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How To Use An Effective Reward System For Aspergers Children

“I have a ten-year-old boy with who is high functioning. We are consistent with making him aware of what is socially unacceptable and why. It seems to go in one ear and out the other though. For instance, at meal time we always tell him to eat with his mouth closed. He will do as we say for 20 seconds and then he’s right back to chewing with his mouth open. We have sent him to eat in the other room, or we take away dessert if he continues after the fourth prompt. We have had no success for the past 2 years! Do you have any ideas or do you think that it’s something he can’t help?”

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19 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am also high functioning and over 50 years of age and still need to be reminded to chew with my mouth closed. I dearly wish that this was not true and when I return from any dinner my daughter still always asks "Did you chew with your mouth closed".

To know that I may be at some fantastic restaurant chewing with my mouth open is abhorrent to me, but I still do it even though I have tried to curb the habit for 45 years.

I think it has to do with the texture of the food.

In my opinion because your son's brain is always moving forward, and because life present so many challenges he forgets. Eating is a pleasant but necessary human habit and I think when Aspies are relaxed they tend to forget to alter behavior that comes naturally to others. We always need prompting. Could you introduce an item to a meal that would serve as a prompt. A little figurine that only ever is used at meal time that is placed close to his plate that could be called something related to a closed mouth. eg. A little mouth closed monster.

As a child I was punished continually for bad table manners, as an adult I am no connoisseur of fine food.

Anonymous said...

I totally know what you mean.. my husband and I say everyday is like the movie ground hogs day.. we have to tell our son to do the same thing over and over because like you said they remember for 20 secs and then forget.

Anonymous said...

We had a similar problem with our son as far as using utensils. We prompted him over and over with no punishment. He's 12 now and I can't recall the last time he didn't use utensils. I hope you have the same luck~

Anonymous said...

We have rewarded our son when he does the right thing instead of punishment... and it worked better then punishment.

Anonymous said...

It's nice to know that other parents are going thru the same type of situations as we are with our 9 year old son who has been diagnosed with High Functioning Aspergers, ADHD and Anxiety. With the help of our great behavior therapist, things are getting better. I do have to say that my son is trying his hardest and so far this school year has been awesome for him....since Kindergarten, even pre-school, was a complete nightmare!

Anonymous said...

We use a system called Behavior Bucks, it is mainly used for reward but it is helpful when he is out of line, it's great to also show him many bucks various behaviors and actions are worth. We tailored a shopping list which we change every few months, works beautifully.

Anonymous said...

have you tried video modeling for him? record him eating and then record someone else eating properly- maybe when he can visually see the difference it will help good luck

Anonymous said...

Where can I find more info on the behavior bucks?? Do you use that for everything? Yelling, inappriate talk, cleaning up, bathing? It sounds like something that would work for my 8 year old! And definitly second the rewarding and encouraging instead of punishment :)

Anonymous said...

Life is a journey. We grow and mature, things come and go..


As long as everyone is happy and productive in life, how much does it matter of they chew with a mouth open or not? Sure, It may be a 'social faux pas' but who defines what is socially acceptable? You, or those who judge you??

It is true though that to survive and function in 'socitey' we have to conform a bit, but don't let being socially acceptable over rule reality and goals that are too much.



Anonymous said...

sorry to say but my a/s hubby still does it after me trying so hard for 40 years to get him to stop,you cant punish,it will never work,just reward if he gets it right,but its the co ordination,cant do 2 things at once,table manners are and can be a problem,try reading books by tony attwood,

Anonymous said...

This may ~everyone is different~ the a texture/ feel thing as well. Mine is going on 18 but will not eat certain things due to texture. The other way to look at it is at least you know he has a diagnosis that could explain an innapropriate behavior. There are grown people with out that have the same and worse behavior. I hope you find a resolution, but if not just remember that in the grand scheme this is a minor behavior.

Anonymous said...

I had the same problem with my 10year old who has high functioning Aspergers.
After punishment and rewards all failed, I sat down with him, made sure he was calm and explained carefully why I valued our time eating together so much. I told him that his eating with his mouth open made me feel disgusted reminding him what disgusted meant and that spoiled a special time for me. I made all my feelings very explicit.
He was shocked to hear how I felt but ever since has made a real effort. This has transferred to eating in public as well.
I am starting to realise that with my son, so many things i assume he understands implicitly have not entered his mind at all but that when I explain them, he can learn them.

Anonymous said...

My husband is more of the fanatic about the chewing with the mouth open that I am when it comes to our 12 year old daughter. I say there are bigger problems out there to deal with than whether she has her mouth open or not. I feel that when we get more serious problems out of the way then I can deal with the chewing with the mouth open. I know adults who are "normal" who chew with their mouths open and make smacking sounds. I just don't see the need to ride her for it.
18 hours ago · Like · 1

Anonymous said...

I have a 16 yr old high fuctioning Aspie that struggles with table manners...it's not intentional....somethings are harder for him to eat and opening his mouth alittle wider helps him not gag. Instead of manners becoming a power struggle...I encouraged him to cut his food into small bites, and to only take a couple of pieces at a time....this helped alot and pretty soon I didn't have to rimind him

Anonymous said...

my son has been diagnosed with Aspergers, anxiety and ADHD too....he is 12 now and just started medication which has made a world of difference... Didn't want to do it..and I'm still scared about the ling term effects but now he goes to school happy and last week for the first time he actually said he liked school...

Anonymous said...

my aspie son is almost 16 and thankfully we were told years ago that rewards work way better than punishments. we constantly reward the good behaviors and try not to punish. so far, it has worked well.

Anonymous said...

Try picture prompts and rewards for desired behavior reward every successful 2 mins and then increase as he gets better.

Unknown said...

i have a son thats 8 now with Aspergers and have had same probs but i have found a system that helps you help them learn things like this on there level so to say i use a system of positive behavior role play we took his toys and pictures or other members of family and role play letting him be you for say and you role play him in this. my son seemed to pick up on how things like this should be in areas of behavior actions and discipline and as well as social skills and communications, it does take a few trys but sticking with it i seen a great deal of improvement with table manners and over all behavior problems ,, we about 8mos ago had non stop tantrums that would last all day i do mean all day every day we dont have but one or two a month now i use the role play in place of time outs and have a set time after school we just have what we call pbs time stands for positive behavior support. we also use a behavior chart where he gets to put star on days he meets or agreed amount for each day like now we are up to a whole day of good behavior we started with like 3 hrs a day he get to put a star and by end of like half the week he get to pick something out of prize bucket and increased it little each month at first then week by week , we are up to making it a 5 out of 7 days with good behavior to earn a prize.

Kitten said...

I feel your pain OP.

My stepson eats with his mouth open and its so disgusting I often cant eat sitting opposite. It has made me physically sick before. Sadly his parents dont believe that it is a fight worth starting and so at 16 it is still not addressed. I would say keep going with the reminders, the lesson is clearly a hard one for him so punishment is not appropriate. But dont give up.

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