differently to various situations
depending on their individual personalities. Your child may
feel more comfortable with the familiar surroundings at
home, and feel freer to act out more at home than in public,
where he is surrounded by strangers and in a less familiar
environment. The stress of school may be relieved by a
“meltdown” or other difficult behaviour at home. This is a
common occurrence.

Dr. Tony Attwood, a clinical psychologist, is a world
renowned expert on Asperger’s Syndrome. Here is what he
says about split personality and Asperger’s. “Quite a few
children with Asperger’s Syndrome are Dr. Jeckylls and Mr.
Hydes. They are saints at school, but they soak up the
anguish, then squeeze it out on their brothers and sisters
when they get home. We do not know why this happens…”

Asperger’s is treated in two ways, and both of them help
manage the anxiety that accompanies this illness. The first
is cognitive psychology, and the second is prescription
medication. The first thing you need to do in order to help
your son is to find a psychiatrist or psychologist who
specializes in Asperger’s Syndrome. This specialist will be
able to help your son. He or she will help you and your son
discover the reasons behind his behavioral changes.

In addition, a specialist will help you do two things:

1. Modify the situation or the environment in which he lives
to reduce difficult behaviour;

2. Create interventions for handling your son’s anxiety.

Please don’t be intimidated. Changes don’t have to be
complex or unmanageable. The changes you need to make might
just involve changing lighting to a lower level, adjusting
sound levels in your home, or creating a new schedule.

If initial interventions do not help, a psychiatrist can
prescribe medications which will provide your son with the
help he needs. It’s important to note that psychotropic
(mood-altering) drugs like Zoloft or Prozac can help
children, but they can also cause serious problems for
children. If the psychiatrist prescribes medication, ask
about dosage levels and, more importantly, side effects.
Just about all drugs have side effects, and it’s important
for you to know about them so you know what to expect. You
know your son better than anyone else; ask yourself if he
can handle side effects like nausea, hypersensitivity, or
prolonged sleepiness. These are all possible, depending on
the medication prescribed.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.