"Can people with Aspergers develop normal intimate relationships?"
That would depend on one's definition of "normal." What's normal for one couple may be quite abnormal to another. In any event, it is very possible for people with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism to develop an intimate relationship WITH THE RIGHT PERSON (i.e., someone who will learn about the disorder and make any necessary adjustments in relating to the Aspergers partner). In some cases, that “right person” may be another individual with the same condition who understands and has the ability to cope with the idiosyncrasies of another person with Aspergers.
Some of the barriers to relationships include a sort of “extended adolescence” or maturity issue in adults with Aspergers. This can mean that the individual marries later in life and lacks the ability to have solid relationships until they are older than the average person.
One of my Aspergers clients recently stated that he feels that the relationship with his wife is challenging, in part due to his overwhelming need to focus on his obsession of choice. He feels that he lacks a strong interpersonal connection and has to make a conscious choice to put his focus on his wife, to the exclusion of his desired focus of choice. He is accustomed to being solitary, and he finds it difficult to concentrate with others around him, including his wife.
Relationships do take a lot of work when one partner has Aspergers. The social skills required make relationships challenging for adults with Aspergers, particularly if diagnosed with it in adulthood. In fact, the divorce rate among "Aspies" is higher than in other groups of people.
Interventions (e.g., marital counseling) can work well if the therapist understands the unique features of Aspergers as it affects relationships.
We don't know statistically how many Aspergers adults develop "normal" relationships or how many find themselves unable to relate to a partner in an interpersonal and intimate way. But we do know that those with good communication and social skills have a better chance to succeed in a relationship than others.
4 comments:
Of course they can develop an intimate relationship. Just know that there is no "normal" - for anyone! But it won't be bizarre or outrageous. My husband gets it (me being an aspie) and I'm mature enough to step out of my comfort zone to meet his needs when he gives me gentle reminders.
I really like these articles. I'm fairly certain both me and my husband exhibit aspie like characteristics. We have worked hard to get to the level of intimacy that we have. I do have feeling of dread and worry about my Aspie son sometimes. He is so smart and funny. I hope he finds lasting relationship that builds him up and helps him succeed.
There is nothing "normal". Everyone has some type of issues or needs. It is all about learning different tools and having patience. I really struggle with my husband sometimes and I constantly have to remind myself that his process isn't going to be the same as mine.
I have AS and I was married for 13 years before getting the diagnosis. We have a happy marriage although it has become easier now that there are explanations for my sometimes eccentric behavior or unusual mood swings. However my non-AS hubby has many issues of his own. I know there are loads of undiagnosed AS people out there who are in relationships and I think they have the same chance of success as NT relationships provided you are with the right person.
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